sharing my story with devotees

[Guest guest]

I was introduced to KS by an advanced devotee. I was living with him as a house mate, slowly I got inspired by him and started practicing bhakti yoga and also fell deeply in love with him. He reciprocated my love in equal measure and more. I began He is an advanced devotee and is always willing to submit himself to the plans of Krishna.

 

To help myself advance spiritually, I began contributing my time, energy and fruits of my karma to all the transcendental activities and projects he undertook – everything he does is for Krishna’s pleasure. There is nothing that he does which is for his personal pleasure.

 

One day, he left on a preaching tour and on the tour he stopped at a place and got an inspirarion to build a temple amd the community there also supported him. While he was there, a family of devotee proposed to him the hand of their daughter who is also a devotee for marriage. The day before he had a dream in which he was asked by Krishna to marry this girl. So, he accepted the proposal and got engaged. He mentioned to the family about me being in his life - as a partner in his spiritual and transcendental projects and activities - which is not untrue.

 

He returned from his tour and told me that he has been engaged and he is goint to marry the girl purely because that was Krishna's plans. I believe him because the girl is far from being a beauty or young or rich. His own family (who are not devotees) was not happy with his decision.

 

 

Seeing that he has submitted himself completely to Krishna’s plans and accepted the situation for Krishna's pleasure, I also convinced myself that I stand to gain spiritually by making the sacrifice of my beloved. However, I am finding it extremely difficult to cope with separation from my guru and beloved. The separation is very painful to say the least. I am with him but cannot be with him. My heart cries. If it were a mundane case, I would have taken it to be a split and moved on. But I continue to remain committed to supporting his transcendental projects and activities.

 

I have a very cordial relationship with his wife who is a devotee as well. I don’t know when I will be able to accept and submit myself to this strange plans that Krishna has put me through.

 

I dont know what to do and how to cope with my pain.

 

I am just sharing this with devotees like you all only because i am unable to share with my mundane friends such strange decisions that we vaishnavas have had to make for Krishna's pleasure.

 

I only hope i advance enough to cope with this as well as my beloved has. He gives complete attention, love, affection and respect to his devotee wife. I feel proud about my beloved but sometimes catch myself envying her.

 

Please pray that I become strong enough to overcome my envy for the devotee wife of my beloved.

 

Hare Krishna!

 

 

[Guest guest]

* Edited version of the story *

 

I was introduced to Krishna Consciousness by an advanced devotee. I was living with him as a house mate, slowly I got inspired by him and started practicing bhakti yoga and also fell deeply in love with him. He reciprocated my love in equal measure and more. He is an advanced devotee and is always willing to submit himself to the plans of Krishna.

 

To help myself advance spiritually, I began contributing my time, energy and fruits of my karma to all the transcendental activities and projects he undertook – everything he does is for Krishna’s pleasure. There is nothing that he does which is for his personal pleasure.

 

One day, he left on a preaching tour and on the tour he stopped at a place and got an inspirarion to build a temple amd the community there also supported him. While he was there, a family of devotee proposed to him the hand of their daughter who is also a devotee for marriage. The day before he had a dream in which he was asked by Krishna to marry this girl. So, he accepted the proposal and got engaged. He mentioned to the family about me being in his life - as a partner in his spiritual and transcendental projects and activities - which is not untrue.

 

He returned from his tour and told me that he has been engaged and he is goint to marry the girl purely because that was Krishna's plans. I believe him because the girl is far from being a beauty or young or rich. His own family (who are not devotees) was not happy with his decision.

 

 

Seeing that he has submitted himself completely to Krishna’s plans and accepted the situation for Krishna's pleasure, I also convinced myself that I stand to gain spiritually by making the sacrifice of my beloved. However, I am finding it extremely difficult to cope with separation from my guru and beloved. The separation is very painful to say the least. I am with him but cannot be with him. My heart cries. If it were a mundane case, I would have taken it to be a split and moved on. But I continue to remain committed to supporting his transcendental projects and activities.

 

I have a very cordial relationship with his wife who is a devotee as well. I don’t know when I will be able to accept and submit myself to this strange plans that Krishna has put me through.

 

I dont know what to do and how to cope with my pain.

 

I am just sharing this with devotees like you all only because i am unable to share with my mundane friends such strange decisions that we vaishnavas have had to make for Krishna's pleasure.

 

I only hope i advance enough to cope with this as well as my beloved has. He gives complete attention, love, affection and respect to his devotee wife. I feel proud about my beloved but sometimes catch myself envying her.

 

Please pray that I become strong enough to overcome my envy for the devotee wife of my beloved.

 

Hare Krishna!

 

[Guest guest]

this devotee is simply one who is not serious with women.. he can show much devotion but he is simply a person pushed and pulled back and forth by senses.. (as the majority of us)

 

the dream of krsna surely is a fake to give to you a "mystical" excuse

 

there's nothing bad, but there's also not too much to complain, find a husband that will deeply love you.... and... ehem... a true spiritual master

[sinimat]

If he is a true, bona-fide spiritual master, could he take you as his wife too? The true purpose of a Krishna Conscious marriage is only begetting Krishna Conscious children. So, if this is his true motive, then he could also marry you and have children with you. Did you talk to him about this?

YS,

Matthew

[Guest guest]

Are you guy or girl because falling in spiritual love with someone who is a guru is something beyond gender differences. I dont see anything wherein you mentioned you gender, before i could say anything. Whatever it may be, jealosiness is not good, especially when someone is married to another person, you should respect their relationship and dont interfere and maintain the respectable distance rather than feeling jealous.

Best way is to fall in love with Krishna irrespective of your gender so that you dont feel jealous of devotee wife to your GURU.

[Guest guest]

Even one is a bonafide spiritual master, if he takes two wives then he will be more concentrating on satisfying the women rather than becoming a spiritual Guru. I really dont think it is something advisable to take more than one wife howmuch ever one claims to be a bonafide guru.

[Guest guest]

thank u Matthew prabhu amd others for replying

 

Yes, we have discussed possibility of marriage. However, we have decided to do that (me becoming his second wife) only if and when his devotee wife gives her permission. So my challenge is to win her heart so that she herself proposes the idea seeing my love and devotion to both of them. And i believe only genuine love and devotion can make this happen.

 

However, without thinking of such expectations, i am focusing on using this opportunity for serving my Guru from distance (compared to the intimacy with which i served him before) and advancing spiritually. I readily agreed to be with them (instead of running away or moving away) as I intuitively know that spiritually i stand to gain (advancement and elevating my consciousness) from this arrangement. Alternative is to be out in the desert of non-devotees which i am not ready for.

 

I do agree that I must keep respectable distance and I do and also i do not interefere with their relationship. And I also know that envy is not good which I do not feel all the time but sometimes when i catch my mind focusing on the intimacy that i have sacrificed and have given up.

 

Hare Krishna!

 

 

[Guest guest]

in response to what my gender is..

 

i am a spirit soul entrapped in the body of a woman. and i sometimes feel that the emotional make-up of women is often a barrier to spiritual advancement. of course there are some other positive aspects of being a woman which helps her take the leap of faith more easily and readily compared to men. However, the determination and steel that one needs to continue on this path is helped when woman has a devotee husband.

 

Hare Krishna!

[Priitaa]

I am sorry to hear the temple broke you two up. This part of your story - they were just so wrong in that. They got their little community together and kept the person who helped them do it, so he can continue to help them do it. And bought him by offering him a wife and probably a place to stay too. What else is new. Not surprised in the least, tho disappointed they are still doing such things.

 

However, not to think he didn't play a role in it. He could have spoken up more strongly but instead, chose to let them run his life. Its easier, plus more prestigue that way. And some like the feeling of being part of a community. Well everyone does, but some refuse pay that high of a price.

 

A dream is usually just a dream. You dont read in Prabhupada's books where he says to accept dreams as mystical, but as illusion. He explains that while awake you may see gold, later you see a mountain, so at night you may dream of a golden mountain - illusion. While there are exceptions and I can't claim for certain this was not coming from Krishna, but we should not automatically think we are so advanced that this is what's happening to us based on a dream by itself. A truly spiritual dream with instructions can be tested by comparrison to shastra, by time (will it last?), and so on. We need to get grounded until we are truly that advanced. Besides, you dont read Prabhupada, the most advanced and jagat-guru pure devotee, baseing his teachings on a dream.

 

With that said....... Polygamy has not worked in this age of Kali yuga. I think maybe one case in India or Africa only, has it worked. And the women were sisters therefore use to living together. Since the divorce rate is so high (devotees included - and sometimes I think we're worse), that a man can't figure out how to live with one woman, its ridiculous to think he can, or should, do this with two. Such a polygamous marriage is sure to fail.

 

Your attachment to this man you view as your guru is not a guru-disciple attachment, but a woman/man attachment. Yes, there can be love in that too, yet it is not the same as the love of a guru who you cant have sex with. It is not on the transcendental platform. Let him go 100% and not to serve him from a distance, but to start a life of your own. Seek out a qualified guru. Do you even know the qualities of a bona fide guru? If not, you need to do some studying.

 

As for his wife, you will never win her heart over. No woman in this age (Kali) will share her man. Besides, so far in ISKCON, polygamy is at best, looked down on as well as discouraged. You won't get much support there.

 

Staying in illusoin of false hopes is only prolonging your suffering. Try to detach and in time find a new husband. You can find a new guru right now by reading Prabhupada's books!

 

I know this is all very hard to hear, and you are probably arguing it in your head, but the easier things to hear keep you in illusion, which in the long run will, as mentioned previously, prolong your suffereing. All I can do is say what I said, then wish you luck. Hare Krishna! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Guest guest]

An Individual who was intimate with one woman went off and married another woman hurting the previous one and you call him as a great spiritual guru. I dont see any guru here. He seems to be just a learned person, and does not seem to be spiritually advanced. Probably he used your emotions. May be you should open up your eyes of mind widely to see if he is actually guru.

A guru is actually suppose to be like and equivalent to a father as per vedic definition. He is not suppose to become intimate with his disciple or student and hence your guru-student relationship is not considered normal when you could use the word intimate. I am sorry, you are just ordinary lovers who talk about krishna.

I would suggest you to move on reading swami Prabupaada's books and that would make you feel detached from this person. I know its very difficult to follow after being intimate with one person, but dont fool yourself trying to get accepted by his wife howmuch ever she may be devotee of Lord.

Between Satyabhama and Rukmini and between Radhee and other Gopikaa's quarelling occured in spite of the fact Satyabama was BooDevi and Rukmini was Shree Devi as also Radhee. Where do you two ordinary women of this age stand. Be sensible and become a sincere devotee of Lord by following the path of detachment from that person. I apologise if my words hurt.

 

[Guest guest]

....to all those who took the time to read and offer me your advice. this is why i came here to learn the devotees' perspective.

 

thanks for saying the harsh truths. no, i m not hurt by them because i value them. as i know that it is the illusions that hurt in the long run.....the truth may hurt in the short term but never in the long run.

 

as for the my guru being 'bonafide'...i have read SP's definition and have assessed him many many times and he comes quite close ..but then it is the element of man/woman relationship that blinds me to his shortcomings. But what i value deeply and feel indebted to him (will always be so!) is that he opened up my eyes to this whole absolute truth. And it is only that feeling of deep obligation that forces me to be around and still be part of his projects and activities and i quite enjoy doing that and also get the satisfaction of dedicating my time, money, skills and knowledge in transcendental work that he provides me the opportunity for. And thats why i am in a dilemma if leaving him and moving away is indeed a solution for me. For if i do move away from him or break up 100%, as u all know, we do not find such dedicated and devoted souls everywhere...its desert out there.....so how would i cope with starvation for transcendental activities and people.

 

I agree there is an element of man/woman attachment but i know this for a fact that as i am still amateur i feel trememdous separation from the spiritual talks, bhajan, kirtan. I can live without sex but the spiritual association is what i crave for the most.

 

The good thing is i have got an opportunity to go on a holiday for 2 long months away from him. This period will give me time to think and reflect. I pray to the Lord to show me the way. All i want to become expert in is to be able to submit to Lord's plan....whatever they may be. In fact this whole 2 month long going away and travelling opportunity has just landed on my lap from nowhere. Which reminds me that Lord is infinitely kind and is looking after me.

 

thank you all so much for reading the story and sharing your thoughts.

 

i will continue to check this thread until thursday this week as on friday i am flying away on my holiday.

 

hare krishna!

 

 

 

 

[Priitaa]

I am impressed by your response and attempt to be open minded on a topic that is tearing at your heart. Which may make what I am about to post a bit more difficult to post, yet you have a right to the highest knowldge.

 

And so I understand you are attached to this man as your guru and forgive him, or let him slide for any shortcomings. However, this is not how guruship works. Allow me to list just some of the qualities a guru must have, from Prabhupada's books.

 

"A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the minds demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world." Sri Isopanisad, text 1.

 

This would mean, no attachment or attraction to sex life. Amongst other things.

 

To be perfectly honest, after living within the movement itself for many years, the man you are in love with or attached to does not sound like an advanced devotee but one who needs a bhakta program. Not that this is bad, no. Everyone needs to go thru that usually. Though I do understand your feelings that its a desert out there and hard to find anyone. In which sense I would suggest to do your husband shopping in better places. ha That is, try a (different) temple.

 

More on the qualifications of a bona fide guru from Prabhupada's books:

 

"In his prayers to the spiritual master, Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti Thakura confirms that all the revealed scriptures accept the spiritual master to be identical with the Personality of Godhead because he is a very dear and confidential servant of the Lord. Gaudiya Vaisnavas therefore worship Srila Gurudeva (the spiritual master) in the light of his being the servitor of the Personality of Godhead. In all the ancient scriptures of devotional service and in the more recent songs of Srila Narottama dasa Thakura, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura and other unalloyed Vaisnavas, the spiritual master is always considered either one of the confidential associates of Srimati Radharani or a manifested representation of Srila Nityananda Prabhu." ~ Adi 1.46

 

"The guru must be situated on the topmost platform of devotional service. There are three classes of devotees, and the guru must be accepted from the topmost class. The first-class devotee is the spiritual master for all kinds of people. It is said, gurur nirnam. The word nirnam means "of all human beings." The guru is not limited to a particular group. It is stated in the Upadesamrita of Rüpa Gosvami that a guru is a gosvami, a controller of the senses AND the mind. Such a guru can accept disciples from all over the world. This is the test of the guru." Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya 24.330P

 

"When one has attained the topmost position of mahä-bhägavata, he is to be accepted as a guru and worshiped exactly like Hari, the Personality of Godhead. Only such a person is eligible to occupy the post of a guru." Caitanya-caritamrta Madhya 24.330P

 

* Must be above the six stages mentioned in Srila Vishvanatha Chakravarti Thakur's book Madhurya-Kadambini, the six stages of unsteady or anisthita stages of bhajana-kriya (activities of worship). The sixth stage is enjoying the facilities of bhakti, or playing in the waves of the ocean of bhakti, a position known as taranga-rangini.

 

* Must always be jolly, never morose, or brahma-bhuta, or liberated from the material concept of life, "I and mine."

 

And there are more, but you get the idea. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

While you put yourself in the amateur category, desiring spiritual talks, bhajan/kirtana and devotee association, you can get that from your godsisters. So, no need to go without.

 

I really feel you will be cheating yourself if you dont allow yourself to detach and move forward in your life, find a man who is also a devotee who loves you enough not to abandon you simply because some authority figure tempts him, etc. Hopefully your vacation will help you come to the realizations you need to get your life together in a workable way. Good luck! :-)

 

[Guest guest]

Why don't you look at it this way. Krishna is envious that somebody else is the object of that special sentiment / special attention (beloved) and now He want to get it by hook or crook!

[Priitaa]

Ummmmmm Krishna doesn't get envious. Maybe you meant something else?

[Guest guest]

Dear Priitaa,

 

One clarification - this is nothing to do with any temple. We created/converted our home into a temple - so there is no big organization behind all this. These things have happened purely at personal level.

 

Re- your quoted criteria for guru..

 

 

 

"A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the minds demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world." Sri Isopanisad, text 1.

 

My beloved fits the above criteria to the T.

 

"Must always be jolly, never morose, or brahma-bhuta, or liberated from the material concept of life, "I and mine."

 

He passes this test also to full score! Tears come to my eyes....as I try hard to see where he may fail and he doesnt....and he doesnt fail on any of these criteria. Amd my respect for him becomes even more deep!

 

But as i am contemplating on this i am realizing that he is well situated ......it is me i need to work on. He is not at fault. Although i am tempted to pass the buck by trying to find a fault to blame him...making it easy for me to deal with this. The fact of the matter is I am mixing up the guru-shishya relationship with man/woman relationship - and it is me who is doing it and i need to re-align myself to Krishna. I probably have developed KC under the cover of a man/woman relationship. But the fact is that i have been exposed to KC - through whatever means - that is immaterial. Now, it is upto me to advance from here and move on.

 

Now whether i do it by dissociating from the work i do for him or doing it with someone else....that i leave to the Lord. For, i do not want to dissociate myself unless and until Krishna shows me an alternative. What i will certainly do is to keep my eyes and mind open to looking for alternatives.

 

I do feel that submitting to the plans of Krishna means cherishing, treasuring and making the most of what i do have ...instead of finding fault with the situation and making my own tribulations and pain as the focus and the centre.

 

Anyways, i am just pouring out my thoughts....it is very thereupetic sharing my thoughts with you devotees.

 

pardon me if i do not sound coherent.

 

Hare krishna!

 

 

 

[Priitaa]

>>>Dear Priitaa,

 

One clarification - this is nothing to do with any temple. We created/converted our home into a temple - so there is no big organization behind all this. These things have happened purely at personal level.<<<

 

Thanks for clarifying this, tho I suspected it. Yet, you said something about him leaving and going somewhere to build a temple. Whoever he did this under, took him. Same thing as if an organization took him.

 

"A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the minds demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world." Sri Isopanisad, text 1.

 

>>My beloved fits the above criteria to the T. <<

 

Your 'beloved' is married. Now your beloved should be Krishna. Anyway........

 

You will have to do more than just say so. No offense intended, you will need to prove it because in this age of kali very few fit that, what to speak of to a T. So, he never desires to eat sugar or any type of nice foodstuffs? Never had sex with you? /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

"Must always be jolly, never morose, or brahma-bhuta, or liberated from the material concept of life, "I and mine."

 

>>He passes this test also to full score! Tears come to my eyes....as I try hard to see where he may fail and he doesnt....and he doesnt fail on any of these criteria. Amd my respect for him becomes even more deep! <<

 

There are many devotees we use to think fit this as well. But the test of time has shown otherwise. Its easy to be jolly when the responsbilities are small. Three children later, and gurukula fees, and keeping them out of maya, keeping the marriage balanced, dealing with the real world, will show how jolly and beyond the material concept one truly is. Often what was passing as transcendental, turned out to be irresponsible. They could only handle being in bliss and not engaging in necessary confrontations to facilitate putting up required boundaries, etc. Many were airy-fairy in the name of spiritual.

 

Then there are the other quotes that a bona fide spiriutal master is one who either has an intimate relationship with Radharani or is a manfiested representation of Lord Nityananda. Etc. Guru is no small postion and one must be purest of the pure to be a guru.

 

>>He is not at fault.<<

 

He is most certainly at fault. Be careful, as this is the typical response many abused woman give. They never blame the guy. .... Yes, you played your role in it too, but you need to accept that he abandoned you.

 

>>The fact of the matter is I am mixing up the guru-shishya relationship with man/woman relationship - and it is me who is doing it and i need to re-align myself to Krishna. <<

 

Yes, this is probalby it.

 

>>>Now whether i do it by dissociating from the work i do for him or doing it with someone else....that i leave to the Lord.<<

 

Yes and no. Krishna gives you freewill. Its up to you to take action, and the type of action will be your choice and therefore your karma. (Even good karma is karma.)

 

>>For, i do not want to dissociate myself unless and until Krishna shows me an alternative. What i will certainly do is to keep my eyes and mind open to looking for alternatives.<<

 

That's good. Many devotees of Krishna right here have shown you alternatives and solutions. They may not be very pleasing, but in the long run they will be. Getting 100% free of him is step number one. Besides, you need to respect the marriage he is actually in. And you do that by staying as far away from him as possible, even in mind.

 

>>I do feel that submitting to the plans of Krishna means cherishing, treasuring and making the most of what i do have ...instead of finding fault with the situation and making my own tribulations and pain as the focus and the centre.<<<

 

Yes, well, submitting to the Lord means following shastric instructions, which is basically what devotees here have given you. I do understand tho, how you are trying not to focus on your pain.

 

>>Anyways, i am just pouring out my thoughts....it is very thereupetic sharing my thoughts with you devotees.

 

pardon me if i do not sound coherent.<<

 

Hey, you can pour out your thoughts to me anytime. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

I am just wondering if this is all recent? Because of so much pain, how long ago did this happen?

 

I must say that I do feel for you. I hope things improve.

[armisael108]

"A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the minds demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world." Sri Isopanisad, text 1.

****

 

It is not from Isopanishad, but Nectar of Instruction, Text 1.

 

Just to clear the minds of those looking for the nice purports of Srila Prabhupada and realizing that Isopanishad T.1 is not it.

 

For those who have N.O.I., I recommend reading the purport of this verse, Prabhupada gives some many practical methods to get rid of those urges.

 

Jaya Srila Prabhupada!!

[Kulapavana]

Whatever happens, happens for a reason. Do not worry, if you are sincere Krishna will guide you and arrange your life so you can find Him. Pain in life is not always bad, and with time it will hurt less and less. Always take the high road in adversity. People who act without honor are not worthy of respect and the fruit of their actions quickly turns bitter... Hare Krishna!

[Priitaa]

I am pretty sure thats where this is from cuz I remember it from the old days. But it may be similar elsewhere. I will double check tho and get back to you on this.

[Kulapavana]

it is from NOI. 1st verse of Isa Upanishad is the isavasyam idam sarvam mantra

[Guest guest]

kalpavana prabhu

 

thank you. i will remember that.

 

all i know is i took a leap of faith and have sincere desire to practice Krishna's teachings. i have sacrificed everything material - in dedication and service of the lord. i thank my guru for giving me the opportunity to do so. and he may have abandoned me in the material sense not has not abandoned me 'spiritually'. i just need to take some time to come to terms with this material abandonment so to speak. and as u say time is a healing factor...and also the fact that i trust the lord will not abandon someone who has a sincere desire to serve Him.

 

 

thank you all for sharing your thoughts

 

and Prita didi, u asked how long ago this has happened....well this is very very fresh......the marriage has taken place one few weeks ago.

 

and yes..... you r right...henceforth Krishna is my 'beloved'.

 

hare krishna!

[Priitaa]

Kulapavana prabhu,

 

You are probably correct, but I can't imagine why I got that mixed up! I am usually so careful about this stuff. Well, its something I got off an old document. Still, I would have been careful when putting it there.

 

My memory was of a time on sankirtana years ago when myself and a godsister sat down and went thru each quality, ending up laughing how we (and probably everyone) started to go thru these qualities for ourselves, and how if we really looked, we saw we did not fit. ha So this experience stuck in my mind (happily), and I thought it was Sri Iso. I haven't had time to dig out my little Sri Iso to double check (tiny books are harder to locate ha), so I will take your word for it. I'm in the middle of working (online) - so no time. Thanks.

 

(Tho I will make one post to our Guest.)

[Priitaa]

 

and Prita didi, u asked how long ago this has happened....well this is very very fresh......the marriage has taken place one few weeks ago.

 

 

Now it makes much more sense! This is all so very new! You haven't even gotten to the anger phase yet and are still in the denial phase. You'll get there, if you allow yourself to. That is, remember it is healthy to get mad at him (in your mind) and not unspiriutal as you might tell yourself. Its the first step out. You need to get angry. Just hang in there.

 

I understand your sentiments, but he's not your guru. He wasn't even married to you, yet he was engaging in sex life with you. In Krishna consciousness we are VERY strict about such things. No sex before marriage, and even after marriage, only for the propagation of Krishna conscious children, then first 50 rounds are chanted. He was your lover but not your guru. Oh, I do understand that he introduced you to Krishna consciousness, but we all do that and we all don't consider ourselves guru. :-) Its all part of Prabhupada's sankirtana movement.

 

And yes, he did abandon you spiritually. Is he really going to be there for you 20 years from now? He will be busy with his own little family, teenagers rebelling will have him very wrapped up in that life, trying to keep THEM on the right path. You will be on your own. But Prabhupada will never abandon you spiriutally - not in 20 years, 20,000 years, or eternity. He will always be there.

 

Get yourself some sensible godsisters to associate with. I can't stress this point enough. Even if you have to relocate, it's worth it and will help snap you out of all this, speeding up the healing process. Prabhupada said that association is 90% of our Krishna consciousness. Though it must be association that's a positive for you (or not him anymore). Besides, it's never good to isolate oneself with only one preson, even spouse, as your only source of spiritual inspiration and connectedness. As you can now see, that can change. Therefore you can protect yourself by having many devotee female Vaisnava friends. And godsisters who are kind and mature will have compassoin yet help you see other points of view.

 

I so much hope your pain decreases day by day. Take care. Haribol.

[ShegavichaRana]

that he too loved you? Many a times, we mistake others and their feelings for our convenience. And liking someone's company is differnt and love is different. Did you ever talk to him about the marriage of you two? If marriage was never discussed between you two, then you took it for granted that, he would eventually marry you. This has resulted in the big disappointment for you. Trying to become his second wife is not a good option at all, it will spoil everything. In fact, you make a clean break here and now. You can go to another place where you may find a good company of HK devotees, temple and you can get engrossed in spiritual austerities. I know it is difficult, but it is better for you to forget him, but it is a better option rather than ruining the happiness of all of you.

[Guest guest]

 

Trying to become his second wife is not a good option at all, it will spoil everything.

 

 

Everything and everyone.

 

Polygamy is just a male fantasy and has nothing to do anymore with honest spiritual life or a man who is so advanced he is guru. The fact that he even considered it, extra lust, not less lust. Daydreams of two women.

 

The fact that she did too, either low self esteem, desperation. both.

 

Possibly a subtle plan to break up his current marriage as wife #2, becoming wife #1. Knowingly or unknowingly.

 

Please, separate the love issues from Krishna consciousness. They are not as closely connected as you think. Study the books better. Make the Krishna conscious decision.

 

May you be well.