Late night war humor

[Guest guest]

"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that

democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have

a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq?

We can't even get this in Florida." -- Jay Leno

 

"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to

wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the

American voters to become president, either." -- David Letterman

 

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass

destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq.

There's just one problem - it's in North Korea." -- Jon Stewart

 

"Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. Not with Iraq. With

France and Germany. How did we screw that one up?" -- Jay Leno

 

"As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing

clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline." -- Jay Leno

 

"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on

the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong

president." -- Jay Leno

 

"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam

Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies,

housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He

finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we

could bring that here if it works out." -- Jay Leno

 

"President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad

movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's going

to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?"

-- Jay Leno

 

"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three

parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." -- Jay Leno

 

"Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend.

See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history.

First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war."

-- Jay Leno

 

"The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow

'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular." -- Jay Leno

 

"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war

with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, I

know you're there, pick up, pick up." -- Craig Kilborn

 

"In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam has challenged President Bush to

a live, televised debate. I think this would be fair, since English is a

second language to both of them." -- Jay Leno

 

"Some Democrats say the estimated $60 billion dollar cost of a war with

Iraq could be better spent at home. When he heard that, President Bush

agreed and announced plans to bomb Ohio." -- Jay Leno