Family Problems...

[Guest guest]

Hello there. I am a teenager boy living in the USA. My family has come here from India. In my family, there are arguments like every single day of lately. This is mostly because of the dad. He is practically an atheist: he will worship(sort of) God when he has problems. However, most of the time, he doesn't care about anyone except himself. He doesn't care about the family(3 sons, mom and dad) except for himself, money, and food.

 

I guess no one is born "a follower of Krsna" or such, but from family tradition(passed from generation to generation) the family mostly beleives in Swaminarayan. I beleive in Krishna, as him being the supreme, even though my mom tells me to just worship Swaminarayan, and he is greater than Krishna and Ram. This has happened twice or so: when my mom(who is very religious and believes in God with all her heart) was doing puja, my dad took a pair of scissors, and while she was chanting, he cut the bead-mala; his explanation for this was that we haven't come to America to worship, but rather to make "money and be happy"--by materialistic views.

 

Everyday, or mostly, he tries to argue with us, mostly my mom, and he cusses her all the time. He is nice to us when we are out in a wedding, or such(i.e. when there are guests at our house, or when we are outside), and he doesn't even call us beta(son) or even show love or any find of affection to us(brothers or mom) without swarth(something good for him, even if it is just for him)--he is bad at english, so when he needs help with this, he is nice to us, and a few moments after he is pleased, he doesn't even be nice to us. Just today, when he came home from work, I was the only one home(my rest of the family was at the gas station we have). He started yelling that mom had not cooked anything all day, even though there was pani-pure, some sak(vegetable) made of mango, and bhakhri. He said that he was mad because there wasn't chappatti because my mom had said that she would make chapatti in the morning. He even accuses her of stuff that she doesn't do or does them unintentionally(for just about everyone of us makes mistakes). Afterwards, when I told him to quit yelling, he started cussing and said to me he didn't even want to see my face. Then, as his usual acts of stupidity, he put his clothes in a bag and left the house, saying he was leaving. He went to the gas station, and then my mom calmed him and he came home. As stated before, the only thing he cares about is himself, and none other.

 

As you can see, this is only a list of things about his faults. I truly hate him. Who wouldn't, even my mom does, and says her life has been miserable for the last 20 years, since she has married him. He is most definitely not the ideal father. Mostly because of him, I cannot even concentrate in chanting the Maha Mantra. I sometimes even wish that he weren't alive.

 

This is for people that care for a fellow being. Could you please kindly tell me what I can do, something that will result in peace in my family. Please dear Vaishnavas, and fellow devotees, bless me and my family, and please pray to Lord Krishna so that he will help us in ending our worries and forgiving us for any apradhas and sin.

 

Thank You, and Jay Sri Krishna.

 

Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare/ Hare Ram, Hare Ram, Ram Ram, Hare Hare.

[Guest guest]

that you have to live in a environment that keeps you from properly doing very simple pratna. my dad was raised and born in india. whem my dad was three months, my grandmother died. consequently, my grandfather remarried a vicious rahkshas. my dad will never tell us things that she would do to him. sometimes she would tell him, "i always think of you like a dog!" well, my dad went to school and became an engineer. then, he came to the states and continued his studies here and gained a Masters in Engineering. Since then, my mom came here. and then they both stayed here in the states. that lady, (my step grandmother) and my grandfather have three other children. in 1986, my grandfather came here and instead of living with us, he went and lived with his other children. He only visited us once. Never did he call on our birthdays nor did he ever call to say happy dwali. nothing of that sort. we think that that lady and her kids kept my grandfather from maintaining a relationship with us.

 

the reason iam telling you this story is because it is kind of similar to you situation. i know i am rambling but, my point is, no matter how hard and undesireable your situation may be, that is always someone out there who has it worse. please continue your faith in Bhaghavan. Let is grow and nuture it. that is the best way out. i know that is how my dad got through his terrible childhood. do your duty and have good karma. that is the best solution to every problem. take a deep breathe and just take the higher road even though it maybe hard. best wishes

jai shree krishna

 

[Govindaram]

 

family problems are there for us all, its in our karma you could say, remember verses from the Gita like..the appearance & dissappearance of happiness & distress etc, think of your father as a tree, what does he do? that can harm you, you'll find it funny when he starts talking, when you think of this example, recite verses from Gita/SB which help you, and don't stop chanting, maya wants to test you thats all, don't let her Win.please. remember lord caitanya mahaprabhu & chant hare-krishna. good bless your mum and your family. hare krishna!

[Guest guest]

On a practical level, your father sounds like a sociopath. Your father is just here for money. Once he has his money, he will abandon you, your mother, and two brothers, he will find another woman, and hire a slick attorney to take everything from your mother. It is tough because you're 13. Do you have any family members you can stay with? You need to do really well in school, in case your mom needs your help in the future. Unless your father admits he has a problem, the situation WILL NOT IMPROVE, and it sounds like he is making a nice external appearance for friends and extended family. If they are airheads, then they too will think he is a good guy. Sociopaths are very dangerous for this reason.

 

On a spiritual level, you must go to Srimad Bhagavatam canto 7. Read about Prahlad, and his unwavering faith in Krishna; Lord Nrsimhadev. You must follow Prahlad's good example. Be brave, and believe in Krsna. You will save your entire family with your devotion. Try not to hate your father, even though he's doing very bad things. My father was just like yours. Hate the sin, but do not hate the sinner. Hate will only entangle you into the material world.

 

Your situation is very difficult, but you are very fortunate because you believe in The Supreme Personality of Godhead. Come to us for any advice, and I hope Lord Nrsimhadev protects you.

[gHari]

From a lecture by Srila Prabhupada:<blockquote>But that PrahlAda MahArAja, later on he asked NRsiMhadeva, "My dear Lord, one thing I may ask from You.What is that?Now, my father was atheist number one, and he has committed so many offenses at Your lotus feet. Now he is killed. So I want that he may be excused and given liberation." So he was already liberated. Still, as affection son, he was anxious to know, "Whether my father will be liberated or not?" So this was confirmed by the Lord: "Not only your father, his father's father, his father, his father, up to fourteen generations, everyone is liberated--because a VaiSNava son like you is born in this family."

 

So my point is: by serving the Supreme Lord, one gives the best service to the family, because if one becomes a VaiSNava, pure VaiSNava, the whole family, up to fourteen generations, they become liberated. Therefore tIvreNa bhakti-yogena. We should not divert our attention for any other service. We should simply concentrate for rendering service to the Supreme Lord. This is the conclusion. TIvreNa bhakti-yogena mano mayy arpitam. Mayi, "unto Me, the Supreme Lord, KRSNa." This is KRSNa consciousness. Always thinking of KRSNa, mayi. That will help. TIvreNa bhakti-yogena. Always... That is also advised in Bhagavad-gItA: man-manA, mad-bh... Man-manA bhava mad-bhaktaH. Your mind should be engaged always in KRSNa. KRSNa or RAma, which form ever you like--ViSNu form, or Lord ViSNu, NArAyaNa, Kapiladeva. There are innumerable forms of God. Advaitam acyutam anAdim ananta-rUpam [bs 5.33]. So RAma, NRsiMha, VarAha, KRSNa, Kapiladeva, BalarAma--there are so many forms. So any one of Them, whichever you like... Everyone is... Just like HanumAn. He liked RAmacandra forms, and Arjuna liked KRSNa's form. But there is no difference between RAma and KRSNa. RAmAdi-mUrtiSu kalA-niyamena tiSThan nAnAvatAram akarod bhuvaneSu kintu [bs. 5.39].</blockquote>

 

This is difficult but powerful advice from the Srimad-Bhagavatam verse 3.14.46:<blockquote><font color="red"><center>yogair hemeva durvarNaM

bhAvayiSyanti sAdhavaH

nirvairAdibhir AtmAnaM

yac-chIlam anuvartitum

</center>

yogaiH--by the rectifying processes; hema--gold; iva--like; durvarNam--inferior quality; bhAvayiSyanti--will purify; sAdhavaH--saintly persons; nirvaira-AdibhiH--by practice of freedom from animosity, etc.; AtmAnam--the self; yat--whose; zIlam--character; anuvartitum--to follow in the footsteps.

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In order to follow in his footsteps, saintly persons will try to emulate his [Prahlada's] character by practicing freedom from animosity, just as the purifying processes rectify gold of inferior quality.

 

PURPORT

Yoga practice, the process of purifying one's existential identity, is based mainly on self-control. Without self-control one cannot practice freedom from animosity. In the conditional state, every living being is envious of another living being, but in the liberated state there is an absence of animosity. PrahlAda MahArAja was tortured by his father in so many ways, yet after the death of his father he prayed for his father's liberation by the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He did not ask any benediction that he might have asked, but he prayed that his atheistic father might be liberated. He never cursed any of the persons who engaged in torturing him at the instigation of his father.</blockquote>

gHari

[ShegavichaRana]

holy mantra. As someone has said previously, all these are nothing but the bad Karma done by you in your earlier births. You cannot escape your Karma, at the same time, you can use your free-will to chant the holy mantra and cross the ocean of life. Most of us have more or less similar, if not the same, troubles in one way or the other.