How to overcome illicit sex addiction - pls help!

[mark]

Haribol

 

Perhaps you could try procastination when the 'urge' troubles you (as it does to most of us at some point or other) ie keep putting it off by finding something else to do first. I know its a real problem and not easily overcome

(I can vouch for this from first hand experience - excuse the pun..)

 

The following story may help:

http://devotees.krishna.org/Articles/2000/06/00010.html

 

Haridasa Thakur said he he would 'give in' to the girls temptation later on when he had finished his chanting, by which time the moment had passed!

 

Best wishes and AGTSP

Mark

[Guest guest]

Haribol prabhu,i guess that i can understand you,because i also have some problems with it,well it is mostly mastrubation but i consider it the same as actually doing it,because my counsciousness is in that time in the same mood,mybe it is better only in that sense that i do not entangle other persons in that illicit activity.It is better if you stick to one person and have sex with her,but gradually it will become less and less,internet is also a heavy thing,i alos have experience with it,but i try to expose myselfe more to Krishna,i was liveing in temple for one week and i went to padayatra for few days,and in this time whene i had a lot of devotee association and i was engage nicely in KC, i did not have any problems with mastrubation at all,i had hearth full of happiness and joy.So this is our choice-ASSOCIATION!CHOOSE GOOD ASSOCIATION!If you have internet visit KC pages and drink nectar from them,the thing is,that we have to engage our mind and sences in nicely,we should have some sadhana,i know that many time fall down came to me,when i did not rise early in the morning and did not chant my rounds nicely,we just have to take more medicine of KC.

We are all in hospital which Prabhupada made for us,so now we are taking medicine,we have diet and we take proper treatment,so if desease is more severe,then mybe more intense treatment program is required.

But do not become discouraged,itr takes time to cure the disease,we all have to some extent this deasease to enjoy material world,otherwise we would not be here,but there are advanced person,who already cured themself-senior devotees and they can help us,

it is Kaly yuga the whole world is crazy,but we should know that and not become crazy to,no we should get cured and get out of here.

Please you pray for me also,i would like to come up to the standard also.

Hare Krishna!

[Guest guest]

<font color="blue">You have to realize that hell awaits you if you continue.</font color>

 

I disagree.

 

In John 3:18 Jesus says "For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."

 

What this poster is proposing is that if you can't stay away from the sin then you are doomed to hell.

 

If this is true then God has no mercy and we are ALL doomed (see Rom 3:23).

 

Jesus paid the price for our sin. The more you love him the less you will want to hurt him. Doing good to others and helping them, in his strength, will take you away from the place of sinful desire.

___

 

<font color="blue">Please don't say he doesn't want to stop. If that was the case, why would be bother wasking for advice?</font color>

 

I agree. You don't really want to stop. You are asking for advice because you have a guilty conscience and you don't want to go to hell.

 

Like I said above, try replacing your activities with more meaningful ones like helping other ppl.

 

BTW, getting married is NOT a solution to your problem. You'll end up hurting yourself AND your spouse.

[Guest guest]

Fallen Servent:

First I would recommend not condeming yourself and ignoring that first reply to your question who said that poeple who do such things go to hell.

Your problem is not limited to you and I am sure many people, including myself, have had this problem. It certainly not easy to overcome this habit!

 

Try to avoid images, sounds, conversations etc. that initiate such feelings in the first place. If you are watching TV and something tempting appears on the screen make an concious effort to change the channel. These days we are constantly bombarded with images and sounds that

encourages and makes our passions more intense.

 

I think the best apprach is not to allow these feelings to enter you in the place! Once you get these feelings it is almost impossible to control them. These impulese are ingrained biological impulses like hunger and thrist. Hence the best way is to make sure such feelings don't enter you in the first place.

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna!

 

I know sex is difficult to stop amd iam a victim too.

 

But my question is

 

is it that we can't stop sex? or

is it that we DONT WANT TOO?

 

I think the fundamental issue is we do not want to STOP sex and hence it is difficult?

 

what do you think?

 

Haribol!

 

anand

[Guest guest]

Dear Friend,

Your honesty will serve you well in your quest to solve this problem. Many devotees are in complete denial about this problem and it is better to lay the cards on the table rather than supress it.

Please remember that all the religious priciples were written in a day when sex wasn't the be all and end all of society.

Today it is the No. 1 advertising tool. It is in your face everywhere you turn. This makes it practically impossible to avoid or supress.

Sex in and of itself is not evil, despite what certain scriptures say. Addiction to sex can lead to problems with anger and so on. If done mutually with someone you love what harm can it really do?

If you are overly concerned about it don't just try to become celibate overnight, as you have some conditioning to break first.

Start by finding a partner you love, practice sexual moderation first.

You can progress from there when the time is right.

Don't be too hard on yourself.

You are innocently living out your karma. This, however will change as you progress in your practice of bhakti.

 

If my advise is not what you are looking for then you must seek out someone who can teach you the true practice of pratyahara (sense withdrawl). The quickest and most effective method is Surat Shabd Yoga. However, i must point out this practice will change your consciousness very, very quickly and should only be practiced by those truly devoted to seeing their own Soul while living in this body. This is not for everyone as it is the art of practicing dying while living in the flesh. It is not dangerous but most people are not ready for the reality of what dying truly means.

Take care

Lawrence Richardson

[Guest guest]

Hari bol all!

 

Thanks for all the amazing posts /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

things have changed somewat in my life! On the gross platform then illicit sex has stopped yay! but I cant beleieve how now the subtle mind is just craving for it and Im scared its only a matter of time before I go back into bad habit. I guess I c wot u guys r sayin about not givin up coz maybe i dont want to? This is true which is why i choose to look at dodgy stuff. I guess i still desire to lust. i guess i will jus keep going as i can and jus make effort to do KC things and then get swept away with the tides of time again. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

Jai Shree Rama

[Guest guest]

Hi, I have said this before in one of the earlier posts in the thread and I would just like to remind you at this point, that these cravings come from wrongful association. As long as the mind associates joy, pleasure etc with an action you WILL have cravings. Busying the mind, and the senses with other things is the first step. This abstracts one enough to take an unbiased look at the mind and to properly observe it. Only doing this will stop the cravings. When I say you must observe the mind I mean observe what is going on in the mind with respect to thoughts and emotions at the time of action. By doing this you will come to rightly understand that the joy, pleasure that SEEMS to come from sexual activity actually comes from desirelessness, your natural state, perception free of ideation. Think of what happens at the time of sex, gradually building up, your mind becomes increasingly focussed (one pointed), thoughts begin to drop off and you have just one thing in mind, this continues until at the time just before release there is just ONE SINGULAR THOUGHT. THEN at time of release that one pointedness disolves leaving you in absolute bliss, desirelessness, egolessness. Then slowly by rememberance and environmental triggers other thoughts come back up and the state is lost. Mistakenly we have identified this feeling of bliss with the action, when it is nothing more than our own natural state. But because of mental impressions the mind thinks this state is a result of the action. IT may be necessary to perform the action again, but purposefully this time so that the mind can learn the true nature of the joy that comes from it. Even Lord Krsna tells this to Uddhava saying that the controlling the mind is like taming wild horses, you have to pull them under control then let them go a little, observe them and then pull them back again. However, becareful that you do not begin using this as an excuse to engage in the activity, after all the mind is clever that way.

[Guest guest]

Even thinking of sex in a negative way, saying I don't want to do it is bad (not in the go to hell sense) if you want to stop because the idea of sex will still be in your mind and you will be thinking about what you should not be doing. Which is the same as if you thought of it as if you should be doing it.

Like in cricket if you tell someone do not bowl wide, they begin thinking of where NOT to bowl rather than where they should be bowling and end up bowling wide, because their mind is concentrated on the place they should not bowl rather than the place they should.

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna, PAMHO. AGTSP

I too am fighting a serious addiction to illicit sex. The problem is, is that its not always with the same partner. I want to follow KC as that is a way of life that I have chosen. But I feel such a constraint when it comes to sex. I have had many partners and even pick up women on the roadside. I also have a serious bad temper that I am tring to manage. I have sustained a satvic diet for many years, but I am in such turmoil over my addiction. i pray to Krishna that he will help and I will see the end of this. Not only in my spiritual path but in health too.

i am comforted to know that I am not alone in this

 

Hari Bol

 

shahprabhu

[Guest guest]

there is so many things to do but main point is to purify that lusty desire. when lust arises you have to nip it off immediately and start to do some service instead of serving that desire. otherwise the mind will be very difficult to control. we have to change our conditioned way of thinking, willing and feeling. we must desire Krishna. He is the true object of our love, not these lump of matters.

 

sexual energy is not a small thing. we have to modify that energy. that means more sadhana. more chanting and reading. if we can save our semen then thinking and willing will become very powerful. so try to meditate on the bad effects of loosing semen. semen is the most valuble vital energy in our body. we should not waste it. allso have some positive meditation about Krishna and Prabhupada. they want to take us Back to Godhead in this lifetime. no more bodies. we have to get real with KC and keep up taking medicine: Mahamantra and Prasadam.

 

if you have too much time, get some hobby, some exercise. i personaly do some yogic-asanas. it helps a lot! you can direct that energy in that way. or if you are very passionate, it is a great chance to do a lot of service. simply engage that rajo-guna into Krsnas service and it will turn into transcendental extazy!!!

 

all good wishes for everyone and pray for me too! let´s become serious with Krsna Consciousness and try to love Radha and Krishna.

 

ramante yogino 'nante satyanande cid-atmani

iti rama-padenasau param brahmabhidhiyate

 

 

"The mystics derive unlimited transcendental pleasures from the Absolute Truth, and therefore the Supreme Absolute Truth, the Personality of Godhead, is also known as Rama."

 

Serving Krishna is the highest pleasure. We just think that we are enjoying material senses. But we are not this body, it is just some matter, so why to serve it? Actually we are servants, so let´s not serve senses anymore, but Krishna. that will make us happy. chant Hare Krsna and pray Prabhupada. allso listen to Prabhupadas lectures at:

 

prabhupadavani.org

[Guest guest]

The following are among the many physiological evidences which demonstrate the value of continence:

 

* There is a remarkable similarity of chemical composition between the semen and the central nervous system, both being especially rich in lecithin, cholesterin and phosphorus compounds, which would indicate that seminal emissions withdraw from the body substances necessary for the nutrition of nervous tissues.

 

* Excessive voluntary seminal losses (through masturbation, coitus, coitus interruptus, and contraceptive practices) are debilitating and harmful to the body and brain.

 

* Excessive involuntary seminal losses (through nocturnal emissions, diurnal emissions, spermatorrhea, etc.) are debilitating to the nervous system and may cause neurasthenia.

 

* Observations of the immediate effects of the sexual organism indicate that it temporarily exhausts the nervous system, and when repeated too frequently leads to chronic nerve-weakness (sexual neurasthenia).

 

* Continence is beneficial to the brain (for conserved lecithin from retained semen is a true brain food.) Hence some of the greatest intellectual geniuses in ancient and modern times led continent lives. These include Pythagoras, Plato, Aristotle, Leonardo da Vinci, Spinoza, Newton, Kant, Beethoven, Herbert Spencer, etc.

 

* Recent physiological evidence, pointing to the fact that the seminal fluid contains substances of great physiological value (such as Poehl's Spermine, which is a nerve-stimulant, lecithin, cholesterin, vitamin E, male sex hormones, etc.) supports the idea that continence is beneficial to health, as do the experiments of Prof. Brown-Sequard on the vitalizing effects of testicular extracts and those of Prof. Steinach on the rejuvenation that follows the enforced conservation of semen through ligature of the efferent testicular duct.

 

* Leading physiologists, urologists, genito-urinary specialists, neurologists, psychiatrists, sexologists, gynecologists and endocrinologists endorse the physiological value of continence. Among such authorities are Moll, Kraepelin, Marshall, Lydston, Talmey and others.

 

found from Kuruvinda.com