The Source Of True Satisfaction

Gauracandra · November 18, 2002

It has been several week’s since the last Srila Siddhaswarupananda television program. This week’s topic is: Who Can Satisfy Me?

Male Audience Member: It seems all the women I meet want me to completely satisfy them – sexually, emotionally, spiritually. I’ve found it impossible so have given up even trying.

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: Your situation is not unique in that other so-called men (so-called because you are not your body) have experienced this frustration, but it is also not unique because women experience the same problem. You can try to satisfy a person totally and they’ll still say they are still not happy. They’ll say they need more in life. They need more and more. In reality they want you to be God. And what do you try to get them? You try to be God.

Female Audience Member: Guys are always acting like they can totally satisfy you.

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: So it’s their fault [laughter]. These guys put on a role in the disco trying to show how macho they are. Others will have a subtle vibe with their pipe, sweater, and wire-rimmed glasses. Their vibe is that they are sensitive. What are they really saying with their wire-rimmed glasses? “I’ll satisfy your mind. I’m deep. I’m not like that guy in the disco. I’ll listen when you talk. And when you talk, I’ll go “hmmm…” like I’m really listening. Take shelter in me.”

The women you talked about just drained you didn’t they? In order to get these people to like you, didn’t you have to put on some role? “I’ll take care of you.” Then they found out you can’t [laughter].

It is not fair to expect to be completely satisfied by another spirit soul. Ultimately we all want God. As such your needs are too much for me. I may pretend to be perfect, but you will sooner or later discover the truth. It is like empty cups trying to find empty cups hoping to be filled. This analogy isn’t perfect but you get the point.

You must understand that you are a spirit soul, part and parcel of God. You can never be truly happy until you link up with God. God is a person. Only He can be the ultimate refuge and shelter. Individually we are just sparks. Our limited attractiveness is due solely to being a spark of the unlimitedly attractive Supreme Person.

So long as you try to find happiness in another living entity you will not be fully satisfied. Sooner or later you will start imagining that maybe the perfect person is somewhere else. This is why the divorce rate is so high. You’ll see someone on television and imagine “Maybe that’s the one.” Your search for God leads you to seek out another child of God.

Audience Member: I can understand how God can satisfy me emotionally, and spiritually, but can God satisfy me sexually?

Srila Siddhasvarupananda: Yes, God can satisfy you sexually. Sexual desire is ultimately rooted in lust. It is trying to cool down the fires of lust. But does it ever quench the fire? It may work for a while but comes back stronger than before. Sexologists like to say “Use it or lose it” and they are right. The more you try to satisfy your lust, the more you want to do it.

A good analogy is the itch. If you have a slight irritation you itch. Then you do it some more, then more, then faster, and faster, and more and more. The more your itch the more you scratch. It becomes the focal point for you.

Even many of the so-called Christians, the new Christians, say basically the same thing – “Engage in lots of sex, but do it within marriage.” The problem is even within marriage the same rule applies – the more you have the more you want. Certain right wing Christians teach to make it an essential part of your life.

The problem is sex pleasure is very short lived. The pleasure doesn’t last long. There are 24 hours in a day, but sex only lasts for a few moments. Because it is brief and short-lived, the way to expand it is through expectation and contemplation. So throughout the day you contemplate having sex and your life becomes colored by this desire.

The question we should ask ourselves is “Does sex satisfy you sexually?” The answer is no. In fact it is the opposite. The more you try to satisfy yourself through sex, the less satisfaction sex has for you. This is the reality. The appetite becomes greater but can’t be satiated. It is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

Now the solution is not suppression but rather redirection. Redirect your energies physically, intellectually, and spiritually and connect these in a manner to please God in a practical manner. The desire for union in this world is a perverted reflection of our desire for union with God. It is a longing for your beloved with the perfect person. You can have this relationship with God but you must understand that it is completely transcendental to mundane sexuality. Union with God is the proper direction for this urge. How this is done is a great science. Until you have this relationship and move towards it, you will be frustrated. So it is best to live according to your true identity and to have relationships with others based on this reality.