Rules of the Road in India

[atma]

I love this, the first time that I saw it was in Mayapur in the room 111 in the long building during Gour Purnima time. Hari Sauri found it so funny that he posted it in the reception, I got it again and I hope that you have a good laugh.

 

RULES OF THE ROAD IN INDIA

>

>Traveling in India is an almost hallucinatory potion of sound,

>spectacle and experience. It is frequently heart-rending, sometimes

>hilarious, mostly exhilarating, always unforgettable - and, when you

>are on the roads, extremely dangerous.

>

>Most Indian road users observe a version of the Highway Code based

>on a Sanskrit text. These 10 rules of the Indian road are published

>for the first time in English.

>

>ARTICLE I

>The assumption of immortality is required of all road users.

>

>ARTICLE II

>Indian traffic, like Indian society, is structured on a strict caste

>system. The following precedence must be accorded at all times. In

>descending order, give way to: cows, elephants, heavy trucks, buses,

>official cars, camels, light trucks, buffalo, Jeeps, ox-carts,

>private cars, motorcycles, scooters, auto-rickshaws, pigs, pedal

>rickshaws, goats, bicycles (goods-carrying), handcarts, bicycles

>(passenger-carrying), dogs, pedestrians.

>

>ARTICLE III

>All wheeled vehicles shall be driven in accordance with the maxim:

>to slow is to falter, to brake is to fail, to stop is defeat. This

>is the Indian drivers' mantra.

>

>ARTICLE IV

>Autos: Long blasts (desperate) denote supplication, i.e., to

>oncoming truck, "I am going too fast to stop, so unless you slow

>down we shall both die". In extreme cases this may be accompanied by

>flashing of headlights (frantic). Single blast (casual) means "I

>have seen someone out of India's 870 million whom I recognise",

>"There is a bird in the road (which at this speed could go through

>my windscreen)" or "I have not blown my horn for several minutes."

>

>Trucks and buses: All horn signals have the same meaning, viz, "I

>have an all-up weight of approximately 12.5 tons and have no

>intention of stopping, even if I could." This signal may be

>emphasised by the use of headlamps (insouciant). Article IV remains

>subject to the provision of Order of Precedence in Article II above

>

>ARTICLE V

>All manoeuvres, use of horn and evasive action shall be left until

>the last possible moment.

>

>ARTICLE VI

>In the absence of seat belts (which there is), car occupants shall

>wear garlands of marigolds. These should be kept fastened at all

>times.

>

>ARTICLE VII

>

>

>Rights of way: Traffic entering a road from the left has priority.

>So has traffic from the right, and also traffic in the middle. Lane

>discipline: All Indian traffic at all times and irrespective of

>direction of travel shall occupy the centre of Roundabouts: India

>has no round abouts. Apparent traffic islands in the middle of

>crossroads have no traffic management function. Any other impression

>should be ignored.

>

>ARTICLE IX

>Overtaking is mandatory. Every moving vehicle is required to

>overtake every other moving vehicle, irrespective of whether it has

>just overtaken you. Overtaking should only be undertaken in suitable

>conditions, such as in the face of oncoming traffic, on blind bends,

>at junctions and in the middle of villages/city centres. No more

>than two inches should be allowed between your vehicle and the one

>you are passing - and one inch in the case of bicycles or

>pedestrians.

>

>ARTICLE X

>Nirvana may be obtained through the head-on crash.