i dont know anymore

[Haridham]

Hare Krsna everyone.

 

AS most of you know what I am going through this past few months.

 

Sometimes I feel like giving up everything. Either commiting suicide or disapear.

 

I dont know what to do sometimes. Sometimes I feel nobody can help me and other times I feel it will pass soon and everything will be ok.

 

I feel that everything that my wife and her parents are suffering is due to me. My wife is being supportive but its hard for me.

 

I dont know if krsna is testing me or this is my karma.

 

I am at school and i think education is my priority so i cant get a full time job.

 

What do I do?

 

Anyone with a few words of advice. I need my devotees right now the most. I wish I didnt have to do this to you guys.

 

I am sorry.

 

Hare Krsna

[stonehearted]

Haridham, there are a couple of things to think about before you dicide on any course of action. I know that things must seem very bleak right now, and that it seems as though it can never, ever get better. I know this because I hear it all the time. That's the mind talking, and you don't have to pay any attention to it. Remember that Krishna says in Bhagavad gita, "For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy."

 

Have you read the story of Bali Maharaja in Canto 8 of Srimad-Bhagavatam? Here's someone with real problems! Still he never flinched from his duty for an instant. Check out this verse and purport:

 

Although bereft of his riches, fallen from his original position, defeated and arrested by his enemies, rebuked and deserted by his relatives and friends, although suffering the pain of being bound and although rebuked and cursed by his spiritual master, Bali Maharaja, being fixed in his vow, did not give up his truthfulness. It was certainly with pretension that I spoke about religious principles, but he did not give up religious principles, for he is true to his word.

 

PURPORT

Bali Maharaja passed the severe test put before him by the Supreme Personality of Godhead. This is further proof of the Lord's mercy toward His devotee. The Supreme Personality of Godhead sometimes puts a devotee to severe tests that are almost unbearable. One could hardly even live under the conditions forced upon Bali Maharaja. That Bali Maharaja endured all these severe tests and austerities is the mercy of the Supreme Lord. The Lord certainly appreciates the devotee's forbearance, and it is recorded for the future glorification of the devotee. This was not an ordinary test. As described in this verse, hardly anyone could survive such a test, but for the future glorification of Bali Maharaja, one of the mahajanas, the Supreme Personality of Godhead not only tested him but also gave him the strength to tolerate such adversity. The Lord is so kind to His devotee that when severely testing him the Lord gives him the necessary strength to be tolerant and continue to remain a glorious devotee.

 

Does thsi sound familiar? If the Lord brings you to it, He can bring you through it, right? Look--you've made a big commitment. You're married, and you've told us you love your wife and that she cares about you. So get down and make things work. Ultimately, that's only possible by surrendering to Krishna and letting him take care of you. What are the six symptoms of surrender? Can't remember? Look it up, think about it, try to find out how you're doing in those six items, and act on that basis. If you kill yourself or disappear, what do you think you would gain? What would your wife gain? What would your parents and family gain? Be resolute and act for self-realization. How old are you? Jeez--give yourself and those you love a chance.

[Govindaram]

"Sometimes I feel like giving up everything. Either commiting suicide or disapear."

 

If you do this then how will you chant hare-krishna?

 

Just think for a moment, not being able to chant the holy name of the Lord, how does it feel?

 

Hope you feel ok soon.

 

 

[Haridham]

Thank you very much stonehearted.

 

Your letter was quite helpful, I am glad there are people who are willing to help.

 

 

"For him who has conquered the mind, the mind is the best of friends; but for one who has failed to do so, his mind will remain the greatest enemy."

 

I dont know if i can ever conquer the mind. I know I have subdued it because it were a few months ago i dont know what I would have done. I wish I could someone who could qonquer it.

 

Now Bali Maharaj was a great devotee, I on the other hand am not much. Not much to myself or anyone. His story is a divine story, I dont think mine is.

 

Yes I have made a commitment. But the betrayel of my parents has hurt more then any wound I have ever felt. I am just dependant on krsna, he is building a road for me and I have to travel on it.

 

I am turning 25 next week. It has been a year since all this pressure has started. October 25th they brought me the picture of my future wife and pressured me until I got married. Now they turn their backs on me and my wife.

 

I know that this is the defyning moment of my life. I am going to school, attempting to stand up on my two feet and depend on krsna to take care of my wife.

 

As the day of my birthday comes closer I have no choice but to remember last year and how it all started.

 

I know this will eventually pass but the tunnel seems so long and I dont see a light.

 

I am glad I have found this furom and you guys have helped me a lot.

 

It will be ok.

 

Like the saying......

 

 

[Haridham]

Govindaram thank you.

 

Some devotees are surprised and happy that even through all of this I have maintained my chanting.

 

Chanting is good but now more then ever I think that I should leave everything behind.

 

But if I leave prabhupads movement, where will I go?

 

Whats out there? I think if I didnt chant or know prabupad or krsna's movement then being in the material world I woudnt be able to survive what i have been surviving.

 

hare Krsna

[theist]

>>But if I leave prabhupads movement, where will I go?<<

 

For me at this point this is the heart of the matter.

 

I see three options.

 

1)Stay in the world of endless birth, death, chaos and bewilderment.

 

2)Merge in the bramajyoti and forget it all for an undeterminate amount of time, only to eventualy reemerge at some point back in birth and death.

 

3) Try to keep focused on the goal of trying for Krsna consciousness and solve all problems for all time.

 

There is nowhere else to go and there never will be.

 

Hare Krsna

 

[Guest guest]

Haridham, no matter how harsh the life is, giving it up is not the answer. What you need to do is to focus on work, so you may forget all about your worries.

 

Think of your work/study as a service to krishna, if you are in school and are working at the same time then your study and work are your main priorities.

 

You are not a failure no matter what other's say, I know it as a fact because you have chosen krishna in your life. That is the right step, you can never be a failure.

 

If you need help on focusing on what goals you want to accomplish in your life for solving your problems then think about this website : http://www.franklincovey.com/missionbuilder/

 

Have a mission, which is education and getting a better job. Constantly strive to develop your status as a service to krishna. You are still in school then study vigorously and excel , so that you can find a good job in the future.

 

Do not end your life, it is a very precious gift from God to you. Like the wise say, God's gift to you is your life, but your Gift to God is what you with it. So from this point on, Stop thinking about useless feelings of guilt and unhappiness, they will not help you, but will lead you to ruin. .

 

So don't think of those things, but think of what you can do right now to make your life a little better. Study vigourously, Work more hours... do your best and leave the result to krishna.

 

Krishna himself says in Bhagavad Gita :

 

_________

karmany evadhikaras te

ma phalesu kadacana

ma karma-phala-hetur bhur

ma te sango 'stv akarmani

 

You have a right to perform your prescribed duty, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, and never be attached to not doing your duty.

 

________

 

So don't think of yourself as a failure or the cause of all the problems in your life. Forget about your past if it is grim and try to focus on the present so that you can build a bright future for you and for your Krishna Conscious children/family.

 

Krishna tells you to act and don't feel bad. For a feeler life is a failure, for a thinker life is a success.

 

Think about krishna and your goal and strive to achieve success.

[Guest guest]

/images/graemlins/crazy.gif

[Priitaa]

Haridhama,

 

I will sum up my 'opinions' here. And remember, they are only opinoins. You are the only one who really knows what needs doing.

 

1. Since you have a wife stuck in another country, and being harassed, it is imperative you get a job to earn the money to bring her here. A college education is good in the long run, but it takes years to get a degree. She's not going to make it.

 

2. Stop worrying about how your parents or anyone else will think of you. Once you got married, that became your new family. (Wife and future children, who will want to hear how dad saved mom and not the opposite.)

 

3. There is no need for any of this to interfere with your Krishna consciousness. Grahsta's can be Krishna conscioius too. Matter of fact, putting ideology aside, who we actually see as surving it all and doing the best in their spiritual life are those who marry. Simply keep chanting Hare Krishna, etc., and take care of your responsibilities too.

 

Please dont misuse Krishna consciousness as others have in the past, to get out of something in the name of God. And I'm not saying you are, just putting up a warning that you may be encouraged in this way.

 

4. If you commit suicide, I'll come after you myself! lol (I once heard a nondevotee say of her son that was constantly getting in auto accidents and trouble in general, after receiving a call from the police AGAIN, "If my son got in an accident which cost him his life, I will kill him!" (She knew he hadn't.) :-)

[trupti]

as with all things, happiness and despair come in cycles. the only advice i can give you right now is just look for the light at the end of the tunnel. I know that you may feel the despair growing more and more, but, that is when you need to stand tall and be strong. do not let bad fortune hurt you relationship with bhagavan. if anything, it should make it stronger.

 

i did not go through the same thing that you are going through, but, i have been fighting with depression for many years. at the worse point of it all, i gave up on bhagavan. now, i regret that decision. dont make the same decision that i made.

 

if anything, bhagavan will show you the way. if not today then tomorrow.

 

best wishes

trupti

[Guest guest]

May the Lord please bless and protect you and yours.

 

All glories to the kindhearted devotees here.

[SDL]

Hang in there buddy, I enjoy reading your posts...for example, your book distribution experience...that just brightened up my day /images/graemlins/smile.gif. Also, reading about your encounter with the Hindu priest at your home gave me the motivation to start chanting again (after a 3 week hiatus)...go figure /images/graemlins/wink.gif.

 

-SDL

[Haridham]

Hare Krsna everyone.

 

Thank you for your kind letters. I really needed that. I realised that during school that I need to do this for krsna and krsna wants me to do this for my wife.

 

My wife emailed me with her support and sometimes I even have doubts about her but I know not to believe just false rumors. She is by my side, my friends are by my side. Devotees at the temple are by my side. Ananimous Devotess on the net are on my side. Krsna is by my side and where there is krsna there is always victory.

 

I will have my days where I will loose hope but please all of you pray for me.

 

Forgive me when I go on my trip such as I did today. Sometimes things just seem overwhelming.

 

I love you all /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

Thank you for everything

 

Hare krsna

[gHari]

Haridham,

 

.... is to work on the problem. I know you are doing that. That should take your mind off the negative thoughts - mmmmmaya. You are learning to be practical now. Krsna needs us to be practical too.

 

Define the requirements. What does the government expect? If you don't know exactly, then we are just playing at being grown-up. How much salary do they require and how long do you have to have earned that much? The answers are likely on the net. Net skills are good to develop too.

 

Are there other solutions? You both going to India? You going to Madagascar? Who knows what Sri Krsna has in mind? Perhaps your guru knows, and he does have a business MBA degree, and perhaps even contacts and influence? Sure he'll be a little hurt that you didn't invite him to the wedding; but he'll get over it, just as a father would.

 

Understand that it is difficult for your father to pay you $30,000 a year, even if you give it right back to him, minus the $8,000 income tax that would go to the government of course.

 

I think if you continue to demonstrate to your dad your new focus and practicality that his pride will get the best of him and he will turn back into your ally.

 

You may have to work 70 hour weeks after you graduate, but you can do this, Haridham. Many many people do, with stacks of kids, and a house, and a car, and they are very very happy.

 

gHari

[Haridham]

on the problem. Thanks for taking note of that.

 

I am getting help from my wifes uncle who lives in chicago. He said he will help us both out. He said he will talk to a lawyer in the states and figure out whats happening.

 

He said from he understands that you dont need that amount of money in your bank account. As long as you are a citizen of canada its ok.

 

He will give me the result of talking to a lawyer tomorrow.

 

I will be ok. Sometimes I get upset because of the betrayel I am feeling.

 

Yeah, who knows where I will be. I might live in madagascar or I might live wherever krsna wants me to be.

 

Thanks a lot guys.

 

Hare Krsna

[gHari]

How exactly is your father not helping?

 

After eighteen, my greedy parents did nothing for me.

[Myra]

 

Haridham Prabhu,

 

Always remember, behind the clouds the sun is still shining. Everything will be all right, Krishna is with you, I know that you know it, given in your auto-signature. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

Haayyyyyyyy...this crazy world.....what to do? Oopppss by the way, I have a very nice readings, and it's very uplifting. I want to share it with you. It's quite long and I don't want to bored devotees if i'll post it here. So, how could i send it to you?

 

Hare Krishna!

Myra

 

[Guest guest]

I want to read! and I am a devotee! Please post here! thanks. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Myra]

 

Hello Guest /images/graemlins/smile.gif,

 

How are you? Hope you are having a nice day!

 

As I said, it's quite long and it might end this thread.

 

Hare krishna!

Myra.

[Haridham]

 

 

How exactly is your father not helping?

 

well he started all of this, and he doesnt want me to bring my wife over. Thats one of the ways he aint helping. Also constantly telling me that nobody will hire you and you are good for nothing. If someone says that long enough people might end up believing it.

 

If you remember my original thread about me needing help then you would get your memory refreshed.

 

I am getting better news though, my teacher talked to someone who said they know a lawyer and an immigration consultant. I am at school right now but things will get better.

[Haridham]

Thank you very much Myra Devi ji.

 

You can email me if you like at agni21@hotmail.com

 

or you can post it up here. Its ranining here but the sun will always shine as krsna is always guiding me.

 

I just have to forget the idea that I am the controller.

 

Hare Krsna

Haridham

[Guest guest]

"How are you? Hope you are having a nice day!

 

As I said, it's quite long and it might end this thread."

 

Ok then, send it here /images/graemlins/smile.gif please! please!!!! : ssirisin@

[Guest guest]

Two options

 

One can keep chanting Krishna's nname and keep proceeding towards spiritual maturity slowly and will not happen overnight. For whatever you commited, until a particular age is reached, keep doing ur duties as husband or as father. Krishna will not get angry for this. After a particular age concentrate more on Krishna giving up the attachment to material world.

Other option is

stop writing in this forum and concentrate on yur studies and this will lead you to a good job and will solve your financial trouble if thats what your problem is for present. Having entered or accepted things in material world, you have to slowly attain maturity in spiritual level and cant jump into it to the extent all the oldies are talking in this forum. Its always easy to talk. How many of the oldies are ready to throw away 1000 dollars from their pocket. I can challenge very very very few and that too with a second thought. So anyway with this kind of dual nature, nnext birth is assured. So let this be the penultimate birth in ful filling what you have taken and proceed for spirritual maturity as you get old and in the next birth dont involve yourself with material world and then you can reach krishna for good.

[Haridham]

Hare Krsna Myra ji.

 

 

Thank you very much for your email. I will read it thoroughly as soon as I get a chance.

 

 

[Haridham]

Thank you for the options.

 

Ofcourse I am never going to stop chanting. Atleast I hope not, but if krsna feels I am not worthy of his name then we will see.

 

now the number two I am considering but if I leave this site I might end up doing something stupid. Ofcourse I have to focus on my school and studies but I need devotee association.

 

Now I am doing much better. Things are picking up and everything will be ok. I have heard from my wifes uncle that he will help me out and not only that he said that his lawyer said that you dont need 10,000dollars so he will call me tomorrow and let me know.

 

Its ok.

 

Thank you

Hare Krsna