How you doin' JR ?

[gHari]

Has your crisis passed?

 

Can we help?

[JRdd]

Thanks for asking, gHari prabhu! I am touched!

 

Well, it was kind of like the doc gave me a death sentence, standing at the foot of the bed. Five-sixths of my liver is gone, and he wanted me to know how serious it is. The day before that, the guys in ER handed me some info on living wills, before transferring me to a bed, and it didn't click in at that time.

 

But since that day, life has been stronger, more vivid, than before, not knowing if I have a few months left on this plane, or what. (It's been a longwait to see the specialist, who comes up these here parts only every two months, and I am not up to traveling.) Prioritizing has become a priority. Appreciation comes easier. Each day feels like a gift. Heck, any time I even get the energy to cook, or plant daisies, or wash dishes, or do something personal for Krsna, feels like a wonderful thing to me. Krsna seems very close in some ways, and there is a feeling of excitement. But also I know that I don't want to leave my body just yet, having a teenage daughter, and also feeling a deepening of my KC over the past year or so, to where I think I may be of some use if I stick around a bit longer. But it's like, it's all up to Krsna, and that is such a wonderful feeling, as He is always wishing well of us all.

 

Besides bombarding myself with Prabhupada bhajans, and the japa tapes, and the few lectures I have, on another level there is stuff I want to finish. Having low energy, I am not painting, but I unearthed a novel I started writing, and have been busy on that.

 

I do not mind the idea of dying. What I do mind is having to live lengths of time like how I lived this past winter, in months of extreme immobility and pain (and subsequent severe depression) due to the liver failure. But that is much lessened now, and unlike Queen Kunti, I kind of find it easier to be KC when I am feeling better. When I first started eating again, I told my Kanea "See? You get nice things to eat when I feel better", hoping He is bribe-able.

 

But now, I am feeling hope for surviving longer, as there is a new form of treatment which actually cures, and removes the scar tissue, so the liver can regenerate, and this is what I hope they offer me, after I see the specialist in April. My doc thinks they will put me on a year of injections a few times a week, and also have me on a transplant list at the same time. I realise I have the spirit to try to keep living (a feeling I did not have when in the throes of the illness through winter; at that time, if it hadn't been for my daughter, death would have been very welcome).

 

Well, thanks for asking, and if there is anything I can ask of you, or anyone else reading this, that is to pray to Krsna or Radharani that I remember Krsna more and more in my daily life, and at the time of death. And I will pray the same for you, for we are all dying. I need this prayer because I am constantly forgetting Krsna.

 

your servant, Jayaradhe

[gHari]

Jayaradhe,

 

I am hoping He is bribe-able too. I am expecting you to be around for another thirty years. I cannot cope with you leaving any earlier; so it just won't happen.

 

This little drama is sure to turn your daughter into your mother, and prepare her for life. Soon she will be ready to turn you over to Krsna. Then there will be time for the art and books and preaching you know you must do.

 

I hope Krsna agrees with me on this.

 

gHari

[stonehearted]

Originally posted by JRdd:

Well, it was kind of like the doc gave me a death sentence, standing at the foot of the bed. Five-sixths of my liver is gone, and he wanted me to know how serious it is. The day before that, the guys in ER handed me some info on living wills, before transferring me to a bed, and it didn't click in at that time.

 

 

When I first started eating again, I told my Kanea "See? You get nice things to eat when I feel better", hoping He is bribe-able.

 

But now, I am feeling hope for surviving longer, as there is a new form of treatment which actually cures, and removes the scar tissue, so the liver can regenerate, and this is what I hope they offer me, after I see the specialist in April. My doc thinks they will put me on a year of injections a few times a week, and also have me on a transplant list at the same time. I realise I have the spirit to try to keep living (a feeling I did not have when in the throes of the illness through winter; at that time, if it hadn't been for my daughter, death would have been very welcome).

 

If there is anything I can ask of you, or anyone else reading this, that is to pray to Krsna or Radharani that I remember Krsna more and more in my daily life, and at the time of death. And I will pray the same for you, for we are all dying. I need this prayer because I am constantly forgetting Krsna.

Jayaradhe, I'm sorry to read that you've been so ill. I feel as though I've neglected many of the friends I've met online. We've had so many reminders lately of the truth of our situation here: my daughter being run over by a car, Tamal Krishna Maharaja's passing, my friend Ojasvi's passing, and now I find out how seriously ill you are. You're right, of course; we're all dying, and if I were at all serious about spiritual life, I'd find these incidennts sobering.

 

Tell you what: I'll pray both that the cure works and that you'll remember Krishna more. And remember that Krishna isn't just bribable, but he becomes completely under the control of those who love Him.

 

Babhru

[gHari]

I wondered where that thought came from. All the way from Hawaii, but I guess Supersoul is beyond space.

 

 

[This message has been edited by gHari (edited 04-01-2002).]

[stonehearted]

Originally posted by gHari:

Braveheart, how is your daughter? I hadn't heard of this until now.

She's on the mend, and is mostly improving in spirits. She's a really active woman who has just spent a few days in the hospital for the first time in her life and who has been put out of commission. She was riding her bicycle to Mesa College for a 6:30 am swim class and was run over. She was found lying unconcious in the road. She got off with a couple of broken bones and a terrible concussion (her helmet was destroyed). We all know how lucky she is. The passing of TKG and Ojasvi helped create some perspective.

 

Thanks for asking.

 

[JRdd]

 

Thank you both for such genuine well wishes and prayers, which are so valuable to me, no matter what Krsna decides for me. Love is the essence and love is the cure, whether the physical body is included in that cure or not.

 

I am so sorry to hear of your daughter, Braveheart, and am sayig a prayer on her behalf, that her recovery is swift and complete.

 

Asd for neglecting friends, I also feel regret over the same. It just seems so hard to keep up with it all, more natural to have relationships with those physically around you. But I am trying to make my few and far between emails count for more now when I write someone. I remember in the temples how we were taught to feel the importance of not wasting a single moment, and I long to get that realization back. I remember one time there was a big to-do over a couple about to get married, and I knew nothing about it, and devotees affectionately said something like "She always is absorbed in Krsna pasttimes and doesn't talk any prajalpa". I remember feeling surprised at this assessment as it seemed so natural to be that way, I assumed everyone was the same. I wish for that focus to return. Even with death beckoning with its teasing finger I am complacent.

 

your servant, Jayaradhe

 

 

[stonehearted]

Originally posted by JRdd:

As for neglecting friends, I also feel regret over the same. . . . I remember in the temples how we were taught to feel the importance of not wasting a single moment, and I long to get that realization back. I remember one time there was a big to-do over a couple about to get married, and I knew nothing about it, and devotees affectionately said something like "She always is absorbed in Krsna pasttimes and doesn't talk any prajalpa". I remember feeling surprised at this assessment as it seemed so natural to be that way, I assumed everyone was the same. I wish for that focus to return.

That remark reminds me of what Srila Prabhupada wrote Satyaki, my wife, when he initiated her. He said that Bhakta das, the TP, had written that Satyaki never spoke any nonsense. He told her that this is the best quality and encouraged her to keep it up and be a good example for all the other devotees. (I'd use exact quotations, but our letters from Srila Prabhupada are packed away in a box.)What's frightening is the effect on her consciousness of living with me for almost 30 years.

 

Thanks for reminding us all of this important principle.

 

Your aspiring servant,

Babhru

 

[This message has been edited by stonehearted (edited 04-02-2002).]

[stonehearted]

Oops! I meant to edit the above post, but I apparently replied. I wish there were a way a poster could just delete a message altogether.

 

Babhru

 

[This message has been edited by stonehearted (edited 04-02-2002).]

[Tarun]

When u wish upon a post,

DurgA turns it into toast...

If I was iller & this Mideast conflict was between bhaktas & bhuktas, I'd volunteer as a Human Shield too.

This Sunday Loch mentioned that PrabhupAd said:

"By performing harinAm-sankIrtan, all disease can be conquered."

Since I've been HarinAming regularly, I can testify to this.

As of late, during kIrtan I'm jumping more, running more...

I was in a wheelchair, 2 crutches, 2 canes, carried, u name it.

I can also withstand cold weather much better now, often removing my jacket while chanting & dancing.

I highly recommend Public HarinAm even if u r an atheist.

Even if u think u r this body, HarinAm will help u to enjoy.

My health is not perfect, yet it's greatly improved.

It's not only the HarinAm Itself; it's also the anticipation of our next performance of HarinAm, id est, the GaurAnga-vipralambha gaps betwixt.

[Shashi]

Jayaradhe Mataji you said your liver is nearly all going. It is being said the the liver is holding ones anger. So I am thinking as soon as your anger is all gone Lord will be there to take you. Until then you must have been praying like the baby because just now it is like you are talking as the saints. Perhaps Hanumanji will be bringing you some nice fruits soon. I will pray also.

 

 

[JRdd]

Thank you for such beautiful and kind wishes, Sashi prabhu!

Yes, I have heard this also, about the liver and anger. I don't feel angry now (I can relate to grief more than anger), but you never know what lurks in the subconscious.

Besides the possible external causes (the virus, anger, etc.) Krsna definitely has his plans. For each and every one of us. And knowing this is a great solace, and even more, it is a great joy.

Thanks again, your servant, Jayaradhe

[JRdd]

Hari bol, I finally saw the liver specialist yesterday and the situation is urgent. I am to see a panel of people over a two-day intensive, for transplant evaluation. But he said in the meantime, I am to consider myself in a state of emergency, as any time this liver failure could abruptly change even though at the moment I am managing; he said I could go into a coma or anything, just like that, from seeming to be okay. So if anyone feels the desire to pray in a way that is appropriate to my situation, I would appreciate that. My hope is to be able to keep alive long enough to be prepared for whichever way the ball bounces, and being prepared for treatment involves tons of complicated arrangements, including relocating, all of which will take time. They will not offer help if I have no solid support, especially for a month following operation, as they said you will not survive without support, and thankfully someoone called yesterday and seems able to arrange a rota of devotees to help that situation as I will be down near where there are devotees. So it seems like Krsna is sending angels this way, and maybe some of you angels can root for my being time to take care of other matters which will facilitate everything going about.

Thanks for reading this,

your servant, Jayaradhe

[atma]

Jayaradhe, my prayers are with you. Hopefully the transplant will be succesful.

Where are you relocating? How can I help you?

[Tarun]

I'll email this thread to a few favorable mAtAjIs.

Firm yet flexible faith in the Lord's Mercy is most important.

[samarpan]

Originally posted by JRdd:

Hari bol, I finally saw the liver specialist yesterday and the situation is urgent. I am to see a panel of people over a two-day intensive, for transplant evaluation. But he said in the meantime, I am to consider myself in a state of emergency, as any time this liver failure could abruptly change even though at the moment I am managing; he said I could go into a coma or anything, just like that, from seeming to be okay. So if anyone feels the desire to pray in a way that is appropriate to my situation, I would appreciate that. My hope is to be able to keep alive long enough to be prepared for whichever way the ball bounces, and being prepared for treatment involves tons of complicated arrangements, including relocating, all of which will take time. They will not offer help if I have no solid support, especially for a month following operation, as they said you will not survive without support, and thankfully someoone called yesterday and seems able to arrange a rota of devotees to help that situation as I will be down near where there are devotees. So it seems like Krsna is sending angels this way, and maybe some of you angels can root for my being time to take care of other matters which will facilitate everything going about.

Thanks for reading this,

your servant, Jayaradhe

haribol mataji,having chronic active hepc myself and done the interferon ys ago you surprise me about the transplant and give me new hope,my energy is gone and a coctail of blood pressure drugs dont help plus diabetic ones also and the pain and subsequent opiates for this,my only real medicine is japa and would love harinam but no devotees will visit this part of the world,still i love all of your associations.hare krishna.subal aka surrender

 

[Gauracandra]

Jayaradhe,

 

You will be in my prayers. I really hope they give you the transplant. Keep hope strong.

 

Gauracandra

[Jagat]

With all the arguing going on between devotees, it is nice to know that you have been able to find enough friends to agree to take care of you.

 

All glories to the devotees of the Lord!

 

My prayers are with you.

 

Jagat

[JRdd]

Thanks so much for all the support, sweet prabhus. It really does help, and I'm sure this help extends beyond just soothing the heart, to also healing on deeper levels of being. Things are still iffy about the support thing as I need to find a place to stay for that month, and so far, nothing (Unless they will alllow me to stay two hours away from there, at a friend's, where two devotees are willing to help me). I was thinking of trying to find some rich devotee to maybe pay for a place for a month, like an apartment or whatever. If anyone can refer me to any such person, to whom a little financial help would be no burden, I would appreciate hearing of them.

 

Subal prabhu,

I am so sorry for your suffering, and I would like to start a new thread about treatments for Hep C. Things have greatly improved in this field, both in discoveries about alternative medicines, and also in the allopathic field. For example, the antiferon treatment (which they have not offered me, guess it's too late) now includes two other things or ingredients which some years of research and clincial trials have proved to be now successful in curing hep c for good, as well as dissolving scar tissue so there is room for regeneration, and the side effects are much less than antiferon by itself, which I understand are much like having a very bad flu during the year of treatment? I think the nickname for this new thing is pegasus. But the only thing is, most research and use of this has gone on in California, as I understand it; what part of the world are you in?

 

The problem with my getting on a transplant list at this stage is that the average wating time for a cadavaric liver is a year, and it sounds like I don't have that much time. I am hoping someone will donate a piece of their liver, which miraculously regenerates in a very short time.

 

But--and this may interest you, Subal--in the meantime I am going to take alpha-lipoic acid. I just found out about it and read a bunch and it has successfully saved lives of many end stage liver disease patients. Even if it merely helps keep me going until I can get a liver I will consider that valuable. Read about it at

http://www.alchemistlab.com

It is a "buyer's beware" thing, and I reccomend the Jarrow's Formula brand, from what I know. I found some locally yesterday and have hopes in this helping. One doctor jeopardized his job by going against administerial policy against using it, but he had already saved lives with it, from people on their deathbeds, and he could not let people die when he knew how to help them. So I would look into this prabhu. 300mg twice a day.

 

There are also different types of transplants now. One type is where they graft a piece of liver onto the patient's liver, and when the patient's liver starts regrowing, they take off that foreign graft and the patient doesn't even have to take anit-rejection drugs for the rest of his life. I read about other kinds of transplants too. I hope you can get access to the kind of help you need.

 

Good luck with everything. Sounds like you have liver failure too; so many other things go wrong at this point. Eat high quality protein especially if you have cirrhosis, and avoid salt as much as possible. I hope you feel better and I will pray for you.

 

One of the big things I have learned through this experience is how Krsna really is the controller. Before, I had more conviction that if I found the right natural things to treat myself, I could cure just about anything. But now I see how it is beyond my control, and this edges me closer to realising how much sense it makes to just let go and surrender to the SWEET will of the Lord. Not that we don't try to take care of our bodies and do whatever we can to keep body and soul together, as the body's caretaker, but we can leave the results to Krsna. We have true security in Krsna consciousness, whatever happens.

 

I am also sensing so strongly the immediacy of impending death, how it really can come at any moment, and this causes a kind of altered consciousness. Very interesting--and a great impetus for the lazy likes of me to try to get more serious about developing my consciousness of Krsna.

 

best wishes, ys, Jayaradhe

 

 

[Gauracandra]

Jayaradhe,

 

Hope I'm not pestering too much. Just wanted to check in and see how you were doing. I didn't realize until just recently with your revelations that you were so ill. So I've been thinking about you a bit. I hope everything is well. Please keep us informed of any progress. Hope everything else is going well. Take care.

 

Gauracandra

 

PS By the way, I was just thinking if you wanted the George Harrison video I can send it to you.

 

[This message has been edited by Gauracandra (edited 04-22-2002).]

[Tarun]

Gauracandra's words reminded me of my present special guest.

MahAvirya Prabhu's been staying in my home since February.

He's the same MahAvirya who defended ISKCON Kenya's Deity's & devotees in 1975 against huligans.

He was chopped up by machetes; he lost so much blood.

He was unconscious for days, hospitalized for weeks.

He still suffers from that incident.

Upon hearing this tragedy, SP stated:

"For his bravery, this boy's return BTG is guaranteed."

Thank God, in my time of need, he's sent me such saintly sanga.

[JRdd]

That is really kind of you, Gaurachandra prabhu! How could you think that is pestering. Well, I would for sure not say no to the video. If you want to send it I would be most grateful! Let me know if you have my email address. I really feel that all this well-wishing support is bouying me, keeping my spirits going, it is this realisation that there really is a family of devotees, and I am excited about sticking around a few more years to see how things unfold, rebloom, etc, and see if I can help it along in my own small ways. I hope that any devotees who have followed this thread will take heart in seeing the kindness among the devotees.

The support thing seems to have mostly worked itself out, without any efforts on my part. There truly are angels among us.

I hope forumite Subal gets more association, and also practical help for his condition.

Well thanks again, all this nice stuff. I sure want to be able, myself, to take part in spreading the love from Krsna all over. I can not wait to see that video.

your servant, Jayaradhe

 

 

[Gauracandra]

Jayaradhe,

 

You can send me an email at Gauracandra@indiadivine.com and give me the details as to where to send the video. I'll try to send it out to you by this weekend. Take care.

 

Gauracandra

[leyh]

Dear JRdd:

 

I hope you are feeling better.Please be assured that I will keep you in my prayers. May Krsna touch you with His love,and may He bestow upon you spiritual and material health!

 

vidiksu diksurdhvam adhah samantad antar bahir bhagavan narasimhah prahapayal loka bhayam svanena sva tejasa grasta samasta tejah

 

"Prahlad Maharaja loudly chanted the holy name of Lord Nrsimhadeva. May Lord Nrsimhadeva, roaring for His devotee Prahlad Maharaja, protect us from all fear of dangers created by stalwart leaders in all directions through poison, weapons, water, fire, air and so on. May the Lord cover their influence by His own transcendental influence. May Nrsimhadeva protect us in all directions and in all corners, above, below, within and without." (Srimad-Bhagavatam, 6.8.34]

 

May Lord Nrsimhadeva's protection be with you now and forever. Don't lose heart!The Lord is very loyal to His devotees and He will never let them perish.

 

Hoping this finds you in good health.

 

 

 

 

[This message has been edited by leyh (edited 04-25-2002).]

[stonehearted]

Jayaradhe,

 

I have offered a few prayers for your health. I hope everything works out and we'll be able to continue benefitting from your good company. (See? My selfishness wins out!) Please do let us know when there's some news.

 

Babhru