Help! I'm struggling with how to prioritize my life...

[Starman]

This is a question that will take awhile to explain.

 

I've just recently found the KC movement and it makes great sense to me in every way, and I want to try and prioritize my life to make the most spiritual advancement possible realizing that time shouldn't be wasted.

 

Some particulars to begin with:

 

I'm 45, married for the past 22 years, and we have 3 children, girl 21, boy 19, girl 17. Our marriage has been a struggle and it seems that it may always be this way...'enjoy what there is to enjoy, and suffer what there is to suffer'....is the basic attitude at times.

 

Anyway, the dilemna we're in now is this: My wife and I have very different views on what is really important, it seems. She seems to be perfectly content to continue to live the 'American Dream'(uh, er nightmare /images/graemlins/smile.gif), and I'm ready to make big changes and dedicate and devote my life to God.

 

This isn't a whim, and I don't think it's escapism either. This is something that I've been seeking for the past 20 years or so. I've covered a lot of territory in finding KC, everything from Christianity, to Zen, to Sai Baba, to Rajneeshism, to Sivananda, Wiccan, Unity,Scientology, etc.

 

It appears that my wife has ZERO interest in spiritual advancement.....and that's fine....I'm long past the point of trying to 'talk her into religion'.

 

So, to make the best progress personally, and for my family, I think that I may have to make the decision between my wife, family and Krsna, very soon.

 

I realize that it seems selfish in one way, but I also realize that it might be doing everyone a huge service to become involved 100% in my spiritual advancement.

 

Here are some other considerations, astrologically I have the same lagna as Prabupada(capricorn)...what seems difficult for others, namely the 4 regulative principles etc, are generally easy for me to implement(strong Saturn).

Furthermore our marriage has been very tough on all of us and maybe the best thing for all of us is that my wife go her way, and I do what's most important to me.

 

My question is this:

Will it hurt my family more to stay, and be constantly pulled and lulled into the materialistic lifestyle, or is it in my best interest and the best interest of my family to TOTALLY dedicate myself to KC and even move to New Vrnd. or to some other KC location?

 

Any comments or thoughts are appreciated. Feel free to ask ANY questions, I'm ready to truly make a commitment and I don't want to dabble or be superficial in my approach to KC....I understand that a half-hearted approach leads no where.

 

[AncientMariner]

 

 

 

 

I am not qualified to offer you any advice on this subject but I can understand what you are going through and I just wanted to wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you come up with. I know in Srimad Bhagavatam some of the issues you have are addressed in Chapter 5 of Canto 6. Narada Muni Cursed by Prajapati Daksa. Prabhupada shows how people have been averse to the Krishna Consciousness movement since time immemorial.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Haribol prabhuji,

 

This is a topic that I'm sure many devotees could offer their thoughts on, but it may be considered treading on thin ice since it's a family issue.

 

One thing I think would help is if you talked a little bit about your experience with Krsna consciousness. How long have you been studying it? How long have you been chanting? Have you gotten much association from other devotees?

 

Obviously, you've experienced a great variety of religions. Everyone on this forum believes that Krsna conciousness is the greatest path we can follow, but then again, it's not for everybody, and if it IS for you, everyone takes to it at a different intensity, at different times of their life, at different elapsed times of learning about Krsna and chanting His names.

 

Meet devotees, chant, study Prabhupad's books. You can do these things at home, and gradually you will know exactly what you need to do. Give your family a chance to. Just because your wife may not have been interested in the previous religions, who's to know that Krsna consciousness is not attractive to them?

 

Hoping that older and more experienced devotees can help you.

[Govindaram]

 

 

Hare Krishna

 

 

Impediments in KC, are many.

 

Thats all i have to say.

 

 

[Guest guest]

Twenty-two years of marriage raising three children is a very commendable commitment, certainly more than many devotees have managed, and should not be seen as negative in any way. The real secret of Krsna consciousness is to continue executing one's external duties impeccably, while secretly falling deeply in love within our heart-of-hearts. Since you have previously been involved with so many other groups/paths, my advice would be to go slowly, if possible. As your bhakti begins to bear fruit, the obvious changes evident in you may improve family relations miraculously. If not, it would probably be a good idea to at least have their blessings, especially your childrens', who are now pretty much adults and individuals in their own right.. Real lasting detachment is always an internal matter, achievable solely by the mercy of His Divine Grace, ultimately not through any efforts or sadhana of on our part. I wish you all the best in any case.

[Starman]

Hare Krishna,

 

Thanks for the responses.

 

As for my experience with KC it started a few months ago. For the past 2 years before encountering KC I'd been practicing Nichiren Buddhism. In Nichiren Buddhism they chant 'Nam myoho renge kyo'.....the mystic law.

 

For the first year or so it made sense. But it's a VERY dry, ritualistic practice that makes no mention of God. In fact for the past year I'd been talking to the 'leaders' in Nichiren Buddhism about how I was feeling stale, cold and more and more frustrated with the practice.

 

So, the timing on finding KC isn't an accident I feel. Prabhupada also answers my basic questions about God, and who and what we are.

 

The idea of the necessity of a spiritual master, and the need to develop love of Krishna are some of the missing pieces that I knew had to be out there. Well, in KC they are there and more than I could've imagined.(volumes and volumes).

 

I had even started to study vedic astrology the past year so this led me more and more to understand the significance of the KC movement. Astrology isn't mentioned much and I've stopped looking to my chart for the answers and have over the past 2 months made the decision to chant and develop relationships with devotees, and read as much of Prabhupada's books as I have time for.

 

The timing has been wonderful for the simple reason that I've had several months off and the money in savings where I could afford to use the time in my studies and practice of KC.

 

The savings are running short and I am looking forward to working again....but I am hesitant to dive back in knowing I have the tendency to get lost in my work, and before long I'd be working 70-80 hours per week with no time for my spiritual practice.

 

Furthermore, I'm not nearly as interested in working like a 'dog' anymore.....the reasons for working like that do NOT make sense to me anymore. You can imagine how my wife is worried that I'm not going to be 'playing the game' anymore and how this might affect her spending and lifestyle.

 

What I'm struggling with now is whether to start this new part of the journey fresh and make a break with my family. As I mentioned before I'm not sure that I can do the practice and work in the world like I did before.

 

I'm feeling more and more like I want to move near a temple, etc.....and get a pt job and TRULY go into this practice with determination.

 

As for whether my wife will change her mind with KC I feel as certain as I can that this isn't likely at all. Why? because for her it has to be popular, and KC movement is too 'weird' for her. She's extremely conscious of the 'right' things to do if you know what I mean.

 

I've heard something to the effect that you liberate your relatives lives for a hundred generations, past and future(or something similar to this?)...so what better way could I help my family and myself?

 

 

 

 

 

[AncientMariner]

 

 

 

regarding family life in Bhagavad Gita.

 

 

"As for detachment from children, wife and home, it is not meant that one should have no feeling for these. They are natural objects of affection. But when they are not favorable to spiritual progress, then one should not be attached to them. The best process for making the home pleasant is Krsna Consciousness. If one is in full Krsna Consciousness, he can make his home very happy, because this process of Krsna consciousness is very easy. One only need chant Hare Krsna, Hare Rama, accept the remnants of foodstuffs offered to Krsna, have some discussions on books like Bhagavad Gita and Srimad Bhagavatam and engage oneself in Deity worship. These four things will make one happy. One should train the members of his family in this way. The family members can sit down morning and evening and chant together Hare Krsna, Hare Rama. If one can mold his family life in this way to develop Krsna Consciousness, following these four principles, then there is no need to change from family life to renounced life."

[gHari]

Starman,

 

If it were your wife instead of you who was now interested in Krsna, how would you want her to treat you? Leave you?

 

Right now this may seem like just another of your kooky fads to her. The Guest here who wrote about the change of heart was very wise. There is no big external change required - it is only a change of heart; the reason why we do what we do changes. That's all. Lord Caitanya said to start from where you are, whatever occupation or family situation, and just add Krsna.

 

You can advance on your own, and gradually your wife will become interested. Suddenly you're a good husband, so there must be something to this chanting after all.

 

My own opinion is that no man walks away from his kids. Prabhupada didn't, and neither should we.

 

But Lord Caitanya's opinion is more important and while I was unable to find the quote I alluded to above, this reference seems to provide similar advice in the Sri Caitanya-caritamrita Madhya 7.126-129:<blockquote><center><font color="red">kRpA kara, prabhu, more, yAG tomA-saGge

sahite nA pAri duHkha viSaya-taraGge'

</center>

kRpA kara--kindly show favor; prabhu--O my Lord; more--unto me; yAG--I go; tomA-saGge--with You; sahite nA pAri--I cannot tolerate; duHkha--the troubles; viSaya-taraGge--in the waves of materialistic life.

</font>

The brAhmaNa begged Lord Caitanya MahAprabhu, "My dear Lord, kindly show me favor and let me go with You. I can no longer tolerate the waves of misery caused by materialistic life."

 

PURPORT

This statement is applicable for everyone, regardless of how rich or prosperous one may be. Narottama dAsa ThAkura has confirmed this statement: saMsAra-viSAnale, divA-nizi hiyA jvale. He states that the materialistic way of life causes a burning in the heart. One cannot make any provisions for the troublesome life of the material world. It is a fact that one may be very happy as far as riches are concerned and one may be very opulent in every respect, yet one has to manage the viSayas to meet the demands of the body and of so many family members and subordinates. One has to take so much trouble to minister to others. Narottama dAsa ThAkura therefore prays: viSaya chADiyA kabe zuddha ha'be mana. Thus one must become freed from the materialistic way of life. One has to merge himself in the ocean of transcendental bliss. In other words, one cannot relish transcendental bliss without being freed from the materialistic way of life. It appears that the brAhmaNa named KUrma was materially very happy, for he expressed his family tradition as janma-kula-dhana. Now, being glorious, he wanted to leave all these material opulences. He wanted to travel with SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu. According to the Vedic way of civilization, one should leave his family after attaining fifty years of age and go to the forest of VRndAvana to devote the rest of his life to the service of the Lord.

 

<center><font color="red">prabhu kahe,----"aiche bAt kabhu nA kahibA

gRhe rahi' kRSNa-nAma nirantara laibA

</center>

prabhu kahe--SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu said; aiche bAt--such words; kabhu--at any time; nA kahibA--you should not speak; gRhe rahi'--staying at home; kRSNa-nAma--the holy name of the Lord; nirantara--always; laibA--you should chant.

</font>

SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu replied, "Don't speak like that again. Better to remain at home and chant the holy name of KRSNa always.

 

PURPORT

It is not advisable in this Age of Kali to leave one's family suddenly, for people are not trained as proper brahmacArIs and gRhasthas. Therefore SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu advised the brAhmaNa not to be too eager to give up family life. It would be better to remain with his family and try to become purified by chanting the Hare KRSNa mahA-mantra regularly under the direction of a spiritual master. This is the instruction of SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu. If this principle is followed by everyone, there is no need to accept sannyAsa. In the next verse SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu advises everyone to become an ideal householder by offenselessly chanting the Hare KRSNa mantra and teaching the same principle to everyone he meets.

 

<center><font color="red">yAre dekha, tAre kaha ‘kRSNa'-upadeza

AmAra AjJAya guru haJA tAra' ei deza

</center>

yAre--whomever; dekha--you meet; tAre--him; kaha--tell; kRSNa-upadeza--the instruction of the Bhagavad-gItA as it is spoken by the Lord or of SrImad-BhAgavatam, which advises one to worship SrI KRSNa; AmAra AjJAya--under My order; guru haJA--becoming a spiritual master; tAra'--deliver; ei deza--this country.

</font>

"Instruct everyone to follow the orders of Lord SrI KRSNa as they are given in the Bhagavad-gItA and SrImad-BhAgavatam. In this way become a spiritual master and try to liberate everyone in this land."

 

PURPORT

This is the sublime mission of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Many people come and inquire whether they have to give up family life to join the Society, but that is not our mission. One can remain comfortably in his residence. We simply request everyone to chant the mahA-mantra: Hare KRSNa, Hare KRSNa, KRSNa KRSNa, Hare Hare/ Hare RAma, Hare RAma, RAma RAma, Hare Hare. If one is a little literate and can read Bhagavad-gItA As It Is and SrImad-BhAgavatam, that is so much the better. These works are now available in an English translation and are done very authoritatively to appeal to all classes of men. Instead of living engrossed in material activities, people throughout the world should take advantage of this movement and chant the Hare KRSNa mahA-mantra at home with their families. One should also refrain from sinful activities--illicit sex, meat-eating, gambling and intoxication. Out of these four items, illicit sex is very sinful. Every person must get married. Every woman especially must get married. If the women outnumber the men, some men can accept more than one wife. In that way there will be no prostitution in society. If men can marry more than one wife, illicit sex life will be stopped. One can also produce many nice preparations to offer KRSNa--grain, fruit, flowers and milk. Why should one indulge in unnecessary meat-eating and maintain horrible slaughterhouses? What is the use of smoking and drinking tea and coffee? People are already intoxicated by material enjoyment, and if they indulge in further intoxication, what chance is there for self-realization? Similarly, one should not partake in gambling and unnecessarily agitate the mind. The real purpose of human life is to attain the spiritual platform and return to Godhead. That is the summum bonum of spiritual realization. The KRSNa consciousness movement is trying to elevate human society to the perfection of life by pursuing the method described by SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu in His advice to the brAhmaNa KUrma. That is, one should stay at home, chant the Hare KRSNa mantra and preach the instructions of KRSNa as they are given in the Bhagavad-gItA and SrImad-BhAgavatam.

 

<center><font color="red">kabhu nA bAdhibe tomAra viSaya-taraGga

punarapi ei ThAJi pAbe mora saGga"

</center>

kabhu--at any time; nA--not; bAdhibe--will obstruct; tomAra--your; viSaya-taraGga--materialistic way of life; punarapi--again; ei ThAJi--at this place; pAbe--you will get; mora--My; saGga--association.

</font>

SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu further advised the brAhmaNa KUrma, "If you follow this instruction, your materialistic life at home will not obstruct your spiritual advancement. Indeed, if you follow these regulative principles, we will again meet here, or, rather, you will never lose My company."

 

PURPORT

This is an opportunity for everyone. If one simply follows the instructions of SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu, under the guidance of His representative, and chants the Hare KRSNa mantra, teaching everyone as far as possible the same principle, the contamination of the materialistic way of life will not even touch him. It does not matter whether one lives in a holy place like VRndAvana, NavadvIpa or JagannAtha PurI or in the midst of European cities, where the materialistic way of life is very prominent. If a devotee follows the instructions of SrI Caitanya MahAprabhu, he lives in the company of the Lord. Wherever he lives, he converts that place into VRndAvana and NavadvIpa. This means that materialism cannot touch him. This is the secret of success for one advancing in KRSNa consciousness.</blockquote>

gHari

[livingentity]

post gHari!!

 

Starman...temple life is not for everyone. Try to find the nearest temple, preaching center or namahatta program and vist as your schedule allows. You will discover ways in which you can serve without leaving your wife and children.