bhaktashab Posted February 25, 2002 Report Share Posted February 25, 2002 From a little book called "Disorder in the Court". These are things people actually said in court word for word. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something you have forgotten? Q: what gear were you in at the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: How old is your son - the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Do you know if your daughter has been involved with some form of occult or voodoo? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: When you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes Q: Did the defendant say anything as she got out of her car? A: Yes Sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of collision? Q: You were there until you left. Is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by almighty God." WITNESS: "I swear by almighty God." CLERK: "That the evidence I give." WITNESS: That's right. CLERK: Repeat it. WITNESS: "Repeat it." CLERK: No! Repeat what I said. WITNESS: What you said when? CLERK: "That the evidence I give." WITNESS: "That the evidence I give." CLERK: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: It will and nothing but the truth. CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: I'm not a scholar you know. CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and." WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and." CLERK: Say "Nothing." WITNESS: Okay (Witness remains silent.) CLERK: No. Don't say nothing. Say "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: Yes CLERK: Well, do so. WITNESS: You're confusing me. CLERK: Just say "Nothing but the truth." CLERK: Yes. WITNESS: Okay, I understand. CLERK: Then say it. WITNESS: What? CLERK: "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: But I do! That's just it! CLERK: You must say "Nothing but the truth." WITNESS: I will say nothing but the truth. CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But", "The","Truth". WITNESS: What you mean like now? CLERK: Yes! Now, please. Just say those four words. WITNESS: Nothing. But. The. Truth. CLERK: Thank you. WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar. Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8? A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at the time? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to the deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm. Q: And Mr Denington was dead at the time? A: No he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: You were not shot in the fracas? A: No, I was shot mid-way between the fracas and the navel. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, was it possible that the patient was still alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient been still alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gHari Posted February 25, 2002 Report Share Posted February 25, 2002 A guy could die from laughing at that last one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarun Posted February 26, 2002 Report Share Posted February 26, 2002 After frog dissection I avoided Biology. Where's the Fracas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bhaktashab Posted March 1, 2002 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2002 Originally posted by Tarun: After frog dissection I avoided Biology. Where's the Fracas? Fracasn. a noisy disturbance or fight; uproar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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