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Sadgurunath Maharaj Ki Jay!

 

I am new to this forum, though I have been reading many threads for quite some time and they are precious wisdom for which I thank all.

 

Challenges and problems and fears are certainly part of the shadows of many of us and we are here to help enlightening them and seeing them just for what they are, lack of light.

 

In the past years I have grown a lot, I think, as a human being and I am very happy for all I learned. As a child I was always afraid of an absurd sense of evil that chased me, which went through my adulthood when I really felt evil close to me. First I was treated for panic anxiety (which did help a little) and later I started looking, with aid of several people, into my shadows. I could learn to forgive (or start doing so, for there's always so much to forgive), to see how my inner shadows attracting the outer evils and I am very grateful for that.

 

However, life is still very hard and I think that it could be easier, especially as I'm trying so hard to look into myself. Six years ago I lost the client that kept me going financially (working as a lawyer) and despite my efforts I still have to rely on my family for financial support. My wife and I would like to have a child and we didn't (for six years). On top of that there many problems involving my house, which I love and just a few days ago I learned of a lawsuit that is being filed and which is unfair. I searched inside of me which parts, which energies could be alive and establishing a channel with such outer injustice and found some. But that wasn't enough to stop the injustice apparently.

 

I chant the Rudram regularly and we are doing japamalas of Ganapathi (Aum Gam Ganapathaye Namaha) and Lakshmi (Aum Shreem Mahalakshmyei Namaha) at home. These have a marvellous effect, but I feel there is still something important and unforgived inside me triggering all of life's difficulties. Sometimes it's hard to cope.

 

Does someone have light to shed and offer me a solution? I thought of starting a Baglamukhi mantra.

 

I'm in South America and have no access to a guru, but my heart is in pure intention, I wish no one harm and I only want peace and prosperity for me, my family and my home.

 

Thank you all!!!

 

Om Shanti, Shanti, Shantihi

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