Devotees kindly help me

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna.

 

I am in trouble with my devotion life. I am from a Hindu family but still a novice one in real bhakti.

We try to follow what prabhu paad ji has mentioned. That is chanting is the only way in kali yuga. I started with two round daily and now I usually do around 5-6 round daily although not continuous.

My wife also started chanting , but soon lost interest . She says she likes only serving Krishna through singing bhajan, dancing etc. But these things can not be done daily for krishna. She does that say every week she sings 1 hour for krishna , She will dance every month once. I mean to say with chanting you can remember Krishna at least 1 hour daily. She does not like that. Of course we cook and offer prasadam. But again she does not cook and offer it in a proper way.

She likes to mix with people who praises her that "you are a good dancer , or you are a good person ".

She likes to go for marketing and buying things sometime for Krishna , but most of the time for herself.

Some time she want to eat outside in Mac Donald with veggie Burger. She has read gita as it is also.

 

 

 

Where I live there is many ISKCON devotees and unfortunately, most of them are struggling with their married life .

The lady devotees sometime praises her, and I think she feels that she is on correct path.

 

Now if you are new devotee , your association should be pure. I work for 1/3 of the day time with non devotees. When I go home I associate to my wife who is like I explained above . How can I change her and change myself , so that together we become sincere devotee.

 

hari bol

xx

 

[Guest guest]

Also we have 2 little kids , so most of the time at home goes in their service . But still what ever time she finds after that goes in mundane thing.

XX

[Guest guest]

 

whatever you do don't treat her like a second class citizen, a vaisnava should be tolerant of others

and strict with himself,if you try and push Her into

being more like you want She just may grow to

resent you, so be like a swan and appreciate

Her good qualities, devotion means it comes from

the heart,if she feels she HAS to act in a certain way,

HAS to perform devotional activities, then those things

become a chore and She will associate devotional

activities as something that is a burden.

 

These things you describe are not a big deal,

consider most people have no taste for kirtan

or any form of Bhakti,by having a strict attitude

with your husband or wife you are endangering

the most important relationship you have in your life.

 

The strict lifestyle is for those who willingly desire that,if it is required then it is not pleasing to God,

Bhakti means it is done out of your desire,if it is not

your desire then it is not bhakti, so give Her room to feel

devotion is Her choice,not an imposition,otherwise

She may feel you to be pompous and unloving,

you must decide if you want a disciple or a wife.

 

[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna Shiva prabhu,

Your points are nice. But in that way how we move forward in bhakti.

In mundane love life people do the same thing , appreciate their partner and when ever that is lost ,relation is broken.

 

First of all my mind itself is not wholly surrendered to holy feet. If I don't control it , it can go in any direction. To control that I also need good association . Now that is missing here .

 

XX

 

[Govindaram]

 

 

Hare Krishna

 

 

From what i have learnt theres no point forcing ppls to believe more in Krishna, you can encourage your wife, i know you already know this..hearing is very important esp from a self-realised soul, they have an amazing effect on your mind, so listen to Srila Prabhupada lectures with your wife, or watch videos of SP giving lectures.

 

There is another thread which i started called 'over familiar with Krishna', i feel many Hindus think they are loving Krishna more, so they not think sadhana is not important, they have automatic ticket to Goloka, anyway we don't have a monopoly over Krishna (God), sravanam ki jai.

 

 

 

 

[cRimAl]

I mentioned this here once allready: my first marriage did not survive my passion for krishna consciousness, though I have to say, it was mainly my own fault. Someone mentioned here that a vaisnava should be tolerant and I have to admit that I was anything besides that.

I had found a whole new way of living in the Bhagavad-Gita and in the words of Prabhupada and I kind of wanted to share that with my wife and the rest of the people around me, the thing was, I didn't know how to share it so instead I was just fanatical but the worst part is that i was a bit like those early christians who changed the bible: i was a selective fanatic. I saw her faults without seeing mine. Hmm, where am I going with this ?

 

Anyways: I think that it's important that you keep serving Krishna the best you can and you can do it in such a way that it becomes attractive for your wife. You can cook prasada for her untill she learns to appreciate it and even love to cook it herself, you can keep chanting untill she falls in love with the energy of the maha mantra...in other words, you can be the best you that you can be, for Krishna, for yourself, and for your family.

 

And if you do that then how can you worry ?

 

Hare Krishna

 

[Priitaa]

I certainly don't have all the answers, and wish I could solve this for you, but what I have seen is that those who shove Krishna consciousness down anyone's throat, especially those they live with, often get the opposite result. Your good fortune is that your wife is a devotee, even if she doesn't practice it to the degree she should. At least she will raise your children to believe Krishna is God, and not block you from instillling devotional qualities in them - tho that may now fall more on your shoulders than hers. So you may have to take that up, again, gently.

 

It is disturbing tho, if she wants to eat at McDonalds, but as I reread what you wrote, she orders the veggie burger! Personally I would not give that corporation any money to maintain their business. However from a woman's perspective, especially since she did not make a choice to move into a temple, etc., my goodness, sometimes women just get tired of cooking! You do the cooking instead once in a while for a treat, or take her to a veggie restaurant if she likes to eat out. Since women are in the kitchen a lot, they often need a change of atmosphere for good emotional health. I'm not saying eating at a veggie restaurant that is not prasadam is the best thing, but since she is going to do it anyway, better to dovetail it. You can show her how to silently, quickly, offer the food there, even if its just a quick "Dear Lord Krishna, Lord Caitanya, please accept this food. Hare Krishna." Something is better than nothing, and this way you can do it together rather than her getting further and further from you in various ways.

 

If the devotees at the temple are puffing her up, they may not know how to help her and don't want to blow her away. Not that they are doing the right thing, but too often they have gone the other extrme so maybe they are trying to avoid that.

 

You can't give her the taste or ruci she needs, and it would certainly help if she got it. There are various things that can help one find their own ruci, but they have to want to find it. Assocaition is part of it, tv watching increases material desires but at this point if you try to pull that away from her, you will only push her farther away from Krishna. You may be in a bit of a pickle, but its not hopeless. You simply have to figure out, little by little, what you 'can' do, and what she 'does' respond to, then grab it.

 

I feel those we are closest to, it can be the most difficult to get them to fully come over to our (and Krishna's) side because we are soooo attached and/or love them, but I am still impressed that she will still dance in aroti and still sing in bhajana. Encourage her in those ways. If she likes those, she has opened a door for you, and of course for Krishna, so facilitate more singing and dnacing for the Lord! Bring her to the temple more often. Over time, she may eventually develop a taste for chanting again, and this time more from a sense of self. That is, if she was doing it for you last time, thats nice but does not have lasting power. If she can find a reason or way she wants to continue herself, that will stay.

 

Most important is to be a good example, which does not mean a fanatical example or the other extreme. Exhibit gentle, compassionate and understanding qualities as often as possible. And when you strongly disagree with something (such as McDonalds) try to find a way to express it that is balanced and makes sense to her. Or possibly meeting her half way on some of the things you can meet her half way on. Or give some ideas for alternatives.

 

I'd worry less about her offering food to Krishna in a 'proper' way and just that she offers it with heart, with a sense of love of God. Once she develops that, everything else will start to fall into place. Or that she sometimes buys things for Krishna, but other times buys things for herself, this is something else I would not worry about. Women shop. lol Even devotee woman. At least she is including Krishna on her list.

 

I also realize all of this is easier said than done. I don't pretend to be perfect at convincing my loved ones, just that these are some ideas you can try. And if you find you're not perfect at it either, join the rest of us. ha And then keep on trying again and again and again. Never give up, just find a new angle.

 

Oh, one last point that I have found significantly helpful: When she is in a very relaxed state of mind, such as sleepy or in a good mood (but relaxed, not elated), etc., this is a time you can presesnt things you normally could not, as people are more receptive when their minds are relaxed. However, if you take advatage of it and get heavy or fanatical at that time, she will learn quick to turn off anything you say when she is relaxed. Use it wisely, gently, dont try to convey too much, or too often, and this can serve your purpose.

 

And remember in all of this, you are not together by chance, there are lessons you are meant to learn too, as we all need purification. Its just harder to see our own faults.

[Guest guest]

I feel those we are closest to, it can be the most difficult to get them to fully come over to our (and Krishna's) side because we are soooo attached and/or love them

 

 

I think that a lot of people don't want to see their close loved ones entering a life of praying and serving. For a lot of people this will look as being brainwashed.

Then again: those same close loved ones also don't see the pain we have when we see how they stubornly hold on to the brainwashing that everyone else has had. This is the case a lot of times in this world: people don't really feel like making a decision for themselves, so they kind of go with the flow. This can clearly be seen when a question is asked to a group of people: it will always take the first brave one to raise his hand and then others will follow seeing how they are not alone.

So we are hurt also because we also see how our loved ones are following something that won't even provide them happiness and so in the end there are a lot of hurt people in the world. Sad really.

 

 

Anyways, i'm not saying that we should all turn into people that don't see or understand the 'other side'. We should be able to see both sides of the coin as that is the only way to make a clear decision. But yeah, it can be difficult. (weird how the word cult is in difficult and i never noticed that)

[cRimAl]

says me that forgot to log in.

 

 

Hare Krishna.

[Priitaa]

Crimal,

 

I find you make some good points, tho I feel its relative to a persons individual situation. For you, and when I was younger for me, there may have been concern that someone may have viewed us as 'brainwashed' or did not like our devotion. Now that my main family is no longer my parents, and I have even raised teenagers, brainwashed is not the slightest bit of an issue. Even when I had a rebellious teenager, there was recognition of being part of Prabhupada's extended family. Its simply how they were raised, that Krishna is God and this is Who they worship. I felt too with this gentleman who posted, since he is Hindu as is his wife, that, as well as devotion, is not an issue, but finding ways to go about it wich his wife is drawn to. Just my opinion. Oh yes, and I find you make other good points that, while tempted to comment on, they are too many. Thanks!

[gHari]

Work on yourself. Krsna manages everyone's spiritual path individually. The better you get, the better you can serve Krsna in helping others.

 

Don't worry; be happy.

 

[Guest guest]

Seeing only the best in each other automatically helps to bring it out. That is real practical Krsna conciousness in action, even while we remain mostly unrealized. Srila Prabhupada called it focusing on the moonlight, rather than it's dark spots. Remember, everything ultimately depends on His Divine Grace and not our own feeble efforts. I find personal prayers to be very helpful, in fact essential, for they are a continuing humble admission of my inadequacy.

 

Sometimes our love for those closest to us is best expressed silently. Just to be kind, gentle and understanding may be more than enough. Keeping the faith means not only in God, but also one and other. Bhakti is all-inclusive unconditional love and a divine gift to be shared, not a set of rigidly enforced standards to be impersonally imposed. Better to follow out of love and gratitude in our own time than because of fear, guilt, intimidation, etc.

[ShegavichaRana]

due to the deeds in the past lives. One simply cannot do away with it, is my personal experience. My life is more or less is like yours! A loveless life where my wife lives with me like a co-passenger in a train compartment, busy nursing her ego all the time. Just imagine the type of life I am leading! But I console myself that, it was my own past Karma, I am paying for and try to do Sadhana (I am not sure, if it can be called so) to the best of my ability. I pray God to give me mental, physical strength to fight the odds and help me continue to do my Sadhana. Why do not you do the same? One day God must take pity on us. Don't you think so?

[ancient_paztriot]

What you say has deep meaning.

 

But let's not forget that women give comfort and companionship to house and home.

 

They can communicate with kids in ways you'll never understand.

 

They can work as a team in truth too.

 

Ultimately, we have the same conditioned faults they do.

 

It is a world of duality. That's why no one can win… Krsna has all the angels covered… both… and neither.

[cRimAl]

due to the deeds in the past lives. One simply cannot do away with it, is my personal experience. My life is more or less is like yours! A loveless life where my wife lives with me like a co-passenger in a train compartment, busy nursing her ego all the time. Just imagine the type of life I am leading! But I console myself that, it was my own past Karma, I am paying for and try to do Sadhana (I am not sure, if it can be called so) to the best of my ability. I pray God to give me mental, physical strength to fight the odds and help me continue to do my Sadhana. Why do not you do the same? One day God must take pity on us. Don't you think so?

 

 

 

That's really nice. I wish I could think a little bit more like that. I always feel ripped off for not being able to live in a temple.

[Priitaa]

 

That's really nice. I wish I could think a little bit more like that. I always feel ripped off for not being able to live in a temple.

 

 

What a sweet sentiment! I apprecaite how you feel about ashrama life. But it also has it rough side.

 

I am not sorry I lived in the ashrama though. Matter of fact, am very thankful it happened for me. It was not always so easy though. The physical austerities I could omstly handle, it was the mental trips many pulled that I would never want to go though again. Yet when I read of a new devotee, I do feel the temple training I recieved is where I get my strength from, and so I do wish it for everyone. I'm not sure though, how. That is, I feel there should be some adjustments made, or in truth, to return it to the real method Prabhupada had set up. But in this age of kali yuga there is no perfect situation, so I'm glad I got what I got.

 

For those who can't move in, I would suggest trying to speand as many overnights as possible. Weekends and such. That way you at least undergo some of the basic training we got. It 'does' pay off. And with study of Prabhupada's books, you can pick from the temple experiences what correlates with them and what does not. We've all got enough intelligence to do that at least to a degree.

 

Though you may not be able to even spend week ends, etc., but thought I'd throw the idea out there. Good luck! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[cRimAl]

priitaa: I have just spend 6 and 1/2 years working in my fathers comicshop. I won't go into the details but my father is a very troubled person, he's even taking heavy anti depressants. ANyways, for the past six years I have lived for him AND for my ex-wife, two people that have done everything to bash my feelings for Krishna.

 

So, for the past months my sister has been without a job also due to depressed feelings (they claim that it runs in the family and that I'm also a depressed person) so he hired her for two weeks because welfare didn't pay her for two weeks. Ofcourse, things got heated since she was hired to do my job and today; well today I found out that I lost my job, I only got half of the wage that I had to get, and when I said that I now would be without money for a few months and probably go homeless because of that he just lifted his shoulders in an i-don't-care movement. AND i have been dealing with this since I was a wee little one.

 

So, yes, temple life does sounds like heaven for me.

[Priitaa]

Crimal,

 

I am sorry to hear all that has happened to you, especially the recent loss of a job! My, the material world can be cruel.

 

Without a job, there is no roof over ones head, no food, no nothing. I don't mean to sound like one of those fanatics who see absolutely every single bad thing (or reversal) as a 'blessing' from God and as something good. However, maybe at least once in a while we can try to locate the good in such a reversal as you have experienced. What I am getting at is, maybe you really are being directed by the Lord to move into a temple. Its certainly better than homeless, and even if you decide ashrama life is not for you over a period of time, at least you will get into the devotee world more, and you would be surprised at the doors that open for you once you learn how to open them or where they are located!

 

Matter of fact, I thank you, because you just helped me remember this for myself; how much I appreciate this! I dont know what I would do without the deovtees, even the annoying ones. LOL We all need each other, and various devotees can offer you various opportunities you would never have thought possible. I am speaking from experience, having been there. At one of my most diffcult times in life it was the temple that helped me out. I don't claim it was the perfect situation, and I dont claim ISKCON is free of problems, but it was an important stepping stone that without, I honestly can't begin to imagine how bad everything could have gotten for me. I am so thankful Prabhupada created this movement. It is my family, for better or worse. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

[Priitaa]

Crimal,

 

Almost forgot, it is possible you are depressed. Whether it be from genetics or merely having to deal with such stressful situations since childhood. I don't know enough about this topic to much give advice, though I do know there are herbs and such you can take that offer some real benefit. Also, to maybe consider a talk doctor, or else self help books on it that aren't gibberish but genuinely helpful.

[cRimAl]

Priitaa d.d...hare krishna !

 

Yeah, I know about the stuff that fights depression, both herbal and not herbal but i don't really need it cause I don't really feel depressed.

 

We have just spend the last two days at the temple and I can't even begin to say how good i'm feeling right now...doors have been opened indeed, doors of which I thought that they would never open...I have learned so much all ready in the last two days and tomorrow it's sunday fest and I'm really looking forward to that.

 

But I do want to thank you for your nice and kind words...you're right, being around devotees is a blessing, even if some are annoying...That's why i'm also glad that I came across this forum...it feels like a temple online.

 

Radhe Radhe

Crimal.

[Priitaa]

Crimal,

 

Good to hear how well things have been turning around for you. It IS hopeful! Especially, the more we turn toward Krishna, the more He turns to us - or opens doors. Same thing. Please keep us updated. I am curious to know how the Sunday Feast goes. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

A temple online? Interesting way to put it. I suppose it is! Yes, I am thankful for these forums as well.

[cRimAl]

Oh and priitaa, what I definitely want to say also is: thank YOU !!

 

I don't think that you can imagine how much you have meant for me this week. Isn't it weird how we can be of importance for anyone without even realizing it ?!

 

Anyways, thanx, from the bottom of my heart.

 

Hare Krishna.

CrimAl.

[Priitaa]

Crimal,

 

Well, thank you, tho its nothing anyone else wouldn't have done had they noticed, as Prabhuapda encouraged us to reach out and help others. Its just a matter of being personal. Us devotees are real good at being personal in the negative way, lol. We know everyones fault right on down to the 'wrong' place they parted their hair Wednesday morning at 10:47 a.m. LOL So, we merely need to weed that out, or redirect that energy to be personal in a positive manner. Anyhow, I am glad you are getting closer to Krishna and doors are opening.

[cuddly]

God do not look for the methods of prayers but the kind heart. Keep your heart open and pray the Almighty by whatever means you know. Path may be different but the journey is to reach His holy feet. Relax and trust in the Almighty.