Global Death Rate Remains Constant at 100 Percent

[Guest guest]

GENEVA, SWITZERLAND--World Health Organization officials expressed disappointment Monday at the group's

finding that, despite the enormous efforts of doctors, rescue workers and other medical professionals worldwide, the

global death rate remains constant at 100 percent.

 

Death, a metabolic affliction causing total shutdown of all life functions, has long been considered humanity's number one health concern. Responsible for 100 percent of all recorded fatalities worldwide, the

condition has no cure.

 

"I was really hoping, what with all those new

radiology treatments, rescue helicopters, aerobics TV shows and what have you, that we might at least make a dent in it this year," WHO Director General Dr. Gernst Bladt said. "Unfortunately, it would appear that the death rate remains constant and total, as it has inviolably since the dawn of time."

 

Many are suggesting that the high mortality rate represents a massive failure on the part of the planet's health care workers.

 

"The inability of doctors and scientists to adequately address this issue of death is nothing less than a scandal," concerned parent Marcia Gretto said. "Do you have any idea what a full-blown case of death looks like? Well, I do, and believe me, it's not pretty. In prolonged cases, total decomposition of the corpse is the result."

 

"What about the children?" the visibly moved Gretto added.

 

"At this early date, I don't want to start making broad generalizations," Citizens for Safety's Robert Hemmlin said, "but it is beginning to seem possible that birth--as well as the subsequent life cycle that follows it--may be a serious safety risk for all those involved."

 

Death, experts say, affects not only the dead, but the non-dead as well.

"Those who suffer from death can be highly traumatized by it, often so severely that it kills them," noted therapist Eli Wasserbaum said. "But it can also be very traumatic for the still-living who are left behind. The sudden cessation of metabolic activity characteristic of terminal cases of death often leaves the dead person in a position where they are unable to adequately provide for the emotional needs of their loved ones."

 

In the most serious cases of death, Wasserbaum explained, the trauma inflicted upon these still-living victims of death may continue throughout their entire lives, until their own deaths. "Thus," Wasserbaum said, "the 'vicious cycle' of death trauma continues indefinitely." "Everybody talks about death," Sen. Pete Domenici (R-NM) said, "but nobody seems to actually be doing anything about it. I propose we stop molly-coddling death, not to mention the multi-billion-dollar hospital, mortuary, funeral and burial industries that reap huge profits from it."

 

Under Domenici's new bill, all federal funds will be withheld from the medical industry until it "gets serious and starts

cracking down on death."

 

Consumer rights advocate and staunch anti-death activist Ralph Nader agreed with Domenici.

 

"Why should we continue to spend billions of dollars a year on a health care industry whose sole purpose is to prevent death, only to find, once again, that death awaits us all?" Nader said in an impassioned address to several suburban Californians. "That's called a zero percent return on our investment, and that's not fair. Its time the paying

customer stood up to the HMOs and to the so-called 'medical health professionals' and said: 'Enough is enough. I'm paying through the nose here, and I don't want to die.'"

 

 

[Tarun]

This one brings to mind "Radio Ram" by Madhu something dAs.

Any more copies of Radio Ram floating around? Or shelfstable?

He should've produced more of those.

Whatever happened to that godbrother?

He starred as RAm in New VrndAvan's version of RAmAyan.

[Tarun]

New York and Wash DC death rates still 100%.

[Guest guest]

What's big and dirty and glows in the dark?

 

Afghanistan

 

[amanpeter]

Originally posted by rand0M aXiS:

What's big and dirty and glows in the dark?

 

Afghanistan

Yeh, and it smells bad, too!

 

 

[Guest guest]

Originally posted by amanpeter:

Yeh, and it smells bad, too!

 

 

 

Not as bad as pathetic puke poets!

[Tarun]

We flew from London to Delhi on Afghan Airlines in Feb1976.

Used to be part of Greater India.

SP told us, "Don't bother to preach there; they won't listen."

So far I've heard, that's the only place SP referred to in that way.

[Tarun]

Some of the WTC 'missing' are not really missing.

They're hiding.

Some of the WTC 'missing' didn't even go to work that day.

They were tipped off.

Their clever spouses are wheeling and dealing with insurance agents as we speak.

They stand to gain so much.

All their hidden partners have to do is lay low till sundown.

With $millions$ as their motive it won't be so hard.

Mayor Giuliani should pass an emergency law (and sing along):

You're nobody till somebody finds you,

You're nobody till somebody cares. (identifies your corpse)

You may be dead, your spouse may claim the world and all its gold.

But gold won't bring you happiness if your soul is sold.

Kaliyuga is getting worse you'll never change it.

As sure as those Twin Towers fell from above!!//-_

Your nobody till we find your body!

So tell your spouse forget $it$ push to shove.

So tell your spouse forget $it$ if we don't!

(at least find your finger)