How to overcome illicit sex addiction - pls help!

[Guest guest]

Hari bol,

 

any advice wud be graeful,

 

I have a bad addiction involving the senses that involves breaking the illicit sex regulative principle without a wife etc. I think most of you know what I mean.

 

Anyway I have been trying to practice KC for a couple of years now and have managed to control some parts of my lifestyle with the mercy of Sri Guru and Gauranga such as giving up alcohol, meat, onion/garlic etc. However this hurdle seems far too high /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

I am desperate to stop as this activity has become a major obstacle in my spiritual life yet I cannot pass it. I keep falling down and jus try to hold on to the little relaizations ive had - but sometimes i feel like my grip is slipping. I want to love Krsna but this body's desires are stoppping me. Has any1 been thru a similar experiience or know wot i could do overcome my addiction prob?

 

thank you - your fallen servant,

 

 

[Guest guest]

Hare krishna.

 

Giving up money and sex is the hardest thing.

 

You have one very important quality, that most don't have, honesty.

 

If it's sex outside marriage then you should get married than continue and then slowly reduce the desires.

 

If you are married and it's sex with another woman. This is not good. You must stop immediately. Love your wife not another woman. You have to realize that hell awaits you if you continue.

 

Here is what the Srimad Bhagavatam says about Sex Outside of Marriage (canto 5):

 

"A man or woman who indulges in sexual intercourse with an unworthy member of the opposite sex is punished after death by the assistants of Yamarāja in the hell known as Taptasūrmi. There such men and women are beaten with whips. The man is forced to embrace a red-hot iron form of a woman, and the woman is forced to embrace a similar form of a man. Such is the punishment for illicit sex."

 

You should read and/or listen to the Bhagavad-gita daily. That will help you to overcome material desires. Listen free at www.gitamrta.org

 

Associate with other devotees by going to the temple every weeekend. That will help you to take your mind of things.

 

Even if you cannot give up your nasty habit now. Don't drop your other qualities. After some time, your sex desires will evaporate as long as you don't drop your other qualities (honesty, cleanliness, compassion etc..) and sacrifices (no meat, no alcholol etc..).

 

Material enjoyment is temporary and only brings misery in the long run.

 

[Guest guest]

The key is in that you don't really want to stop.

[Guest guest]

Hare krishna.

 

Please don't say he doesn't want to stop. If that was the case, why would be bother wasking for advice?

 

Seeking advice is the first step towards solving a nasty habit.

 

[Guest guest]

It still is the key though. Like smoking, someone may say he wants to stop, but he can't. That means he doesn't really want to stop his addiction. I have the experience. Similarly I have seen people who said they wanted to stop and actually stopped. That means they really wanted to stop.

[Guest guest]

“ The embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoyment though the taste for sense

objects remains. But ceasing such engagements by experiencing a higher taste he is fixed

in consciousness.”

- Bhagavad Gita 2. 59

 

This is the essence of your problem, the taste for it still remains. As long as you find joy in the action by wrongly associating the joy with the action it will continue until you have experienced the "higher taste".

 

Start to change your associations, don't go to clubs etc (if you do, I don't know) or watch any TV show where there is a lot of sexual innuendo or blatant sexuality. Try to visit the temple a little more often (if you don't already)

 

Swami Sivananda has written a very concise paper entitled Sadhana tatva, check it out.

 

"When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost, one falls down again into the material pool. "

 

This is also from the geeta. and you can see what is happening here with the mind. When you start thinking intensely about sex etc, your memory (of spiritual things) becomes bewildered, you begin to forget what you have been taught, the mind starts to make excuses as to why it is right, then your intelligence has nothing to draw upon to make informed decisions and consequently you "fall"

 

Do not feel bad about this, Paramhansa Yogananda once said

"God doesn't mind your faults he minds your indifference" a

 

and even better Krsna says in uddhava geeta:

 

"For one who has properly realized My personal identity as the Supreme Godhead, what credit is there if his senses—mere products of the material modes—are perfectly concentrated in meditation? And on the other hand, what blame is incurred if his senses happen to become agitated? Indeed, what does it mean to the sun if the clouds come and go?"

 

 

But anyway, what I would suggest is keep a constant awareness of mind. Write down if you have to some reasons that it is wrong and unbeneficial so that when your "memory is bewildered" you can remind yourself.

 

OR

 

If you go ahead and do it keep thinking what is actually giving me joy here, is it the actual activity? think about the nature of desire and if the joy resides in the performance of the activity or the desireless state that comes after it. Examine your mind in that state, notice the changes in thoughts and reasoning. That will help you overcome the problem.

 

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the replies guys.

much appreciated!

 

Hare Krishna!

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna,

 

Yep, I am experiencing this .. I can say NO to every material hankering even MONEY... but I still fall when it comes to sex. I am married and yet have this urge. Well I do regularly chant, read BG and Mahabharat and also follow strictly the other three restrictions.

 

But now, whenever I have this urge building up my mind literally fights with both the thoughts of doing it and not doing it and I spend atleast two hours deciding - finally I DO IT. But yes, this has been curtailed at lot. It used to be twice a week... now its almost once a month. BUT I AM SURE it will (the desire to have sex) will die its natural death.

 

Hari Bol.

 

Shekhar

[Guest guest]

Also you might want to do some research into some other foods that you may be eating, some foods such as eggplant can act as mild aphrodisiacs, I heard that even the beta carotene in carrots can do it as well. Remember just building up will power enough to abstain is not real renunciation. You have to understand that the mind regards this as enjoyable now and you CANT just tell it to stop you will end up breaking down at some point, so go ahead and do it, but THINK while you are doing it as I said above. It may even be better to do it while you do not have the urge to do this. When you abstain and then you break down your ability to think will be completely gone, so it may be better to do it when you are not "desperate" so that you can have some presence of mind while doing it and actually think about what is happening. I hope that if you are not married you at least are involved with a steady girlfriend whom you are going to get married to eventually.

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to tag on that your honesty is really inspiring

[Guest guest]

wow these replies are very intelligent. You are almost pure compared to me Shekhar as I am breaking down on nearly a daily basis and use the internet too /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

I have a long way to go but i am going to battle my way through, as there is no other way. "Spiritual life is difficult, but material life is impossible"

 

I will try cut down on the eggplant/carrots too - every little bit helps.

 

thank you all

Hari bol

 

[Guest guest]

Oh Hi Sun,

 

Yesterday I received my pay. I do not entertain dangerous thoughts until I have paid the monthly money at home - so I did, but I withdrew Rs.2000/- with plans to enjoy sex in a bar. While returning home from the ATM booth, I had the usual battle between the good and bad thoughts - I desparately imagined myself begging Krishna to help me out - AND LO.... HE DID... I COULD FEEL HIS FRIENDLY HAND ON MY SHOULDERS and yep ..... returned home peacefully (within 15 minutes. What if I don't do it today and maybe do it tomorrow - that's what I did.... and that's how I'll henceforth do - I AM SURE I WILL NOT DIE for not doing it today - WILL I SUN?

 

Chant and be happy....

 

Shekhar

[Guest guest]

Don't think of yourself as impure or think ill of yourself or lowly or any other thing like that.

 

Start to busy yourself, get a hobby, do some exercise or something, remember, the devil finds work for idle hands.

 

These things are really just habits. In patanjali yoga sutras we read that the way to change emotions, habits etc are to raise the opposing thought waves. It means that you can't break bad habits just by abstaining from them you must cultivate good habits instead,eg you cant stop hating just by stopping , you must cultivate love, you can't stop being arrogant you have to cultivate humility, you have to replace not just abstain. The mind runs after things, people always need something to distract themselves from just being with themselves, have you ever noticed that when there is nothing big to worry about people start to worry about trivial things, that is because it is easier for the mind to be preoccupied with something than to be still. Your habit comes from nothing short of this, the mind is looking for something to be preoccupied with. Gradually change, how old are you? What about starting to play video games or something, buy some weights get a good workout, start to do some yoga. Do something to take up your time, eventually just from not doing it your mind will stop wanting. Now it is just sheer force of habit, like eating at a certain time or brushing your teeth, you have become accustomed and conditioned to do it the difference is there is no conflict associated with those things. So what you need to do is start to preoccupy yourself with good, hey not even good just other things that will be easier to break (like video games or something like that), this must be a gradual process. Remember Krsna says the mind must be conquered gradually, step by step. Then you can move gradually from things hard to conquer to things easier and easier to overcome.

 

All the best

[Guest guest]

Hey thanks for this reply - yeh good on ya Shekhar - I also managed to abstain for 1 day - yesterday /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

Your right guest - i do think "the devil finds work for idle hands" is soo relevant to me.

Yeh im mid 20's so will defintely look to doin some weights or learning music or sumthin. I think a key part of my lifestyle is that in todays day is dat life there is so rush rush where i come from work and rush home with the rush hour and then get into a situation where u suddenly had no time to lots of time before going sleep. Maybe this means im a boring person come to think of it? well anyway u guys are definelty helping me for which i am 4eva grateful.

 

ys sunplanet

[Guest guest]

"and then get into a situation where u suddenly had no time to lots of time before going sleep."

 

It is interesting that you said this, I was talking to someone about just this the other day. This time before going to sleep is critical, a lot of people, when on diets etc, break down at THIS time. When your mind starts to prepare for sleep it starts to withdraw the intellect, knowledge etc, during this time, if you are restless or just have bad sleeping habits so you find yourself with nothing to do it is now that you are most vulnerable, because your intellect is waning, your discriminative faculties are beginning to withdraw themselves and your desires start to become prominent. SO getting some exercise, a good workout will ensure that when you lie down your body is tired and you fall asleep instead of wake up thinking idle thoughts hehe... Anyway that is more or less the same thing I said before.

Good luck and good work so far.

 

------------------------

 

"Do not wait to meditate, saying I have no time, I will set aside an hour here or two hours there, fill the minutes with God and the years will become saturated with him"

 

-----------------------

[Guest guest]

puts tulasi in his ears he says it helps stop sex desire - also wearing wooden "guru sandals" it massages pressure points to alleviate sex desire.

 

My personal advice is: avoid overly warm / hot showers - they will stimulate your sex desire

 

have lukewarm to cold shower and avoid baths.

 

if you are feeling the urge very badly - get your japa bag out and chant to keep your hands busy and heart and mind on Krsna /images/graemlins/wink.gif

[Guest guest]

I came on this sight because I was interested in learning about your beliefs, but so far I am very turned off. I am usually an open minded person and I don't discriminate against anybody regardless of race, gender, or religion, but What I have read so far has sounded very judgemental and that is the impression I'm receiving about your beliefs. If are hear to judge people who come to you for help, than how do you know that hell won't be awaiting you? On top of that, you do not decide on who goes to hell. God is the judge of that.

[Guest guest]

Don't make judgements basd on these messages.

 

The Vedic religion is the only one that does not say the non-Vedic followers go to hell.

 

The Vedic religion is by far the most peaceful of all religions.

 

Visit www.Gitamrta.org to learn more.

[Guest guest]

Are you talking about the posts on this thread or on another?

[Guest guest]

Yes, Iam talking about the posts on this thread.

[Guest guest]

Which posts are you talking about exactly? I just find it strange because the person himself said he found some of the posts very helpful..

 

Anyway you will find that in any forum you would find people who are actually trying to do something constructive and other close minded people who are very demeaning or emotional. The trick is to realise who falls into what category, which is not hard, you can tell by the spirit something is written in if it is genuine of egotistical.

[Guest guest]

I went through the thread again. The first reply is definitely horrible. Some people think they can frighten people into doing the "right thing" so if that is what you were referrnig to I can see what you mean. In case you did not, please read from the post entitled "How to stop addiction" (I think). The posts saying that they don't really want to stop (although not authored by me) I believe really is just a summary of what is explained in the longer post(by me) which gives a little longer explanation of what is meant by saying you really don't want to stop.

 

Hope that helps

 

Hope this clears things up a little.

[Guest guest]

Actually reading it over again, even the first reply is not that bad. There was no sense of malice at all. So now I am really confused as to what you are talking about.

[Guest guest]

Isn't it the duty of the husband to please his wife? This is both physically and mentally. If one is married and neglects his wife then how is this fufilling one's duty? Can't a person be IN this world but not OF it? In the Gita Krishna says that one can operate in the material world and perform activity yet still be aloof from it in the mode of devotion. So in this way sex can be the proper thing to do. I am not saying be addicted to it becasue any addiction is bad (except addiction to Krishna /images/graemlins/smile.gif ), but do it because you love your wife! To be honest I feel like i'm in a catholic forum! Remember, India, the birthplace of the Vedas is the same place that the Kama Sutra was written! Also remember that most are not in the renounced order of life (where sex is forbidden), but are enganged in KC as householders.

Jai Sri Krishna

-Amit

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna,

 

All glories to Srila Prabhupada,

 

Oh Hi Sun,

 

Read the post The Naughty Babby. That's the answer to checking the urge for sex I guess.

 

Here's the post reproduced "

"He has given us the freedom to cast him away or accept him. But when we choose to accept him even then he sends us test after test. Then if we like the naughty baby who refuses to accept any dolls. When we throw away all dolls and say 'Mother I won't be fooled by dolls I want you', to that naughty baby the mother comes. So he is the mother of the universe. When you throw away all the dolls that she sends to you, and seek her then she will come to you."

 

Hari Bol!