Whats the idea behind dowry?

[Gauracandra]

Even if we don't realize it, everything is done for a reason. Often times we may lose track of why something was initially done, and instead take it at face value as just something "cultural".

 

So what was the idea underlying the dowry? What purpose does/did it serve?

[Guruvani]

I think the Vedic system of dowry says a lot about how valued and cherished were the women of Vedic culture, quite to the opposite of those who say that women were mistreated, disrespected and abused in Vedic culture.

 

A King, a Warrior, a Merchant or Farmer would give great gifts and treasures to the husband of their beloved daughter to show their appreciation and their love for their beloved daughter and to help the newly weds have a prosperous and happy home.

 

I think it portrays a culture that highly values and treasures the young women who will become the mothers of future generations. Some dowrys in Vedic times were vast fortunes. This is hardly a slight to women. It is a way of showing how important and esteemed are the glorious virgin ladies of a cultured society.

 

I have two beautiful and talented daughters that I hope to marry off to nice devotee boys some day.

 

Now, I have to start thinking of how a poor man like me can afford a dowry!

 

Maybe I need to start playing the lottery?

[livingentity]

is the bride burning or so-called kitchen deaths. The grooms family is not pleased with the dowry so they kill the bride by setting her on fire in the kitchen saying it was an accident. This happened one too many times and it was found out to be not so accidental. These are not isolated - one or two deaths - but literally thousands per year.

 

Supposedly dowry is outlawed but it still goes on. A friend of mine in India is dealing with this right now - no money so the daughter has to wait to get married.

[Guruvani]

I think the author of this thread is asking about what was the original idea and purpose behind a dowry. Dowry was originally given in the laws of Manu, the lawbooks of mankind. It is one of the principles of civilized human society. I don't think that artifically trying to outlaw a Hindu custom is going to improve the plight of women in India. Ignorance and greed can be found everywhere, even in India..........especially in India....if what you are saying is true.

 

However, outlawing dowry is not going to change the Hindu belief that dowry should be given. You can't legislate beliefs, ignorance and bigotry out of society. Instead of outlawing dowry, which is part of the Hindu religion, they should just hang the murderers of these innocent women in public over and over again until they get the message that murder will not be tolerated.

 

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater is not the solution to dowry murder in India. It is a Hindu beleif and as long as there are Hindus there is going to be customary dowry at weddings. Outlawing dowry is not going to fix the problem. The murderers should be executed. This will stop dowry murder in India. Murder is the crime, not dowry. That has to be enforced.

[livingentity]

The Theory of Dowry

 

Contrary to what some may think - dowry can not be discussed without touching on the fact that it does have a dark side. This can not be ignored and every article found about the subject of dowry speaks of this.

[Guest guest]

Wednesday, 16 July, 2003, 16:13 GMT 17:13 UK

 

 

By Lucy Ash

BBC Crossing Continents reporter

 

 

When Nisha Sharma had her groom arrested for demanding cash from her family, she put India's illegal - but thriving - dowry system in the spotlight.

But other women have paid a very high price, sometimes even with their lives.

 

Nisha Sharma's phone never stops ringing and her mantelpiece is crowded with awards and invitations.

 

Sundurahma said her husband poured kerosene over her and told her to die, doctors told me she would not last the week

 

 

 

Young women call her for advice and she has received dozens of proposals from men willing to marry her without a dowry.

 

A few months ago Nisha was just an ordinary 21-year-old from Noida, just outside Delhi. Slim, pretty and barely five feet tall, she makes an unlikely rebel.

 

But in India her decision to send her groom packing after he asked for an extra $25,000 in dowry payment was seen as revolutionary.

 

The groom, Munish Dalal, seemed like a good match. Nisha's father had found him through a newspaper advertisement. At first the groom and his family said they were not interested in any money or presents - they just wanted Nisha.

 

Paying and accepting dowry has been illegal in India for 40 years but it is still rampant. Nisha's father bought the couple a brand new car and dozens of household appliances.

 

 

Nisha had her groom arrested after he demanded a dowry

On the big day, however, Munish and his mother Vidya suddenly demanded a cash dowry.

 

"When I said I didn't have that kind of money, they slapped and spat on me," said Mr Sharma.

 

Nisha immediately called the police who arrested Munish and his mother under the rarely enforced 1961 Anti-Dowry Act.

 

Both are in prison awaiting trial.

 

Nisha has no regrets: "My dad nearly had a heart attack and had to lie on the grass. Since they treated him so badly they probably would have done the same to me, or worse," she said.

 

"Now I've seen how greedy and cruel they are, I'm relieved Nisha is safe. If she'd married into that family they might have killed her." said her father.

 

Indian Government statistics show that husbands and in-laws killed nearly 7,000 women in 2001 over inadequate dowry payments.

 

 

Bangalore's main hospital admits three to five fatal burns cases daily

'Bride burning'

 

Ranjana Kumari, who runs seven domestic violence refuge centres for women in Delhi, believes up to 70 cases a month are linked to rows over dowry.

 

"Sometimes women are tortured to squeeze more money out of their families and in extreme cases they're killed. Then the husband is free to remarry and get another dowry," she said.

 

This type of murder is often called "bride burning" in India.

 

Another women's group called Vimochana, based in the southern city of Bangalore, estimates that three to five women are taken to the Victoria burns unit at the city hospital every day suffering from massive burns.

 

The latest arrival is a young woman called Sundurahma who has 70% burns. She screams for her mother as the doctor forces her to sit up so he can examine the raw flesh on her back.

 

The only part of her body which is not badly burned are her feet. I notice a silver ring on one of her toes and immaculate nail polish.

 

 

"What can the government do?" asks the home affairs minister

Sundurahma said her husband poured kerosene over her and told her to die. Doctors told me she would not last the week.

 

In the hospital, there is another woman who has a crumpled photograph of her baby daughter on the pillow next to her head.

 

Asha has been married 18 months. She tells us that her husband took all her gold jewellery and then wanted money, so she went into the kitchen and drenched herself in kerosene.

 

At first she said he handed her the matches but then she changes her story and said the matchbox was empty.

 

Female foeticide

 

Dowries have become such a burden that many families are desperate to avoid having girls.

 

Pregnant women can determine the sex of the baby and abort the female foetuses with ultrasound technology.

 

Indian legislation

Dowry Prohibition Act 1961 (amended in 1984 and 1986): bans paying and receiving dowries

 

Pre-Natal Diagnostics Techniques (Regulation and Prevention of Misuse) 1994 (amended 2002): bans sex determination tests

 

The 2001 census showed there are just 933 women for every 1,000 men in India.

 

Legislation against sex determination tests was passed nearly a decade ago, but the practice is still widespread. Yet ID Swami, minister of state for home affairs, seemed unclear about his own laws.

 

He told me that sex determination tests are legal, then changed his mind, finally saying: "The husbands are in agreement about this, so are the wives and if there are no complaints then what can the government do?"

 

Nisha Sharma has sparked a new mood of defiance among Indian women. Several brides have followed her and reported their greedy grooms to the police.

 

"Nisha did a great thing because the dowry system is one of the worst things in our country and it is growing uglier by the day," one said.

 

[Jahnava Nitai Das]

 

Supposedly dowry is outlawed but it still goes on.

 

 

Originally dowry was meant to be gifts for the daughter getting married, now it has become payments to the father-inlaw and mother-inlaw in the form of cash payments and a car/motorcycle.

 

Despite it being officially outlawed in India, every single person demands it, even those law makers who outlawed it. It has really become a terrible thing in India.

 

Actually the whole marriage system in India has become a very bad system because they hold onto only half of the original customs, and that half is so distorted that it has lost all the benefits and purpose that were originally there.

 

One example is dowry, another example is arranged marriage. Arranged marriage works when the children were married at the age of 6 or 7 and they could grow up in close proximity, thereby developing a bond of friendship from their childhood. The present system of trying to suddenly force 23 year old boys and girls into arranged marriages with people they never saw in their life doesn't work anymore. This also plays into the dowry problem. It is easy to trouble someone you never knew for dowry. It is impossible to try to extort dowry from a close friend you grew up with from the age of 6. With child marriages, everyone got married regardless of how beautiful they were, but in the present system only those who are very beautiful can get married.

 

All of the essential benefits of these practices have been lost and the only thing that remains are the negative aspects that have come due to their distortion and misuse.

 

[Avinash]

Child marriage is illegal now. But still, it is performed in some places. What do you think of these child marriages?

[I_love_krishna_]

In the olden days, dowry was to show the daughter that her parents love her and they send all sorts of things for her. For example, gold, money etc.

 

but today, dowry serves only one purpose in India, it is to get married. The Indian guys ask huge amounts of cash from their father-in-laws and the fathers of the brides go into debts for paying such amounts.

 

Dowry today is for the groom to live a happy life. He got a chick, he got a lot of money, for him it is good to be male!.

 

My grandfather paid alot of money to my uncle so that he could marry my aunt. Also, he is a very well educated man coming to America, so the price increased like hell.

 

So, my grandfather had to pay extra, it turns out that my uncle has no Job here , so when my aunt came here she started working for him.

[livingentity]

There are so many theories as to why the dowry system was ever begun. It was begun so long ago and so many things are distorted that we may never know the truth.

 

One of these theories is that it was begun due to the fact that women were not allowed any inheritance rights. The bride's family would give the bride's "inheritance" to the groom in the form of a dowry in order to insure she would get her share of her family's wealth. The dowry was safed away and in the event that it was needed would then be used.

 

Complete trust and honesty would be needed to make that work and as this is the age of Kali one wonders how often the bride would recieve her "inheritance".

 

JNdas' description of arranged marriages reminded of an Indian friend of mine. His marriage is arranged - however, he met his wife when they were children and grew to have great fondness for each other. They have a wonderful marriage. Quite the opposite is true for another friend whose arrange marriage is of the "new style". He and his wife were thrown together as adults and married by arrangement of the parents. There is no affection in this marriage. I took the chance of offending him and asked if he loved his wife - his answer was, "She obeys me so I love her. I will stop loving her when she no longer obeys me." Nice example of marriage (snide, snide).