Krishna Consciousness Records

[BruzWayne]

In January 2005 I accomplished 16 bhakti yoga KC programs and 2 Ekadasis.

 

Here I go for February,

 

Feb. 4, Night,

 

Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:1 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 5, Whole day, Ekadasi (fast from grains and beans) OK.

 

***

 

Feb. 7, Night, 3 japa rounds.

 

***

 

It seems I started this month slow, I guess is due to my job, finally I had some success with two customers. Anyway I had to request a loan from my company in order to get through with the basics -paying the rent and food-.

 

Now that I quit going to the karaoke and playing karmi cd's at home -rock and pop music- I'm feeling very strange. I know that I must listen only to KC music because is devotional, while rock and pop are only sense gratification music, so I must overcome this boring sensation day after day until getting used to listen only to KC music.

 

I must save some lakshmi somehow and make a trip to a KC comunity, maybe an ISKCON center. In the meantime this web page is my only way to communicate with KC devotees.

 

Hare Krishna.

[BruzWayne]

My last programs,

 

Feb. 8, Fast until noon OK, (appearance of Advaita Acarya).

 

***

 

Feb. 9, Morning, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:2 and Purport... 10 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 12, Fast until noon OK, (appearance of Lord Varaha).

 

***

 

Feb. 12, Night, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:3 and Purport... 8 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 14, Fast until noon OK, (appearance of Nityananda Prabhu).

 

***

 

Feb. 14, Morning, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:4-10 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

***

 

So far these are my own records. I know it's not too much but I'm doing the best I can. Today is February 14 so I'm looking for a good excuse to go back to the karaoke for just a couple of hours tonight, I mean, I won't drink alcoholic drinks and I won't smoke tobacco just sing a few karmi songs that's all, but if I go because I couldn't be very strong in order to hold my appettite for some sense gratification in the form of singing karmi music, still the first song I'll sing will be "My Sweet Lord" from George Harrison, a song dedicated to Krishna. And I think they also have that song "I got my mind set on you" from Harrison too. I think this last song refers to the wish of staying all the time in KC and however the forces of maya always making us fall apart a little bit.

 

In my case the problem is that I know that when I start singin regular karmi songs it is because I start remembering one woman from my past and some other women too, but especially one, so that's the situation with karmi music: it takes our mind away from Krishna and puts our mind in a memory or some passion if there's a nice woman in the audience and we start singing for her, with discretion or not. But what can I do? Today is February 14, you know? Valentine's Day so... I have an alibi right? Lol.

 

I should stay at home and chant more japa rounds, I know, and if I do it, hey, what a great yogi I am. And if I go karaoke tonight, well, we're humans after all, right?

 

There is a saying, "Not so much that the saint will get burn, not so much that the saint won't get light." And this means that when we light some fire for a saint or a deity the fire shouldn't be too close nor too far from Him.

 

Therefore, I might go karaoke tonight. Let's see what's Krishna's will about it. It's funny, I feel I should quit this karmi habit once and for all and still I'm in the mood to go karaoke again, mmmm, there's a song that goes "should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I goooooo? Should I stay or should I go?" Lol.

 

Any comment? Somebody here reading my battles against temptations? Mmmmm, Hare Krishna.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

you have not to lose energy to battle against temptations, because maya is greater than yourself

 

you have simply to battle to be krsna conscious..

 

so instead of repressing try to chant 16 rounds in deep concentration, they will make you desire krsna more than material enjoyements

 

otherwise there's no hope of success..

 

surrender to krsna, do not attempt to make maya surrender to your will, maya is krsna, he' s much more powerful than you

[BruzWayne]

That's true. Chanting 16 rounds a day must be Priority Number One. I have the time today so I'll go home and chant the 14 rounds that I need today in order to make 16. If I succeed on this then maybe I'll give myself permit to go karaoke today. First things first, right?

 

Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

yes.. let us all chant our prescribed rounds

[BruzWayne]

Hare Krishna. To be honest, last Feb.14 at night I went to the karaoke to sing some songs, the first one was "My Sweet Lord" from George Harrison and then I sang some others. I didn't drink alcohol and I didn't smoke tobacco, just sang a few songs that's all. I gues it was because of the special date. Now back on track these are my last programs,

 

Feb. 17, Morning, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:11-14 and Purport... 16 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 18, Night, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:15 and Purport... 11 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 19, all day, Ekadasi (fast from grains and beans) OK.

 

Feb. 19, Night, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:16-19 and Purport... 16 japa rounds.

 

***

 

Feb. 20, Fast until noon (appearance of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati) OK.

 

***

 

This is it so far. Somehow I'm feeling very boring by doing all these yoga programs, but it is my own decision to do it. It's not easy and it's getting heavier to carry on. I can feel the power of the gravity from maya trying to call me back to break my programs, but I'll do my best to keep up the yoga the best I can. We'll see. Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

It's great that you're keeping a record. Best thing to do is set a minimum number of rounds and never go below that. That way there is always some spiritual power supply. Be honest with yourself and think 'what is the minimum number of rounds per day i can commit myself to doing?' Set the number and carry on the way you are going. Keep up the good work.

[BruzWayne]

Hare Krishna, guest, thank you very much for your advise and your encouragement.

 

On last February I accomplished a total of 7 yoga programs and 4 fasts and 2 Ekadasis. Then, after February 20, I started feeling very dizzy about yoga, feeling like giving up but somehow I've been accomplishing every day the 4 regulative principles like not eating meat nor eggs nor fish, and not having illicit sex with women, and not using intoxicants like alcohol nor tobacco, and not gambling nor playing random games. However, I saw a very beautiful woman whose name is Gisselle and I've been fighting the idea of believing that I am in love with her. So I read the whole chapter 2 of Bhagavad-gita and I've been trying to visualize Lord Sri Vishnu as Paramatma inside of her heart in order to control this feeling of looking for her in order to pretend to marry her. Last time I started a friendship with a woman things were unfortunate because she was having a relationship with somebody else so I had to stop seeing her, therefore now I rather be cautious about my atraction towards this beautiful woman named Gisselle. Somehow I went back to my programs...

 

Mar. 5, Night, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:20 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 7, Night, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:21-22 and Purport... 4 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 7, all day, Ekadasi (fast from grains and beans) OK.

 

Mar. 9, Morning, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:23-25 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 11, Night, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:26-28 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

***

 

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to avoid Gisselle's attraction any longer. Maybe I will surrender unto her special beauty and talk with her and ask her if she is single or married. If she is married then I won't do nothing about it, you know, "Thou shall not desire the woman of another man." But if she is single, then I might ask her if she would like to become Krishna Consciouss person in order to start a friendship with her. We'll see what's Krishna's will regarding this special attraction towards Gisselle.

 

Anyway, giving up my bhahti-yoga? No way. I have no way out, no way back, I might get dizzy for a while but I must not fall apart from bhakti-yoga. This war against Kali's clutches it's not easy but I must keep on fighting 'till my last day present on this planet.

 

Hare Krishna.

 

[BruzWayne]

Well, the attraction towards Gisselle has been vanishing somehow since I haven't seen her anymore, besides, on March 13 I saw another beautiful woman passing by in front of me and I realized that she is 100 times more beautiful than Gisselle. Isn't it amazing? This world of maya means tricks for the senses every day. One day you think you're falling in love with one woman and then suddenly you discover that there is another woman more beautiful than the other. So I'm glad that I never said anything to Gisselle about my senses liking her beauty. Well, the only woman I would marry would be a KC woman if somehow I like her so much that I forget to visualize Vishnu inside of her heart and then get married with she through the fire ceremony and then on the next day I might say, "oops, what happened with my Vishnu vision? Now I'm married with this woman. Somehow my eye of the mind got blind due to her beauty... Well, same happened to Lord Shiva when he married Parvati, right?" lol.

 

Anyway, back in topic I realize that I have no way out and no way back from bhakti yoga so my last records are,

 

Mar. 18, Night, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:29-30 and Purport... 5 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 19, Night, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:31 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 20, Night, Kirtana 40'... Bhagavad-gita I:32-35 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 21, Afternoon, Kirtana 30'... Bhagavad-gita I:36 and Purport... 2 japa rounds.

 

Mar. 21, at least 24 hours, Ekadasi (fast from grains and beans) OK.

 

***

 

Hare Krishna.

 

[BruzWayne]

Hare Krishna. My last activity,

 

Mar. 25, Gaura-Purnima (complete fast from food and water until moonrise) OK. 1 japa round.

 

***

 

So far, I've ben doing all these bhakti yoga programs and keeping up the 4 regulative principles since April 1st, 2004. In a few days I will accomplish 1 complete year into this yoga stuff. On one hand my health is ok but on the other hand this yoga stuff is too boring and tasteless. The only reason I keep doing this yoga is because of inertia, I mean I started this already so what's the point in quiting now?

 

My only activity apart from yoga is attending the karaoke every now and then in order to sing some karmi songs of rock and ballads and pop and this I do without drinking alcohol nor smoking tobacco, just singing some songs. And today I discover that my luck in my job is real bad, no sales and I'm almost pennyless again. So I'm beginning to think that there is the chance that Krishna and bhakti yoga is very good for health but at the same time is the best way to end up living in misery all the way while so called demons that eat meat and drink beer have lots of money to spend. Therefore, if I quit this yoga stuff it would be out of logic due to lack of motivation. I mean that's why almost nobody cares about practicing this yoga nowadays.

 

In the end it may be just another false belief, or maybe I'm just tired of believing in a blue fairy tale that only brings economic misery, at least providing enough good health in order to laugh about it, lol.

 

As soon as I find a better belief in another book different from Bhagavad-gita I'll replace this yoga stuff and do something different that can give me a higher income.

 

Now, let me hear you say that I'm falling down in maya again and the evil force of GREED is bringing me down due to some LUSTY desires for some fun and beautiful women, and then ANGER is starting to show in my words, lol.

 

See? In the end the teachings from Prabhupada come back to tell me that I just need to remain humble all the way no matter how bad the circumstances. Besides I have no other choice for the last time that I quit this yoga things got worst than ever. This yoga is like being dead already and yet there's no way out.

 

Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna BruzWayne!

I am shocked to hear you say that. After practising bhakti yoga so beautifully for 1 year, you are thinking of quitting. I just don't believe how maya captures people! Wow! Please don't do this to your self. Its because of Kali yuga that people who eat meat and drink beer have a lot of money to spend, but ultimately the results are bad. Please read the shlokas below. In 6.17 it says you can mitigate all material pains (which includes food, clothing and shelter) I suppose, by practicing this yoga system - which means the 4 regulative principles which you have been following so beautifully. Besides, we fallen souls have been conditioned due to many many births that the accumulated dust is too much to deal with. Therefore, please have patience and keep faith. Also be positive that Krsna will help. Talk to a picture of Krsna and tell Him that your are losing faith and ask Him to help you. But, please please don't fall into maya's trap.

 

BG As It Is 2.64

rāga-dveṣa-vimuktais tu

viṣayān indriyaiś caran

ātma-vaśyair vidheyātmā

prasādam adhigacchati

 

TRANSLATION

 

But a person free from all attachment and aversion and able to control his senses through regulative principles of freedom can obtain the complete mercy of the Lord.

 

PURPORT

 

It is already explained that one may externally control the senses by some artificial process, but unless the senses are engaged in the transcendental service of the Lord, there is every chance of a fall. Although the person in full Kṛṣṇa consciousness may apparently be on the sensual plane, because of his being Kṛṣṇa conscious he has no attachment to sensual activities. The Kṛṣṇa conscious person is concerned only with the satisfaction of Kṛṣṇa, and nothing else. Therefore he is transcendental to all attachment and detachment. If Kṛṣṇa wants, the devotee can do anything which is ordinarily undesirable; and if Kṛṣṇa does not want, he shall not do that which he would have ordinarily done for his own satisfaction. Therefore to act or not to act is within his control because he acts only under the direction of Kṛṣṇa. This consciousness is the causeless mercy of the Lord, which the devotee can achieve in spite of his being attached to the sensual platform.

 

 

BG As It Is 6.17

yuktāhāra-vihārasya

yukta-ceṣṭasya karmasu

yukta-svapnāvabodhasya

yogo bhavati duḥkha-hā

 

TRANSLATION

 

He who is regulated in his habits of eating, sleeping, recreation and work can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system.

 

PURPORT

 

Extravagance in the matter of eating, sleeping, defending and mating — which are demands of the body — can block advancement in the practice of yoga. As far as eating is concerned, it can be regulated only when one is practiced to take and accept prasādam, sanctified food. Lord Kṛṣṇa is offered, according to the Bhagavad-gītā (9.26), vegetables, flowers, fruits, grains, milk, etc. In this way, a person in Kṛṣṇa consciousness becomes automatically trained not to accept food not meant for human consumption, or not in the category of goodness. As far as sleeping is concerned, a Kṛṣṇa conscious person is always alert in the discharge of his duties in Kṛṣṇa consciousness, and therefore any unnecessary time spent sleeping is considered a great loss. Avyartha-kālatvam: [Cc.Madhya 23.18-19] a Kṛṣṇa conscious person cannot bear to pass a minute of his life without being engaged in the service of the Lord. Therefore, his sleeping is kept to a minimum. His ideal in this respect is Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī, who was always engaged in the service of Kṛṣṇa and who could not sleep more than two hours a day, and sometimes not even that. Ṭhākura Haridāsa would not even accept prasādam nor even sleep for a moment without finishing his daily routine of chanting with his beads three hundred thousand names. As far as work is concerned, a Kṛṣṇa conscious person does not do anything which is not connected with Kṛṣṇa's interest, and thus his work is always regulated and is untainted by sense gratification. Since there is no question of sense gratification, there is no material leisure for a person in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. And because he is regulated in all his work, speech, sleep, wakefulness and all other bodily activities, there is no material misery for him.

 

The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International, Inc.

His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda, Founder Ācārya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness

 

 

[BruzWayne]

On March'05 I did 8 programs and 1 special fast and 2 Ekadasis.

[BruzWayne]

I have accomplished one complete year in a row doing this bhakti yoga in KC, on my own and all by myself in a city where nobody else knows nothing about Krishna or Prabhupada, from April 1st 2004 until March 31 2005 (yesterday). Through all this year I have accomplished the 4 regulative principles every day and I was doing frequent kirtanas and reading Bh.g. and S.Bh. and chanting some japa rounds aloud and performing ekadasis and special fasts on special dates and taking cold showers with a swimming suit and putting on tilaka (using water instead while chanting the correspondent prayer).

 

My only weakness during this year was singing and listening to karmi music like rock, pop, ballads and so on either at home or in a public karaoke. If I wouldn't have at least one weakness then I wouldn't be human, I suppose.

 

After one year in a row in KC this is my personal conclusion:

 

Good results in the area of health, bad results in the area of money. I started this KC penniless and I'm almost penniless again, therefore I must quit these sacrifices until I have reached a special balance in my personal economy.

 

However I will try to keep up only the 4 regulative principles in case that I must fight against any enemy and so I'll chant the maha mantra for fighting, just like Arjuna did in Kurukshetra.

 

I will do Kirtanas and all other stuff again only if somehow Krishna fulfills one special request that I have expressed unto Him, and if this ever happens then I'll return to these web page, in the meantime I'm out of here because I'm almost penniless again and I must dedicate more time to improve my job in sales to have success in order to survive. See you then or maybe see you never again, only time and Krishna will tell.

 

Truly, BruzWayne.

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna, BruzWayne! Its me again. Keep up the good work of following the 4 reg principles. Krishna will definitely help u seeing your sincerity. So, please chant and do not budge. Do steady chanting like e.g 4 rounds everyday and do not fall below this number. You could always chant more but keep a minimum number below which you do not fall. Don't chant 16 on one day and none on another. Believe me, keeping your sadhna steady helps instead of fluctuating. Hare Krishna! Hope to see you soon.