WISDOM OF LIFE

[atma]

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN

HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't

baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let

her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.

They always catch the

second person.

4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a

tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your

hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the

same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a

glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white

shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is

Grandpa's lap.

 

 

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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE

LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to

a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet,

with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut

that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging

on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal

for the fiber, not the

joy.

 

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GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is

optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the

preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you

can do while you're

down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same

sensation from a rocking

chair that

you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the

answers, but nobody bothers

to ask you

the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy

beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age

comes alone.

 

 

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THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.

2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.

3) You are Santa Claus.

4) You look like Santa Claus.

 

 

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SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is ... not peeing in your

pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers

license.

At age 20 success is . . . having sex.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 60 success is . . . having sex.

At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers

license.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.