Loneliness: There is a Cure

[Gauracandra]

Its been a few weeks since my last summary of Srila Siddhaswarupananda’s television program. This was mostly due to other responsibilities I’ve had lately. Anyways, I caught today’s program and wanted to share it with you all. Today’s topic is:

 

Loneliness: There is a cure.

 

The program opened up with an audience member relaying his own situation. He said that sometimes he will attend a party with friends or family, and even within such a large group he still feels lonely. Why is this?

 

Siddhasvarupananda replied that this is a very important and personal subject matter. When we talk of loneliness we are speaking of a feeling of emptiness, and sometimes a certain level of fear. According to various saints and scriptures, man feels this loneliness due to a separation from God.

 

He next quoted a passage from Srimad Bhagavatam which stated (paraphrased) “long ago you knew me as your dear friend but now you have forgotten me”. Our natural condition is to be united with the supreme perfect person. God is beautiful and supremely attractive. But the problem is we have forgotten this relationship. Everyone feels this loneliness whether they are rich or poor, a capitalist or a socialist.

 

Another person raised a question of then why do atheists feel lonely? If they don’t believe in God then being separate from God should not cause them any lamentation. Siddhasvarupananda replied that atheists feel this too because they are also part and parcel of the supreme. They need God just as much as anyone, but simply not accepting God does not reduce that inherent need.

 

Next, one person told how his sister had given up having a family in order to pursue a career. Now she is getting older and is very fearful that she will be all alone in her older years. What can he tell her?

 

He replied that even if she finds a husband she will still have loneliness. We are always trying to fill up our loneliness with all sorts of relationships. Everyone at some point fantasizes about having a perfect loving relationship. Perhaps friends and family will temporarily mask our loneliness.

 

Our loneliness might be more obvious when we are by ourselves. And this can be good. There is nothing wrong with loneliness so long as we recognize it for what it is. We feel alone when we are separated from God. So we need to turn our loneliness towards a spiritual longing for God. If you do this then you will turn loneliness into a spiritual drive towards God.

 

Ultimately we all will experience the greatest source of loneliness at the time of death. The loneliness we feel right now in life is nothing compared to what we will feel at the time of our death. At that time all the things we are attached to – people, money, the feeling of the sun, the smell of the air, everything that draws us to this world will be taken away from us. When we leave all of this behind we will experience great loneliness. But if we change our focus to God, then the pain of leaving our attachments will be replaced by the love of returning to God.

 

But we must be pragmatic. This does not mean we cannot have relationships in this world. Rather we should cultivate relationships in this world that strengthen our relationship with God. We are social beings. We have an identity, a true identity in relation to God. So long as we use this natural social tendency to associate with others in serving God then we will develop spiritually and truly cure loneliness.

 

[This message has been edited by Gauracandra (edited 12-08-2001).]

[cakora]

It is said that if one is conscious of Paramatma (SuperSoul) within the heart - then one will never be lonely, as you realize your best friend, Krsna, is always with you.

 

I remember once when I was going to Mayapura, a few years back, I went to the Temple President to get an intro letter to get free accomodation in one of rooms the Temple had bought at the Lotus building.

The TP wanted to know if I was travelling with anyone and I replied 'no'. Then he wanted to know if I was going 'alone alone'. I paused momentarily, as I thought I already made myself clear that I was not travelling with anyone else. I reflected briefly more deeply this time and replied, 'well, with Krsna.' He responded with rolling his eyes up.

 

[Gauracandra]

What I have come to appreciate about Siddhaswarupananda's presentations is that he usually has atleast one interesting angle on a subject matter. His presentation is usually nice and straight forward. But then he will have a moment, maybe a few sentences, where he will say something in a way you generally won't hear.

 

In this case I liked his explanation that loneliness (being physically alone) can be something that will spur one forward spiritually, provided we recognize what this loneliness is. Having lots of friends, going to parties etc... can actually mask our symptoms of loneliness and hold us back spiritually. Anyways, I thought it was an interesting take on the subject.

 

Gauracandra

[talasiga]

new readers may also be interested

in this older thread "Loneliness Vesus Alone"

commenced by Bhaktavasya:-

 

http://www.indiadivine.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000562.html

[gHari]

Of course, he's right.

 

I have lived alone since 1974. I've never been lonely, except for a few times when 'vaishnavas' have been rude to me, betraying their puffed-up cheating nature. Somehow I was hoping that somewhere there are devotees in the world. I still think there are. But for a few moments there, I really wondered if I was indeed alone.

 

No clear blue skies,

Only grey cloudy lies.

[Gauracandra]

Gaurahari,

 

Not to worry. We just need to remember that most of us are just works in progress. I make mistakes all the time. But every so often I will meet a devotee who really inspires me.

 

Right now I'm thinking of a sannyasi I met a few years back. He lives in Vrindavan but was travelling through one day. I saw him coming back from work and really became curious about him. He was so austere looking. He was extremely skinny almost skeletal. I think his austerity was unhealthy. His face was gaunt and sunburned. I was just so impressed by his austerity and he was very very humble. Then at night I saw him all alone tapping a mrdanga (he didn't seem to know how to play) and singing before the deities. He was very genuine and even a few years later I still like to remember his authenticity.

[JRdd]

(I know this post follows yours, GC, but I am not really talking to you here. It's just a general thing I keep picking up, though I have been following only the George thread and this one, since the beadbag one faded out.)

 

Hare Krsna, I read a lot of comments putting devotees down, and that could be why some of us are bereft of good association. There is simply not enough appreciation of devotees. Familiarity can breed contempt. And it is a large mistake to lump devotees in as one amalgamous worthless heap. Every day I have encounters with wonderful devotees, many wonderful devotees. I only wish I had more time to keep up better correspondence with them all, but the personal and public exchanges are incredible, enlightening, encouraging, so many things, that I do not expereince when say associating with blood relatives--a time when I really do feel alone (or wish I was ). Devotees are special. Are some of us so blind that we only notice the rank or title of a person--or even gender--before we will consider the value of the person? This mood is so far removed from the days when devotees appreciated each other so much, and genuinely felt humbled in each other's presence, and meant the obeisances and pranams that were constantly offered. Oh I feel warm chills just thinking about it. I feel for no one as I feel for devotees. So rahter than simply displacing emotions by appreciating only those who are far from our presence, it would do all our devotional creepers a heap of good to take off our blinkers and see what is right in front of us. I am not into this playing it cool thing, like what I saw before I joined the temple: people would saunter into the houses, hang out a while, then go, not really connecting, and always acting like they had something more important to do. But all they were doing was moving from house to house for a few minutes each. I remember thinking how shallow and unsatisfying it all seemed.

[stonehearted]

I'm working on a reply to a letter written by a disciple of one of my Godbothers. This devotee wrote me asking for advice about how to deal with what I have called the culture of Vaishnava aparadha that has grown in ISKCON and beyond (and, yes, I know well that it didn't start with ISCKON). Echoing JRdd's exhortation to relate to each other beyond the upadhis, I'm posting part of my reply to his questioning whether he's too utopian or in illusion in hoping for a "gentle revolution":

 

You ask if I think you’re too utopian or in illusion in hoping for a “sweet revolution” in ISKCON. I don’t think so. Instead, I think the evidence shows that you’re more a saragrahi vaishnava, an essence seeker. If we understand the essence of Lord Chaitanya’s movement and work in concert with like-minded souls to share that with others, we can effect a real revolution, or as Srila Prabhupada says in his purport to the Bhagavatam’s second verse, “establish a competitionless society with God in the center.” It would be most wonderful if that could be done within the formal institution of ISKCON. Here’s one catch I see, though: I believe this is more likely to happen if devotees learn to associate and relate with each other based more on actual qualities than on institutional position.

 

I've often pointed out when I give class that Narada Pancaratra tells us that devotional service occurs when we're free of all material designations: sarvopadhi vinirmuktam, not some upadhi vinirmuktam.

 

Good night to all.

[talasiga]

Originally posted by gHari:

I have lived alone since 1974. I've never been lonely, .....

 

The greatest loneliness

is known in close company

 

 

[talasiga]

Originally posted by Gauracandra:

Not to worry. We just need to remember that most of us are just works in progress.

 

Sometimes

I feel like

a demolition in progress

 

 

 

[talasiga]

Originally posted by JRdd:

This mood is so far removed from the days when devotees appreciated each other so much, and genuinely felt humbled in each other's presence, and meant the obeisances and pranams that were constantly offered.

Hey !

Am I in the past

or is it in your presence

those days do last and last ?

 

 

Here is my well meant pranaam:-

"I greet the highest in you.

Your goodness walks in front of me.

Your gentleness bids me good day.

Your laughter raises me to joyfulness.

Your quietness leads me away."

 

- A Ute Prayer for Friendship from

War Cry on a Prayer Feather: Prose and Poetry of the Ute [Red]Indians

by Nancy Wood,

(Doubleday & Co, New York

ISBN 0-385-12885-1 )

 

.

.

.

 

[This message has been edited by talasiga (edited 12-11-2001).]

 

 

[This message has been edited by talasiga (edited 01-07-2002).]

[suryaz]

Loneliness??? What is it????

 

I know in theory that Krsna is in our hearts and therefore we should never feel lonely. While I cannot say I have had practical experience of such, I can say I have experienced moments of inspiration in some small way, that were meaningful to me

 

 

But there again, I like my own company so I do not feel lonely too often and feel inspired by my thoughts.

 

But when I think of what loneliness is, it is for me when I have negative thoughts.

 

Even when I just have my own company and I have good thoughts I do not experience what I call loneliness.

 

So is loneliness just being ill at ease with the self?

 

 

[This message has been edited by suryaz (edited 12-11-2001).]

 

[This message has been edited by suryaz (edited 12-11-2001).]

[gHari]

Loneliness is having attachments - attachments that can only be satisfied by others, like ego maintenance, seks, and whatever. Only when you are not attached are you with Paramatma; like the metaphor of the two birds in the tree: one waiting on the other to stop enjoying the fruits of the tree and turn to Him.

 

When right desire is great enough it can overcome these various attachments. Then Krsna will give a much higher attachment to eventually overpower the others.

 

Then you are free - free as a bird.<font size=-3><font color="#dedfdf">

 

[This message has been edited by gHari (edited 12-12-2001).]

[talasiga]

Originally posted by suryaz:

So is loneliness just being ill at ease with the self?

 

 

 

 

A most tempting question

But we have no desire to answer it .....

 

 

Talasiga & Co.

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by talasiga (edited 12-11-2001).]

[talasiga]

Originally posted by suryaz:

Loneliness??? What is it????

 

I know in theory that Krsna is in our hearts and therefore we should never feel lonely. While I cannot say I have had practical experience of such, I can say I have experienced moments of inspiration in some small way, that were meaningful to me

 

 

 

Krishna rarely presents Himself fully to His friends

He likes to leave some room to dance with them.

That vacant space some call loneliness

And aloneness is the dizziness

of the spinning dancer

seeing no-one.

 

 

.

.

.

 

 

------------------

talasiga@hotmail.com

[talasiga]

Originally posted by JRdd:

I only wish I had more time to keep up better correspondence with them all, but the personal and public exchanges are incredible, enlightening, encouraging, so many things, that I do not expereince when say associating with blood relatives--a time when I really do feel alone (or wish I was )

 

Dear JRdd

I have responded on this Prayer thread:

 

http://www.indiadivine.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/000633.html

 

Kind Regards

[JRdd]

Originally posted by talasiga:

Krishna rarely presents Himself fully to His friends

He likes to leave some room to dance with them.

That vacant space some call loneliness

And aloneness is the dizziness

of the spinning dancer

seeing no-one.

 

Now when I hear that Dylan song it will remind me even more of Krsna.

(Hey Mr tambourine Man.)

Many thanks for the prayer on the other thread. It has been answered...

 

gratefully, Jayaradhe

 

 

[Bhaktavasya]

 

Chosen loneliness can be a valuable asset,

 

an impetus for missing the Beloved

 

though some may say it's all make believe

[JRdd]

Originally posted by Bhaktavasya:

Chosen loneliness can be a valuable asset,

 

an impetus for missing the Beloved

 

though some may say it's all make believe

I agree. And what does it matter if it is make believe or not, if it engages the body, senses, mind, imagination, heart, etc. in thoughts of and yearning for and service to Radha Krsna?

 

Even shadow attachment is a very fortunate thing.

 

 

[Bhaktavasya]

Originally posted by JRdd:

I agree. And what does it matter if it is make believe or not, if it engages the body, senses, mind, imagination, heart, etc. in thoughts of and yearning for and service to Radha Krsna?

 

Even shadow attachment is a very fortunate thing.

 

 

Yes, and for all you 'Alone and loving It' people out there, a very, very Blue Chrismas to you;

 

Mix together a hearty dose of shadow-y attachment with intense longing for an imaginariy lover. Blend in false memory syndromne, of actually having been with Krishna at some time in some place in eternal time. Sprinkle with spiritual sentiments that you read or heard about, and even though you don't really have them, pretend that you do anyway.

Sample songs to sing along with, relating key words to mean Krishna (such as You)and Godhead (Home);

 

"I'll Have a Blue Chrismas Without You"

 

"(It's Christmas)Baby Please Come Home" the U2 version

 

"I'll be Home for Christmas, (if only in my dreams."

 

"I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" (envisioning Krishna dressing up like Santa Claus and stealing a kiss from Radha)

 

Happy Holy Fantasies to All

 

 

[jijaji]

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU ..!

 

 

¸..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-

¸.·´ .·´¨¨))

((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:- jijaji

-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´*

 

[This message has been edited by jijaji (edited 12-25-2001).]

[Najanai]

Loneliness made me found a discussion forum about Dharmic Life. I'm living in the middle of thousands of Adharmic people. Instead of suffering of small talk with them, I'm staying at home.

 

I would love to see people who mail here join my group at www.dharmiclife so that we could discuss about daily Dharmic life.

 

Nata