Srila Prabhupada Disappearance

Govindaram · October 28, 2003

Srila Prabhupada Disappearance Pastimes

Editorial (VNN) - by Gauridasa Pandita Dasa

Dear Prabhus, please accept my respectful obeisances. Srila Prabhupada always said that the appearance and disappearance of the great devotees are both reasons to celebrate. We like the appearance pastimes more of course, but in the disappearance pastimes our faith and determination can be tested and strengthened. Srila Prabhupada followed the instructions of his Guru Maharaja and performed the miracle of spreading Krsna Consciousness all over the world. Srila Prabhupada always felt the presence of his Guru Maharaja and we can also feel the presence of Srila Prabhupada; if we want and try. It is not that he is dead and gone. His disappearance is our chance to realize his eternal presence. As he himself said, he will live on in his books and we should utilize them and perfect our lives and go back home, back to Godhead.

The following stories about Srila Prabhupada's disappearance are taken from my website the Haribol Home Page, and will be part of an upcoming book about Srila Prabhupada called, "Memories Of A Pure Devotee". May Srila Prabhupada's mercy flood the world with love of God!

" Better To Die In Vrindavan! "

(May 15th 1977 Hrishikesh India)

Srila Prabhupada was staying in a nice two story house, donated by a life member, on the bank of the Holy Ganges in the Holy town of Hrishikesh, India. He had come there to try to regain his failing health on the advise of Mahadevia Kartikeya, one of the leading life members of Bombay. I had arrived in Hrishikesh a day after Srila Prabhupada. He was giving darshan. I was told to stand at the door and give the guests a piece of sweet prasadam when they left. Srila Prabhupada noticed someone waiting outside the screen door and told me to let him in. I opened the door and as he entered another guest went out. Srila Prabhupada asked me if I had given the guest prasadam. I replied that I hadn't and Srila Prabhupada turned to his secretary, Tamal Krishna Maharaja and said, "This boy is incompetent".

Tamal .K.G. then sent me out saying that he would talk to me later. I was crushed. I had given my life to Srila Prabhupada and now I had displeased him. Heartbroken and embarrassed I left the room. I waded out into the Ganges River and thought of committing suicide. I thought of my first mentor Visnujana Swami. Tamal.K.G. came down a little later half laughing and told me not to take it so seriously. He told me to go up and clean Srila Prabhupada's room. I was surprised to get another chance. I pulled myself together and marched up to Srila Prabhupada's room. Upendra Prabhu handed me a broom and I began to sweep. I glanced shamefully over at His Divine Grace and to my surprise he smiled very nicely. All of my anxiety disappeared instantly like I entered Vaikuntha.

Things were ecstatic in Hrishikesh until that stormy night when Srila Prabhupada sat up all night. At about 2:30am we were awoken by Upendra Prabhu who told us that Srila Prabhupada had said, "Tomorrow we will go to Vrindavan. Better to die in Vrndavan." We were shocked to hear this statement from Srila Prabhupada. It was the first time Srila Prabhupada said he was going to leave the planet. Pradyumna Prabhu and I headed out to make arrangements for the arrival of His Divine Grace in Vrindavan.

" Arrival In Vrindavan "

(May 17, 1977)

Pradyumna Prabhu and I arrived in Sri Vrindavan Dhama at about 4am. We informed the temple President, Akshayananda Maharaja, of Srila Prabhupada's upcoming arrival and statement that he was coming to Vrindavan to 'leave his body'. We were all shocked at the news. The Maharaja didn't tell the devotees right away why he was coming, just that he was coming soon and the devotees started ecstatically cleaning Srila Prabhupada's quarters during the morning program. The Holy dust of Vrindavan had blown about everywhere and there was a lot of mercy to deal with.

Srila Prabhupada arrived at the temple at about 7am. At this point Srila Prabhupada's health had deteriorated so much that he could no longer walk on his own. The devotees in Vrindavan, and around the world, were unaware of this. We brought a rocking chair out to the car to carry Srila Prabhupada in. He asked, as usual, to see the Deities first. We carried him into the temple and placed him before Sri Sri Gaura - Nitai. Srila Prabhupada stood up offering his respectful obeisance's. At this point someone took the chair away. Srila Prabhupada stood there gazing at Their Lordships for a few moments with tears decorating his face. Then he moved to sit in the chair that wasn't there. We had to catch him. The devotees looked at each other with wonder and concern. We brought the chair back and carried Srila Prabhupada over to Sri Sri Krishna and Balarama. Again Srila Prabhupada stood up with tears in his eyes. (This time the chair stayed!) We then moved over to Sri Sri Radha Symasundara and Sri Lalita and Sri Visaka's alter. Again Srila Prabhupada rose up and gazed lovingly at the Deities. After a few moments he turned to us and said that he wanted to see all of the devotees in his room.

We carried Srila Prabhupada to his room and he took his seat at his desk. The devotees filled the room quickly and were crowded around the doors and windows trying to see and hear our divine master. When all the devotees settled in as much as possible Srila Prabhupada began to speak:

"So I cannot speak. I am feeling weak. I was to go to other places like Chandigarh, but I canceled the program because the condition of my health is very deteriorating. So I preferred to come to Vrindavan. If death takes place, let it take here. So there is nothing new to be said. Whatever I have to speak, I have spoken in my books. Now you try to understand it and continue your endeavor. Whether I am present or not present, it doesn't matter. As Krsna is living eternally, similarly, the living being also lives eternally. But kirtiryasya sa jivah: 'One who has done service for the Lord lives forever.' So you have been taught to serve Krsna, and with Krsna we'll live eternally. Our life is eternal. Na hanyate hanyamane sarire. A temporary disappearance of this body, it doesn't matter. Body is meant for disappearance. Tatha dehantara-praptih. So live forever by serving Krsna. Thank you very much."

At this point most of the devotees were crying. To me it still hadn't sunk in that Srila Prabhupada was about to depart this world leaving us to grieve in his absence. Srila Prabhupada told us to discuss amongst ourselves and we talked about the future of ISKCON without Srila Prabhupada. It was unthinkable actually, but we were forced to think about it due to the time factor. Philosophically we understood that Srila Prabhupada would live with us in his books etc. but we would so miss his physical presence. The devotees began to wonder how the movement would go on without Srila Prabhupada to personally direct it. How would the BBT operate? How would the GBC act? Would someone else become the next acharya? Srila Prabhupada answered all of these questions in the next few weeks and months.

" Leaving Vrindavan "

(July 1977)

Serving Srila Prabhupada personally in Bombay, Hrishikesh and Vrindavan were the best days of my life. Those days were numbered and unfortunately ran out at the end of July of 1977. I had entered India on a three month tourist visa. I had received a three month extension already when I applied for another. It was denied. I considered just staying past my expiration date so I could remain with His Divine Grace who I knew was leaving soon. I decided it would be better to go back to America and get another visa and return.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make; leaving Srila Prabhupada's precious personal service. Srila Prabhupada always told us to follow the law; so I did. I had packed my belongings and had it loaded onto a horse drawn cart for my trip to the Mathura train station. I went to offer my obeisance's to Tamal Krishna Maharaja in his office before leaving. He told me I couldn't leave without telling Srila Prabhupada. I said Srila Prabhupada knows everything; I don't want to bother him. Tamal K.G. said to wait and he entered Srila Prabhupada's room. A moment later he stuck his head out of the door and told me to come in. Now I was really getting nervous. This would prove to be the last time I would see Srila Prabhupada before his divine departure for Goloka Vrindavan.

Upon entering Srila Prabhupada's room I offered my full dandavats. Tamal K.G. said, "Here's Gauridasa Pandita, Srila Prabhupada; he has to go back to America now because his visa is expiring and the government wouldn't give him an extension." Srila Prabhupada said, "Just see. I just train him up and the rascal government takes him away!" He was sitting behind his desk and looked at me with compassionate eyes, melting my heart. Then he said, "Thank you very much for all of your service, you've been very sincere. You are welcome to be my personal servant anytime. So you go worship Radha Damodara and be happy." I was ecstatic at the mercy of Srila Prabhupada. Not only did he acknowledge me; but he said I could return to his personal service! I had renewed hope. I said, "Thank you, Srila Prabhupada" and offered my dandavats again and slowly backed out of his room. I paused at the door one last time and he gave me his final nod of his head. Then he continued to translate.

I boarded the horse cart and sat facing back and headed out of Vrindavan. The one hour trip seemed to last for forever as I lamenting having to leave Srila Prabhupada. I became overwhelmed with emotion with memories of Srila Prabhupada. Upendra Prabhu who was always sharing the mercy with the devotees gave me a bunch of Srila Prabhupada's clothes as prasadam. They smelled like sandalwood and rose water. The whole trunk was stolen from the attic at Gita Nagari.

Days later I arrived at Gita Nagari and became co-head pujari for Sri Sri Radha-Damodara with Sasthi Prabhu. We were a good team. When we got a letter from Upendra saying that we should fast to help Srila Prabhupada get better we took it up. We fasted for three days straight, then took prasadam one day, then fasted again for three days, like that, until Srila Prabhupada left his body.

When we got the news that Srila Prabhupada had decided to come to Gita- Nagari; to establish the Varna-ashrama system, we were all ecstatic. The devotees were morose before, knowing that Srila Prabhupada was sick and maybe going to leave his body. Now we had renewed hope! The devotees were happy again and very enthusiastically preparing for Srila Prabhupada's arrival. We painted his house and made all of the necessary arrangements. Seeing all of the renewed enthusiasm I wrote a letter to Srila Prabhupada who was in London at the time. We got a response from his secretary, Tamal K.G., which Paramananda Prabhu, the temple president, read to all of the devotees since it was about Srila Prabhupada. The letter started out, "I read your letter to Srila Prabhupada as I found it very poetic and an excellent description of Gita-Nagari. When I told Srila Prabhupada you had written the letter; he remembered you very fondly." I was ecstatic to hear this. I was glad to hear that Srila Prabhupada even remembered me. Out of the whole four months I was allowed to serve him I only talked to him shortly a few times. This was because right in the beginning of my service in Bombay, Srila Prabhupada said that the proper etiquette for the servant was to not talk to the spiritual master unless the spiritual master spoke first. He complained about some of the Indian life members who were a bit too talkative and familiar with him at times. So from then on I didn't say much, but listened as much as possible.

Later we got the unfortunate news that Srila Prabhupada had decided to return to Vrindavan and wouldn't be coming to Gita-Nagari. We were saddened again.

I wrote Tamal K.G. and got his permission to return to resume my service to Srila Prabhupada. I had to train up a new pujari before leaving Gita-Nagari though. He turned out to be Radha Damodara Dasa! It took two weeks to train him up properly. The day he took over completely I chanted my japa outside the curtains circumambulating Tulasi Devi and the Vyasasana. During that time we got a call from India, that Srila Prabhupada may be leaving his body soon. Then we got a call a little later confirming that he had indeed made his divine departure for Krsna Loka. I sensed something special was going on during my japa, as it was. Actually I didn't want to see that particular pastime. I thank Krsna for saving me from that. I know that Srila Prabhupada is as present as ever, for me now, and everyone who takes shelter of him.

----------------

He reasons ill

Who says that Vaisnavas die

When thou art living still in sound

The Vaisnava dies to live!

And living tries

To spread the Holy Name around.

Your servant,

Gauridasa Pandita Dasa

Oct 23, 1998

Priitaa · October 28, 2003

Excellent prabhu. Thank you for posting this.

Srila Prabhupada ki jai!

Govindaram · October 29, 2003

From Memories of Srila Prabhupada:

Sudama: Srila Prabhupada saw me come in. I paid my obeisances and he jumped all over me. "What is this? Why you have left? Why are you dressed like that?" He asked me all these questions for twenty minutes, I was sweating, crying, very upset, very confused, very on edge, very on trial in front of my godbrothers, who were really strangers. I had gotten a temple that was too big, and my men had been stolen. It was the old politics game. Srila Prabhupada said, "I want to know one thing before I send you out of here. Do you still love Krishna? Do you believe in Krishna?" I said, "Yes." He said, "All right. You will be okay." Then he turned to everybody in the room and said,"This is disgusting. This is not how vaishnavas behave. You knew that Sudama needed help. You knew that Sudama was crying out in maya, and you ignored him. This is not vaishnava behaviour. A true vaishnava," he said, "would have taken him by the hand earlier on so that this would never have taken place."

Gaurasundara · October 29, 2003

Then he turned to everybody in the room and said,"This is disgusting. This is not how vaishnavas behave. You knew that Sudama needed help. You knew that Sudama was crying out in maya, and you ignored him. This is not vaishnava behaviour. A true vaishnava," he said, "would have taken him by the hand earlier on so that this would never have taken place."

I can relate to this. It's a pity that this mentality of "not caring" for devotees has somehow spread all over ISKCON and its branches, despite the fact that Srila Prabhupada finds it "disgusting"

I take refuge in stories like this every time a "devotee" treats me bad. Thanks, Govindaramji!