Bhaktivinoda's autobiography Svalikhita-jivani

[dasanudasa]

I am looking for Bhaktivinoda's autobiography Svalikhita-jivani text I have read somewhere in the net but is no longer available. Thanks for your help.

 

 

[This message has been edited by dasanudasa (edited 05-11-2002).]

[raga]

I'll post it here.

 

[This message has been edited by raga (edited 05-11-2002).]

[raga]

 

Svalikhita Jivani [Autobiography]

of Srila Saccidananda Bhaktivinoda Thakura

 

 

Note to first Bengali edition by Sriman Lalita Prasad Thakur

 

I have published this volume of Svalikhita Jivani, which was written by my

father, for the sake of those who are favourable and who are very close to

him. My honourable father ordered me not to misuse whatever was written to me

by him. Such was his instruction to me. That is the reason that I cannot give

this book to ordinary persons. Only one who has complete love and faith in my

father can read this work. If anyone reads this volume and makes his own

commentary that is against my father then he alone is responsible, not I.

 

 

181 Manikatal Street

Bhakti Bhavan

 

[raga]

181 Manikatal Street

Bhakti Bhavan

 

1. You have asked me for the details of my life. Whatever I am able to

remember I have written down on paper for you. Please see that you do not

misuse this story.

 

2. I was born in Sakabda 1760 on the 18th day in the month of Bhadra in my

maternal grandfather's home situated in the village of Ula [or Ulagram] also

known as Birnagar.

 

3. [Horoscope was originally appended.]

 

4. My birth corresponds to the following: Sakabda 1760; Sri Gaurabda 352;

Christian Era, 2nd September 1838; Bangabda 1245.

 

5. As Birnagar was famous within the Bengal region as a wealthy village so was

my maternal grandfather, Sri Isvara Chandra Mushtophi also famous as a

prosperous landowner. His extraordinary liberality was known in many parts of

the region. People used to come from all over the countryside to see his

famous palace. In the district of Nadia the village of Birnagar [ula] was

known to be especially wealthy and happy.

 

6. I was born a descendant of Purushottama Datta, a Kanyakubja Kayastha. Among

the five Kayasthas who came to the Gauda region at the invitation of King

Adisura, namely, Makaranda Ghosh, Dasaratha Vasu, Kalidas Mitra, Dasaratha

Guha and Purushottama Datta, Sri Purushottama Datta was the foremost. His

community was settled at Baligram. Later on some individual in his lineage

settled in Andulagram and became known as the chief of all the Kayastha

community.

 

7. Sri Govinda Saran Datta was the 17th descendant from Purushottama Datta.

Govinda Saran, giving over to his brother Hari Saran all the property of

Andulagram, and having established a village called Govindapur on one bank of

the Ganges through the generosity of the sultan of Delhi, made his residence

there. In time Govindapur fell into the hands of the British and was converted

into a fort [Fort William]. Thereafter, in exchange, the Datta family was

given land at Hatakhola where they built a new settlement. From that time on

the Datta family became known as the Hatakhola Dattas.

 

8. The 21st descendant from Purushottama Datta was the greatly famous

Madanmohan Datta. He was foremost among the Hatakhola Dattas and known as a

very religious man. All the residents of Bengal were aware of his famous works

at Pretasila Hill in Gaya and at other places. My paternal grandfather,

Rajavallabha Datta, was the grandson of Madanmohan Datta. Somehow or other

Rajavallabha lost all of his wealth. Because of this my father, Anandachandra

Datta, gave up his residence in Calcutta and made his residence in my

grandfather's village, which is situated in Orissa. Therefore he was not

present for my birth in the village of Birnagar. My father Anandachandra Datta

Mahasaya was very religious, straightforward, and detached from sensual

things. Regarding his beauty, many people used to say that in Calcutta there

was no one at that time who was as handsome.

 

8b. My mother was [called] Srimati Jaganmohini. She was possessed of

intellect, straightforwardness, and devotion to my father; it can be said that

there was no one like her. My grandfather was robbed of all his belongings, so

my father expressed a desire to go to Orissa. My grandfather said to him, "You

come and see first, then after some time you can come to Orissa with your

family."

 

8c. The village known as Choti Govindapur was situated on the bank of the

river Virupa within the district of Cuttack in the state of Orissa. In that

village my father and grandfather had their residence. His wealth was that

village and other villages close by. When Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh

Mahasaya died there was no heir except for my father. Therefore, all of the

property left by [Raya Jagannatha Prasada Ghosh] became the wealth of my

father. While the vast wealth of my grandfather was undisturbed there was no

desire on the part of my father and grandfather to secure it. Thus, after the

demise of Rai Jagannatha all of the property remained in the hands of his

Khanajat servants, of whom Ramahari Dasa was the chief. That servant took

possession of everything.

 

8d. At the time my grandfather and grandmother, who were destitute in

Calcutta, went to Chotimangalpur, but Ramahari Dasa, being disobedient, did

not give up control of the property. On account of that, my father had to go

there for almost three years until the end of the lawsuit. When my grandfather

and grandmother moved from Calcutta to Orissa my father and mother moved to

Ulagram taking Abhayakali, their first born, [with them]. During the time of

their residence in Ulagram my elder brother Kaliprasanna was born. After

remaining in Birnagar a few days my father went to Orissa and the request of

my grandfather. The servant Ramahari Dasa would not give up the property

unless my father was present.

 

9. Speaking [as above mentioned], my grandfather Rajavallabha requested my

father to leave Ulagrama and come to Orissa for some time. I was only a few

months in the womb when my father set out for Orissa. During the time he was

staying in Orissa, my father received news of my birth. After the litigation

was over we took possession of the property, therefore my father was delayed a

long time from returning from Orissa.

 

10. My mother said that after my birth, she suffered labour pains for two or

three days. When I was [being] born an astrologer sat marking the time with an

hourglass. Also an English account of the time was kept.

 

My maternal grandfather had incomparable wealth and a grand estate. There were

hundreds of male and female servants.

 

When I was born I was a good weight. I had an older brother named Abhayakali,

who had previously died. A second brother, Kaliprasanna, was still living. I

was my father's third son. It was said that of all my brothers I was a little

ugly. But my mother said, "Very well, let this boy be the servant of the rest,

just let him live a long time."

 

11. My mother said that when I was eight months old I got a boil on my thigh

and as a result I became weak and emaciated. I also heard that while I was

being carried in the arms of my nurse, Shibu, down a flight of stairs, I cut

my tongue on my teeth. To this day I have a scar [on my tongue]. This happened

around the time my teeth were coming in.

 

12. When I was almost two years old my father returned to Orissa. My nurse

said that a few days before my father returned I saw a crow flying [to a

perch] and sang a rhyme:

 

kak, kal kal, jhingera phool/ baba aseta, nade baso

 

[O crow, Kal Kal, flower of the Jhinga squash, father comes, sit aside.]

 

13. As I spoke the crow changed position. Some people nearby saw this and

said, "Oh, your father must certainly be coming soon." It so happened that in

a few days my father arrived at our home in Ula.

 

14. I cannot remember very much up to three or four years of age, so whatever

I write has been told to me. I have some recollection of going to a school run

by Karttika Sarkara when I was three years old. Even now it comes to mind,

that cane he used to show. The school was situated on a long veranda of my

maternal grandfather's pooja building. Many of the village boys used to attend

the school. Maheshbabu, my maternal cousin, Kailasa Datta the son in law of my

grandfather, Mahendra Vasu, Syamalal Mitra, etc. also used to attend. Karttika

Sarkara had a very forbidding nature and we were all very afraid of him. In

those days my mother's brother Girisha Babu died.

 

15. When I was growing up I was full with curiosity and tried to see

everything. In my grandfather's house all kinds of festive occasions were

celebrated. Jagaddhatri pooja was celebrated with much pomp. I can well

remember Jagaddhatri pooja being celebrated, during the night especially.

Hundreds of chandeliers would hang on the pooja house. Bachara would be

[observed?] outside the pooja house. There, lanterns would be wrapped around

all the pillars and columns. All the guards at the doors would be dressed in

sepoy uniforms. Numerous stout men dressed in golden embroidered clothes would

come from Ranaghat and Santipura. Many bodyguards and soldiers used to

accompany all these men. In terms of people [the scene] was like a forest of

people and in terms of lights it was like the battle of Kurukshetra. The scene

was filled with fireworks and rowdy pomp. On the first night there was kshemat

and bainat dancing. At that time people would be so overwhelmed with pleasure

they would lose all sight of the religious occasion. Late at night there would

be kabi gana [singing contests]. At dawn I used to listen, but the kavi wallas

used to scream so loudly that it would hurt my ears. The deity would be

dressed in the best outfits. The eating arrangements created the greatest

pleasure.

 

16. The Durga seva used to be very nice. Everyday in the temple the goddess

Jagattarini, who was very big and made of eight metals, was worshiped. At the

time of Durga pooja the goddess was brought into the pooja house. I can

remember that we used to have 25 or 30 brahmanas from west [bengal] come and

carry the goddess to the place of worship and perform the pooja. For three

days the pooja was celebrated with very great pomp. On the sixth day two types

of drums [tak and tol] would be beaten and the sound would shake the whole

pooja house. On the ninth day many goats and buffalo would be sacrificially

killed. On that very day the ladies of the house would worship the goddess

Durga by carrying incense on their heads in some manner. During the Kali pooja

we young boys would get together and go to the temple. The stone deity known

as Dindayamayi Kali was always present in the temple named Navachooda. On the

actual night of Kali pooja there would always be great fanfare. Everybody used

to enjoy this occasion, except the goats and buffalo. Most of the Brahmanas

and pandits used to come solely for the taste of mutton.

 

17. During the Dola Yatra festival there used to be singing and various kinds

of sport. So much red dye was thrown about that everything appeared to be red

or blood coloured. At this time even the guards took part in the festival.

They would enter the temple courtyard singing and throwing dye. Because of all

their commotion I would stay a little distance away from them. During the Dola

yatra I used to enjoy watching the festival bonfire known as Merapora.

 

18. My mother's brother Girisa Babu passed away and immediately after this

many inauspicious things happened to my maternal grandfather. Because of

excessive expenses mounting up and swindlers who came, my grandfather fell

into much debt. Gradually his land was lost and his mind became exceedingly

disturbed. Seeing that all his sons had died, in the hope of having a son

again, he married several times on the advice of some wicked persons. At that

age marriage is fruitless, but he could not appreciate such wisdom due to the

influence of the wicked persons. Because of this and the loss of his wealth he

soon experienced much difficulty.

 

19. When I was five years old, according to the rule, I was sent to school. By

then my former teacher, Karttika Sarkar, was no longer in charge. Yadu Sakara

and others had successively taken charge of the school. After some days my

younger brother Haridasa was also enrolled at school. We used to attend school

in the mornings and in the late afternoons. The teacher would come very early

every day. Many children used to read and write there along with us.

 

20. Amongst this group, those who were a little older used to act as agents of

the teacher and would harass the younger of us. If we came late to school

these older boys would apprehend us. The rule in that school was: whoever came

to school first got hit with the stick once, whoever came second got hit

twice, and whoever was third got hit three times and the number kept

increasing in this way.

 

21. There was one older boy who the teacher used to beat and in return he

would beat the rest of us. If for any reason you were absent from school you

would face a great scolding [be spat upon?] on your return. The routine was of

this sort: The youngest students used to write their ka kha ga's... [abc's] on

talpata with black coal. After a year they would write their numbers on banana

leaves and after that they made a copy on paper. All the older boys were

taught accounting, which was the work of the office of the Zamindar. From time

to time under the scrutiny of the teacher we would learn the deliberation of a

court. The youngest boys would lodge a complaint and their witnesses and

evidence would be deliberated [as] in a court.

 

22. In the end there would be the determination of punishment. All decisions

of the court had to have the permission of the teacher. There were different

kinds of punishment: twisting of ears, slapping, caning, naru gopala and

paying a fine; these methods were employed by our teacher. We saw our teacher

as the personification of Yama, and the older students used to act on behalf

of the teacher as if agents of Yama. Sometimes these older students would act

on their own and sometimes they would arrange a court on behalf of the

teacher. Some boys used to make false complaints and bring false witnesses to

court and other boys would administer punishment.

 

23. Therefore, as we could see no means to avoid the situation, we made an

effort to keep these older boys pacified. During a school holiday the older

boys once spoke to me, saying, "O Kedara, our teacher will have no food

tomorrow morning, so bring whatever nice food you can from your house." Thus,

the next day, from within our house I stole a little echonra [a ripened jack

fruit] by hiding it under my school books, and these older boys gave it to our

teacher. My teacher [was very pleased] and said, "This little boy will get

knowledge!" The jackfruit was grown at home, and [when] my nurse [found out

about the theft] she came and scolded [me?] and took the jackfruit back from

the house of our teacher. My mother was extremely angry, and when my teacher

heard about this he became frightened. He spoke to us and said that I should

only take things that would not be noticed. "Don't bring big things!" The

neighbours' children used to steal tobacco and give it to him, but in my

father's parlour the servants kept his tobacco under lock and key. I used to

steal soaked chickpeas and give them to my teacher [instead].

 

24. My brother Haridasa was very angry with this teacher. He could not

tolerate the boldness of the older boys, so one day he took a machete and

entered our teacher's house after he had eaten and lain down to sleep. At that

time I just happened to be present, so I threw the machete away and Haridasa

fled. Hearing all the talk our teacher woke up, handed in his resignation and

left home that very day. For that reason, after he left another person became

the teacher. In this fashion I studied under two or three teachers and

eventually began writing on paper.

 

25. Our method of study was as follows: we would begin in the morning by

standing and loudly reciting the multiplication tables, addition tables,

'ganda' tables, cowrie tables and sonakas. The older students would recite in

a loud chorus. First the older students would together say, "Four cowries make

one ganda." Then we in the younger students' group would immediately repeat

after them, "Four cowries make one ganda." The recitation would proceed in

this manner. When it was finished we would sit down and write it all out.

During writing time our teacher would often declare, "Say it, say it, then

write it." We would repeat a word in a loud voice and then write it. In the

[resulting] tumult no one could understand the voice of anyone else. After one

prahar [3 hours] there would be a rice eating break. We would enter [our home]

with rapid steps and have por bhat [a particular type of boiled rice] and then

return to the school within half an hour and again begin reading and writing.

At the end of the second prahar [at noon] the school would close. We would

return to school after half a prahar [1 1/2 hours]. By the time of evening

sandhya we would again recite the tables then the school would close for the

day.

 

26. Up to the end of my sixth year, whatever instruction I received was in

that school, and all that learning was in Bengali. I used to learn book

keeping. I would write out Sevak Sripath, but my handwriting was poor.

 

27. At that time an English school opened in my maternal grandfather's home. A

Frenchman named Dijor Baret from Chandananagar [also known as Pharsa Danga,

French Town] became the teacher there. My mother's brother's son, Mahesa Babu,

Kailasa Datta, Mahendra Babu, Rajakumara Ganguli and others used to study

there. At the end of the second prahar when my school was closed I would go to

that English school and study the English alphabet.

 

28. M. Dijor Baret talked to my father and suggested that I and my elder

brother Kaliprasanna be admitted to the English school. Seeing my slight

attempt to study English he became very fond of me. Even though this teacher

was a Frenchman he liked Bengali habits and would wear a dhoti and enjoy

eating khichari and other such dishes. Sometimes I used to stay with him. My

brothers would be very restless and simply go away. Sometimes I used to go

with my brothers but mostly I used to like to sit with that English teacher.

On the days when our teacher went to Pharsa Danga [his home] I would go with

my brothers after the time of the second prahar [afternoon] and play in the

gardens and at the Khiraki Pushkarani. Entering the water, we would net

Khalisa fish in a cloth. Wandering in the gardens, we would pick ripe mangoes

and eat them. Not far from the mango trees my grandfather had a circular

building.

 

29. We all would play under that building . My father used to keep a

collection of different kinds of caterpillars. He kept the Korabi, the Akanda,

the Kal Kasanda and many other kinds of caterpillars in a box. He raised them

by feeding them the respective types of leaves. Best of all was the

caterpillar which lived on the leaves of the Ishu Mul tree. When the

caterpillars had grown and become butterflies he would let them go. Sometimes,

in the afternoon, if I saw any of the different types of caterpillars I would

save them and give them to my father.

 

30. At that time there were many beehives in the garden. We used to break the

hives and eat the honey. Eating so much honey would make our bodies hot and my

mother would be able to understand [what we had done] and would punish us. I

was a little restrained, but my brothers would show no restraint whatsoever.

One day the honey bees stung us. My older brother Kaliprasanna was an innocent

fellow, but the bees stung him so much that he had a fever for several days.

 

31. Playing in the gardens, the ponds and the grain shed was not enough [for

my brothers, who were inclined to get into trouble]. Seeing this, I left their

association, and at midday I would sit close by the outer gatekeepers.

 

The gatekeepers were western soldiers. They would all eat rotis made from a

whole measure of atar wheat and a whole bati of urad dahl, after which they

would sit down and eat on cots on the ground by the front gate. Thereafter,

some of them would recite Tulsidas's Ramayana. Although the language was

unfamiliar [to me] it sounded very sweet. One day, being charmed by the

reading of one soldier named Srital Teoyari, I asked him to make the meaning

of what he was reading clear. He told the story of the cheating crow

[bhushanti Kaka]. That story seemed very sweet to me. In the evening I retold

this story to my mother and maidservant. [My mother was very pleased] and

showed her appreciation to Teoyari by giving me chewing tobacco to bring to

him. Out of affection for me, Teoyari would give me merotis, dahl and

khichari. I would eat them and become very happy.

 

32. From the first day [of my attendance at the English school] I would study

English with the teacher [in the morning] and in the afternoon I would again

stay near him. As evening arrived we would enter the bedrooms. There, Mr.

Ghosh's maid, my maid, who was named Shibu, and other 'wise' ladies would come

together and tell many kinds of stories. While taking rest I would listen, and

over and over again I would hear them relate stories of highway robbery,

romance, tigers etc.

 

33. Sometimes I used to wake up late at night and sit by the window. At the

fourth watch [3 A.M.] Officer Naph and Officer Sannasi would be carrying

lanterns in the courtyard and pathways around the estate and would shout out

the watch calls. Sometimes I used to call Officer Naph over [to the window]

and would question him about many things. Naph was very old but still used to

carry his lantern, stick, club and sword. Previously he was a prominent

dacoit. His residence was at my maternal grandfather's estate in the district

of Murshidabad. Fearing an attack at some time by dacoits my grandfather kept

many Dvarabans from the west, stick guards, Muslim guards, and sepoys. Even

though [he had all of these guards] my grandfather gave Officer Naph and two

of three other guards the task of protecting the inner grounds. Once, when

Naph was a dacoit, during a raid, he [accidentally] cut off the head of his

own guru, and since that time the sound of 'Haribol' always issued from his

lips. I used to call him over to my upper story window and ask him to tell me

stories from his childhood and youth. I was only 6 or 7 years old and could

not understand half of what he told me, but I used to like to hear these

tales.

 

34. My mother was the daughter of a very wealthy man and was not able to

tolerate much labour. The burden of our physical care was thus entrusted to

our maidservant, named Shibu, who looked after us as if we were her own

children. In the morning time she used to serve us a light breakfast and then

take us to school. [Later in the day] she would bring us rice to eat. At noon

she would find us wherever we were and supervise us while we took milk. In the

evening she would take us home and put us to rest and lay down herself with

us. She would give up her own happiness for our happiness. Even if her own

daughter wanted to take her home, she would be reluctant to leave us.

 

35. I used to like to watch the doctors make different medicines. In the outer

area [nat mandir] of the temple of the goddess Dindayamayi the doctors made

various kinds of oil based preparations known as chandana, gurachya,

mahavishnu etc. There were two doctors named Isvara and Umacharan from the

village of Raghunathapur who were paid by my grandfather [to make medicines

and care for our family]. They performed the difficult task of burning gold

and oxidising iron and other metals [to make medicines]. I used to watch them

make preparations out of rabbit oil and 'sivaghrita' [a kind of ghee] etc.

They made loha jvar by breaking precious stones and mixing them with iron.

Their students would also make different kinds of medicines and study many

books as well.

 

In the hallways of the temple of Dinadaya Mayi there dwelt [a person] named

Vidya Vachaspati who ran a school there. He would recite many different hymns.

He would cook rice and a preparation of chickpeas, offer it to Kali and then

eat it. Vachaspati Mahasaya had many students. They would study grammar,

vocabulary, and Bhatti [bhartrihari?]. I used to hear their discussions on

verses like "raveh kaveh kim" etc. Occasionally in the afternoons I would go

to this temple and observe all these things.

 

36. During the afternoon we would go about playing in different ways within

and around the house. Before I was born my older maternal uncle Karttichandra

Mushtophi had died. He had had two wives. One was known as Ranga Mami and the

other as Bari Mami. Ranga Mami was crazy. Bari Mami used to like me very much.

When I went to her room she would give me nice things to eat and tell me many

stories. Throughout my childhood I had a lot of [dental] cavities. Sometimes I

used to cry all day on that account. Bari Mami used to tell me that common

people thought cavities were caused by insects, but there was no such thing as

insects in one's teeth. Cavities were the result of a disease within the teeth

caused by eating sweet and sour things. It was untrue that 'vedinar' gypsy

women could drive out these insects.

 

Occasionally in the late afternoon I would sit in my father's parlour and I

would tell stories with him. At sandhya prayer time it was snack time and he

would give me a piece of sandesa to eat. Most of the time I would stay with my

older brother Kali. My younger brother was known to be naughty and I would

stay away from him. [My younger brother] Gauridas was a very beautiful boy,

but because he was so small he could not stay with us.

 

37. At the time of the birth festival of the goddess Ulachandi all [the

people] of Ula would enjoy themselves. There were many banyan trees [in Ula].

There was a particular stone covered with red powder and raised up on an

elevated altar that was known as 'Ulachandi' [the 'Doorga of Ula']. On the

full moon night of the month of Vaisakha Ulachandi pooja was celebrated with

great fanfare. On that occasion two public poojas were celebrated in two

neighbourhoods. One pooja was called Mahishamaddina pooja and the other in the

southern neighbourhood was known as Brihat Durga pooja. During the Ulachandi

worship people used to come to Ula from near and far and stay with their

relatives for three days. The roads were filled with moving crowds. In each

neighbourhood two bazars were set up and various entertainments would take

place.

 

The buffalo-elephant fights were the most entertaining. Numerous elephants

were brought there from many places. The Mukhopadhyayas had a particularly

huge buffalo and the horns of this buffalo would be covered in iron. One

immense elephant would also have his tusks covered with iron. First there

would be an announcement that the buffalo and the elephant would be set free

in the middle of the town. Sometimes this buffalo, being very strong, would

wound the elephants. Sometimes the elephants used to overcome the buffalo. We

would be on the second floor roofs to watch it all. On certain days we would

ride atop our elephant named Shibchandra, who would carry us to various places

for entertainment [during the festivities].

 

38. In those days there was no suffering at all in Ula. There were fourteen

hundred good brahmana families, and there were many Kayastha and Vaidya

families too. The Mushtophi Mahasaya family was the most wealthy. No one in

that village went without food. One could get on with very little in those

days. Everybody was very happy, people used to sing, make music, and tell nice

stories. You could not count how many jolly [fat] bellied brahmanas there

were. Almost everybody had a good wit, could speak sweetly and was skilled in

making judgements. Everyone was skilled in the fine arts, song and music.

Groups of people could be heard all the time making music and singing, playing

dice and chess. That village was a very happy place. If anybody was in need

they could go to the home of Mushtophi Mahasaya and get whatever they required

without any difficulty. Medicine oil and ghee were aplenty. The village was so

large that at that time it took fifty six men to maintain it. The good people

in Ulagram did not know the need of finding work in order to eat. What a happy

time it was!

 

39. At that time I never saw any of the villages [beyond Ula.] It is not

possible to compare the excellence of Ula. Not a single day went by without

some festival being observed.

 

40. I lived in this way until I was about seven years of age. My older brother

Kaliprasanna was nines years of age. My brother Hari was four years old.

Around this time a college opened in Krishnanagar. The king of Krishnanagar,

Srish Chandra, wrote a letter to my grandfather requesting that he send the

children to the college. Whatever deliberations occurred I did not know, but

we heard that my maternal cousin Mahesa Babu, my older brother Kali, myself,

along with Kailas Datta, Mahendra Vasu and Yadunath Chandra, would all go to

that college. From my point of view I felt extreme anxiety, and I was unable

to exist at night without my nursemaid. My mother made the decision that our

nursemaid would also accompany us to Krishnanagar.

 

41. We lived in a two story house in the midst of the bazar in Krishnanagar.

Our sleeping quarters were upstairs and we cooked on the lower floor. The

bazar and the street were at the front [of the house]. Above the stairs was a

statue of Ganesha. There was a storage room for cooking oil downstairs, more

specifically, to the side of the kitchen rooms. The door was kept closed, but

seeds used to fall through the cracks in the door and we would fry them and

eat them. [Our main diet would be] rice and dahl. The cooking was done by a

brahmana, but his cooking was not good. From time to time our nursemaid would

bring us a light lunch which we would eat. Sitting on the stairs, we could see

into the room of the oilpress man. He was very old and would sit on a low

seat. Because he was going to die soon he would have the Mahabharata read. A

seat was arranged for the reader in his courtyard by means of an auspicious

tent [a canopy]. From his raised platform a speaker would read the Bharata. A

garland would be placed over the head of the speaker, who would from time to

time make his recitation and sing a particular song. I very much liked to hear

the Mahabharata and the stories about Bheema would especially attract my mind.

 

42. On certain days the speaker would get a lot of things to eat, and on those

days he would be most eloquent. On those days when he received nothing his

heart would be very depressed.

 

Every Saturday we would return to our house in Ula. Hired bearers would carry

us on a palanquin with great haste. We would be very happy on that day. Mahesa

Babu, Kali Dada, and myself would go together on one palanquin. Soon we would

reach our home and after seeing the feet of my mother we would feel great joy.

On Sundays there would be no end to the stories [we heard]. Very early on

Monday we would go to the residence of Goyara and after eating we would return

to the college.

 

43. [in Krishnanagar] the college was held in the official residence of the

local magistrate. The college had a playing field and many trees and shrubs,

though these days the place has become something of a jungle. In front of the

college was the main road. Across the road was the local police station and

the heavenly residence of a barrister, the honourable Manmohan Ghosh. At the

present time the chief post office is situated on a portion of that land.

 

In that residence [where we went to college] we studied [at first] while

sitting on mats. After some time chairs, tables and benches arrived. An

Englishman, Captain Richardson, was the college principal, and Ramatanu Lahiri

was the main native [bengali] teacher. Mahesa Dada and Kailash Babu studied in

the second year class, while Kali Dada and I studied together in a lower

class. The king's son, Bahadur Satish Chandra, studied along with us. A few

days [after our arrival] the son of the king of Kuch Behar arrived. Gadadhara,

Dina Dayal, and others used to teach us. Master Gadadhara had a swollen neck

and a cruel nature. He used to hit us with a broken piece of slate board.

 

44. Everyone said that I liked to study English. With some effort and practice

I gained prestige in [my] class, and thus my teachers were kind to me. That

year I passed an examination and got a class promotion and an award. Neither

Mahesa Dada, Kali Dada or any other of our group received any award or

promotion. In Ula an announcement was made that I was the best of the boys. By

[the next] Sunday, at our home in Ula, my fame was broadcast all over. My

[maternal] grandfather showed me a lot of affection and made me sit near him

and take prasada. My father also showed me special affection.

 

45. My mother, Bari Mami, and others discussed the news about me everywhere.

At this time my [former] teacher, Dijor Baret, came [to visit]. He praised me

a good deal, but my father stopped him from praising me in my presence.

Hearing all this praise my pride became much inflated. In my mind [the

importance of] my reading and writing very soon amounted to nothing.

 

46. [As a consequence] I was no longer good in class. Again the teachers gave

me trouble. Using this as an excuse, Mahesa Dada and others who had been

envious of me gave me a very hard time. When I had been proficient in class

everyone became very envious of me, but now their anger came out into the

open. I could no longer memorize my lessons, and torment came from all sides.

 

47. I would start out to school on the palanquin but would not go to class.

Instead I would stay in the woods until after school, then return home on the

palanquin. Some days, on the pretext of being ill, I would stay at home. One

[of our] servants, [called] Keshi, could understand my suffering and would

take my side. At that time our nanny was no longer in Krishnanagar, for as

soon as it was seen that we were able to live nicely in Krishnanagar she was

kept back in Ula.

 

48. One day Deoyan Govinda Adach came to our house and cooked mutton. Late

that night, after eating the mutton, my brother Kali Dada became ill with

cholera. A doctor, Kali Lahiri, said that his affliction was very serious. We

all decided that Kali and I should leave at dawn and return to Ula, so we two

brothers set out on a palanquin. Kali Dada was sinking gradually into the

illness.

 

49. While crossing the river Anjana I made a lot of effort to pacify his mind.

By eight o'clock in the next morning the palanquin arrived at Ula. An hour

later Kali Dada gave up his life. The women in the house gave up a cry and I

knew that a disaster had occurred. On that day my uncle had arranged to feed

brahmanas at the house. The feast was being hosted by the Kayastha community,

but now the whole affair had to be called off.

 

50. After two or three days I learned that I would not be returning to

Krishnanagar. My laxity in attending school was pleasant news from my parents'

point of view, so I gave up reading and writing and stayed in Ula. At that

time there was no longer a school in my grandfather's house.

 

51. At the time I was eight years of age, and this condition [of no schooling]

lasted for about three or four months. During this time I forgot all the

English [i had learnt]. Soon, however, a few respected gentlemen had a meeting

and established an English school in Ula. There was a small parlour room known

as a 'tutabari' which adjoined my uncle's old house, and this is where the

English school was [established]. Babu Hemachandra Bandyopadhyaya, who was a

resident of Halisahar, came and acted as headmaster, and Raghava Bhattacharya,

who was a resident of Ula, was a pandit [there]. I was [duly] admitted to the

school. Bhagavan Vasu was the school's secretary. It was his idea that in the

winter school should begin very early at dawn and that at other times of the

year it could begin later in the day.

 

52. I made some effort and again began learning my A,B,Cs, and my previous

learning quickly returned. On account of this, everyone considered me a good

boy. I thus gained a good reputation and my honourable teacher showed me a

great deal of affection. The scented tuber rose used to bloom at this

'parlour' school, and I liked its fragrance [very much]. Cricket was often

played at the school. One day the bat struck me on the brow, causing blood to

flow, and since that occurrence I stopped playing cricket. I had many friends

at that school. I excelled in reading and reciting up to the third level.

 

53. At this time I learned maths and Bengali in the school at the old house.

That old house was under joint authority and the honourable Mushtophi [my

grandfather] had about 20 or 22 living apartments there. Just inside the

[main] door way was a drum room. At the front was the 'bodhana tala' and the

'dola mandap' and a storage room. Entering the front door, just to one's left

was the pooja room. The thatched room for the worship of the goddess Chandi

was very beautiful. In front of that was a courtyard and to the side was a

homa area. Facing the front and left of the Chandi Mandap were twin gabled

bungalows.

 

54. Within the Deity, Krishna Chandra Raya, was gracefully present. The inner

section of the house comprised a four sided courtyard, [surrounding which]

there were many 'antar batis' [purdah areas]. The outer portion of that

[quadrangle] was a drawing room for the grihapati [the master of the house].

My maternal grandfather's father had his residence in that house. Giving up

the old house he moved into a new dwelling. Even so, my uncles had equal

ownership of the common parts of the house. The teacher used to teach in the

corridor area near the Deity, Krishna Chandra Raya, and I studied mathematics

and other subjects there for a short time.

 

55. Within a short time the honourable Shyamlal Pran Mushtophi established a

school there. Syamlal Pran Mushtophi lived in the southern part of my

grandfather's house. My grandfather owned one quarter of that house. Therefore

I studied with my teacher in the house of my own maternal uncle. Even though

portions of the house were owned separately by different relatives one might

say that the house was under one ownership. That dwelling was divided into

four shares. My grandfather owned one share. Syamlal Pran had one share.

Harisha Babu had one share. And Mej Thakurani [my second aunt] had one share.

 

56. At that time, Syamlal Pran was a civil court officer [a 'munaseph'] for

Hatbar. Later on he became a magistrate [amin] at Krishnanagar. Harish Babu

[who had a share of the old house] had no children. [He had?] two nephews,

[called] Dashu Mama and Satakari Mama. They were Rudras from Vamsabad. Their

mother was Gangamani Didi, who was known to be very fond of joking. She would

also check your pulse and prescribe medicine in that way. Syamlal Babu had two

sons, Sayaram Mama and Devendra Mama. Kailas Datta was their private tutor.

 

57. The teacher at the school of Syamlal Babu was expert at playing chess.

That teacher, [who came] from Burdwan, was very strict about one's doing

better. He was very expert in the mathematics of Subhankari, and he put a lot

of effort into me and gave us [much] instruction.

 

58. At this age I was very independent, and I used to go everywhere with

friends my own age. Mahesh Dada went to Calcutta to the house of his maternal

uncle [Kasi Prasada?].

 

In the house in Ula there was gradually less activity, for my grandfather was

becoming encumbered with debt. Somehow he maintained his status despite [his

debts]. But our elephant Sibchandra died, the horse went, the horse carriage

went, and nothing remained but the goat cart.

 

59. Now the Jagaddhatri pooja and and Durga festival were celebrated by taking

out loans. Even so, 30 to 35 western guards were employed, and many

respectable gentlemen would come and sit in my father's parlour. Girish

Mukhopadhyaya, Ramesh Raya, Nabin Bhaduri and other good friends would come

and sit. They would sing different songs. Mohan Datta, who was a drunkard,

would come during the day and begin to sing a lot. When there was recitation

of the Mahabharata, Ramayana etc. at the old house I would go to hear. I used

to like to hear about Hanuman crossing the ocean to Lanka and about the

demoness Simhika. The honourable reader would speak along with the specific

gestures and in my mind a great love would arise. I would make a regular habit

of going to hear the reading after school. By hearing over and over again the

reading of stories from the scriptures, we learned many things. At this time

my younger brothers Haridas and Gauridas successively died. There was much

grief in the mind of my mother, and my father fell into deep suffering.

 

61. Thereafter, there was only my sister, Hemlata, and myself. Our nanny would

go around holding Hemlata on her hip and me by the hand. Because of [the death

of my brothers] my mother was afraid none of her children would survive. [in

order to protect us] she put many talismans about our necks.

 

I would travel about the neighbourhood with my nanny, and going to school at

the old house would see chess and cards being played in the courtyard's alley

crossing. When one went from our house to the old house the Mitras' house was

on the left.

 

62. There lived our Choti Didi [youngest aunt] and I would frequently go

there. We had amusing talks outside that house. Parasuram Mama and others

would play there and I would observe their play while going to school. [At

school] under the direction of my teacher, I would read and write.

 

63. In whichever house a festival was being held I would go there and watch.

Many poojas were performed in the house of a certain brahmachari [who resided

in Ula]. There was a nice mandir outside his house and inside there was a

garden and homa area. The worship of the brahmachari was performed according

to the doctrine of tantra. Cups made from skulls were kept hidden away in a

small room [in his house]. Some people said that if you gave Ganges water and

milk to a skull it would smile. I tried to see this by giving water and milk

to a skull but saw nothing. In that same place was the home of a learned man

and I would go there to hear songs.

 

64. During the Durga festival there would be much eating and celebration at

the homes of brahmanas. Sometimes, in the hope of getting some nice prasada, I

would accept an invitation to eat. In some homes I would get good dahl along

with vegetable curry and rice. In other homes I would get khichari and dahl

cooked with jackfruit and other things. One could get the best curry at the

house of Visvanatha Mukhopadhyaya. At every house you could get goat curry.

All of the non brahmana residents of Ula would go to the homes of the

brahmanas for three days and get prasadam. No one would eat at his own house.

During the Durga festival giving food and eating were the highlight and not so

much music and song. In other festivals specific arrangements for song and

music were observed.

 

65. To the extent the Mushtophi family declined to that extent the families of

Ramanadas Babu and Sambhanath Mukhopadhyaya increased in prestige. In their

homes, during the Jagaddhatri pooja, [their] affluence was exhibited with

dance and song. They had horses and elephants, and at their gates they kept

increasing numbers of western guards. As a man increases his material

possessions he shows off his increase. At night we would go to their houses to

hear the loud celebration of song. In the houses of Deoyan Mukhopadhyaya and

Krishna Mukhopadhyaya Babu I saw that there was very little fanfare.

 

66. In that village joy was full and thus everyone had a happy face and was

free of worry. Everyone was expert at buffoonery, therefore many people got a

name for being crazy. Many respectable people were known by names such as Ishe

Pagal [ishe 'Madman'], Ganga Pagal, Pesha Pagal, Sambha Pagal and so on. They

would go around [both] local and distant places and collect money by tricky

means for the public poojas.

 

67. At nine year of age I went to Jagat Bhattacarya in order to study

astrology. Kailash Datta also was making an effort to practise this art. I

kept notes. Whatever Bhattacarya taught us we wrote down and memorised and

tried to understand.

 

68. The condition of my grandfather gradually declined. My father reflected

over and over again that his paternal inheritance was lost and that his

inheritance from my maternal grandfather was insignificant. [He thought,]

"What will become of my child?" The [financial] situation of my father in

law's household was also miserable. Therefore, he thought, "I should setup my

own house in some other place." Thinking in this way, he would from time to

time travel to Calcutta.

 

69. Thereafter, my paternal grandfather's residence was mortgaged. Chatu Babu

from Simla respected my paternal grandfather and considered him an older

brother, thus, after he had made many arrangements my grandfather received

some property from him. Chatu Babu had the task of bringing him [my paternal

grandfather] to Calcutta, so he personally went to see him at Mangalpur, which

is on the road to Purushottama [Puri]. My paternal grandfather, Rajaballabha

Datta, had a very firm resolve. He was not willing to come to Calcutta nor

move any of his possessions to Calcutta. Consequently, not being able to do

anything about it, Chatu Babu returned to Calcutta, sending the news to my

father at our home.

 

My father then decided not to accept the property [from Chatu Babu] without

the permission of my grandfather [his father]. To build a good house in

Calcutta or to buy one was very costly, therefore, considering that it would

be very difficult to maintain their previous prestige with little money, my

father went in a boat with Dijor Baret [the teacher] to Pharasadanga to see a

house, and then he returned. While returning my father met David Farland, a

Satvadhikari [deputy financial officer?], who was dependent on my maternal

grandfather, at Mollahati Kuti. Farland Saheb agreed to let my father have

managerial responsibility of some property. My father thought that he would

return to my mother in Ula and then acquire some money and buy a house in

Pharsadanga and work with Farland Saheb. But a man's thoughts alone produce no

result, only what God desires can endure.

 

71. While this was transpiring, my father's grandfather's property, which was

named Ramaparain and was in the district of Murashidabad, had not had its

taxes paid and thus came up for sale. Hearing of this, my father sent

Umacharan Vishvas there [to settle the matter] with 1500 Rupees obtained from

my mother. The man arrived there just as the sale was going on. The money was

therefore not used in that connection. On the death of my father's step

mother, Rani Radharani, my father gained control of six rent free villages.

Umacharan Vishvas learned of this, but while he was returning to Ula my father

died.

 

72. Two of three days after returning from Mollahati Kuti to Ula my father

came down with a fever. By that time my grandfather's family had broken up and

my father was the only [surviving] son. Umacharan Kaviraj made medicine [for

my father]. My grandfather [also] gave him medicine made of eighteen

ingredients, but gradually the disease worsened. After eight days there was a

change for the worse. Many people came to see [him]. Many kinds of medicines

were administered.

 

73. Nothing worked. Finally my father was brought from the inner bedroom and

sat on a chair in the Simri room [room with stairs?] of the Pooja Bati. Haru

Mama, Parasuram Mama, Mahendra Mama and many others began to arrive. At that

time it was four dandas. At dusk, at the time of [his] coming downstairs, my

father's mother was brought from the rented house of Girish Mitra. She was

crying and crying and falling down saying, "Where will Babu go?" The entire

house was filled with crying. My father stayed in the outer building. I stayed

with my father all the time. Late at night I fell asleep. My father was

brought to the bank of the Ganges at Santipur [while I slept].

 

74. I forgot to relate one matter. A year and a half before this event my

father's mother came from Orissa and lived at my uncles' house in Sreepur.

From there she [went to] stay at the house of Nabal for a few months.

Thereafter, she stayed in Ula at a house that Girish Mitra rented [for her]. I

used to go with my mother and see her at Nabal's in Sreepur. When she was with

Girish Mitra I would go and see her daily. Not wanting to be very far from my

father she came from Orissa, where my paternal grandfather lived, and stayed

in her native Bengal. Yoga Pisi [my aunt] came and stayed with her when she

lived in Ula at Girish Mitra's house.

 

75. When I rose at dawn I could not see father. There was no one around. At

that time Lalu Chakravarti and Paramesvara Mahanti had come from Orissa, and

they had carried my father to the bank of the Ganges. Seeing everybody crying,

I also began to cry. My honourable mother, being in anxiety, was crying, and

many people were trying to console her. By the second prahara everybody

returned. Loud sounds of crying filled the house. My honorable grandfather

closed the door.

 

76. Even while father was living I began to become a little thoughtful. "What

is this world? Who are we?" These two questions were in my mind when I was ten

years old. On some days I thought I had the answers, on other days I had none.

One day, in the evening, as the moon was rising, while I was wandering about

on the roof of my father's parlour, I noticed that the moon was moving with

me. I thought this must be the same moon that we saw in Krishnanagar, and that

this small circular thing exists everywhere in the same fashion. I previously

thought that in different places there was a different moon. But now, seeing

the moon move, I concluded that it was the same moon everywhere. Some of the

women used to say that the moon and the sun gods were two brothers, and would

accept invitations to dinner. Their mother would say, "Bring some excellent

food." The moon brought sandesa on the tip of his finger, but the sun brought

nothing at all. Therefore, their mother gave an immortal benediction to the

moon and she pronounced the curse on the sun, saying, "You will dry up the

urine and stool of the world."

 

77. After a short time I came to know that these stories of the women were

complete nonsense. I would read the Ramayana, Mahabharata, Kali Purana, Annada

Mangala etc. from Bengali manuscripts and learned much lore in this way. I

would discuss these edifying subjects with whomever I met who was a little

learned. Haladhara Misra would worship Durga, Kali and Siva etc. I thought

that Haladhara spoke to the gods. One day I asked him about this matter and he

said that sometimes he did talk to them. I believed him and enquired of him,

saying, "Very well, Mr. Misra; Vachaspati Mahasaya stays day and night in the

deity house. Is there talk between him and the Deity?" He said, "There is." I

asked Vachaspati Misra about this conversation. He said that Haladhara Misra

was lying, and that there is no talk between man and the gods in Kali yuga.

 

78. Vachaspati Mahasaya was fat and learned and I had no faith in Haladhara

Misra. Some days at noon during the second prahara, when no one was around, I

would talk to the moortis at different Siva temples that were open. There

would be an echo only. I thought that perhaps Siva was teasing me. I would

touch Him and then run away. I reasoned that if Siva was real then he would

catch hold of me, give me some pain or harass me [in some way]. Siva did

nothing and I understood that [the moorti of] Siva had no substance within.

 

79. One day I went to eat gamarul fruit in the garden near my grandfather's

parlour. I heard that a ghost lived in the fruit tree and on that day I ran

away in fear of the ghost. Another day I thought that if some remedy could be

effected then I could go and eat the fruit without fear of the ghost. In the

hot weather the gamarul fruit is very tasty. I made inquiries of many people

about how to deal with ghosts, and no one said there was no such thing as

ghosts. Being very disturbed, I asked Vachaspati Mahasaya, who said that

ghosts were a particular form of living being. Their form is of the wind and

their eyes are like the Kuncha fruit [very small and red]. Hearing the words

of Vachaspati Mahasaya I became even more afraid of ghosts. But where there is

no gamarul, there is no eating. The mother of Chiba was very expert in the

occult. She was an exorcist for some people and she oversaw the storage room

of my grandfather.

 

80. Upon questioning her she informed me that there is no fear of ghosts while

one chants the name of Rama. She called for Jayakali, and a servant appeared

who said the same thing. By way of experiment I went to the site of the

Gamarul tree calling the name of Rama over and over again, and I saw no

evidence of a ghost in any fashion. Knocking down some fruit, I ate two

quarters. I understood that the name of Rama was protection against the ghost.

At dusk I would always utter Rama Nama. When walking about in the streets and

alleys I always chanted Rama Nama. I obtained great satisfaction in my mind

and for many days after I took this medicine against the ghost. I heard that a

ghost lived in the homa building. Uttering the name of Rama I chased the ghost

away from the pooja building. Now I would [not be afraid] to go outside at

dusk.

 

81. There was an old carpenter who made backdrops for the goddess Jagaddhatri.

I would go to him and ask him about many things. He would give answers to all

my questions. One time I asked him, "When does the goddess enter the statue?"

He said that on the day when the eyes are made the goddess resides in the

statue. So on that day I eagerly went to see the goddess come but I did not

see her take up residence in the statue. I said [to the carpenter] that Goloka

Pal made the statue first with straw then with clay. Thereafter one uses chalk

and dye. At no time did the goddess actually come. Then the old carpenter said

that the goddess appears in the statue when the brahmanas chant the mantras. I

tried to see [her come] at this time but saw nothing. Returning to the house

of the old wise carpenter I asked him about all this. He said, "I have no

faith in the worship of statues. I think that these brahmanas are cheating.

They are acquiring money by means of social custom."

 

82. I had special regard for the words of this old sculptor. I asked him to

tell me about Paramesvara and he said, "Let anyone say whatever [he may], I

have confidence in no one but Paramesvara. The gods and goddesses are

imaginary. Everyday I worship the Paramesvara." I had faith in the words of

this old man.

 

83. I became even more inquisitive. There was a guard, Golama Khan, who would

watch the door of the Koshadhan [the room where the valuables are kept]. I

inquired of him and he said that God's name was Khoda. He was One and there

was none other. Khoda took some stool [mala] from his own body and shaped it

into a 'ruti' and tossed it into the water of the seas. The upper portion [of

that ruti] became the sky, the lower portion became the earth. In this form

the world was created and in the creation of Adam and Eve man was created. We

are all the descendants of Adam. Hearing all these stories, I asked, "Please

tell who Rama was." He said that Rama and Rahim were one, and He is Khoda. I

then received confirmation on the mantra for [repelling] ghosts. Golam Khan

spoke about ghosts and said that all ghosts were sons of Satan. They fear the

name of Rahim. My thoughts on the truth [of the matter of the Holy Name of

Rama] were satisfied.

 

84. I was meditating a good deal [on the cause of the world etc.]. At one time

I thought that this world was false and that Isvara alone was real. And I

appeared to be Isvara. Like a man dreaming in his sleep I [only] imagined that

I was suffering. When the sleep broke I laughed at this understanding of

Isvara. Then I thought that I alone was the creator. I would frequently forget

my position and then would fall into this suffering condition. Then I thought

that I was Isvara and this was my leela. By the force of this leela all

mistakes and forgetfulness would take form.

 

85. At the old house lived the father of uncle Parasurama, Akhil Mushtophi. In

the morning he would arise come and take a seat and read Vedanta. Thereafter,

unfastening his kacha [the back part of the dhoti] he would recite the Kalma

[a Muslim prayer]. After that he would kneel down and worship Isvara [as a

Christian]. He did not believe in the clay gods at all. Many people would say

that he was very wise and others would say that he was less than a Christian.

Once I went to him and asked him questions. He said the Isvara alone was

Purusha. The Vedas know him as Brahman, in the Koran he is Allah and in the

Bible he is God. I believed him. He warned me not to go to Parasurama, who was

an atheist.

 

86. His son, Parasurama Mushtophi, studied law. In the beginning he had a

little faith in Isvara. Later on he refuted the idea of Isvara. While he

believed in Isvara he had two disciples, Raghu Mama and Nasu Mama. After he

gave up his faith in Isvara, Raghu Mama and Nasu Mama accepted Ramamohan Raya

as guru. I was greatly confused. I was innocent and had many questions. Seeing

all this difference of opinion my mind was not happy. Parasurama Mama said to

me, "O baba, everything comes from Nature. And that is Isvara. There is

nothing separate from Nature." Hearing all this talk I went to the schools of

the Bhattacharyas to ask them but what they said just confused me even more.

Because all the conclusions were uncertain, I never gave up the name of Rama

which warded off the fear of ghosts.

 

87. I was eleven years old when my father passed away. I was independent then.

But what would become of me? I was struck by this thought. I could see [only]

darkness in all directions. I had no blood relations who would look after my

welfare. At school I merely studied whatever [they instructed me]. You

[Lalita] know what the limits of reading and writing are in a village school.

At this time Master Hemacandra Bandyopadhyaya left Ula and Ramachandra Dasa,

the pride of the Kaivartta caste, became the headmaster of the school. I

studied with care, but there was no one to help me study so my learning

progressed very little. Somehow I did reasonably well in literature. I studied

the fifth reader, grammar and geography.

 

88. Only in maths did I do exceedingly poorly. Kanti Bhattacharya and Lal

Gopal Ghosh were good students compared to me. Even so the teacher showed a

lot of affection to me. But I was helpless and gradually I was sinking lower.

I was not able to say why, but I was becoming very listless and from then on

was not able to go here or there [as I had previously done]. In fear of going

to school, I would secretly take caster oil in order to make my stomach upset.

Again and again my old fever would come back. In brief the only [good] thing I

can say about this time was that I did not fall into any bad association. I

thought about many things and tried to put my thoughts into poetry. At this

time I wrote the Ulachandi Mahatmya. That book can not be found now.

 

89. After the death of my father, my grandfather, being very aggrieved in

mind, went and lived in Bhavanipur. Having closed and bolted the door to the

outer pooja building he opened a passageway for going between the outer

building and the former building. I stayed in the parlour of Dasu Mama, and my

grandfather cleaned out the chamber [mahalati] room of the family deities.

Hanuman Sinha, Baladeb Sinha, Suba Sinha and Sital Teoyari Daraoyan stayed

there.

 

90. Mother thought that my further advancement would be difficult. She felt

that her husband and all her sons had gone. No property [wealth] had been

acquired from the home of [her?] father-in-law. Grandfather gave her the house

at Nabala and gave in writing a share on income from Dihi Dukhada that was

lost by the trickery of scheming persons. Except for some property at

Chotimangalpur she had no wealth. The two gentlemen, Yaduchandra and Umacharan

Visvas, made some effort to assist in the matter, but in the end they were not

able to help.

 

91. Then I was the only son and Hemalata, a seven year old girl, was the only

daughter. My nursemaid was thinking many things but was not able to ascertain

any solution [to our plight]. Everyone in the house [i.e. the servants] was

considering whether this boy [me] would live. They said to her, "One after

another so many of the other children who were like Karttika [strong and

handsome] have died, so what hope can there be for this ugly boy [me] to

continue to live? Therefore, if you say that your wealth is in this boy you

will not survive." Hearing these talks, my mother sold me for 9 cowrie and my

sister Hemalata for 5 cowrie to Dhatri Mata. After a few months my mother

heard that my aunt Mej undertook a marriage for my cousin Mahesh Dada.

 

92. Then she thought, "A marriage for my son will bring a better future."

Having said this, marriage negotiations began. Some negotiations were

[already?] underway. [Mahesh] Dada spoke to my grandfather [along with?]

Krishnamati, the brahmani daughter of Krishna Mukhopadhyaya who always came to

our house. At this time Jagat Bhattacharya Mahasaya would assist our family in

many ways. He shopped for us. On Ekadasi days the brahmana would prepare a

special vegetarian meal for us.

 

93. Mother sent Krishnamati to Ranaghat to see the girl [in question]. The

girl's name was Sayamani and she was the five year old daughter of the first

wife of Sriyukta Madhusudana Mitra. She was the granddaughter of Simhadiga of

Khismar. Mitra Mahasaya was very capable. He was the financial officer of the

Palacothur family and he came to see me riding on a elephant and then left.

After seeing the girl, Krishnamati came and spoke to mother saying, "Oh, your

future daughter-in-law is so beautiful. Even though she is a little dark in

colour I do not see a better beauty." It was the opinion of Krishnamati that

there was nothing in this girl that a man would find objectionable. Having

expressed this opinion to mother she would not consider any other girls. Lala

Gopal said that the colour of this girl was [dark] like a hookah. Mother said,

"Her forehead is auspicious, that is her beauty, what does [a dark] colour

matter?"

 

The marriage was decided. Dasu Mama acted as the head of the family. Nanda

Kumar began to make the jewelry. Stealing a large amount of gold from mother,

he made different kinds of ornaments [for the girl] enough to cover her entire

body. Dasu Mama gave the approval for everything. The expense was great.

 

94. There was a pleasure boat, a wedding palanquin, decorations, lights,

English music etc. The marriage was between a twelve year old boy and a five

year old girl and was exactly like a child's doll marriage. Drinking Ganges

water and milk I arrived at the house of my father-in-law with a great,

pompous crowd. The reception was very big. Many gentlemen of the Teli [oil]

caste dressed in bright and varied clothes and wearing jari outfits came to

the reception. Even though I was of such a tender age, I was ab

[raga]

201. Now money was in short supply and thus I kept my family at the house of

Kali Kaka in Calcutta. I stayed in one small residence, which, after several

days, Chandra Babu and I shared. Later I crossed the river Banka and rented a

house in the village of Bhacchala and I brought my mother and wife there. With

great difficulty I managed to survived. Hoag Saheb allowed me to become a

Money Order Agent, so I began to get a little more money. During the time that

I was a Collectorate Office clerk I wrote the poem 'Bijangram' and

subsequently the poem 'Sannyasi'.

 

During that period I had some thoughts on religion and put them into verse.

Thereafter, I presented them to the Vaishnava society in Bhacchala and that

poem, 'Sannyasi', was printed. At that time I also wrote a small English work

entitled 'Our Wants'. Chandra Babu was in the Brahmo Samaj. My old friend

Keshab Sen also came to see the Samaj. Reverend Lalbihari De used to criticise

Keshab Sen at that time, saying that he stole from the Bible [?]. At this time

I had several philosophy students. They became members of the Brahmo Samaj

because of Chandra Babu.

 

203. Therefore they said to me, "You resolve the two views." One day, pointing

out the mutual relationship between Brahmo philosophy and Christian

philosophy, I proposed a meeting between the members of both groups, but both

sides became extremely angry with me. Padre Stern made one or two hostile

speeches about me. I made one or two speeches in reply. I established the

Bhratri Samaj. Chandra Babu and other Brahmo men were not pleased about this.

Their group split and some of them began to come to my society.

 

204. Because of the enemy's increase great apprehension arose [in my party?].

A few men in our office, such as Tilochan Simha, were in my party. At this

time Rakhaldas Haldar, who had [just] returned from England, became Deputy

Collector in Burdwan. Our literary society met at the Burdwan public library

and on that account I had disputes with Rakhal Babu. From time to time I would

go to Calcutta. Sriyukta Healy Saheb, who was the Superintendent of

Stationary, came to Burdwan. When I met with him he said, "I will endeavour to

arrange a good position for you."

 

205. During one session of our Bhratri Samaj I gave a speech entitled 'The

Soul'. A report of the speech was published in the newspaper, Public

Engagement. When he saw the report Healy Saheb came to hear. He invited me to

come to Calcutta to hear a speech in a meeting at the Dalhousie Institute on

the subject of the Centralisation of Power. When I went to Calcutta I meet Dal

Saheb and proceeded to the meeting in the Dalhousie Institute. After hearing

the lecture I stayed at Baro Dada [Dvijendranatha Tagore's] house for the

night. Early in the morning I returned to Burdwan without seeing him. Baro

Dada wrote a poem in Bengali to me and I gave an answer in poetry. We

exchanged a lot of poems and two of them were published in Sannyasi. Where all

the others went cannot be determined.

 

206. I did not have a good job and there was a lack of money. Your mother

became pregnant at the first attempt and for her good I sent her to Yakpur. I

sent my mother and Annada to the home of Kali Kaka in Calcutta. For my part, I

discussed Dharma Shastra and a good deal of philosophy, taught many persons,

and wrote a lot. Brother Mahendra Nath Mitra was the Head Clerk of a small

court in Chooadangah.

 

207. He wanted to take the law examination in order to enter the high court,

so he took six months leave. George Linton Saheb invited me to take his

position. The salary was 140 Rupees [per month]. Half of it had to be given to

Mahendra Babu. At the time I was to go and do the job in Chooadangah, Hoag

Saheb gave the certificate written below to me:

 

208. "Babu Kedarnath Dutt has served under me as Second Clerk in the English

Collectorate Department for about eighteen months. He is a very intelligent,

hard working officer and has discharged his duties to my satisfaction. He

leaves his appointment at his own request and I am sorry to lose his services.

 

Burdwan

S.J.Hoag

Collector"

 

209. Upon proceeding to Chooadanga I lived in a thatched house constructed by

Mahendra Babu. Linton Saheb worked one week in Maherpur and one week in

Chooadanga. The legal suits regarding the Indigo Workers were of many types; I

spent one and a half years in Chooadanga. Mahendra Babu was on vacation but

after a year he resigned the post. I requested Linton Saheb to obtain the

position [for me] and he requested the government. During the time that I

lived in Chooadanga I bought a piece of land in Ranaghat and built a house

thereon. My father-in-law, Madhusudan Mitra Mahasaya, helped me purchase the

land. It was very convenient to travel to Ranaghat from Chooadanga. I came on

Saturday and returned on Monday.

 

210. On the 26th of Asvin 1271, Sal [1864], your elder sister was born in

Mama's house, in Yakpur. On the 20th of Asvin there was a great storm which

resulted in widespread destruction. On the preceding day I left Chooadanga on

the occasion of the [Durga] Pooja. I left the key to my thatched house in the

custody of a servant and proceeded to Ranaghat. In the morning of the

following day the storm began. Before evening time, due to the force of the

storm, many trees, shrubs, houses, and doorways were destroyed. Mother and

Annada were in Calcutta. I did not receive any news about what happened either

to them or in Yakpur.

 

The disaster was very extensive. The railway was in trouble at Chanka, so

after three days I went to Calcutta. When I reached Calcutta I saw that mother

and Annada were unscathed. After 5 or 6 days I received a letter to the effect

that I had a beautiful daughter. During the storm there was a lot of damage

done throughout the land. [upon hearing the news of my daughter's birth] I

became free of anxiety to some extent.

211. My house in Ranaghat was completed after the storm. A few months after

the storm I attempted to bring my wife and daughter there. First I brought

mother and Annada to the house and after continual insistence I brought my

wife and daughter. We all lived in one place at last. I came [from my place of

work] on Saturday and returned on Sunday.

 

212. While living in Chooadanga I endeavoured to improve the Chooadanga school

and other matters. Towers Saheb gave this certificate to me:

 

"Sir:

 

I have much pleasure in having an opportunity of expressing my opinion on your

character and conduct during the period I have known you. You resided nine

months at Chooadanga while I had charge of the Sub-division and although not

directly subordinate to myself I had many opportunities of becoming acquainted

with your position as a member of the School Committee, as in other ways. It

gives me great pleasure to be able to bear testimony to the very high respect

in which both the Native and European Community regarded you. Your departure

from this part of the country will be a real loss to the residents, not only

from the active and able part which you took in promoting every scheme for

their advantage, but also by the removal from their midst of one who afforded

his countrymen a high and rare example of honesty and right-mindedness.

 

I have the honour to be, sir,

Your most obedient servant,

R. Towers.

Asst. Mag. and collector of Chooadanga"

 

214. While living in Chooadanga I took the law examination in Burdwan. At this

time Linton Saheb gave me this certificate:

 

215. "This is to certify that Babu Kedar Nath Dutt at present Officiating

Clerk of the Chooadanga Court of the Small Causes has conducted himself to my

entire satisfaction in the discharge of the multifarious duties with which he

has been entrusted. I consider him to be a respectable and well educated

person and a fit and proper person to appear as a candidate at the ensuing

leadership examination and he carries with him my best wishes for his success.

 

Chooadanga

June 18th 1864

C.D. Linton."

 

216. When Mahendra Babu left his position Linton Saheb wrote a letter to the

government on my behalf [in order that I might] continue in the post. At this

time a small law court was established in Mursidabad and the clerk of that

place was appointed to Chooadanga. Therefore, I resigned the position and went

to the house in Ranaghat. Linton Saheb wrote a letter to the government on my

behalf and the government responded saying that very soon they would give me a

good posting.

 

217. I was acquainted with Healy Saheb. He had a Head Clerkship available, but

he considered that the status of clerk was not suitable for me. He made known

my situation to Secretary Sriyukta Eden Saheb. Healy Saheb spoke to me with

much affection, saying, "You will soon get a good position. You stay in

Ranaghat and wait." At this time Linton Saheb also gave a certificate to me.

 

218. As long as times are bad you can not see anything [but unhappiness]. But

when times are good everything is happy in all directions. On the 9th of

February I received three letters [of employment]. One was a letter from

Linton Saheb. He wrote, saying, "Rasika Babu, the clerk of Maherpur has died,

and if you wish you can go to Maherpur and secure that position." The second

letter was from Healy Saheb. He wrote, "My dear Babu, I am glad to say that

you have been appointed Deputy Registrar at Chapra. If you have not yet got

your letter of appointment you had better come down at once for it. Yours

sincerely, Wilfred L. Healy."

 

220. The third letter was from the government. That letter was [about] my job

in Chapra. Dated 5th February 1866, [i was given the post of] Special Deputy

Registrar of Assurances with powers of a Deputy Magistrate and Deputy

Collector of the 6th grade of the Sub Executive Service salary.

 

221. I was very happy to receive these letters. I went to meet my supreme

benefactor, Healy Saheb, but he had gone to Orissa. When I learnt this I

returned. Setting out with Srikanta Mukhopadhyaya and Yogendra Chatopadhyaya

and one Western bearer, and with a dog named Tiger I got in Chooadanga, I

[finally] arrived in Chapra. I took up residence in a second story apartment

near the court house and began my work. The language of the west was Urdu. I

[found] a teacher and I began to learn Urdu and Pharsi. Grey Saheb was the

Collector then. Taking permission from him I went to Ranaghat and fetched my

wife.

 

222. Everything in Chapra was good, only... I would have to take an

examination. For that purpose I began to study law. When I took charge of the

office of Registrar I went from time to time to see the villages in the

Maphahsval. While going to Simuriya to verify a power of attorney I met Babu

Brahma Dev Narayan. Godna was the place of Gautamashrama, ['Gautama Muni's

Ashram']. It was there that Ahalya had become stone [when cursed by her

husband, Gautama]. Gautamashrama was the place where the Nyaya Sastra

[scripture dealing with logic] was born. 'As this is a sacred place, there

should be a school of logic here' -- with this thought in mind I organised a

meeting and gave a speech on Gautama. As a result of that speech I had a

discussion with respectable gentlemen from all over the area. They considered

me a friend who wished the best for the locality. At that time no effort was

made to collect any money. I heard from the mouth of Bandhubar Raya,

Taraprasad Mukhopadhyaya and Bahadur Ukil Mahasaya that there was a school of

nyaya in Godna which was supported even by Europeans.

 

223. At the outset my relations with the English people of Chapra were not

good. The Indigo planters, the doctor and the police saheb formed one group

and made trouble for me. Even though each of them had separate affairs,

nevertheless, everybody's intention towards me was bad. The European Indigo

planters were trying to get preferential treatment from the [Registrar's]

office over the native Zamindars. In this matter I was no help because [to

offer any preference] would have been exceedingly wrong. The doctor saheb had

previously been in charge of the Registrar's Office and he used to get a

little money [on the side]. He did not get it any more because of me and he

thus became hostile.

 

224. Because I was not able to bear any impropriety on the part of the police

the police were unhappy. Be that as it may, Grey Saheb was not able to get a

little money [?] and Holiday Saheb came and took over his post. My enemies

whispered many bad things about me in the ear of this great soul. At first the

feeling between Holiday Saheb and myself was very difficult. But gradually,

after a short time, by the grace of God and with the help of Healy Saheb, I

caused him to see the truth. And after he made some exertions [on my behalf]

all of my enemies became my friends.

 

225. Everyone in Chapra became my friends. The lawyer, Kesab Babu, always

supported my point of view. The Judge Saheb also was favourable towards me.

 

The people of Chapra made many kinds of pickle. A certain type of vinegar

pickle was the best. I began to make it. [Their] mustard oil pickle had a

pleasant taste and I began to make that also. At that time I ate a lot of fish

and meat. I had known that killing animals was bad for a long time, but I had

a strong desire to enjoy fish and meat.

 

226. I ate a lot of fish in Chapra, but it was not very good. Therefore, I ate

more goat meat. After the prolonged eating of food of this kind combined with

red chillies and mustard seed pickle, I developed a bleeding ulcer. The first

[attack] occurred on a full moon day. Gradually I got pains every new moon and

full moon day. It took 5 to 7 days from the day the pain started for it to go

away. So much suffering! When the pain [started] I automatically suffered from

vomiting and diarrhea for 10 to 17 hours. At first I went to the doctor, and a

close friend, Manohar Babu, gave me medical treatment. Thereafter, I tried

Moslem natural medicine. Finally, Mahendra Mama brought some Ayur Vedic herbs

from the jungle and a local Vaidya made a little medicine.

 

227. But none of these things worked. The first time I went to Bhagalpur to

take the examination I was unsuccessful. I was a little anxious because I was

not sure if I would be able to take the examination. My health became very bad

and I wanted to be transferred to another place. There being no opportunity

for a mutual transfer, I traveled to the west [of India] during the pooja

season. My office superintendent, Narasimha Prasad, and Kasi Babu, the

Collector Head Clerk, a brahmana and one servant [accompanied me] on the trip.

After 13 days we returned to Chapra, having traveled to Vrindavan, Mathura,

Agra, Prayag, Mrijpur and Kasi. Moreover, while on the train I met Bimal

Visvas Mahasaya who promised to send some medicine from Vidyasagara Mahasaya.

 

228. Even in those days there was no great firmness in Hinduism [Arya Dharma].

My bhakti was mixed with jnana. Therefore, I did not enjoy the happiness

experienced by the pure bhakta while I was in Vrindavan. Instead, when I

reached Kasi I had a cold from drinking Yamuna water. In Prayag I shaved my

head and in Vrindavan I spoke with Raja Radha Kanta.

229. He was pleased to see me. At that time he was reading Garga Samhita. When

I saw the temples of Sridham Vrindavan I became happy. But I did not properly

honour the devotees. In Kanpur I fell into the hands of a false friend, but

before he could show any strength from his hands I was rescued. The pandars in

Prayag were the worst class of men. They tried to give us a difficult time,

but they could do very little.

230. As soon as I returned to Chapra I received a herbal prescription [from

Bimal Visvas?] but there was a delay while Multani Hing was searched for. The

examination was approaching so I studied very hard. Mathuranath Teoyari made

an astrological calculation and said, "This time you will definitely pass the

examination." Because of the condition of my body I did not have so much

confidence. That year [i suffered] the pain of colitis and various kinds of

heart pains. Once more we [traveled and] went to see a fair in Sonapur, where

we stayed in a tent. During this leave of absence the Registrar General,

Beverley Saheb, came to see me at my office, but he had to wait [for my

return]. When I returned I heard of his waiting and went to see him. He was

very happy. He said, "This time you study hard for the examination."

 

231. When I went this time to take the examination in Patna I stayed at the

house of my friend, Guruprasad Sena. Vamacharan Bandyopadhyaya accompanied me.

I took the examination and then returned. Having taken the exam and returning

to Chapra from Patna I saw that Srimati Kadambani had been born. This daughter

was very beautiful. But once she almost died due to a stomach disease. At that

time Sadu used to move around by crawling and she would play with Tiger.

Babbling she would say, "Gaitha le ai le ai" etc. Kadu was born on the 29th of

Caitra 1788. At this time Annada was making mischief, as he moved around he

would wrestle with the servant, Makhan.

 

232. In the month of June I received news of being successful in the

examination. Beverley Saheb wrote this note:

 

"5th June 1867

 

My dear Baboo,

 

You will be glad to hear that you have passed your examination. We met to

consider the report this morning.

 

Yours truly,

H. Beverley"

 

233. I was very happy, but due to my physical condition I was not hopeful. I

was waiting [for some improvement in my health] but did not see any change in

my condition so I made a firm resolve to transfer.

 

234. During the time I was in Chapra there was no unhappiness except for my

stomach ailment. Holiday Saheb was a close friend of mine. But there was a lot

of pressure on me. I thus wrote to Beverley Saheb requesting a transfer and he

exerted himself in this regard. While I was in Chapra, on the 8th of June

1867, in accordance with rule 21, I was appointed assessor. On the 16th of

October 1867 Beverley Saheb secured me a position as the Sub Registrar of

Assurances of the Sub Districts of Purneah and Krishnaganj.

 

235. Holiday Saheb was not happy to hear the news of my transfer and he said,

"You are jumping from the frying pan into the fire. What illness will you

[need to] be cured of [when you get to?] Purneah." But then I had a new

position. I moved my family from Chapra to Ranaghat and then proceeded to

Purneah with a bearers, Kali and Srikanta. I took an Examination in Bhagalpur

and arrived in Purneah in the month of November and stayed in the house of

Amrta Babu. On the way there was a mighty rain storm. There were no solid

houses in the backwaters of Purneah. I constructed a straw house and stayed

there. A few days after having the house built I brought my family there.

 

236. Everybody came to Purneah in order to attend to me in my illness. I

stayed in Purneah for fifteen days and then I went to Krishnaganj for fifteen

days. Wargan Saheb, the Collector of Purneah, became my friend. When I worked

in the court at Krishnaganj, I stayed in a tent.

 

During the time I stayed in Purneah I prepared the prescription sent by

Vidyasagar Mahasaya. I could get Multani Hing nowhere except the Bathget

Company. First 'khai' was prepared by measuring 5 tolas of ginger powder, 2

tolas of black salt and 2 tolas of borax.

 

237. A 16th of an anna of hing [was required]. First one mixes together the

ginger powder in the juice from horse-radish skin; then one pounds in the

black salt. Next, one pounds in the sohaga khai [borax?]. Finally one mixes in

the hing. There is no measure for the amount of horse-radish-skin juice. To

the extent [that one adds the juice] -- [the mixture must be sufficiently]

well pounded. Fifty-four pills were made [in this fashion] and were kept in a

stopped file. I took two pills twice a day with water. For twenty-seven days

my convalescence diet consisted of aged rice, easily digested green vegetables

cooked in aged ghee, and milk. I could not eat luchi, ruti, pitha [a sweet

cake], methai [sweetmeats], kancha taila [fresh oil], taila pakva [aged oil],

tarakari [vegetables cooked in their own juices with ghee and spices], bhuja,

bhuji, amla, shak, dahl, chinra [flat rice], and meat, but fish, if fresh,

could be eaten in aged ghee. This was the rule for what could and could not be

eaten for exactly twenty-seven days. A little excess milk was not injurious.

 

238. I took the medicine while in Purneah. My bowel movements became free [of

blood]. To the extent that I had the bowel movements there was an increase in

strength. At this time I studied for a law examination, but the results were

poor. As a result of taking these herbs my pain ceased.

 

I received a letter of praise from the government, dated 21st of August 1868,

for my good work in building up the offices in Purneah and Krishnaganj.

Previously I had received a letter of recommendation for my work in Chapra

dated September 10th 1867. Suddenly this letter arrived:

 

239.

 

General Registry

Office

5 Wellesley Place

The 26th Feb. 1868

 

My dear Sir,

 

As it is the intention of the Govt. to organize a separate Registration

Service, distinct from the Subordinate Executive Service, I request that you

will let me know whether you would prefer to remain a Sub Registrar as at

present subject to such regulations regarding the constitution of the service

as may be passed hereafter, or to be relieved of all Registration duties at

once and be transferred wholly to the Judicial Department, that is supposing

the Lieutenant Government is pleased to confirm your appointment. If you

remain in Sub-executive Service you will of course be required to pass the

usual department Examinations. I beg the favour of a reply by return of post.

 

Yours truly

H.Beverley To Babu Kedar Nath Dutt

 

240. I gave an answer as follows:

 

Purneah

2/3/68

 

My dear Sir,

 

I have this day received your favour of the 26th ultimo. I beg to reply as

follows. As I do not understand the conditions and prospects of the new

contemplated Registration Service I can scarcely submit a satisfactory

preference either to the Judicial Department or to the new service. What I

gather from your kind letter and specially from the concluding part of it, is

that there will be no further examination to which I shall be subjected, were

I prefer to be a Sub Registrar as at present, thrown apart from the

Subordinate Executive. I must humbly submit that I shall gladly remain a Sub

Registrar on condition that I shall have prospects of promotion without

passing any more examinations at all. But in case His Honour the Lieutenant

Governor be pleased to prescribe any further examination for me in the

Registration Service, also my prayer is then to be transferred wholly to the

Judicial Department Subordinate Executive service.

 

Yours truly,

sd. Kedar Nath Dutt

 

241. After writing the above letter I waited [for a reply] and during that

time came down with fever. Because of that I had much trouble living in

Krishnaganj, but I recovered. At this time Beverley Saheb came to Krishnaganj

and inspected the office. When I told him about my illness, he said, "What the

decision of the Lieutenant Governor Saheb will be I do not know. I will assign

you to the Registrar Office and put you in the Mungar group in Bhajapur." I

was pleased.

 

In Purneah Kadambani had her first-grains ceremony. On the 18th or 19th of

March I received a letter from Sriyukta Dampier Saheb.

 

242.

Bengal Secretariate

The 17th March 1868

 

My dear Sir,

 

I have just seen your letter to Mr. Beverley of 2nd Feb. You write, I think

under the misapprehension that the promotion in the Registry Department will

be likely to be as good and to rise as high as it does on the Subordinate

Executive Service. But there is a mistake: if such were to be the case of

course there will be Examinations to pass in that Department also. Besides

which, from the opinion which I was able to form when I had the pleasure of

meeting you at Ranaghat I am sure you need be afraid of no Examinations, and

that you will be much more valuable to the State as an Executive and Judicial

Officer than as a mere Registrar. The Lieutenant Governor has therefore

directed that you be employed in the regular line. You are to relieve Mr.

Tweedle at Dinajpur who takes two months leave.

 

Yours faithfully

H.L. Dampier

 

243. After a couple of letters along these lines I became Deputy Magistrate in

Dinajpur. Taking a palanquin, I proceeded to Dinajpur. My intention was to

speak to many people and arrange for a permanent residence and bring my family

there. But before that Ratneswar Babu appeared in Purneah. He stayed in my

house in Purneah and I came to Dinajpur. I wrote to Dampier Saheb. He said,

"Now you will likely spend a considerable time in Dinajpur." I took a

palanquin and brought my whole family to Dinajpur. I stayed very healthy in

Dinajpur. Mama Ratneswar procured the position of Assistant Clerk [in

Purneah].

 

244. In Dinajpur the Vaishnava religion was fairly strong due to Raya

Kamalochan Saheb. There were many Vairagis and Gosais coming and going there.

A number of rich people supported many brahmana pandit assemblies. Some

respectable gentlemen would regularly come to me and discuss Vaishnava dharma.

I had a desire to know the genuine Vaishnava dharma. I wrote to our agent,

Pratap Chandra Raya, and he sent a translation of Bhagavatam, and Chaitanya

Charitamrita. I also brought a book named Bhaktamala. On my first reading of

Chaitanya Charitamrita I developed a little faith in Sri Chaitanya.

 

245. On the second reading I understood that no pandit was the equal of

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. Yet there was a doubt [in my mind to the effect] that

being this sort of pandit, and having revealed the reality of love to such a

degree, how is it that He recommends the worship of the improper character of

Krishna? At first I was amazed and I reflected on this. Afterwards I prayed to

God with great humility, "O God!, please give me the understanding by which I

may know the secret of this matter." The mercy of God is without limit. Seeing

my eagerness and humility He showed mercy to me within a a few days, and I

received the intelligence by which I could understand.

 

246. Then I could understood that Krsna Tattva is very deep [confidential] and

the highest principle of the science of God. From this time on, I had

knowledge of God in Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. I made constant efforts to converse

with many Vairagi Vaishnava pandits, and I understood many aspects of the

Vaishnava religion. The seed of faith in the Vaishnava religion was planted in

my heart in my childhood, and since then it had sprouted. From the first I

experienced anuraga [service to Krishna within the mind according to one's

natural spiritual tendency under the guidance of one of the gopas or gopis of

Vraja] and it was very good. I liked to read about Krishna Tattva day and

night. Previously I had obtained Chaitanya Gita and I was known by the name

Sachchidananda Premalankara in this book [?].

 

247. At this time there was a lot of fighting between the Hindus and the

Brahmos in Dinajpur. The schoolmasters were Brahmos but almost everyone else

was Hindu. The Hindus were endeavouring to put the Brahmos out of their caste.

At that time the Brahmos invited me to come to their assembly and I wrote to

them saying that I was not a Brahmo, but was a servant of the many followers

of Chaitanya. When the Brahmos heard this they gave up hope of my [becoming a

Brahmo]. The Hindus invited me to form a sabha [for the Hindus] and the first

meeting was held in the house of Khajanji Babu. I gave a lecture on the

Bhagavata which was published as a book. A few Sahebs heard the lecture and

were impressed.

 

248. Previous to this meeting I had not heard Manoharshahi [a type of kirtan]

singing. I was impressed to hear the Shreni singing, first of Shiromani

Mahasaya and then of Madansimha Mahasaya. He who is able to sing the kirtan of

Mahaprabhu Chaitanya Deva in the style of Manoharshahi -- that person alone

will I hear.

 

249. At that time I had a son. But after one month and a few days he died. My

wife was very sad. At the same time she also received news of the death of her

father, though I kept it secret for one or two days. Deciding that it was time

I told my wife and two unhappinesses combined and made one unhappiness. The

Chaturthi Kriya [the obsequial rites performed by a married woman on the

fourth day after the death of one of her parents] were completed. After this I

thought of moving from Dinajpur.

 

250. According to the government order, on March 17th 1868 I became the

assessor at Dinajpur. I met with Srikantaji. I saw the river Atreya. At that

time I made an application for a vacation and on 29th of May 1869 I got three

months privilege leave. In the month of Jyaistha there was a huge storm.

Immediately afterwards I crossed the Hugli River and went to our house in

Ranaghat with my family. At the time of my departure all the people of

Dinajpur were unhappy. [Thereafter,] I traveled as far as Maldah by boat. I

waited for the floodwater to subside and the storm [to cease] at the house of

the Deputy Magistrate Ambika Chaudhuri. Then, I crossed Raj Mahal in an ox

cart.

 

251. I took the law examination in Dinajpur but I was unable to pass it. Mama

Ratnesvara was detained in Dinajpur. We went and stayed at that house [?].

Mahendra Mama come to Ranaghat from time to time and stayed there. I visited

many places with him and at the end of my break I returned to Dinajpur. I

worked in Dinajpur for two more months then I transferred to Champarn. After

reporting on time, I had hoped to go home [to Ranaghat for child's birth?],

but the government did not permit it. Thereafter, Radhika Prasada took birth

in the house in Ranaghat. I was not able to reach the house before he was

born. Taking Srikanta I went to Champarn. At the year's end [the following]

was written about my work in Dinajpur: "Babu Kedar Nath Dutt Dy. Magistrate is

a good officer and improves with experience."

 

252. Radhika was born in Pausa Masa [winter time]. At the time I was in

Matihari. Collector Metcalf Saheb liked me very much. He went to Nepal to

settle the boundary and I remained in charge of the gaol. I had a minor

dispute with the European doctor, but Metcalf Saheb was on my side and

intervened. This time I studied law intensively.

 

253. I made a plan with Metcalf Saheb to the effect that I would take the

examination in Chapra, proceed to the house [in Ranaghat] and return with the

whole family. For that reason he requested Commissioner Jenkins for an

additional fifteen day vacation [for me] and on the expectation of consent

from the government he approved it. I went to the house and took the

examination. At that time I spent a few days at the house and Metcalf Saheb

wrote, saying, "You should come immediately. The Accountant General has stated

that this is not the time for your leave."

 

254. Upon coming to Calcutta, I came to know that the Secretaries Office had

transferred me to Cuttack. I had had a desire to go to Puri. I was told, "It

is best that you go to Ranaghat; a letter of transfer to Puri is coming." I

went to Ranaghat and after 2 or 3 days I received approval to proceed to Puri.

At that time Radhika was a baby, so I decided to go ahead alone; thus, taking

one Srimad Bhagavatam and Chaitanya Charitamrita I went to Calcutta with the

intention of going to Puri. While staying at the house of Bholanath Babu I

made arrangements for [on behalf of?] the official government residence [in

Puri].

 

255. Later, when I went to the Secretar[iat?] Office I heard that Metcalf

Saheb was planning to take Metcalf Saheb [?] to Matihari. I did not want to

delay so I made my way to Puri. Going as far as Uluberi by boat, I arrived in

Midnapore by palanquin. Thereafter, I went to the house of my inlaws at Yakpur

and then set out for Puri. After four days I reached Puri, one night being

spent in Bhadrak, one night in Balesvar [balasore] and one night in Cuttack.

 

Upon arriving in Puri I went to see my old friend Yadu Babu at the official

government residence. I rented a brick house in the neighbourhood of Baro

Danda. Every day I went to see Jagannatha at Sri Mandir. At the time of darsan

I remembered the emotions of Sri Mahaprabhu and I felt very happy. All of the

Mahatis there were Vaishnava and I began to appreciate the happiness derived

from associating with them.

 

A few days before I arrived Ambika Chaudhuri was also transferred there. He

was an orthodox Sakta. He made a lot of effort in Sri Kshetra [the Dhama in

which Puri is situated] but he was not able to establish himself. After this

he transferred to Jajpur. For a few months I was alone, then, after the pooja

season I brought all of my family there.

 

257. Srikanta Mukhopadhyaya remained behind, holding my possessions at my

residence in Matihari. Metcalf Saheb detained him there. He made great efforts

to bring me back to Matihari, but when he was not able he released Srikanta.

Srikanta took my household things to Ranaghat and after that he came as far as

Puri.

 

258. Kshetra Babu had a house and when Ambika Babu [the tenant] vacated it I

took it over. Deputy Annada Ghosh came and stayed in my house at Mandal Kota.

Because of Kshetra Babu my whole family came and stayed at the house. Mother,

Annada, my wife, Radhika, Sadu, Kadu, Sej Didi and Nutan Didi stayed together

this time. Everyone was happy to see Lord Jagannatha.

 

259. After two or three months Kadu came down with a fever. After several

doctors had tried Dr. Stewart was finally able to cure her. At the time this

was amazing.

 

In Orissa, one Jagannatha Das had a sect called the Atibaris. The story is

that in the beginning, on the order of Mahaprabhu, Jagannath was a follower of

Haridas Thakur. Later on he gave up pure devotion and took shelter of Mayavada

philosophy; Mahaprabhu rejected him and for this reason he is known as

Atibari.

 

260. This Atibari group is secretive and extends throughout Bengal as do the

Bauls. This sect has many forged books wherein it is written that Chaitanya

will reappear. In this group there are some wicked people who imitate Sri

Chaitanya, Brahma, Baladeva, or Krishna. One person, known as Bisakisan, a

scoundrel who had obtained a little yogic power, was celebrated as Mahavishnu

Himself. He had started to establish a Temple at Chatira Krosa within the

jungle near Saradaipur with the help of his followers.

 

261. It was written in the Malika of the Atibaris that there would be a fight

on the 14th of Chaitra and that Mahavishnu would then reveal His four armed

form. When this news spread around, all the wives of the [local] Brahmanas

deviated from the brahminical regulations and went to serve him. When there

was some turmoil among the women of the Chaudhuris of Bringarpur the men of

that place informed Commissioner Robins. He wrote to Commissioner Walton

saying, "Send Kedar Babu to investigate and send the District Superintendent

with him." Walton Saheb sent me and I went at night to the jungle and spoke in

detail with Mahavishnu and he revealed his vow to destroy the English Raj.

 

262. Sitting behind me in a palanquin, the District Superintendent Saheb heard

the entire conversation. With us were two Kayastha police and a few Sikh

constables who also heard. That day we said nothing to him, but returned to

Saradaipur and stayed there in a tent. The next day we went and got papers

[and directed?] the police to investigate his group. I gave the order to

arrest him. Mahavishnu had many followers, therefore, in order to fetch him

back so they might not release him on the way, the District Superintendent

brought many constables and chaukidhars and brought him to the Puri Gaol. I

went to Bhuvanesvara. Back at my place in Puri Pandit Gopinath Misra and other

pandits came and assembled. In the afternoon I visited Khandagiri. Khandagiri

was the site of a Buddhist monastery. In the midst of Parvat Sreni was Griha

Sreni which was very beautiful.

 

263. On returning to Puri the trial of Mahavisnu was begun. At the conclusion

of a trial which lasted many days I sentenced him to one and a half years in

jail. When his hair was cut his followers declared him to be a cheater and

abandoned him. During the few days of the trial there were almost one thousand

of his followers in Puri and there were disturbances all over the town. At

that time there was a fire at the Puri School and all the people suspected him

[as being responsible]. Also at this time Kadu came down with fever. Bisakisan

had practised yoga, and by some means had acquired some yogic siddhi. I had

obtained a lot of evidence against him. For 21 days he did not eat even a drop

of water yet he did not exhibit any weakness and gave unfailing medicine to

many many people. For his punishment Bisakisan was sent to the Gaol at

Midnapur and there he died. In Yajpur Brahma took control of the group, and

like Bisakisan he received punishment. In Khorada Baladev was beginning [to

misbehave] and he also received punishment.

264. In Puri I made a lot of [spiritual] progress. I appointed Gopinatha

Pandit to help with my study. With his assistance, I first studied the twelve

cantos of the Bhagavatam with Sridhara Svami's commentary. I began studying

the Bhagavata with Hariharadas Mahapatra and Markandeya Mahapatra, but after 5

or 7 days they lagged behind, so I began to tutor them. Previously they had

been to Kashi and Nadiya to study Vedanta and Nyaya.

 

265. I did not have much skill in Sanskrit grammar. While in Calcutta I read

books on literature with the help of Vidyasagar Mahasaya and Baro Dada

[satyendranath Tagore]. After that, in Midnapore, I discussed literature and

thereafter in Dinajpur and Matihari. In Puri I studied books thoroughly. After

finishing the Bhagavata I made a copy of the Sat Sandarbha and read it. Then I

copied and read the Vedanta commentary, Govinda Bhasya, written by Baladeva.

Then I read the Bhaktirasamrita Sindhu. Thereafter I made a copy of the

Haribhakti Kalpalatika.

 

266. Little by little I began to write in Sanskrit myself. In Puri I wrote a

book in Sanskrit entitled Datta Kaustubha. Many of the verses of the Sri Krsna

Samhita were composed at this time. In order to improve the health of

Kadambani I changed our house and moved for a while near the Brahmo leader

Nilamani and rented a house from Kali Chaudhuri near Sraddhavali in front of

the gaol. I performed abundant devotional service. Paramananda, Nityananda and

a few others studied Bhagavat with me. At that time we would hold Bhagavata

discourses in the gardens of Sri Jagannatha Vallabha.

 

267. Mahanta Narayan Das, Mohan Das, Uttar Parsver Mahanta, Harihara Das, and

other pandits used to attend the meeting. Babaji Kantadhari and Raghunatha

Dasa Mahasaya became angry about my meetings and prevented many people from

coming. Raghunatha Dasa Babaji used to stay at Hati Akhada at that time.

Babaji Mahasaya was a siddha-purusa, and thus he could know all matters. After

a few days he became close friends with me and said, "When I saw that you do

not have tilak or mala [neckbeads], I was disrespectful and have committed an

offense. Please forgive me." I replied, "O Babaji, what wrong have I done?

Tilak and mala are given by the Diksha Guru and thus far the Lord has not

given me a Diksha Guru. I am reciting Harinama japa on beads only. Is it good

to whimsically take tilak and mala?" Babaji understood all of this, praised me

and showed mercy to me, and I became his follower.

 

268. The Bhajankutir of Sanatana was on the way to the samadhi of Haridasa

Thakura, near the Temple of Tota Gopinatha. There the dispassionate Babajis

would perform bhajan. Svarupa Dasa Babaji also performed bhajana there.

Mahatma Svarupa Dasa Babaji was an incomparable Vaishnava.

 

269. Throughout the entire day he would perform bhajana within his kutir

[cottage]. In the evening he would go out to his courtyard and make obeisance

to Tulasi and sing and cry while performing Harinama kirtan. At this juncture

all the Vaisnavas would go to see him. At that time some people would give him

a little handful of mahaprasada. In order to satisfy his hunger he would

consent to [accept] this [prasada], but he would not take much. Someone would

then read Chaitanya Bhagavata or some other book and he would listen. By 10

o'clock at night he would retire to his kutir and begin his bhajana again.

 

270. When it was still dark out he would go to the shore of the ocean, wash

his face and take a complete bath. He was afraid lest some Vaishnava would

perform some service for him without his knowing. His two eyes were blind, so

how he was able to go to the ocean in the night to take bath etc. only

Mahaprabhu knows. There was no doubt that he was a siddha-purusa. He did not

have a single material desire. Sometimes, I would go to take darsan of his

lotus feet after nightfall. He would talk with the people and his speech would

be very sweet. He had gave this instruction to me, "You never forget the name

of Krishna."

 

271. When I stayed in Puri I made a lot of advancement in devotional service.

I became more detached in my worldly life and there was no longer any

misunderstanding that worldly progress might produce anything of lasting

value. Generally I would go to the temple for darsan, nama kirtan, sravan, and

sadhu sanga everyday in the evening. Any day that I did not eat adahar dahl

[pigeon pea soup] I would not feel satisfied. As soon as I entered the temple

someone would give me dahl.

 

272. On one side in the temple was the Mukti Mandap and there the brahmanas

would sit and teach. All of them were Mayavadis. When I went near them my mind

felt disturbed, therefore, I would sit near the Goddess Laksmi Mandir or the

Sri Mahaprabhu Pada-padma. When we sat there many pandits from the Mukti

Mandap would come and sit [with us]. I named this place Bhaktiprajnan. Our

learned meetings at this place gradually developed nicely.

 

273. Just as the Jagannatha Temple is very lofty and beautiful so also was the

seva wonderful. To see that pastime of service charms one's mind. Five- to

seven-hundred people are daily present to behold the routine festivals such as

the evening aratika. What bliss! Many kinds of participants come from all over

India to attend the religious festivals. Seeing this the eyes are soothed. O

Lalu, only when you see all these pastimes with a pure heart can the servants

[of Jagannatha?] be understood.

 

274. There were many Yatras [celebrated there], such as Dola Yatra, Ratha

Yatra etc. I had the responsibility of watching over these festivals. Taking

many constables and several Karmacharis with me, I made so much effort to

oversee the pilgrims that I cannot write of it. I would make favourable

arrangements for the pilgrims to see the Deity and to take Prasada, and to

hear complaints from the people. The king and suchlike, and the Karmacharis of

the temple used to commit many illegal acts. I would go there to prevent all

such things and thus I made enemies of the king and the king's men. Because I

was helped by Lord Jagannatha no one was able to harm me in any way. I served

Lord Jagannatha at my ease for almost five years.

 

275. While in Sri Purushottama Kshetra I changed my residence several times.

Finally, by the grace of Ramachandra Atya, I got a house [of my own?]. On the

night of the 16th of Magh 1278 [1872 A.D.] Kamala Prasada was born in the

residence of Kali Chaudhuri by the pond, Sraddhavali. And then, on the 25 of

Magh 1280 [1874 A.D.], Bimala Prasada took birth in the house of Ramachandra

Atya. All of the auspicious ceremonies such as anna-prasanna [first eating of

grains] were performed with Jagannatha prasada. We gave up all Karma-kanda

activities and depended solely on prasada.

 

276. As soon as I arrived in Puri I got all the registration work and because

of that I received a minor [promotion]. In 1870 I was promoted to the 5th

grade, for which I received a salary of 300 Rupees per month. And in that year

I got the full powers of a Magistrate. I spent the time in Puri in great

happiness, observing the festivals, and acquiring knowledge and devotion. Sri

Purushottama Kshetra is directly Vaikuntha, what doubt is there? I did not

like to leave this place but then Sadu was getting older and I had to return

to Bengal in order to arrange her marriage. Thus, in November of 1874, I took

a three month vacation. Sej Didi and Nutan Didi had already left. Mother,

wife, sons and daughters took a train to Midnapur and I sent them on the road

home.

 

277. Madhusudan Khutir was my host. He was extremely wealthy and a very good

man. His assistant, Basu Upadhyaya, brought my family to Calcutta. I waited

[in Puri] until I was free from work. In the month of January I was free and

together with Bangli Babu, Haralal Mitra and Narendra Datta we came to

Chandavali by palanquin and then took a boat. My family came to Calcutta and

Bholanath Babu made arrangements for them to stay in a small house in

Harivardhan street. When I arrived they were waiting and I took them to the

house in Ranaghat.

 

278. Before I came Mahendra Mama was staying at the house in Ranaghat and he

was faring well. Upon arriving in Ranaghat I began to look for a boy for Sadu.

Being in Krishnanagar, I went to see Navadvipa Dhama, Samudragar Kalna, and

Santipur and I returned to Ranaghat. This time I did not get any happiness in

Sri Navadvipa Dhama. One is disinclined to practise religion and suchlike in

the association of an atheist like Parasuram Mama. From this I learned that

when one goes on pilgrimage it is absolutely essential to shun bad

association.

 

279. Returning to the house on Ranaghat, I went from thence to Calcutta and

met with Healy Saheb. At the time he was the Inspector General of Prisons and

he was ill and very weak. He was very affectionate to me and he asked he many

questions. He gave a letter to Secretary Thomson Saheb in order to get [me] a

transfer to this region [bengal]. I met with Thomson Saheb and he said, "Very

well; take a vacation and let me know what you want and I will give you a

transfer." I could not find a boy for Sadu and my leave came to an end.

 

280. While I was in Ranaghat Thomson Saheb sent news to me that according to

the written opinion of Commissioner Robins the Governor would send me to Puri

again. I immediately informed Healy Saheb. He was very concerned so he

requested Robins Saheb to give me leave [from Puri]. Ah! the kindness of that

gracious Healy Saheb. Receiving that letter, Robins Saheb gave me release from

Orissa with much grief and he wrote, saying, "The residents of Orissa like

Kedar Babu, whose returning to Orissa was worth praying for, but due to the

request of Healy and the present [need for the] marriage of his daughter he

does not have to return to Orissa."

281. At that time Thomson Saheb gave the Ararisa Sub division to me. The first

time I went there I took my family. That place was excellent. Campbell Saheb

was the magistrate for a few months. In the month of Agrahayan I sent my

family home. Srimati Saudamini married Sriman Charuchandra Majumdar in Nihati.

After taking an 8 day vacation during the month of Agrahayan at the time of

the marriage I returned to the house. Mahendra Mama made all of the

arrangements. Returning to Ararisa I came down with a urinary disease. Doctor

Pickali Saheb said that it was diabetes.

 

282. With the help of the local [doctor] who had a machine, I discovered that

the ailment was [due to] phosphatic urine. Though I drunk the juice of the

Somanath and the Vasanta Kusumaka, I did not get any relief. Barada Prasada

was born on the 15th of Asat 1283 Saka in Ranaghat. In the month of March 1878

Biraja [a girl] also took birth in Ranaghat. My illness was giving me trouble

so on the 16th of July 1877, according to the order of the government, I

received permission to take two months sick leave. My wife was with me. Mother

and Annada were at the rented house in Calcutta.

 

283. Annada was studying in Calcutta. I stayed in Ararisa for three years. I

made a beautiful garden there. Sir Richard Temple saw it and was delighted by

it. George Ward Saheb was shown the garden and was pleased too. I would go to

Calcutta and stay with Annada at Sundipara. Doctor Coates Saheb examined my

urine and prescribed [a medicine consisting of] one drop of liquor of

strychnine, one drop of nitric acid, goksuradi [?] and ghee [because

previously taking this had helped] and gradually my health began to improve.

Arrangements were made for Annada's marriage. I took a few days vacation and

went to Ranaghat for the wedding. On the 27th November 1877 according to

orders I transferred to Mahibarekha. There was a lot of work in Mahibarekha.

The misbehaviour of the police was excessive. Because I was near Calcutta I

wanted to stay there.

 

284. Umaprasad Ghosh made much effort for the marriage of Annada. At the time

I stayed in Mahibarekha I visited places like Amta, Khanakul, Syampur, etc. I

was delighted to see the Shiva Deity of Madan Babu at the Devi Temple in Amta.

My place [?] is Gada Bhavanipur which was near Chitrasenpur.

 

285. That very place was the Bhursut Pargana dwelling of Bharatchandra Raya.

After two months, in the month of February, I went to Bhadrak. Leaving

Calcutta by the boat, Sargent Lawrence, I went to Chandravali and thence to

Bhadrak. Chandravali is in the vicinity of Bhadrak. I liked old Bhadrak.

Previously, when I was a teacher in Bhadrak, Diyar Saheb was a Deputy

[Magistrate]. He and his wife had a lot of respect for me and they brought me

to the Sub Divisional Residence. While I was staying at that house I had

written a small English book named "Maths of Orissa". Doctor Hunter Saheb

refers to my book in his "History of Orissa".

 

286. Becoming Deputy Magistrate myself I became the resident of that very

house. I was very happy to see the hedges and trees in the garden. Robins

Saheb wrote a very affectionate letter to me requesting me to return to

Orissa. I stayed alone there for a month and I was not happy, so I brought my

whole family. At this time Bholanath Babu had the post of [?] in the Midnapur

gaol.

 

287. He helped my family on the way to Bhadrak. In Bhadrak the people who I

had previously known were few. Balaram Basu, the son of Radhamohan Babu, would

generally stay in my house. Sometimes Nimai Babu would come. There was not

very much work for me so whatever I did I did with great attention. On the

11th July 1878 the government gave me Summary Power. At that time Norman Saheb

was the Magistrate. On the 14th of August 1878 the government transferred me

from Bhadrak to Narail.

 

288. I arrived with my family in Midnapur on the footpath by means of a

palanquin placed on top of a wagon. I stayed in Yakpur for one or two days. At

the time I was married in Yakpur it was beautiful but it had [in time]

deteriorated. When I was in Midnapur I stayed for a day in the house of Doctor

Bhuvan Babu and then proceeded to Yakpur. From Yakpur I took a boat along the

canal and when I came to Ulaber I boarded a steamer. Thereafter I arrived in

Ranaghat.

289. From Ranaghat I went by horse carriage via Chakdar straight to Afra Ghat

and from there by boat to Narail. It was late at night [when we arrived]. I,

my son-in-law, Annada, Radhika and Kamal then walked some distance to the

house.

 

290. At the time Umacharan Ganguli Babu was the Deputy Magistrate. He gave

food to us with particular attention. The next day I learnt that Umacharan

Babu did not want to leave Narail. He tried to arrange [his staying there]

through Magistrate Page. I wrote a letter to Secretary Cockerel and he wrote

in reply that I should stay in Narail. Umacharan Babu then left.

 

291. There was a lot of work [to be done] in Narail. The Registrary Office was

at hand and there was some advantage in that. Atul Babu was the Munseph

[administrator of justice] there. It was good to tour about the countryside

while in Narail. One could travel all around by boat. I would go at times to

places like Laksmipasha, Kaliya etc. and hold court [there]. After five or six

months I brought my family to Narail. When I was in Narail I made acquaintance

with Brett Saheb, who came to Narail for the purpose of hunting. In Narail

there were many important people but Chandra Babu was the foremost. His

attention was focused on Hindu Dharma. I stayed in Narail for almost three

years. The local people liked me very much. As I proceeded from village to

village the local residents would serenade me with kirtan.

 

292. During the time I stayed in Narail I suffered serious fevers on two

occasions. On one occasion I became very weak because of the fever. Because of

my touring the Muphasel [?] had fallen behind schedule I traveled with my

wife. I took medicine from a Kaviraj but I performed my duties with

difficulty. Staying a few days in Naladi I went to Raigram. Doctor Sitanath

Babu carefully examined me and he gave me electrical treatment. One would find

very few as intelligent as he. We had great fun at the Raigram Fair.

The respectable gentlefolk of Narail made great efforts to entertain visiting

gentlefolk. The ladies would make a preparation of crushed coconut, and light

snacks, and bring them to our tents. The gentlefolk brought many common

household foods and it would have been very indiscreet not to accept them, so

I would take a little and give the rest to the others to eat. There were many

dishes [offered to us], such as condensed milk.

 

293. The green-coconut [dab] milk was very good in Narail. Samil, a servant

[of ours?], could purchase a very big coconut for one Paisa only. I did not

drink any water but drank only green-coconut milk. Because of this my body

became very healthy. Hrishi Babu and Baradadas Babu and others came to see me

all the time.

 

295. In 1286, while residing in Narail, I published Krishna Samhita. After

that, in 1287, I published the book Kalyana Kalpataru. Regarding the Krishna

Samhita a European scholar, R. Rest Saheb, wrote [as follows]:

 

296.

 

India Office

London S.W.

 

16th April 1880

 

My dear Sir,

 

A long and painful illness has prevented me from thanking you earlier for the

kind present of your Sree Krishna Samhita. By representing Krishna's character

and his worship in a more sublime and transcendent light than has hither to

been the custom to regard him in, you have rendered an essential service to

your co-religionists, and no one would have taken more delight in your work

than my departed friend Goldstucker, the sincerest and most zealous advocate

the Hindoos ever had in Europe. I am sending you a number of the Atheneum

containing a notice of his Literary Remains, published last year, as the work

may be welcome to many of his old friends in India. I trust you will pardon me

for having ventured to draw your attention to it. It would be a good thing, if

his views, literary and political were better known and more appreciated in

India. I trust you will let me know if I can be of any service to you.

 

Believe me to remain yours very truly,

Reinhold Rest

To Babu Kedar nath Dutt Dy. Magistrate

 

297. Waldo Emerson Saheb could not read Bengali, but he wrote this letter:

 

10th May 1886

Concord

Massachusetts

 

Dear Sir,

 

I have received with pleasure the book you so kindly sent me. I am sorry that

I do not know the language and cannot read it and can only send my thanks.

 

Emerson.

 

298. When I published Krishna Samhita the people of this country had many

opinions [about it]. Some said that this book was a new point of view. Others

said it was good. The younger, educated people said the book was good. But no

one could understand the essence of the book. The purpose of this book was to

show that Krishna-tattva was transcendental. Some people thought that the

entire matter [of the book] was psychological, but they were altogether wrong.

There is a subtle difference between aprakrita [transcendental] and adhyatmika

[psychological] which generally no one can grasp. Aprakrita has as its basis

the absence of speculative knowledge. Kalyana Kalpataru was mostly received

with affection and its many verses were sung.

 

299. While I was living in Narail I took diksha along with my wife. I had been

searching for a suitable guru for a long time but I did not find one. I was

very unhappy [on that account]. I had done much anxious thinking, and in a

dream Prabhu diminished my unhappiness.

 

300. In the dream I got a hint. That day I became happy. One or two days later

Gurudeva wrote to me saying, "I will come quickly and give you diksha."

Gurudeva came and diksha was given. My mind was satisfied. From that very day

the sinful reaction from meat-eating went from my heart and mercy arose [in

me] towards the jivas.

[dasanudasa]

Thank you very much for your mind-speed reply.

By the way, does any one knows the Horoscope, I am a vedic astrologer too so it would be very interesting to me

[raga]

Originally posted by dasanudasa:

Thank you very much for your mind-speed reply.

By the way, does any one knows the Horoscope, I am a vedic astrologer too so it would be very interesting to me

2. "I was born in Sakabda 1760 on the 18th day in the month of Bhadra in my maternal grandfather's home situated in the village of Ula [or Ulagram] also known as Birnagar."

 

This corresponds to the second Trayodasi of Hrishikesha, Yoga = Dhriti and Naksatra = Dhanista, Kanya Sankranti (Sun enters Virgo) two days prior to his appearance.

 

Would this help?

 

[dasanudasa]

Surely but I will have to do my calendar homework

¿Who are you my friend? I just read your beautiful page at http://raganuga.com/index.htm

My e-mail is dasanudasa@hotmail.com

[raga]

Originally posted by dasanudasa:

Surely but I will have to do my calendar homework

¿Who are you my friend? I just read your beautiful page at http://raganuga.com/index.htm

My e-mail is dasanudasa@hotmail.com

Sent U mail.

 

Sorry, I am not tuned into astrology, so I can't help much beyond this here...

 

Please post the results here when you are done with the horoscope analysis.

 

[theist]

I would like to add my thanks also Raga.I gave my printer a workout, and now to get it cut and bound.

 

Who translated it into English?

 

theist

[raga]

Originally posted by theist:

I would like to add my thanks also Raga.I gave my printer a workout, and now to get it cut and bound.

 

Who translated it into English?

 

theist

Shukavak Das. And it was edited by someone who didn't like his translation, KDA, whomever that means.

 

[theist]

Originally posted by raga:

Shukavak Das. And it was edited by someone who didn't like his translation, KDA, whomever that means.

KDA the mystery soul.Shukavak Das.I liked his book Hinduism encounters with Modernity.Also on the life as well as the teachings of Bhaktivinode Thakur.