Subject: Wife 1.0

[Guest guest]

Wife 1.0

 

To Technical Support:

 

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed

that the new program began unexpected child processing that took

up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this

phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition,

Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches

during system initialization, where it monitors all other system

activity. Applications such as Poker night 10.3, Drunken Boys

Night 2.5, and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the

system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the

background while attempting to run some of my other favorite

applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,

but uninstall does not work on this program. Can you help me,

please? Otherwise, I'm screwed. Thanks.

 

Dear Joe Screwed:

 

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly

due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from

Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely

a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING

SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything.

 

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still

convert back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within

your system would cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so

nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or

purge the program files from the system once installed. You

cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do

this.

 

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up

with more problems than the original system. Look in your manual

under "Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and

just deal with the situation.

 

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read

the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that

might occur, regardless of their Cause. The best course of action will be to

enter the command c:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of the "Esc"

key because ultimately you will have

to give the APOLOGIZE command before the operating system will

return to normal. The system will run smoothly as long as you

take the blame for all the GPFs.

 

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider

buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife

1.0. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under

any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This

is not a supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to

cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

 

Best of luck, Tech Support

[Enlightened]

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-system analyst of various applications such as life 9.0.