about help

[Haridham]

Hare krsna everyone, this is Haridham.

 

Well i am wondering something.

 

If i were to ask for help in any manner could anyone help me. Right now I am going through a terrible time in my life and dont know what to do. Yes I do chant my 16 rounds and follow the four regs. I say that because i know some of you would say ask me if i was. Now I understand that i should depend on krsna but we should also be practicle. I think krsna has given us this association so we can help each other practicaly.

 

Hare krsna.

 

Haridham

[yasodanandana]

i am on the other side of the ocean... if i can give some help to you in this forum i am ready..

 

please chant, but i know that, being not in the transcendental plane, we still are not able to take the full advantage from mahamantra, so we have to help ourselves also with practical things

[theist]

This is the story of my last 30 plus years. Sometimes i don't stop chanting and reading. I find myself in a wonderful zone. I feel that now I have obtained some solid steadiness. And then I lose all taste and can't even pick up my beads. In betweeen I chant 16 or 20 or 3 or 10. Presently I have been so depressed I haven't chanted on my beads for at least three weeks. This will pass. The trick I am trying to learn is to somehow see that its just the modes of nature fighting for dominance within the mind. If I can do that I retain some balance amidst the storm. From that balance I can remember Krsna a little. Then at some point a little taste returns and I will pick my beads back up.

 

Its like if you have ever been surfing or body surfing and you get caught in some white water from a strong wave, it does no good to try and fight.It just over powers you. All you can do is hold your breath and remain calm.

 

Sometimes all I can do is lay there and think to myself, "I am eternal and will outlast this, please help me Krsna." He always does, in His own time and fashion.

 

Hang in there. Your destiny is an etenal life of bliss and knowledge, and you are closer than you think.

[gHari]

The one who called himself my master once asked me "Are you worried about having enough air to breathe? Well, God knows you need money too".

[stonehearted]

Of course, if you need help someone can help you. However, depending on the kind of help you need, you should ask someone competent to help in that way.

 

Your request is so vague that it's hard to reply in a meaningful way. These things also require some level of confidence, in the sense of opening yourself to help. Practically, this means letting those who would help you what sort fo difficulty you're having and what kind of help you want. That may not be appropriate for a public forum. "Chanting 16 rounds and following the four regs" is a part of a process for beginning to bring the senses and mind under control. It is not the whole enchilada; therefore, following some mechanical process does not in any way ensure freedom from any difficulties. In fact, as you progress, we may find the bar raised from time to time. What does that mean? We need better training and a good coach so we can meet new challenges.

[armisael108]

The question is can you be able to accept the help someone may offer you?

 

I personally know that I can't. I know that when I ask help from my temple president and he gives and very kind hearted help. I simply move away in fear.

 

We may ask for help but do we listen to our closest friend the SuperSoul giving us all support we need? The Supersoul will send someone to help you if you can listen.

 

I'm not saying you can't listen, just ask and see the response of those advanced devotees in the forum. (I also hope I can learn from this guidance, I too am hiding some problems...)

[Guest guest]

if one has basic difficulties in practising krsna consciousness there's no hope that he can hear supersoul directly

[armisael108]

if one has basic difficulties in practising krsna consciousness there's no hope that he can hear supersoul directly

*****

 

I know that's why in the next sentence I wrote: "The Supersoul will send someone to help you if you can listen."

 

Can you listen to a bona fide spiritual master? I can guarantee you he was sent by the Supersoul. It depends on trust also. We can't be helped by someone we distrust.

[gHari]

Do you have no interest in any responses to your posts?

 

I find it especially confusing that you show no interest in this thread, since it appeared to be only about you and your desperate need for HELP.

 

There is an old story about a boy who cried "WOLF"! Everyone came to his rescue, but he just laughed at his joke. Later he cried "WOLF" again, and once more everyone came running. He had another big chuckle. Then he cried "WOLF" again, but this time nobody came. The wolf ate him with a nice Chianti and some fava beans.

 

gHari

[Haridham]

Hare krsna everyone.

 

I am not crying wolf. I am just wondering how i can put this into words and at the same time ashamed to ask.

 

I will post on it in a bit.

 

Hare krsna.

[Haridham]

Well hare krsna everyone. I am deciding to tell you what my problem actually is.

 

Well to make a long story short, I got married last march to this nice girl from Madagascar.(at my parents forcefull request)I wanted to marry a devotee but they said devotees are bad. Anyways so i saw her and liked her and the first thing i told her i was a devotee. I told my parents(especially my dad) that vaisnava aparadha is a horrible thing and we will pay for this.(he did more things which i cant say now)

 

So anyways my situation got bad the day after my birthday but to cut the story short here it is.

 

Well, what has happend is that people(soni, gujuratis) have been spreading rumors about my wife. Silly rumors but rumors that has affected my whole life. I know this is a test by krsna.

 

What has happened is that they have brainwashed my parents that this girl only married me for the visa, she has had her appendix removed(so what) she has rotten teeth(so what) and she has some skin disease. They also said she has had thousands of boyfriends and such and will ruin your sons life.

 

Funny thing is that they are spreading rumors about me there telling them that i have gotten some girl pregnant yada yada yada.

 

Anyways my parents want me to get a divorce, ofcourse i wont but the thing is I have to sponser my wife from madagascar but i dont have a job. I quit my theatre job to work with my dad but he says he wont help me.

 

I dont have a job, i am getting stressed, my wife is hurting because of all of this. You know how it is in indian 'culture' that if the girl gets divorced its her fault etc.

 

Anyways, there is more to this story then i am saying but thats just a jist of it.

 

If anyone can offer me some help please do so

 

Hare krsna

 

haridham

 

 

[Haridham]

Hare krsna everyone. I posted my difficult situation. If anyone can assist me in anyway it would be appriciated.

 

Hare krsna

[Haridham]

The reason i ask for help is because i am feeling totally betrayed. My own parents betrayed me by making me marry this girl and now not helping me with the situation.

 

If you cant trust family then who can you trust.

[Gaurasundara]

I am not qualified to 'help' you in any way as I haven't been through anything remotely resembling your experience.

Can I ask you one question:

 

Do you love your wife?

[Myra]

Haridham...

 

Sorry, I am not there in your place to spread good things about your wife to counter act the bad rumors that roaming around! /images/graemlins/smile.gif But I hope I make sense here.

 

I believe that life is a matter of choice. God gives us opportunities which he thinks will be of use to us that will help us. Whether, it’s our personal choice and not His choice for us, Krishna will not forsake us. (Sometimes we are stubborn to follow what we want or what the society expects or wants for us, not what Krishna wants from us). Yet, He will always help up make things well. Then it’s up to us if we will grab it, or simply let it pass away. That’s choice. God allowed the two of you to meet. Then it’s up to you if you want to stay together ... or let go ...

 

I can sense that you’re hurting with the current situation, from the people around you, your parent’s intervention, financial matter or because of your decision. I know how sensitive you are, (for I am also toooo sensitive) and how impulsive we can be ... Please don’t ever decide on things (especially on BIG things) when you’re emotionally confused. What you are dealing about is your relationship with your wife, which I believe is also the reflection of your relationship with Krishna. This is marriage, it is a lifetime commitment. Your decision on this matter can either make or break your life (and your wife’s life as well).

 

Don’t give up simply because you think the relationship goes badly. There are so many things to consider. First among these is how you really feel for each other – be it LOVE, AFFECTION, COMPASSION, CONCERN, whatever you call/define it, consider the intensity. Is it that shallow that you can simply give it up? Also, you need to trust your wife and your relationship. I suppose that you already know her inside out before marrying here. Yet, The elders say also that marriage is like a school that we will learn more from each other and walk hand in hand going to the God Head.

 

Secondly, consider your priorities. Are the expectations of the people around more important to you? What is it that you really want to do now? What do you want to do with your life?

 

Third, think of happiness, contentment, peace of mind... How does your wife contribute to these things in your life? Is she a major source of these things for you? Or can someone/something else be a better reason

for you to achieve such? Do the people around you can give the these things that your wife can offer? There are so many things to consider ... I know you want things to be really in order, to be totally ready, to be acceptable by your family and society. But I tell you, if you only looked at the darker side of your relationship and want to wait for everything – absolutely everything to be cleared – I am pretty sure you will never begin ... All it needs is will power from both of you to say your vows and make it work! To prove that.. well...the rumors are not true.

 

I don’t know if I am getting across you, dear... I hope I make sense here. I don’t know much about this marriage stuff --- I’ve never been married yet!(God willing I'll be soon)

 

And If you’re still confused, the best thing to do is talk (sincerely talk) with your wife. Nobody else has the final say in your relationship ... It’s solely between the two of you ... I suggest, PRAY/CHANT really hard/more ... It helps! Also, talk heart to heart to your parents, tell them that you are hurt with their decision, intervention and if they could help you practically instead of giving you pressure.

 

Personally, I suggest that you ignore the feedback of other people. People will simply say their piece, either to despise or praise you but it’s not all that matters ... After all, you will be responsible for all your actions/decisions.

 

I know you know all the answers to all your questions ... Believe in the Lord and in your capability to make sense out of everything that confronts you now ... All you need is time to reflect...

 

God will never leave you, nor forsake you. God Bless!

 

~Myra~

 

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous runs in and will be saved."

[gHari]

Sounds as if you like her. And if you like her, I like her. If she's a keeper, keep her.

 

You'll have to be a man. If the government says you need a job to keep her here, then you get a job. You have good communication skills; perhaps retail sales or head-hunting or even assembly line stuff growing into management. There are lots of jobs out there (check the free computers at the ManPower Unemployment Office for tons of jobs and use the net at Monster.ca etc).

 

You are a man now with your own life; your father is your friend, no longer your master. Don't make a big deal about it; eventually he'll catch on. Surely he didn't set this young girl up as your live-in prostitute for six months, just to cast her away like a used rag. He has more class than that.

 

Of course she's nothing they say she is, and even were she a tenth of that, we remember how Srila Haridasa Thakura by his chanting purified the seductress sent to soil his reputation. She became glorious. Chant for your princess. Make her radiant. No one will dare ridicule then.

 

gHari

[gHari]

What's up with that> How did you marry her? Where?

[Priitaa]

You mention you have no job. Is there a reason for that? Do you have a green card? Or dependent on the temple? It seems to me if you got a job, this problem could be resolved. I'm just wondering what's standing in your way of employment.

 

The rumors about your wife sound outrageously ridiculous. I agree with you, 'so what' if she needed dental care of surgery. Thats called health care! Every person needs it sooner or later, and no one goes into surgery or to the dentist on purpose, its not fun. Regarding a desire she might have to come to America, there is no proof of that but even if she does, it is probably coupled with her desire to be with her husband. What is wrong with two (married) people desiring to travel, or end up, in the same country together? I do not see that as manipulation in the least.

 

These rumors sound vicious, and I wonder if those circulating them have forgotten about the law of karma. What goes around, comes around; what they do unto others gets done unto them, and of course Gita quotes. Its proven everywhere, so they should be careful. Anyway, if you got a job they would all be behind you two, as you could bring her over here and live your own lives.

[Priitaa]

 

Secondly, consider your priorities. Are the expectations of the people around more important to you? What is it that you really want to do now? What do you want to do with your life?

 

 

Myra makes an excellent point here! (Thank you Myra.) Gour Hari also makes the same point in a different way. You need to let go of what others think of you, of the position of parents or the community they live in, and do whats best for you and your new family which starts with your wife (new family). If you are in a temple, they should help you or at least support your cause. If not, you may have to let go of those authorities too. Its time grhasta life was encouraged by our temples, and some are. In any case, you need employment and then this problem will go away. It may not be easy, but its the right thing to do.