Jesus Prayers from Sanskrit

[Guest guest]

I am looking an original tradcution of Our Father prayer from Sanskrit to English.

 

Help!

 

Thanks

 

CV

[Avinashilingam]

http://www.christusrex.org/www1/pater/JPN-sanskrit.html

[Jagat]

Thanks for that. Very interesting. It's not in verse though. That stained-glass window does not seem to be Sanskrit, though.

 

Good, simple, straightforward Sanskrit. But I have some comments. I will post tomorrow.

[Jagat]

So at first look I said “Good, simple, straightforward Sanskrit for the most part. Though I think I may well have done it differently, especially at the end.” On second thought I started to get the same kind of feeling I get when I read the Bible in Hindi or Bengali. The language seems so foreign—the vocabulary, the cadences, the syntax are all somewhat out of kilter. The word for word comes out correct, but the spirit of the language is missing.

 

It is possible that this foreignness is a result of a too literal translation, or perhaps it has been done deliberately. The King James Bible has a rather distant relation to modern spoken and literary English, which is a tendency of religious language generally. It may also have been the desire of the translator to deliberately distance the Sanskrit from its traditional Hindu flavors. None of these seem to be particularly good reasons.

 

The text as given:

 

 

• bho asmAkaM svargastha pitaH !
• tava nAma pavitraM pUjyatAm |
• tava rAjyam AyAtu |
• yathA svarge tathA medinyAm api tavecchA sidhyatu |
• zvastanaM bhakSyam adyAsmabhyaM dehi |
• vayaM ca yathAsmad-aparAdhinAM kSamAmahe
• tathA tvam asmAkam aparAdhAn kSamasva |
• asmAMz ca parIkSAM mA naya,
• api tu durAtmana uddhara,
• yato rAjyaM parAkramaH pratApaz ca yuge yuge tavaiva |

Comments:

(1) svargasthaH pitaH: Technically this is correct, but svarga has too many connotations. The actual meaning of "heaven" is "sky", so I would have gone with "vyoma" or “parama-vyoma.”

 

(2) tava nAma pavitraM pUjyatAm: The attempt to translate "hallowed" with pavitraM pUjyatAm, an unorthodox expression. If it is "your holy name be worshiped" then it should be tava pavitraM nAma pUjyatAm, which is better, except that the translator obviously sought to add meaning for "hallowed" that he felt Sanskrit could not provide. There is no reason why pUjyatAm alone would not suffice.

 

(4) As above for svarge. medinyAM seems to lack the proper contrast to svarga. I would go with pRthivI-tale. icchA for "will" seems completely inadequate. saGkalpaH is the obviously correct word.

 

(5) zvastanaM bhakSyam adyAsmabhyaM dehi : Two complaints: zvastanam why “tomorrow’s”? bhakSyam = food, but doesn’t have the same resonance as bread. The obvious equivalent is “annam”

 

(6) vayaM ca yathAsmad-aparAdhinAM kSamAmahe: Forgive + genitive?

 

(7) tathA tvam asmAkam aparAdhAn kSamasva: I find the construction of this entire sentence awkward. By switching the clauses around, the effect of the original is weakened. Better: asmAkam aparAdhAn kSamasva yathA vayaM svAparAdhinaH kSamAmahe

 

(8) asmAMz ca parIkSAM mA naya: parIkSAm = temptation?

(9) api tu durAtmana uddhara. durAtmanaH = evil? daurAtmyAt is better.

 

(10) yato rAjyaM parAkramaH pratApaz ca yuge yuge tavaiva; The introduction of this final sentence with yataH “for” seems disjoined. How is there a causal relationship with what precedes? Some additional link is needed.

 

So here is my proposed alternative translation. I have deliberately used anustup meter, because Sanskrit is a language that largely evolved through metrical rather than conversational usage. Many people would have the Mahabharata’s or Panchatantra’s verses ringing in their ears rather than spoken prose. The use of verse has entailed a little lengthening of some phrases, but I think this is justified for the rhythms and the additional words that flesh out the meaning of the original.

 

deva bhoH pitar asmAkaM parame vyomni tiSThasi |

tvadIyaM kIrtyatAM nAma tasmin prItiH sadAstu naH ||

sthApyatAM tava samrAjyam atraiva pRthivI-tale |

yathA sva-dhAmni saGkalpaH siddhas te syAt tatheha saH ||

annaM dainandinaM dattvA pAlayAsmAn dine dine |

kSamasva cAparAdhAn no jJAtvAjJAtvA tu vA kRtAn ||

yathAsmAbhir hi cAnyeSAm aparAdhA hi marjitAH |

he prabho na tathaivAsmAn gamayAdharma-vartmani ||

lobhAt pApa-pravRttez ca daurAtmyAc caiva mocaya |

yuktam etat yatas te’sti rAjyaM prabhAva-vaibhavaM |

atra paratra sarvatra adya zvaz ca yuge yuge ||

 

A literal translation:

 

Lord, you are our father who lives in heaven;

Let your name be sung, and may we have love for it.

May your reign also be established here on earth.

Just as in your abode your will is fulfilled, may it so be here.

Giving us our daily bread, maintain us day after day.

Forgive us our offenses, which we have knowingly or unknowingly committed,

just as we forgive the offenses of others.

O Lord, do not lead us on the path of irreligion,

and save us from greed, the propensity for sin and evil.

This is all proper, for yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory

in this world and in the next, everywhere, today, tomorrow and for all the ages.

 

There are still some weaknesses here and there, but it is in my opinion a definite improvement... /images/graemlins/grin.gif

[raga]

Good work!

[Guest guest]

Great Job

Hunded of thanks!

Regards!

 

CV

[Guest guest]

dear mahalingam, the first one is Malayalam and the second one is sanskrit. thanks.