Problems with the Program

July 4, 2001

<center>Problems with the Program "Girlfriend"</center>

<center>and Related Software</center></p>

Last year, my friend upgraded his Girlfriend 2.0 to Girlfriend Plus 1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1.0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1.0 to Wife 1.0. He hates it. It's a memory hogger, and it has taken up all his space. More disheartening is that Wife 1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Due to DMA channel conflicts, this often causes older programs to be minimized so they can only run in the background, like Best Friend 5.1. And although he didn't ask for them, Wife 1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as Mother-In-Law and an audio program that repeats the same things over and over again, regardless of what other program is running.</p>

I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed. They tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. So, I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. So, I then tried to uninstall it by hand, but unbeknownst to me, trying a manual uninstall of Girlfriend 1.0 causes a virus to infect your system. This virus, Revenge '97, put files in my system

directory that interfered with running Girlfriend 2.0, and cased a system crash during the attempted installation of the new and improved Girlfriend 3.0.</p>

Given our dissatisfaction with the prior versions of the Girlfriend software, he and I came up with a few suggestions for features we would like to see in the upcoming Girlfriend 4.0:</p>

<ul>

[*]a "Don't remind me again" button

[*]a minimize button

[*]an auto-shutdown feature when illegal functions (programmable by the user) are encountered

[*]an install-shield feature so that Girlfriend 4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so your .INI files don't get clogged and you don't lose cache and other objects).

And while I cannot personally vouch for these, my friend tells me that Wife 1.0 has the following undocumented bug. If one tries to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MS-Money files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.</p>

<center>New Shareware Release Recommended for Users of Girlfriend or Wife</center></p>

This will be of particular interest to users of any version of Girlfriend or Wife, and those considering installing a version of Girlfriend or Wife, but are unsure if the current offerings will meet there needs. It should also be considered by those who installed BoyFriend (now unsupported except in Hawaii and Haiti) and discovered that it performed suspiciously like early versions of Girlfriend (except for the gauche color schemes and without the legitimate upgrade path available to owners of

Girlfriend).</p>

<center>Introducing Friend 1.0, Beta 4.5 (Demo)</center></p>

Friend is similar to Girlfriend, but is gender-independent and is based on Modular architecture. Rather than being the "one and only," Friend lets you create fully-functional applets. You control the appearance and performance of each. During the installation of the program, Friend helps you select the general characteristics you desire, and this basic set is used as a template for creating applets. You can create and run as many applets as you wish without conflict (limited by available memory

and system speed).</p>

Enhancements:</p>

<ul>

[*]Improved Modem Handling -- The applets won't answer the phone on the first ring (as all versions of Girlfriend do). The applet won't hang up if it determines that another applet originated the connection (Girlfriend v 1) or interrogate the other applet (Girlfriend Plus).

[*]Improved Efficiency -- Friend applets use a minimum of system resources, and do not force other programs to shut down when you run them. Also, they do not delete other programs to free up disk space.

[*]Versatility -- Applets require no special hardware, do not require gold-plated connectors or expensive paper, and are ideal for laptops because of the wide variety of IO port and hardware combinations supported.

[*]Transportability -- Applets run on Win '95, NT, or Mac platforms. This makes sharing them with others or uploading them for public use fast and easy. Note: Commercial distribution requires special licensing, which may not be available in your state. Check local regulations before ordering.

[*]"Smart" Preferences -- Applets record parameters as you use them, and customize themselves to best suit your needs. Enhanced DDE/AppleEvent communications allows applets to share this information with each other amicably, so that performance is of uniform top-notch quality time after time, from applet to applet. This same information is passed on to the template, so there's really no "starting over" when creating new applets. However, applets will not communicate when you are not using them, so that you have full control over the data that they share.

[*]Enhanced Communications -- Applets have a wider vocabulary, and employ artificial intelligence to determine the exact meaning of any message you pass to them before responding. For programming buffs, the greater range of valid excuses and reduced argument set will make life a breeze. Additionally, you can pass the same DDE/AE message to all applets running without conflict.

[*]Enhanced File Management -- Applets can have "hidden" file names (the accessory "Black Book" makes keeping track of them a snap!), file names with hyphens, and several can be installed in the same location without conflicts. Backups are automatic.

[*]Enhanced User Interface -- Applets are modeless (you can minimize, exit or ignore them even during an interrogatory), and the number of questions requiring answers during a session is much smaller, due to improved memory handling. Volume level is easily set via the system sound control panel and does not reset to maximum near the end of each session.

[*]Enhanced Safety -- Friend and all the applets you create will regularly use Norton Disk Doctor before any symptoms appear. An applet with problems will responsibly report them to you and the other applets, so that further testing and remedies can occur.

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