Cow Economics

[Gauracandra]

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd

multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on

the income.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

 

You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce

the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the

size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You

then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and

market them World-Wide.

 

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM:

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly

listed company, using letters of credit opened by your

brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap

with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows

back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of

the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman

Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who

sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an

option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the

United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet

provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

 

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100

years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows. Both are mad.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break

for lunch.

 

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them

again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and

open another bottle of vodka.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge

others for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim

full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the

newsman who reported the numbers.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows. You worship them.