a bit of advice please

[Guest guest]

 

I've known him for more than a year now (more than friends). Yeah, sometimes i also think that it's not necessary to go to India and be a Krishna conscious. He always telling me that even I am not a devotee (HK devotee) I am much more qualified to be a devotee compared to most of HK ladies. The more he knows me deeper, the more he admired me he says. I am not "lifting my own chair" but I can guarantee to him, that I am pure, pious and straight person. I never done any thing that will hurt my parents, others or myself. I am a student leader since elementary till college. I've been many times President of so many religious organizations/ for adult and youth, I am having a good educational background and currently having a good paying job, and now that I am about to leave my job, my company is offering twice my pay just for me to stay.

 

I can't help to think sometimes that he wants to keep me because of these. Also, based on the above, I am becoming more scared because knowing that the role of women in Vedic society is lower compared to the society I was brought up. I am not from the west and my environment is not that contaminated by the outside trend, yet women play a vital role in the society and spirituality. I will definitely adjust a lot when I am in India. Yet, I am very willing to that for the good of my marriage and for the community.

 

My friends look at my situation as biased, but I don't rely fully on their judgement, but their words are very influential. However, I know him well inside out. Materially wise, it's not practical to marry him, yet spiritualy and emotionally, he is.

 

Actually, I am having bad dreams regarding the state I am in now. Maybe I worry too much? Is marriage really worth the risk? I am sure with myself that I love him, but why I am scared? My mind and heart won't reconcile in this matter, and I am running out of time.

[Guest guest]

 

I've known him for more than a year now (more than friends). Yeah, sometimes i also think that it's not necessary to go to India and be a Krishna conscious. He always telling me that even I am not a devotee (HK devotee) I am much more qualified to be a devotee compared to most of HK ladies.

 

 

That right there makes me question him. He actually just made an offense. While I am sure you don't realize that, but the many women who have dedicated their life to Krishna, he is fault finding with. He has no idea what they have been through, what its like to live in a woman's body, and maybe his personal sexual attraction/repulsion to them is part of this too. Anyway, Bhagavatam says its a great offense to fault find with such a woman, so he is on the wrong track right off the track.

 

It also is concerning because you do not live togehter yet. Once he lives with you and sees you also have faults, he may change his mind about you too. Just wait til you fall off your pedistal.

 

 

I can't help to think sometimes that he wants to keep me because of these.

 

 

I dont see how thats good enough to make a marriage last through the trying times it will for sure, go through.

 

 

My friends look at my situation as biased, but I don't rely fully on their judgement, but their words are very influential.

 

 

The devotees here are not biased, and I've yet to see any tell you to give up everytihng, pack up, and go live in India where you haven't a clue how to live. For example, you know how in america if a lusty man looks at you and you catch him looking, he turns away, because you caught him. In India if you catch him or look at him, he thinks it's a come on! That you want him! This is just the tip of the iceburg.

 

 

However, I know him well inside out.

 

 

A year? You've only scratched his surface. One woman told me she lived with her husband for 13 years and discovered he never truly revealed his true self to her. If he wnats to hide something from you, he can! Probably is. From all you have written here, it sounds like he is. Starting with him making you live in India or what, he won't marry you? Hes all ready controlling, and not telling you how difficult it will be for you. He's hiding that and probably isn't even investigating it.

 

 

Materially wise, it's not practical to marry him, yet spiritualy and emotionally, he is.

 

 

Actually it sounds like its going to do some serious damage to yoru spiriutal life. You have no idea what you are getting into and I hope you will take advice from american women who are also devotees and know about such things. India is hard one women who aren't use to it. It requires many visits to adjust. There's an idea. You think you can make it in India? Go play India now and go for a short trip. Its expensive. Divorce is more expensive. Find out ahead of time what you can honestly handle.

 

 

Actually, I am having bad dreams regarding the state I am in now.

 

 

Red flag, red flag. Stop ignoring it or trying to analyze it away.

 

 

Maybe I worry too much?

 

 

Sounds like you worry to little and are not taking this seriously enough. You are taking it seriously, but you are ignoring all the warning signals Krishna has put in you as a protective warning system.

 

 

Is marriage really worth the risk?

 

 

Which risk would that be? Not being who you are, but being who he wants you to be? I know you love him, but he is not taking your needs into cosidreation.

 

 

I am sure with myself that I love him, but why I am scared?

 

 

Because love doesn't pay the rent and he is overdoing this "Im not mundane" nonsense. Householder or grhasta menas he has to get somewhat materialistic. If hes so not materialistic, then he should not desie to marry. Let him go to India alone if you can. You probably can't, but if you let your heart have 100% vote, then you are leaving behind your intelligence, and that is telling you more truth right now.

 

 

My mind and heart won't reconcile in this matter,

 

 

Souns like you are being pressured into going and that you dont really have a choice.

 

I dont think there is much else I or anyone can say to you. You probably will suffer, go anyway, life gets messed up, come back and then say "ohhh, Now I see what you were talking about." I hope not, but your emotions are ruling. Bhakti yoga means sense control. Listen to your intellect.

 

If you want to get married, there is no reason you two can't marry in america and live at a temple. Prabhupada made these temples for a reason. To think they are not good enough - this is arrogance.

[Guest guest]

 

In fairness to him, I know that there is no malice when he told me "I am more than a devotee". He wanted me feel my consciousness is okey despite I am not in a more conducive place for spiritual advancement. It wasn't his fault, but my fault becasue i stated words that caused misinterpratation.

 

I am not from US, but in a third world country too...

 

Thank you so much Guest...I really feel much better, not only becasue I found an outlet of my hidden suffering but also got wisdom from your advices.

 

I will contemplate, pray and do service for God to enlighten my mind and help me decide on the things He has planned for me.

 

Thank you.

[Guest guest]

 

In fairness to him, I know that there is no malice when he told me "I am more than a devotee". He wanted me feel my consciousness is okey despite I am not in a more conducive place for spiritual advancement. It wasn't his fault, but my fault becasue i stated words that caused misinterpratation.

 

 

I was hoping you either misunderstood him or didn't type it quite right. Thats fine. He's just trying to encourage you.

 

 

I am not from US, but in a third world country too...

 

Thank you so much Guest...I really feel much better, not only becasue I found an outlet of my hidden suffering but also got wisdom from your advices.

 

I will contemplate, pray and do service for God to enlighten my mind and help me decide on the things He has planned for me.

 

Thank you.

 

 

I hope you feel better.

 

I didn't know where you are from. Since you are from a third world country, you are giving up even more. Could be hard to get it back once you give it up.

 

My words are strong and i don't want them to be, but this was scary. I may not know you, but you are a devotee and we are all related in Krishna's family. Therefore I was concerned.

 

Prayer and contemplation is a good idea. Hope all turns out for the better. Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

 

My mind has been telling me to "stay home" but been ignoring it, because even the thought of seperation is tearing my heart /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

Easy to say, but it's hard to do. Reality bites huh?

 

No problem with your words, you really help a lot. It's true I am still "naive", and I remember he's the first to tell me this and I understand it now.

 

God Bless and Hare Krishna.

[Guest guest]

Being someone in Krsna Consciousness you should see all as equal you are a friend to all. You should be content in your self. No material circumstanses should have any effect on your KC. Your husband although not currently in KC has the potential as does any living entity to remember his postion with God and revive his love for God. Perhaps you got into your relationship before you had the proper values asociated with KC. However during your relationship U were fortunate enough to realize the bliss of KC. It is the nature of someone in KC to want to share the transendental bliss they have felt with all. It is also written that If someone is fortunate enough to asociate with a Devotee they will surely begin to see and know its perfection. You should continue to act in KC and try to show your husband how happy it makes you, how loving it makes you, how simply perfect it is. Although he is maybe agaisnt is now remember God will never turn his back on any living entity and by his grace and perfection all will reach him. So work in KC to show your husband the truth. Have faith that God will help you to revive your husbands dormant KC. Remember you promised God that you would love your husband through all trial and troubles. Your newfound KC is not a reason to leave him but a amazing opertunity to share with him a perfect love that will free him from his ignorance and suffering.

[Guest guest]

"Your newfound KC is not a reason to leave him but a amazing opertunity to share with him a perfect love that will free him from his ignorance and suffering. "

 

It is not the reason to leave him, it is his additude towards me practicing KC that has pushed me over the edge. I have been standing at the edge of that cliff a long time, Hoping that he would change his ways and be more accepting of it. I am just not willing to spen who knows how many years miserable with someone I do not love anymore. If that makes me a bad devotee, may krishna help me to stand again.

[Guest guest]

It is simple yet at the same time very hard to do. If i were in your shoes perhaps I would want to leave the material pain your husband puts you through. I feel it may not be the best thing to do but it surely is so very tempting. But think of how much you will please Krsna if you are to endure this pain out of love for Krsna. We are all a part of Krsna and because of that we all have inside us the love of Krsna the love that wants all souls to know him. If you act on this love and try to show ur husband the truth you will be fufilling the very desires of the supreme. Surely the rewards you will get because of this will be infinitely greater then the suffering you go through. Think of it as a sacrifice to the lord perhaps you will eventually find joy in it in knowing u are helping him to see. And dont forget that any good work started for Krsna with his help will surely not fail. Have patience. And again i know this is not easy and if you can do this then surely u are a great devotee.