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becoming a demon...

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I hurt myself and starting to accuse the Lord for letting me hurt myself. I know this is not the proper mood, but I even lost the taste of chanting.

 

I'm chanting the maha-mantra but the jaundice is returning. I can think of so many places in Prabhupada's books giving me the answers. I lack the courage to apply those answers in my life because I'm attached to accusing someone else than me for my pain.

 

This is a nice example of being a demon... wonder if there is hope for me if I have no hope in myself... how can I cry for Krishna's help when I'm accusing Him for my own self-inflicted pain? I'm wondering how can Krishna help me, if I don't want His help?

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I think that many people forget (or ignore) just how loving and forgiving Krishna is.

 

You know, it's weird how we sometimes have to go through tremendous spiritual downs just to come out a bit further and higher so who knows, maybe Krishna is already helping you by making it a bit harder on you.

 

The fight with our mind will probably be a constant fight, no matter how spiritual advanced we are. In fact, I think that the further we advance the harder the fight will become...afterall, maya is also looking for victims the whole time.

 

But what do I know ?! I'm fighting of demons every day myself. I guess we can only try the best we can. I wish you all the best and I hope you'll come out of this as a much stronger and more confident person.

 

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if you truly did not want Krishna to help you, you would not be posting here. sometimes pain (self inflicted or otherwise) helps us to see the reality of this life and inspire us to make effort to become more involved in spiritual process. demons are those who oppose Krishna. just being confused or attached does not make you one of them. get loaded on maha-prasadam, chant a few rounds and you'll be fine! /images/graemlins/wink.gif

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