Ashcroft Arab Inquiry

Tarun · December 8, 2001

After much deliberation, our Attorney General's staff has so far come up with the following "Essential to US Security" questions for their alleged Terrorist detainees:

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1) Have you seen "The Mummy"? How 'bout The Mummy Returns"?

Justification: This is a very serious question.

In both films Americans are the goodguys, Arabs the villains.

This could anger Arabs. How to vent that anger?

2) Do you favor the condom brand Sheik?

Why not Trojan?

Same question applies for Ramses.

3) When you watch "Dream of Genie" reruns, do you:

a) Shut off your TV?

b) Switch channels?

c) Stare at her belly button?

d) Picture her wearing a Berka?

4) Do you wear a Durag? (What's a Bernoose? New Nile Let's Jam?)

5) In the last 2 weeks, did you rent &/or watch "The Siege"?

6) Porky Pig: Love him or hate him?

This question is legitimate.

7) If you hear "Ahab the Arab" on Oldies radio, would you:

a) phone the radio station to complain?

b) mail the DJ anthrax?

c) pray you meet the sucker in a desolate parking lot?

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Want to really help guarantee our National Security?

Mail in similarly pertinent questions to our State Dept.

This way, working together we can insure our mutual safety.

gHari · December 9, 2001

If someone says that the soul was first in the Kingdom of God, but later fell down into this masty world, would you:

<blockquote>a) agree,

b) disagree,

c) disagree violently,

d) disagree with violence,

e) invoke Holy jihad,

f) shout "Acintya",

g) talk about birds and fruit in trees,

h) smile and get on with your life?

</blockquote>

Tarun · December 9, 2001

b with thoughts of c & e.

gHari · December 9, 2001

Bonggggggg! At this age of the debate and at this age of our bodies only answer h (and possibly f) are sensible. All other responses will be met with Bingo's version of e, wholly jihad.

I wish you all all success with Sri Krsna, no matter where you feel you originated.