Paramatma

July 4, 2005

Q1: Does one see Paramatma first, then Bhagavam, and finally Krsna, in that order? Or it possible to meditate on God (if you don't know about Krsna) imagining yourself being in his presence and then go straight to Krnsa Goloka while meditating?

I had an experience once while praying. It was 25 years ago when I didn't know anything about soul travel or Krnsa. I was a teenager, kneeling beside my bed, eyes closed, in the dark, no outside noise, and intensely focused on repeating the Lord's Prayer ("Our Father Who Art in Heaven...") over and over and over and over again until I could recite it in it's entirety without letting my mind wander. I would visualize what each word of the prayer represented and if at any point I found myself thinking about anything else, then I would force myself to start over again. Sometime during this I noticed a light (not in my room, but in my mind). As I focused on it, it got larger. As it got larger I felt the energy in my body travelling from my feet to the top of my head. The pressure inside my head was incredible. As the light grew the pressure intensified. I was only about 15 yrs old and I was very frightened because I didn't know what was going to happen next. It felt as if the top of my head was going to burst open. I thought maybe I was going to die and I wanted it to stop. So, I started to think about anything mundane as possible, what my room looked like, etc. Gradually, I could feel the energy returning, moving back down. It was a while before I could move. I've told only 2 people so far since then and their reaction was, well, skeptical. I was not on drugs or any type of medication, I have not and do not suffer from any type of mental illness. I was just this young girl who did not like her life and always found comfort in reading the Bible when I was alone and saying the Lord's Prayer.

I am very reluctant to even post this. So, if you think I'm some nut job, please don't reply. I am seeking serious evaluation of my experience from a devotee who can give me the benefit of the doubt that I am an honest person who did have this experience and wonders from a Krsna Conscience perspective if I was making some big spiritual progress of some kind.

July 4, 2005

Does one see Paramatma first, then Bhagavam, and finally Krsna, in that order?

••param atma is bhagavan sri krsna.. if you see paramatma, you see krsna. No difference

Or it possible to meditate on God (if you don't know about Krsna) imagining yourself being in his presence and then go straight to Krnsa Goloka while meditating?

•••a)you cannot meditate (think of..) on what is unknown to you.... b)god means almost nothing. Without knowing sri krsna the concept of god is more close to a void than to god himself. So if we do not think of krsna we do not go to krsna. Krishna does not force us to go to him if we do not want him

i have no intention to express doubts on your vision... i am surely happy that your vision has given to you interest in krsna consciousness and deep faith in the existence of god..

July 4, 2005

Thank you for your response. You make some valid points.

I met some devotees in Toronto, Canada about 6 yrs. after that incident but I didn't mention it to anyone. It's not anything I dwell on, it's just something I remember every once in a while. My interest in the Hare Krishna movement came when I read a few lines of the Bhagavad-Gita for the first time. Unfortunately, my interest wanes as I get side-tracked with working, family, etc. I don't know how the initiated devotees manage to stay on path year after year. That is why they deserve the utmost respect, they are the dearest friends of Krishna, imagine that. I'm always a fallen soul but at least for the last 2 days I've been on this site and it is re-inspiring me to try harder. I'm not sure what tommorrow will bring. The senses are so strong that in a whim I just go back to doing whatever is pleasing to me.