I am a bit puzzled.

[dhondup]

Three years ago, something changed in me. For years I had been meditating and praying daily. Suddenly, I stopped. Furthermore, I lost all interest in openly associating myself with anything spiritual. I don't mean I stopped believing or stopped caring. It means I really do not want anyone to know what my spiritual practices are, or if I believe in anything. When I do talk about it, it feels as if I'm exposing a young, tender blossom to the rigors of a winter snow storm or if I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I don't even think about my beliefs anymore, though they are still there and very strong. I don't know. I don't feel as if I'm in crisis, and I still feel a very quiet devotion. I just don't know how to describe this state. I feel this is something very good. But I am also very confused, because I'm not sure what it means, particularly the part about not wanting to talk about what I believe or practice. I don't feel fear of being persecuted or laughed at. I don't know. And perhaps that's the best way to describe where I am in spiritual terms. I don't know. I have no ideas of God or Buddha, no idea that I know the first thing about love or compassion. I don't feel sad. I just feel very quiet. I hope someone is out there who can unravel this puzzle for me.

 

Thank you

 

 

[Gauracandra]

I'm not sure what to tell you. Perhaps you are looking for something (religion for instance) that helps to express what you already believe but in a more focused fashion. So when you say you don't know, perhaps you do (intuitively) but you aren't sure how to fully express it. This might cause you to want to withdraw from talking about it because you are looking for a more succinct, or fully developed view of your beliefs. I wouldn't worry about it too much. You sound like this situation is acceptable for now. Just continue searching within yourself, and seek the counsel of those you trust. I hope you find what you (and I'm sure most of us) are looking for.

 

Gauracandra

 

[This message has been edited by Gauracandra (edited 11-29-2001).]

[sanjay_lulla]

Originally posted by dhondup:

Three years ago, something changed in me. For years I had been meditating and praying daily. Suddenly, I stopped. Furthermore, I lost all interest in openly associating myself with anything spiritual. I don't mean I stopped believing or stopped caring. It means I really do not want anyone to know what my spiritual practices are, or if I believe in anything. When I do talk about it, it feels as if I'm exposing a young, tender blossom to the rigors of a winter snow storm or if I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing. I don't even think about my beliefs anymore, though they are still there and very strong. I don't know. I don't feel as if I'm in crisis, and I still feel a very quiet devotion. I just don't know how to describe this state. I feel this is something very good. But I am also very confused, because I'm not sure what it means, particularly the part about not wanting to talk about what I believe or practice. I don't feel fear of being persecuted or laughed at. I don't know. And perhaps that's the best way to describe where I am in spiritual terms. I don't know. I have no ideas of God or Buddha, no idea that I know the first thing about love or compassion. I don't feel sad. I just feel very quiet. I hope someone is out there who can unravel this puzzle for me.

 

Thank you

 

 

well my friend there is a point when the knowledge rises in the self. You maybe on the brink of knowing yourself. There are two ways to GOD. One is through bhakti sankirtan and satsang. The other is through Gyana where the sould aspires for liberation and becoming one wiht the LORD. This is a time when you can think and ruminate about what you believe in and where are you going. This can lead you to concentrate in your own self and see where you stand in the path of GYANA. I can say only this much. Rest is the wish of HARI.