What is Lord Krishna's view on dating?

[Gita1234]

Hi, I am new to the chat. I am 20 year old college student in Florida. What is Lord Krishna's/Hinduism's view on dating and relationships between a boy and a girl. I am Hindu and I read the Bhagavad Gita as it is by Swami Prabhupada. I think the Gita and swamis say girls should not date and wait to get married. My parents said don't do anything you shouldn't do until marriage. What does a girl do if she has already dated and didn't know before but knows now? I was dating a Hindu boy in college and we want to get married after college. I recently told him I am confused and I don't know if I should date him because after reading the Gita, It said girls should wait until marriage. Both of our parents knew we were dating, we never had sex. I know we are living in the Kali age. Thank you for reading my post. I would appreciate the advice. My e-mail is gita1234@indiadivine.com

[maadhav]

<< Hi, I am new to the chat. >>

 

welcome gita. you care for krishna's view as to how to live. and that is great for you and all.

 

 

<< What is Lord Krishna's/Hinduism's view on dating and relationships between a boy and a girl. >>

 

somethings krishna has not said it directly. but here is the hindu way in the western culture:

 

- you can have boy friends, but no body contact except a friendly hand shake without any sexual motive behind it.

 

- girls, by nature, easily loose their heart on some one.

and boy-girl relation is a serious matter. so, do not fall in love so quickly till you know well the boy is right for you.

 

- most boys want just one thing from girls. so, be careful.

do not attract them unnecessarily. do not be cheap and available.

 

- if you find a right boy for you, then hold your heart till you know he also loves you and is willing to marry you.

some may like you but may not want to marry you.

 

- establish healthy relation with a right boy who is willing to marry you. once both know that each loves the other, then engage soon formally. that way none raises doubt that the other is looking for some one else. after engagement both should give up the search for a partner or opposite sex friend.

 

<<I am Hindu and I read the Bhagavad Gita as it is by Swami Prabhupada. >>

 

very good! keep up.

 

<< My parents said don't do anything you shouldn't do until marriage. >>

 

avoid body cantact, kissing, and carassing.

do not meet a boy in any secluded place.

avoid meeting alone.

 

<< What does a girl do if she has already dated and didn't know before but knows now? >>

 

just stop dating in western way, and do not worry about the past.

 

<< I was dating a Hindu boy in college and we want to get married after college. I recently told him I am confused and I don't know if I should date him >>

 

get engaged soon if both desire so. then-after you could spend time with him, but no sex or carressing. a short simple kiss may be okay. do not sleep with him till after marriage.

 

<< Both of our parents knew we were dating, we never had sex. >>

 

you both upheld dharma. congratulations!

 

<< I know we are living in the Kali age. >>

 

yes, but that is not be used as an excuse for breaking dharma principles.

 

<< Thank you for reading my post. I would appreciate the advice. >>

 

you welcome gita. may your conduct be always such that it never tarnishes the name "gita".

 

[Ganeshprasad]

Jai Ganesh

Re

(welcome gita. may your conduct be always such that it never tarnishes the name "gita )

I second that, nice response maadhavji, looks like the young lady is very leval headed may Krishna bless her.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

[Guest guest]

"I am Hindu and I read the Bhagavad Gita as it is by Swami Prabhupada"

 

Also read other translations of gita. Good luck with the dating situation and with school.

[Guest guest]

Vedas are clear.Dont date.That's not ideal.Dont love,thats not ideal,thats not a sin,but isnt ideal.

 

what sort of dating is allowed in vedas in what circumstances?

The ideal marriage takes place at age 6 or 7 of a girl and 8 or 9 of a boy.This is the ideal marriage.If that doesnt happen(It does not happen now. we have to look for alternative way of marriages given in vedas)

 

Kandharva marriage,rakshasa marriage,paisasa marriage are other types of marriage.Love can be called kandarva marriage if you marry the same person.Vedas want heart and body to be given to one person alone.Ahalya,renuka failed in it and were punished severely.But as you said we live in kali.What is your alternative?

 

Your dating was a mistake.But its been done.So next option is to see his caste and varna.If both are same ask him to wait till your parents talk to his and dont meet him before marriage.If he belongs to a different caste in the same varna,it gets tough.But this has become normal these days,caste isnt in vedas but only varnas.So within a varna,mixing is vedic.So go ahead.But this isnt ideal and dont let your children make the smae mistake.

 

BUt when varna is different your marriage falls into kandharva marriage category.It isnt the ideal method,but an accepted method.It doesnt have any caste or varna bias to it.Then take your own decision based on the boy's character,family etc.Vedas dont prevent it,but say it isnt ideal.Krishna says in geetha "Mixture of varnas is akin to......."I dont want to quote those words here,but they are rather harsh.

 

Vedas too are harsh on such marriages.But they accept those methods,if no other alternative is availaible.They even accept paisasa marriage which is marrying by force.Situations justify actions.But they deserve condemnation.But you wont be punished in later world for that.You also wont be praised for that.

 

So if possible follow the ladder in which vedas specify marriages to happen.The lower you come down the ladder,condemnation will be there,but you wont be punished.You can decide on which step of the ladder you want to start from.All cards in your sleeve.

[Gita1234]

Hi, thanks for saying I am level headed and making me feel better. You are all a great group of people and you really care about the post. Sorry if I am bugging you all but you are really helping me. I am very grateful for your advice.

 

 

Response to "Your dating was a mistake.But its been done.So next option is to see his caste and varna.If both are same ask him to wait till your parents talk to his and dont meet him before marriage.If he belongs to a different caste in the same varna,it gets tough.But this has become normal these days,caste isnt in vedas but only varnas.So within a varna,mixing is vedic.So go ahead.But this isnt ideal and dont let your children make the smae mistake."

 

 

The boy and I are the same caste. His grandmother on his moms side has the same last name as I do. I can not wait to meet him until marriage because he gives me rides home from school. We go to school together and my mom depends on him to drop me home because she is busy working and I don't drive. My mom likes him and his mom likes me to.(He is 19, I'm 20) The truth is when his mom heard the word marriage she got angry and say you guys aren't even done with school yet. Then there was a little family misunderstanding during the summer and his mom told me she hopes our relationship works and we can get married.

 

The problem is my boyfriend now friend thinks im selfish adn that i don't care about him. We dated for a year and I've been telling him i want to be krsna conscious. He is the one who gave me a better version of the gita by the swami and told me to read it and be a better person.

 

I told him I don't want any physical contact and he says he doesn't see how that makes sense because we already hugged and he wants to take our relationship to the next level, a sexual level. He said he doesn't want to force me to do anything I don't want to do. I told him no. He tells me if I want to be with him, love him, care for him, marry him I should just do it and risk it even though its not guaranteed that we will get married.He says I have doubts and that's why I won't do it.

 

He says if we have no physical contact we are friends and he might date other girls and tell me or not tell me or he might not and ask me to marry him after school ends. He says he is krsna conscious.

 

I don't know if the way I'm deciding to be krsna conscious is selfish and if I am going about the wrong way in something. Then he said "yes you are being selfish, no you're not, you're right, whatever you want, it was always up to you. Call it what you want " (meaning krsna conscious or taking the right path)

 

He's a very good friend and he helped me out a lot with my family, life, school. I think he is viewing me as selfish because he always helps me. He said he helps people and gets blessings. He doesn't mind giving me rides home and he wants to be my friend. What can I do?

 

 

Thanks again.

[Guest guest]

 

I told him I don't want any physical contact and he says he doesn't see how that makes sense because we already hugged and he wants to take our relationship to the next level, a sexual level. He said he doesn't want to force me to do anything I don't want to do. I told him no. He tells me if I want to be with him, love him, care for him, marry him I should just do it and risk it even though its not guaranteed that we will get married.He says I have doubts and that's why I won't do it.

 

He says if we have no physical contact we are friends and he might date other girls and tell me or not tell me or he might not and ask me to marry him after school ends. He says he is krsna conscious

 

 

He should respect your choice not to have any physical contact. And because he's not getting what he wants from you, ie sex, he's going to look for it elsewhere?!? And threatens to not marry you. Do you really want to marry this guy?

 

Because he helped you out alot he expects you to give up yourself to him in return? Great guy. Krsna conscious means you have only Krsna on your mind. He's not Krsna conscious.

[Ganeshprasad]

Jai Ganesh

 

Re

(I told him I don't want any physical contact and he says he doesn't see how that makes sense because we already hugged and he wants to take our relationship to the next level, a sexual level. He said he doesn't want to force me to do anything I don't want to do. I told him no. He tells me if I want to be with him, love him, care for him, marry him I should just do it and risk it even though its not guaranteed that we will get married.He says I have doubts and that's why I won't do it. )

 

I dont see how this makes you selfish being moral and Dharmic, it he who sounds selfish to me, he is making unnecessary demands to you.

he says he is Krishna concious, if so remind him of 4 regulative pricipals one of them being no sex outside of marraige.

What you do now is up to you, it is your life but do not give in to any blackmail from your boyfriend that is not love.

 

Jai Shree Krishna

 

[Guest guest]

hi,looks like you in some trouble.If he is of same caste then there shall not be any problem in marriage.Go ahead.Even you meeting him is okay.But going beyond that,even to touch his hand is a sin,there wont be any worse sin you can commit to yourself in life,even though your marriage is fixed tomorrow.

 

His longings to touch are normal.Most men are like that.Its girls who will suffer and cry in end.If he says He will date other girls that's blackmail.And if a boy has such guts to talk to his lover,then imagine how he will behave after marriage?Are you going to be his slave from now itself?

 

Chastity is the virtue given to hindu women.That seperates us from all other religions.Learn from the plight of mother kunthi who suffered a whole life for mistake she comitted in youth.

 

Meet him,talk,no problem.But let not even his finger touch your hand.Men will go to any extent to blackmail girls.Then they will say "You are bad charactered girl.Why did you allow me to touch you?How many have you allowed so far?" Do you deserve all this?

 

True love waits,true love tolerates,true love never blackmails,true love knows and expects nothing except love.True love will live without physical involvement for whole life.If he blackmails you once more saying he will date others,you tell him "good riddance" and dont bother again.

 

In fact I hate giving advices to others on love,since that concept itself is an anathema to hindu culture.You only love your wife and husband and children here.India is the only country where men and women marry as virgins.Do you want to belong to that tradition or to the western tradition?Western love is dog's love,since only dogs dont have any place or time for love.

 

Or ask your BF to talk to his parents and get married in a week,if he's so mad on you.Dont forget to inform us on your marriage.

[maadhav]

HK's claim that they are not hindus.

 

so, it would be nice if HK's do not advice to hindus as if they were hindus. in the subject of daging my view differs in many ways from what you have posted. i do not want to debate it. my time is for other priority. at least you agree with my views in some areas.

 

one who seeks an advice has to choose from the responses

to which advice he/she would take.

 

suppose i become a xian one day,

i would not embark on advising the xians who seek help.

i would leave that service to those who are well deep in xinity. i wish HK's understand this and do not think themselves as hindu-advisors. still their krishna bhakti is just a part of hindism. so they should respect hinduism as is given in gita.

 

 

[Gita1234]

Re: "His longings to touch are normal.Most men are like that.Its girls who will suffer and cry in end.If he says He will date other girls that's blackmail.And if a boy has such guts to talk to his lover,then imagine how he will behave after marriage?Are you going to be his slave from now itself?"

 

You are all right. He does treat me badly and I thought his bad temper was his flaw that I had to accept just like how I have flaws. His mom told me one day I'll get smart and walk away. I'm getting smarter.

 

Now this is the problem how does a girl stop suffering and crying? Since I met this guy I've been crying and suffering. I pray to Lord Krishna for it to stop but I still cry and it's affecting my schoolwork.

 

Thank you all so much, you are really helping me. Sorry if I keep bugging you, please tell me if I should stop posting.

[Guest guest]

are you in school?I thought you must be in atleast college.Throw away that guy.he is of no use.Its stupid to have such a moron as BF.Kick him away and go and study.

 

such infatuations are normal in school.Is he a cine hero or is his love divine?Forget him,and concentrate on studies.Dont spoil your life at an early age.

 

he must be immature.Immature love creates only pain.Throw him away and be happy.Enjoy school sister.

 

 

[Guest guest]

20 is very young.Kick him away and be happy.You will get a matured bride groom when you're 23 or 24.Dont spoil your life now.Think of his words as satan's and chase him away.If he is sex maniac at this age,he wont stop with you.I am sure,100% sure.escape,you are about to fall in a trap.Beware.

[Guest guest]

I only just saw this now but replied on the other thread.

 

http://www.hindu-religion.net/showflat/cat/hinduism/71107/0/collapsed/5/o/1

I'm pasting my reply below from the other thread.

 

--------------------------

 

{We abstain from beef and we eat chicken and fish.}

 

I know alot of Hindus like that, actually my family does the same. Apparently the ancient Hindus ate meat but first offered it to God. It's better to abstain from meat altogether if you can. But don't ever start eating any more meat of other animals especially Beef.

 

{I am confused about dating. I dated a hindu boy in college.}

 

As a fellow 20-something Hindu, I can understand the peer-presure and interest on dating. I don't think the scriptures talk about dating, because back in those days there was no dating in ancient India! However it does say to stay celibate (no sex) before marriage as the first stage of life is Brahmcharya...so NO hanky-panky! But if you have to date, try to date within Hindu community and make sure the guy is decent who you could see a future with. I say that cos there's alot of guys out there who mess girls around.

 

{I can't ask my mom these questions because she is busy working and she says I bug her.}

 

That's unfortunate. But honestly, I think parents should set aside some time to explain Hinduism to their kids, or else their kids will be lost. But alot of the time the parents themselves don't know much about Hinduism and don't talk about it as they don't want their kids to find out about their lack of knowledge.

 

Here's a good site on Hinduism, check it out:-

 

www.atributetohinduism.com

[Gita1234]

Yes I'm a college student, 20 going on 21 in November. He is 19, 20 in December. I met him in the library at school. I'll focus on my studies and my mom. A mother's love is the best. Lord Krishna will take care of the rest but all your advice helped tremendously. You are all devotees of Lord Krishna and I am grateful.

 

You all know a lot about Krsna conscious and I want to learn more. I'll write on other posts.

 

Thank you and Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

Hold a sec, you mean he's a year younger than you? Maybe he's alot more immature at that age.

[bubri]

" In fact I hate giving advices to others on love,since that concept itself is an anathema to hindu culture.You only love your wife and husband.India is the only country where men and women marry as virgins.Do you want to belong to that tradition or to the western tradition?Western love is dog's love,since only dogs dont have any place or time for love."

 

this is a wrong concept. just becoz some people marry as virgins doesnt make them great or just becoz persons have multiple relations make them bad. hindu culture itself talks about various types of sexual contact with the opposite gender.

 

talking, enjoying a woman's company , cherishing something belonging to a woman (like a photo) , thinking of a woman,meeting a woman secretly etc are all types of sexual contacts. sex is in the mind. how can one narrow it down to the body? and if it is so then no one except the highest saints are virgins as everyone indulges in one sort of fantasy or the other at some part of their lives.

 

the emphasis should be on the word love and not on virginity and other such things.

 

western culture is miles ahead compared to the narrow outlook that many people propagate as indianness or hindu culture WRONGLY.

 

a person will be ready to love and accept a partner even though she has had multiple relations before only becoz of the word love. this is the glory of love, whatever culture.

 

true indianness or hindu culture would also approve of the same. so too will krishna.

 

my advice to gita 1234 is go ahead and live ur life. be practical. if u love the guy u love the guy. if not u will go ahead and meet someone else.

 

things like "india is the only country" ,"only virgins marry" etc are not practical nor true.

 

love triumphs. it transcends cultures. for it is a part of krishna.

 

'who art Thou,Gaur of the golden hue,

That quenches the thirst of my soul?

Thou raisest a storm in the sea of Love,

and scarcely can i steady my boat.'

 

 

 

 

 

[maadhav]

while vishnu priya is advising gita towards the eastern culture, you are pulling her to western.

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

just because some people marry as virgins.......

 

how much is that some people?Nearly 1 billion.IS that some people?

 

Just because some people have multiple relations that doesnt make them bad....

 

Then what makes them bad?Should they tatoo the word bad,in their foreheads to be bad?

 

hindu culture itself talks about various types of sexual contact with the opposite gender.

 

It talks.Yes,but it condemns it severly.It talks about paisasa vivaha too, where bride is carried away forcibly without her will and married.But it decires that marriage as the worst of the worst and a shame.ONly under ceratin circimstances it is allowed.Does an exception become a norm always?

 

sex is in the mind. how can one narrow it down to the body? and if it is so then no one except the highest saints are virgins as everyone indulges in one sort of fantasy or the other at some part of their lives.

 

If you go by the dicatets of your mind,you are ruined.That is the whole concept of hindu dharma.Controlling mind.An uncontrolled mind doesnt make you bad.Even viswamithra couldnt control his mind.A sin is one commited by mind,body and words.Jnanis have these 3 say and do the same thing.Fools will have mind think one thing,words say another thing and body do another thing.

 

the emphasis should be on the word love and not on virginity and other such things.

 

So you love your wife and cheat her at same time.Some great logic this is.

 

western culture is miles ahead compared to the narrow outlook that many people propagate as indianness or hindu culture WRONGLY.

 

Yes,it is running fastly towards a cliff.

 

a person will be ready to love and accept a partner even though she has had multiple relations before only becoz of the word love. this is the glory of love, whatever culture.

 

This defies logic.If she had multiple partners before meeting you, what makes you think that you are last in the list?She must have loved everyone the smae way she loved you.How come you become superior and last in her list?If your logic of love is right,then even after meeting you if she has multiple partners you should accept it.Becasue that is love,power of love.Her heart is with you,and that must be enough right?

 

true indianness or hindu culture would also approve of the same. so too will krishna.

 

In India there are creatures who live like that.Dogs,cats and other animals live like that.They wont mind anything.They live completely by senses.Krishna and hindu culture will approve such creatures being like that.You are correct.

 

my advice to gita 1234 is go ahead and live ur life. be practical. if u love the guy u love the guy. if not u will go ahead and meet someone else.

 

Her name is "gita".Not jimmy or ceaser.She will live by her name.

 

things like "india is the only country" ,"only virgins marry" etc are not practical nor true.

 

For thousands of generations all our ancestors lived an illustrious life like that.Maybe they all were fools.

 

love triumphs. it transcends cultures. for it is a part of krishna.

That is human love.That is krishna's love.Dog's love isnt his love.

 

YOur theory of love will throw away women when they lose their physical beauty.They will have multiple children in their hands without anyone to support them.Do you know how such children are called?

[Guest guest]

It is interesting to compare the concepts of love and sex in both "indian" and western society. In America sex has been cheapened and exploited as has marriage to the point where 60% of marriages end in divorce and sex is an advertiser's tool on T.V. And then you look at the modern indian outlook and realize that it is as confused as the western one. The majority of indians shy away from sexual topics and decry it. They scorn it for being "western" and for its shamelessness. Perhaps this is an adopted custom of the puritan christian missionary movement and further from the feudalism of the mughals. And yet if you look at ancient indian society, sex was openly discussed and expressed in literature, and even seen in sculpture (in some south indian temples). Have you forgotten about the Kama Sutra? So it is time that you shed the sexual chains that have bound you since the times of the mughals and then the british. Indian society should once again understand the beauty and responsiblity of sex and rediscover their ancient roots.

 

-Amit

[Guest guest]

Western culture is no match to India's so I dont bother about it.Majority of Indians dont shy away from sexual topics.They just dont want to make private affairs public.Sex isnt westrn,but promiscusity is western.Sex can be discussed in literature.Literature has the freedom to discuss anything.Why do they allow uncensored movies in film festivals?WHy do they censor movies for public?

 

Comparing purity with moguls and missionaries is a nice joke.India is the land which taught chastity to world.So we need none to teach it to us.If you go very back in your ancient roots you will go back to chimpanzee era.So let us avoid that.

[bubri]

"how much is that some people?Nearly 1 billion.IS that some people?"

 

80% of the population in india are in villages and backward areas. have u ever visted them and tried to read their lifestyles? i did a little social anthroplogy in backward areas of india and found that they have high rates of premarital sex, polygamy , polyandry. the rest 20 % in cities are well known for their fast lives and promiscuities. come out of the misconception that india abides in virgins.

 

"Then what makes them bad?Should they tatoo the word bad,in their foreheads to be bad?"

 

tatooing bad on someones forehead doesnt make them bad...nor does tatooing good make them good.

 

"It talks blah blah blah..."

 

u missed the point. i said sex is in the mind. so thinking that bodily virginity is a virtue and using it as a moral punch against something is immature.

 

"Yes,it is running fastly towards a cliff."

 

yes with the wings of Love..soaring towards the Infinite.

it gives dignity to a person no matter what the past is. it is more practical and sane.

 

"YOur theory of love will throw away women when they lose their physical beauty."

 

where did i ever say that love depends on beauty? i think u need to check once more. read the story of upagupta and vasavadutta in buddhism. true love is of the self. the love for the supersoul.

 

bottomline is if tomorrow u fall in love with a person but come to know that he had had previous relationships and take that as immoral and penalise him for that it is immature. a culture that gives respect to the same person and treats him like a man due to that one word LOVE is praiseworthy instead of a hypocritic outlook that decries him abiding by some illdefined impractical norms.

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

Your survey must have been as biased as you.But a majority of hindus,around 80 to 90% still marry as virgins.In villages there are delinquents,but they will be at minimum and society will view them as delinquents.Maybe some tribals in hills live like that.

 

If one goes astray,she or he is bad.I dont even want to talk about such creatures.They stink worse than a skunk,thats all.

 

Let sex be in mind.So is murder,so is theft.Thinking about sex isnt mistake.Doing that is mistake.I can think tomorrow of murdering a rival.But I wont do it in real life.

 

Buddhism is sunyavatha.Who wants to learn their stories?Let them go to hell.Buddhists eat snake and lizard in china and korea.Dont talk about them.

 

Body virginity is my religions virtue of a man or woman.People who go astray are equalent to dogs.Thats what my religion says.

"Janthunam narajenma dhurlabam".If they equal janthus,then in next birth they will be born as a rabbit or dog.Then they can be as promiscuous as they want.

 

I will never fall in love.So the problem of forgiving any lover doesnt arise.And judging a man by love is mad.kaikeyi judged bharatha by love.Kumbakarna judged ravan by love.They got penalised for that.Ram and bharat lived for dharma.They showed me how to live.

 

More than ram's love on seetha, I respect mother urmila's love on lakhsmana.She missed her husband for 14 years.laxmana never thought about her.He only thought about Ram.BUt mother Urmila always thought about laxmana.Thats love.I bow before such love.

 

True love waits.It can come only with one person.For people who truly love all and sundry my heartiest condolonces.

 

I see all such people around me.I live among them.In USA I can see a child having 2 to 3 stepfathers and countless number of mothers "casual friends".Is this how you raise a child?many dont marry at all.They keep on loving.

 

This is how I learn my religion's virtues.Krishna has made me to see all this to learn about the beauty of my vedic culture.

 

 

[bubri]

are you sure u arent the one who is biased?

 

i remember going through some of your posts on other topics long ago. if u uphold advaita then hate shouldnt arise...regarding people going astray,buddhism,etc etc.

 

if u uphold dvaita and feel moral and superior to others just becoz u follow norms u can be accused of pride and ego.

 

both are not characteristics of a krishna devotee.

 

hold not hold not the chariot wheels....

is it the wheels that make the chariot move?

the Mover of its wheels is Krishna

by Whose Will the worlds are moved.

 

[Guest guest]

I am an advaithi.But I havent reached advaitha yet.had I reached it I would have become a saint. So I still am in dwaitha stage. I am not a saint. I have my weeknesses and prejudices.

 

Vedas call people who go astray by various names.They are called as corpses,sandalas,pulayas,janthu,living dead etc by vedas.I said that mildly, thats all.

 

Buddhists,christians,muslims,dwaidhis,advaithis all are my friends.Not my role models.My role model is Lord ram,none else.