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Suicide

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Recently, according to his note, my father (not a devotee) has taken his own life by taking a number of pills. I had talked with him a few nights before & he promised me he would give his medications time to try to help him. (He was 74 & in his health was declining rapidly) Apparently he was in so much emotional pain that he couldn't keep that promise so he arranged for a maintenance worker to find him, rather than my mother. I can accept this. There is nothing I could have done to stop it and I know in my heart that I did everything I could...I cried & begged him not to do this....to think of his family, if not himself & his karma.

 

All that having been said, I'm addressing a problem at the Temple I attend. I hope it's just me projecting my grief, but I feel as though I'm being treated oddly, for lack of a better term. I know people often don't know what to say when a suicide occurs, I've had friends lose family members to suicide. This just feels different. Could there be some sort of karmic problem attached to me because of my father's actions that is causing a problem for my instructor and congregation members?

 

I'm feel so alone & scared right now that I don't feel I can address it directly, except here where one can remain anonymous.

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Hare Krishna,

 

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

 

There is no reason why anyone at the temple should look upon you any differently. It is probably as you said- due to the fact that people can not even begin to imagine what something like that must feel like.

 

People may try to be 'extra-nice' to you and others may notice their instinct to be extra-nice to you, and mask it and may therefore appear tougher on you than usual.

 

Either way, just understand that they are attempting to deal with the situation in their own awkward way.

 

I can only suggest that at a time like this you seek solus in chanting Hare Krishna and reading the Bhagavad Gita. Doing so will not only make you feel better but will glorify your father's existance and you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you are doing everything you can.

 

Please let us know how you are.

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