Tarun Posted July 2, 2001 Report Share Posted July 2, 2001 The Temple President was very straightforward. Generally. TP: "There'll be no women in this istagosthi's 1st 10 minutes. We'll call the women in later on." ALL the resident matajis and didis remained outside, for a moment feeling a wee bit dejected. Then they quickly went off to do their assigned seva. TP: "Today I want to speak something very frankly concerning matrimony. I know some of you are thinking of becoming grhastha. PrabhupAd warned us all, 'A brahmana or brahmacari should only marry a virgin.'" Gardener: "Only a virgin?" TP: "Yes, like virgin soil, untouched." Temple Commander: "Yes, it's true. I read it. He said it." Potwasher: "But how can we know for sure whether she's virgin or not." Sankirtan Leader: "One obvious symptom is that even while out on traveling sankirtan, she'll never ever buy, offer nor eat bread baked by karmis." Pujari: "What's that? I never heard this one before." SL: "That's right. Nothing cooked or baked by karmis for her. No way." Car Mechanic: "Sounds impractical. Suppose her sankirtan van breaks down hours away and only store bought bread is available?" TC: "She's so strict; she'd rather starve than succumb." TP: "Yes, for sure. No compromise." Treasurer: And that's yet another reason why we never purchase karmi bread to offer to our Deities." Pujari: "Hmm. Kinda makes sense." Headcook: "Yes, it's true. I've seen it. Virgins will bake bread or roast chapatis themselves, yet never ever buy commercial bread." Potwasher: "Oh really. Hmm. I never noticed that." Headcook: "That's because your back is always to the oven." TC: "Yeah. If you turned your head around, away from those 2 sinks, then maybe you would notice." Potwasher: (scratching his head) "I must be missing some point here." Gardener: "Yeah, me too." Pujari: "Me three!!!" Lifemembership Director: "Yes. Please tell us succinctly how a woman baking bread instead of buying bread provides positive proof she's a virgin?" Headcook: "Only oven fresh." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ TP: "Okay, you can invite the bhaktins back in now." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 7, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2001 FOLLOWING NON-LOTUS FEET... TC: ... And furthermore, we need to cut down on excessive use of water, bhoga, gas, heat, electricity, frills... Treasurer: Definitely. After all, it is our dearmost Supreme Lord NArAyan's Laxmi we're wasting. We should... Sankirtan Leader: Wait a minute! Didn't we cover all these points in our last istagosthi? Headcook: More like our last 3! Mechanic: 5! Gardener: Like weeds. They just seem to crop up over & over again. Potwasher: What did PrabhupAd say? Resolution, no solution...? Gardener: Bible warns about this. Mechanic: Yeah, vain repetition. Like a disengaged clutch. Headcook: Deaf ears. Like ears of corn. Treasurer: I was about to say (before I was so rudely interrupted): We should be more careful, more efficient. TP: I have an idea. Here's what we do. Pujari: What's that? TP: Bring a big pillow. Potwasher: A big pillow? What for? TP: You'll see. Vice Pres: Let me put it this way. To make sure we once & for all, got that? ...ONCE & for ALL 'terminate' discussing frills & waste, this time after we cover them, we'll also go on to smother them. Pujari: Them? potwasher: Them who? (Alive) Life Membership Director: Any objections? ....s..i..l..e..n..c..e... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 12, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 At recent, recorded Istagosthis as well as GBC Meetings whose overall theme was "Simple Living, High Thinking", the following question was seriously posed: "Why should our movement's leaders "Go to Hell in a Hand Basket" if modern gas guzzling conveyances afford more comfort?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 12, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2001 Adding fuel to fire, insult to injury, one apparently well-educated refined mission committee leader got up & shouted: "Yeah! Handbaskets don't even have speedometers. Expedience is all importance. To Heaven with those environmentalists! Me? I'm headed the other direction." Honesty's the Best Policy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 14, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2001 Foreseeing persistent economic calamity as Kaliyuga progresses, this year's Mission Committee Chairman expressed: "Dear Prabhus & Matajis, we know instead of Sanskrt Holy Names, some of you are still giving your children Christian names like John and Mary on their birth certificates. For financial purposes we humbly request you to avoid choosing one name in particular, that is, never name your kids William or Wilhelmina." One mission member inquired, "What? How come?" Chairman: "You're intelligent. You can figure it out." Member: "I haven't the slightest idea. Tell me. Tell us." Chairman: When times are bad what usually happens? Member: More bank robberies? Chairman: Yes, more generally, 2 things occur: 1) Nobody pays them. They're ignored. 2) They stack up. There's too many. Member: Pays what? Who's ignore? What stacks up? Too many who? Chairman: "Bills." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 17, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2001 At Istagostha our Temple Treasurer was holding each & every devotee accountable for his own personal expenditures. Our Temple President thought he had a good excuse for his excessive travel expense. TP: "I just got back from India." TT: "Yes, we heard." TP: "I had lunch there." TT: "Only lunch? You went so far, halfway around the Globe just to eat lunch?" TP: "I heard they had a New Deli." (Delhi) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted July 22, 2001 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2001 Istagosthi Advice to all Gurukula students seeking higher education: Don't Settle for just any AIDS, get Financial AID(S). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted August 16, 2001 Author Report Share Posted August 16, 2001 Once all the catur-pada pazus held a meeting titled "How to Get Out from the Control of Man." The elephant admitted, "I'm so big, so strong still I'm controlled." In short, this beast meeting was a failure. The meeting was organized by an ass. The ass thought, "I have to work so hard all day, for only a little grass, maybe a carrot." Oops, sorry, my mistake, wrong thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted August 27, 2001 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2001 ISTagosthi should never be left to a properly dressed committee. A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured then quietly strangled - Sir Barnett Cocks One guru says he's being poisoned. He gives so many examples. Anyone with ears can here it. If Q-Tips are in short supply... Kapila Prabhu uses car keys. Same result: clear sound. Even after hearing their guru's plea, such committees first lure their guru's words/voice into their cul-de-sac gathering after which they busy themselves strangling their most obvious evidence available, personally supplied by HDG. They're (such committee members) going to help me or anyone else spiritually advance? Cash advance? Maybe. Spiritually advance? Hardly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maitreya Posted August 27, 2001 Report Share Posted August 27, 2001 They're (such committee members) going to help me or anyone else spiritually advance? Cash advance? Maybe. Spiritually advance? Hardly. And then one must consider the compound interest they charge.Better the bank or the neighborhood schiester.At least the terms will be clear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted August 30, 2001 Author Report Share Posted August 30, 2001 Correct spelling for "Schiester"? "Scheister" reminds me of one Marks Brothers film. These committees remind me of so many Marks Brother's Films. Whatever you do, get it in writing or don't do it at all. That especially goes for you virgin though aspiring future MAtAjIs. Napoleonic Law does have that special quality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted September 15, 2001 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2001 Bhakta Ben Laden is hereby cordially invited to participate in all future GBC meetings. In addition, from now on a U.S. Senate chair (101) is reserved for him to attend all congressional get-togethers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted October 29, 2001 Author Report Share Posted October 29, 2001 In Tonight's ISTagosthi we discussed how films inspire action. Specifically how politicians get ideas from movies. To some extent, Kosova came from "Wag the Dog". Long Kiss Goodnight" with Geena Davis & Samuel Jackson showed how to Blow Up/Bring Down WTC. Just as comedians have adjusted their jokes since 9/11, devotees have adjusted their iSTagosthis discussion topics. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted May 9, 2002 Author Report Share Posted May 9, 2002 GeeBeeSea Resolution #666 If u r speaking in lieu of someone else, be careful. Just to be on the safe side, a few suggestions: 1) If whomever u r representing & u mostly disagree, try this: Instead of stating, "On behalf of Mr So-n-so" adjust. If u 2 agree 33%, say "On bethird of.." If u 2 agree 25%, say "One befourth of or on bequarter of.." If u 2 agree 20%, say "On befifth of".. Like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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