Please help

[confused_devotee]

Hare Krishna,

 

After going through much of pain and depression, I have decided to post my problems here, or lets say krishna has directed me to do so. Hope I will get my answers.

 

I am engaged to a girl and am in constant chat with her. But it seems like whenever, I try to ask anything about her past, she seems to completely ignore and miss the point. Though, she has mentioned at her first visit that she has not been so close to any man before, ignoring an important question at random gives me sleepless nights and less concentration at work place.

 

I have tried to digest the fact that even if she had had any relations, I should forgive and accept, but since I myself have not had any and havent had touched a woman prior to this relation, gives me enormous pain to accept the fact that my future wife has been in a relationship before.

 

It has been many months now, and I am still trying to digest this fact and that sacrifice that i have to make on my principles to make this female happy.

 

I don't know what to do, I cannot ask her directly this question, and though I have tried to ask indirectly many times, but in reply ignorance.

 

I have been praying constantly with Krishna to release me out of this pain..

 

Please anyone out there help me, please guide me, please..

 

Thank you and hari bol,

 

Confused devotee

[gurunatha bhakta]

 

Hare Krishna,

 

After going through much of pain and depression, I have decided to post my problems here, or lets say krishna has directed me to do so. Hope I will get my answers.

 

I am engaged to a girl and am in constant chat with her. But it seems like whenever, I try to ask anything about her past, she seems to completely ignore and miss the point. Though, she has mentioned at her first visit that she has not been so close to any man before, ignoring an important question at random gives me sleepless nights and less concentration at work place.

 

I have tried to digest the fact that even if she had had any relations, I should forgive and accept, but since I myself have not had any and havent had touched a woman prior to this relation, gives me enormous pain to accept the fact that my future wife has been in a relationship before.

 

It has been many months now, and I am still trying to digest this fact and that sacrifice that i have to make on my principles to make this female happy.

 

I don't know what to do, I cannot ask her directly this question, and though I have tried to ask indirectly many times, but in reply ignorance.

 

I have been praying constantly with Krishna to release me out of this pain..

 

Please anyone out there help me, please guide me, please..

 

Thank you and hari bol,

 

Confused devotee

 

 

Because you have a confused mind you are digging the past. Lord krishna did not ask Shishupal what are the sins he committed. HE told not to commit sins in future. IF you try to dig the past, you are throwing a stone in to TRANQUILL waters and generating not just ripples, but WAVES. Either you marry her, and stop asking all these questions. Concentrate on present, as no one is sure of future. Respect her, give respite to her if she has hurt mentally herself Dont ask questions and if you get answers which are not palatable to you what you will do? Desert her ? You have crossed all those stages. Accept her in as is where is condition. If her conscious is clear, why you are bothered. Even if she wants to tell some bad things of her past, tell her you do not want to listen and burden her further. if some thing is bothering her, guilt feeling is there, You tell her that you have totally forgiven her and you do not want to spoil her todays life. ACCEPT THINGS THE WAY THEY COME, and that is the will of GOD.

[Gadiyar]

How would it make any difference whether or not she has had any previous relationships? If you love her truly, this should not matter at all. Think of the present and future. Forget the past. Move forward, not backward. Pray to Lord Krishna to show you the light. Think of this problem when you are towards end of meditating on Krishna and in the divine light that flows through you, the dilemma you face will vanish.

Gadiyar

[Mothman]

I don't know this is the right forum to have your question answered. Lord Krsna makes you wise, knowledgeable and tells you from your inside what's good to do. If you think you won't be able to live happily with this gal who might become your future wife, you better not marry her and be miserable. If you think you can accept and be happy after marriage so be it. But don't blame Krsna for making you do this. Don't run into fire thinking Lord Krsna will save you as he loves you. It's utter foolishness. Similarly don't think that Lord Krsna will make you happy even after you make a wrong choice and marry the gal.

Hope this helps.

Hara Hara Mahadeva!

[Sangeeta1]

Hi,

Having read your thread I think that if you are not already married to her then you should ask her directly. Its clearly something that is bothering you, and I am sure she would understand. But if she has been in a relationship previously and she tells you would that make things worse for you? You also need to way up if its worth finding out - what would you achieve if anything?!

 

If you have married her since your last post then this question would not be appropriate to be asked.

 

Best of Luck.

[shriharsha]

First and foremost just trust your own self. This self helped you to go behind anywoman in the past( considering that you were moral, cultured, and civilized). So just what it says. if you feel you can't accept the fact, or accepting the fact makes you feel you cheated your self. Don't accept it, coz you will hurt yourself and that lady. Somethings are like this which can be forgiven but not forgotten. Thus, bottomline is no one can be keep other people happy unless he himslef find the calmness with in him. So weigh in your option and I am sure you will make a proper decision.

[Nanji Patel]

dear comfused devoti

why do you think your female friend is ignoring you or blanking you to give any answers to your soul searching question?

it could be that she is deeply in love with you and whatever past she as had, if any, she does not want to loose you. besides if you really love her you must and will have to ignor her previous relationship because that would be so unfair on her.

no one can and must judge us on our previous behaviours because that is not our role but for god to judge.

instead judge what you see now and have.

as for your pain, you are making the pain more by constantly worrying about her previous when you should be looking forward to your future and only you can decide if this girl is what you are looking for.

try not to be too attachted in the begining and let her see if you are what she is looking for and maybe she will herself tell you her past history.

 

in short trust your inner instinct and not your outter views of her

 

i hope this is of some help

[spiritualseeker]

If it is causing you so much pain, perhaps the simplest release from that pain would be for you to just ask her directly. Explain to her that you were trying to indirectly question her on the subject but she either did not understand or avoided it altogether. If she gets upset explain to her that as her future husband, and as her being your future wife, you BOTH deserve to know eachothers past before you make a commitment to union. It is perfectly normal to be curious on past relationships from your signifcant other, or future to be other. Especially since it is culture for Indian individuals to put emphasis on the matter or at least hold it as very significant. I am not Indian( or desi ) but I have been around Indian culture all my life and have been a practicing ardhya hindu (half hindu ) for a few months now after studying and doing research on my own for a few years. I have some understanding of where your coming from friend, but I believe it is your right as her future husband to know. Perhaps she is also just waiting for you to take initiative. Hope I was able to help.

 

Hari Om,

 

George

[Keen]

So what? where I live if you didn't have a previous relationship nobody would wana date you. People would call you names and make fun of you. Virgins are made fun of here. Previous relationships teach you much needed lessons. They expand your horizon but I guess in your country its the opposite.

 

Listen, its no big deal if she's had a relationship with someone else before. Don't dig the past and concentrate on your future together. Look at the bigger picture. Study some books from other cultures and open your mind. Whats bothering you is no big deal in reality. Its just conditioning of the mind by society and culture. Its not the absolute truth. If you were born somewhere else this wouldn't be bothering you at all.

 

I don't know how better to explain this but being in a relationship is totally normal. At this age this is to be expected. Besides, in the grand scheme of things such trivialities don't matter. The spirit doesn't care. Didn't Krishna have hundreds of girlfriends? Wasn't Draupadi married to 5 men? The spirit of your girlfriend could have been a man in a precious life. Does that mean you're in love with a a man and are gay? No. The man she had a relationship with could have been her brother in a previous life and so on and on. You get the idea. In the realm of the spirit, such things as having multiple relationships don't matter at all. Very few people can be devoted to one single person their entire lives.

 

Anyway, if you want to lead a happy life, stop digging into the past and concentrate on your present and future. Good luck!

[hathgola]

first of all sorry for the things i'm going to say,, if its going to hurt you,,, accept the fact and you are not a Krishna devotee you are a devotee of that girl. how Krishna can release you if you yourself don't want to get free from this cage as she is not replying you so so what you want now? ,, you want Krishna to come and tell you the fact, it really doesn't matter how much you are chanting because Krishna himself can't help unless you want to help your self .

 

Krishna don't require the proper method or any other formality of chanting he just need love and how one person can love you if you don't love him.

 

if you love Krishna only then You deserve Krishna love, its really hard for me to make you understand about the things because me too is still trying to love Krishna but its really very hard to love him with clear mind and open heart, Stop crying as You cannot change your fate so stop thinking about it, Try to love Krishna not to solve your problems but to get his love.