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Where should I find guidance and direction? - with respect and humbleness I ask

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Pyari Priya

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Problem: I'm in a confused, lost state... my moods are mostly down - I've recently started a degree, in Finance, I'm unsure how I will fair in this degree (if I will even be capable to complete it) - Due to financial crisis we have come to live in my parents home.. and our house is rented out.... the vaastu in my parents home is entirely wrong (south west entrance, smaller north side of block and larger south end of block, north east section on lower level has kitchen and on high level north east has a bath room). I'm starting to have medical problems arising (obesity, body pain, constipation, tooth aches, headaches, a fibroid on uterus), we have tried for another child for past 18mths unsuccessfully

 

Background: my husband has the power to light me up and make me so happy - but with that power comes the ability to let me down too... I have a gorgeous daughter - but I find myself becoming stricter and slightly less affectionate than I used to be... but I love her more than anything I've ever loved - I would never even contemplate any form of violence with her (no smacking even) - I find myself restraining her - giving her boundaries -not spoiling her - she is 3 yrs old, and my mother believes I'm being too strict.

My mother and I used to be quite close, but now there is a distance between us, I have found out a lot about my mother, that I wish I knew earlier, my father has separated from her and lives overseas - I grew up thinking she was a gentle virtuous moral person, but I realise I may have been wrong in my thoughts, and in my judgments of my father - as she has much to do with her own problems (she tends to burn her own palace and laugh that she is destroying her kingdom - she hates all her own, and faults us all - without realising the ones she confides in are often sharpening their swords to stab her)....before I used to think this was her innocence and I used to help her ... but now I take a more stern attitude, and do not worry myself with her gossips and slander.

My brother and I also have become distance - although I think this is to do with the age gap.

 

Details: Me: 09th August 1982 4:45am Coventry England

Daughter: 16th March 2007 7:54pm Brisbane Australia (where we reside now)

Husband (maybe inaccurate): 25th August 1979 2am Pune India

 

Question: I need to feel happy, and not in a low constantly - I want to not worry - to find joy, to not delve into concentration so much, that any disturbance irritates.... I want to attain a certain amount of freedom, Sometimes I feel I'm the most ugliest unintelligent unworthy person on this planet, and that I'm just here to make others feel better about themselves... I lack resources and (good, humble) friendships. Which pujas/idols/mantras are recommended? Is there any hope for me? can I change my life?

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