Been around for many years;but deep inside I'm still a hippie

[Guest guest]

Chanting,serving,initiated for over 20 years

but when the chips are down ,

I still just a dirty hippie filled with bad habits.

The process works for everyone else but me?

Or is it that i'm such a maha-aparadhi thhat I can't ever get my blackened heart clean enough to taste the ambroisial nectar of the Holy Name?

krsnadas

[Priitaa]

IMHO sometimes devotees hold on to hippie propensities because the highest has been blocked. The peace they were promised in the movement was distorted or damaged by some in big positions. We are still seeking even though we have found. Its not a lack in the genuine process, its a lack as a result of the process being changed. Hippies want peace. Prabhupada says a brahmana is in the mode of goodness, sattvic. Is that not peace? Yet so many brahmana's (and not all) are running around thinking they are so great, becoming similar in various degrees to smarta and caste brahmanas. That is just one example, there are others how things are not as they should be. The bottom line is, IMHO, that when the chips are down we turn to the last place we found peace and kindness at. Because when we have something higher there is no interest in something lesser, therefore if we are turning to that lesser thing, well, someone has messed with the highest. Milk touched by the lips of serpents and such.

 

However, if these things are not the main problem, that is they happen to most but some get it less than others and therefore not so much harmful, so in that case you need to look within and see why you dont have the strength to practice properly at home. What are you 'allowing' to block yourself? In this case it is almost always something we don't want to give up, be a 'thing' or a belief system.

 

Anyway, that's just my understanding of it. There may be others.

[Guest guest]

the real process is to chant without offences, distraction, vaishnava aparadha, not being attached to the material world and so on.. if we do not have experienced this kind of practice we are neophites even if we "joined the movement" 100 years ago...

 

.. and it is not possible also to say that the method does not work if we have not practiced properly...

 

this is my realization and it is my real portrait as a pseudo(=fake) devotee of sri krishna bhagavan

[ShegavichaRana]

on your mind (Samskaras) are very strong since you preferred to live the life of a hippie birth after birth. Seemingly, you enjoyed this type of life, until, now in this birth, you have actually got tired of this type of life. Your soul yearns for Almighty, but your mind wants to drag you back to the same old ways of sense-gratification. This tug-of-war between good and bad is what you have described in your post. The service, the chanting, the devotion, nothing is wasted, as you are thinking. Nobody has become a saint overnight. This is the beginning. You must be happy that a beginning has been made. Just continue on this path of chanting the holy name, and you would Certainly reach your Go(al)D.

[Guest guest]

Blocked by anarthas

Anchored by wife and chilren

in that they do teach me responsibility

but my sadhana and seva is curtailed

 

i am missing the pure association of kind hearted souls

who can by their mere glance resurrect

a deadbeat like me

praying at the holy dust of the swan-like devotees

krsnadas

[Priitaa]

Haribol prabhu,

 

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

 

I think we have all been down for periods of time. Its a matter of how long it goes on.

 

Sounds like, basically you need a combo of weeding out anarthas (even gradually is fine), coupled with finding new exciting (K.C.) things to bring into your life. Ask yourself questions, like, "What KC music do you like?" Or "How about KC board games with your kids?" or "What small thing can you do today that will increase your KC even just a pinch?"

 

One idea that, if followed, has helped many in general is to WRITE DOWN your goals. And steps toward them. Even if its offering a stick of incense to a picture of Krishna once a day or week, its a start, but is more likely to remain a regulated practice if you write it down and take it seriously. Write down other goals too, like the things that make you happy. Ultimately of course, it is Krishna. But if our psychology is not experiencing some day to day happiness, it can get us so down that we end up miles away from Krishna. So make goals there too, but of course, they must not break the regulative principles and be at least in the mode of goodness. Anyway, keep a list tapes on a wall or a very annoying /images/graemlins/smile.gif place that you can see it every day. Then you can look at it from time to time, modify it too, as the list will change as you change. This works! If you do.

 

Enjoy your kids. They are only young once, and this is the prime time you can train them in Krishna C! Use it.

 

I dont know if your wife is a devotee or not, but if not, just get her into it to whatever degree she is open. Then gently spoon feed as time goes on and when she is receptive. However, if she is all ready a devotee you have one less battle here.

 

Go after devotee association for yourself. Seek it out. Break down doors ha or the internet. You get what you look for, and similarly what we dont look for, we dont get. Join , go into KC chat rooms, post on message boards (this one yes, and others too), make some devotee email buddies. If you do this, it may take time, but doors WILL open up.

 

And I dont mean to sound like a know-it-all or tell you what to do. Ultimately only you know what to do. My ideas are only ideas, even if I get a little enthusiastic. :-)

 

P.S. I've been assuming you do not live near a temple. However if you do, of course, go there!

[cRimAl]

Devotee email buddies have definitely been a blessing for me lately.

[Guest guest]

how many years has life been around?