how can i help my wife

[Haridham]

Hare Krsna everyone.

 

Can someone give me any quotes from the gita, or bhagavatam or other vedic sastras on how to help my wife with her anxiety. I mean encouraging words in the bagavat gita etc, etc etc.

 

I hope everything is well with everyone. Everything is ok on this end its just that my wife is in anxiety over things so I hope i can recieve a lot of quotes when i return to this site.

 

Hare Krsna

[gHari]

Only unto those who have absolute faith in husband and Krsna are the true meanings of the Vedas revealed, and peace attained.

 

I If Krsna brings you to it; He will bring you through it.

 

 

[Haridham]

Well, she has faith in me(i hope) and she is developing faith in krsna.

 

Her problem is that her parents are in anxiety over many things. First the fact she is still there "being a burden to them" as the local people(of the same cast) are saying stupid things which anger's her father and he gets angry at her. Secondly is that the shop that the parents are leasing is owned by some people who are harrssing them about money and they are having money problems.

 

Her father has high blood pressure and gets upset easily.

 

I emailed her and told her to have faith in krsna as he is the controller and he will take care of everything.

 

I told her that to tell her father to chant hare krsna and things will be ok. Also to discontinue their association with the people from that cast ..

 

I think Madagascar is overdue for a temple of lord krsna by prabhupad.

 

What do you think?

 

ANyways email me your replies.

Hare Krsna

[gHari]

That you would have opened that ISKCON temple in Madagascar. But it seems Krsna had other plans for you two. He knows best.

 

Truth is the best way to deal with anxiety. Even if she knows it will be seven more weeks, at least she can prepare her mind and family; perhaps even make a few bucks in the meantime. If the magic date is always being set back again and again, then that can lead one to think that maybe it will always be one let down after another. And then give up emotionally.

 

The attachment, the excitement builds and builds and then it doesn't happen - the result: unhappiness and anger (just like the Gita says).

 

The more information they have, the better. "This has been far more involved than I ever thought. But Krsna has brought us through it. And it is a miracle, but I have proof that it can not take more than another seven weeks. Mrs. Sharman who is a very experienced senior agent at the Canadian Government office for Immigration has told me directly that without a doubt the next and last phase never takes longer than five weeks. Then we wait two more weeks to get an inexpensive airfare. I have analyzed the situation, and searched for possible oversights, but it appears definite that in seven weeks possibly sooner you will be in my arms in Vancouver."

 

Every piece of information, every document, every phone call and testimony you can send to her or relate to her will ease her anxiety. She and her family will have the same confidence in success that you enjoy. At least they will know that seven weeks is better than never, although 'never' may seem the logical conclusion to them if they have only a little information, and a string of false start date fantasies and broken hearts.

 

I think we are possibly witnessing a shade of the truth of BG 2.62, although you've likely never thought of yourself as an object of the senses:<blockquote>While contemplating the objects of the senses, a person develops attachment for them, and from such attachment lust develops, and from lust anger arises.</blockquote>

Krsna is going to some lengths here to be sure you two develop a deep attachment for one another. That will make it all the more enjoyable over the years. You are my hero; but I can only imagine what a prince you must be in the eyes of our princess.

 

It's all Krsna's mercy. Seeing how that is - well, that is not always so immediately obvious.

 

[Haridham]

....open a temple in madagascar eventually. Weather its me and my wife or other devotees but soon there will be one. Right now as you say krsna has other plans for us.

 

We are not sure what the exact date is when she will be here because she hasnt sent me the pictures yet but as soon as she will send me her pictures i have to write something in the back and then its just a waiting game.

 

SO are you certain that it is only going to take 7 weeks after everything is sent? Let me know so I can tell her that.

 

She has emailed me and just said that she is feeling uneasy for some reason but doesnt know why. She wants my morale support which I will always give her She is saying as time is passing it is very difficult for her to live without me.

 

So when she is anxiety I am in anxiety. ALthough I am so far away i still feel her pain like a sharp arrow is peircing me.

 

Its just a flesh wound though, krsna is guiding this ship and the shore is within site.

 

Let me know with more quotes please.

 

Hare Krsna

Haridham

[Guest guest]

you said,

 

"She has emailed me and just said that she is feeling uneasy for some reason but doesnt know why."

--------

 

people are always uneasy or anxious about the unknown. if you were moving to some far off country (say russia or any country you did not know much about} would you not feel uneasy. especially since she has grown up all her life in a small place like madagascar

[Guest guest]

 

Her problem is that her parents are in anxiety over many things. First the fact she is still there "being a burden to them" as the local people(of the same cast) are saying stupid things which anger's her father and he gets angry at her. Secondly is that the shop that the parents are leasing is owned by some people who are harrssing them about money and they are having money problems.

 

 

 

What kind of people ARE these? I can't imagine my wife's parents becoming angry at her for any silly reason like this. They cherish their daughters, much more so than many people whom I have met outside of India. At least, that's my observation.

 

"Burden to them...." I can't imagine why a pious and obedient daughter would be considered a "burden" to her family. A chaste and gentle daughter is a jewel, not a burden. At least according to the norms of Vedic culture.

 

So what if someone outside the family is saying some stupid things. If the family is honorable, they have nothing to fear. Actually, these days I notice that those families who give up their traditions and embrace crass materialism are usually the ones to talk about others, even though they are the ones whom others should be pointing fingers at instead.

 

I don't know. I guess I have nothing concrete to offer. I just don't get how anyone can cause problems for their own daughter based on gossip coming from outside. I do come from a fairly traditional-minded Indian community too.

[gHari]

Hari Haridham,

 

That was only a guess. You will have to make some calls to fill in the right number. How long did you wait before they told you that you needed more stuff? That might be a ballpark.

 

It is difficult to understand why you don't have the pictures already, since it's been weeks since you told us you were only missing a few things. It sounds a little disorganized. This is an important plan. Perhaps you should reflect on the lack of attention to detail or planning that caused this oversight. Some effort now in assuring that there will not be another faulty submission this time might be productive, at least in terms of peace of mind.

 

Attention to detail, doing the homework, organizing, verifying, idiot-proofing; you know she could be here now. We have the four conditioned defects - we have to plan around them. Our sources have them, we have them, the mailman has them, the clerks at Immigration have them; the four defects must be idiot-proofed through systems of constant feedback and control in order to effectively ensure success.

 

You are learning how to make things happen. Sometimes people give us faulty or incomplete information, through no malice on their part. We must protect against and plan around this possibility by getting several opinions, verifying the qualifications of the source, asking them if there is any possibility of this not being true, etc. Most people try to be accurate, and will admit if they might be wrong and under what circumstances. Know that they may be wrong, and do whatever you can to minimize the likelihood of it impacting your project.

 

In short, with every setback, examine what you could have done differently or additionally to have prevented it. That way we learn and get better. There will be many other important things in the future that you will plan and manage. The same principles of feedback and control will apply every time.

 

You can nail this down. A sweet-talking Hari Nama preacher should be able to get some estimates out of a few workers about this "Waiting game". Man, they gotta have cameras on that little island. Light a fire under somebody and get those pictures.

 

As far as shlokas, I would go with the theme of everything as Krsna's mercy. I may be able to find a quote. Nothing but this is coming into my mind at the moment.

 

Good luck,

 

gHari

[Haridham]

well these people are confused and led by the wrong people. People dont want success for her and her family. I dont know if you know the whole story which has been dragging for about a year now but its indian politics. I am sure you understand what I mean.

 

Anyways, they arent familiar with krsna consciousness and krsna bhakti. They are the typical indian of now a days.

 

Things are improving though

[Haridham]

well that guess got me quite excited. ANyways, it everything a month before they sent me the file number. This time everything will go to africa and dealt with there.

 

The reason why I dont have the pictures alreadly is because when I first told her about the two small problem about the pictures is that originaly she got pictures taken but they were wrong and then when she took them again they got lost by mail so now she is sending them again.

 

So they should be here by friday. Its not all that crazy.

 

I talked to immigration and they told me everything is perfect just the two small problems but other then that its ok. I have already idiot proofed everything.

 

it should only take a few months(4) and she will be here by Janmastami and Rathayatra.

 

What a way to come to canada eh. Right in time for the aweseme festivals. When the temple will be buzzing with people, devotees everywhere and the festival of india people will come. What could be a better way to introduce her to krsna consciousness.

 

hare Krsna

Haridham

[gHari]

SB 1.13.45:<blockquote><center>tasmAj jahy aGga vaiklavyam

ajJAna-kRtam AtmanaH

kathaM tv anAthAH kRpaNA

varteraMs te ca mAM vinA

</center>

tasmAt--therefore; jahi--give up; aGga--O King; vaiklavyam--mental disparity; ajJAna--ignorance; kRtam--due to; AtmanaH--of yourself; katham--how; tu--but; anAthAH--helpless; kRpaNAH--poor creatures; varteran--be able to survive; te--they; ca--also; mAm--me; vinA--without.

Therefore give up your anxiety due to ignorance of the self. You are now thinking of how they, who are helpless poor creatures, will exist without you.

 

PURPORT

When we think of our kith and kin as being helpless and dependent on us, it is all due to ignorance. Every living creature is allowed all protection by the order of the Supreme Lord in terms of each one's acquired position in the world. The Lord is known as bhUta-bhRt, one who gives protection to all living beings. One should discharge his duties only, for no one but the Supreme Lord can give protection to anyone else. This is explained more clearly in the following verse.</blockquote>

SB 3.22.24-25 <blockquote><center>prattAM duhitaraM samrAT

sadRkSAya gata-vyathaH

upaguhya ca bAhubhyAm

autkaNThyonmathitAzayaH

</center>

prattAm--who was given; duhitaram--daughter; samrAT--the Emperor (Manu); sadRkSAya--unto a suitable person; gata-vyathaH--relieved of his responsibility; upaguhya--embracing; ca--and; bAhubhyAm--with his two arms; autkaNThya-unmathita-AzayaH--having an anxious and agitated mind.

Thus relieved of his responsibility by handing over his daughter to a suitable man, SvAyambhuva Manu, his mind agitated by feelings of separation, embraced his affectionate daughter with both his arms.

 

PURPORT

A father always remains in anxiety until he can hand over his grownup daughter to a suitable boy. A father and mother's responsibility for children continues until they marry them to suitable spouses; when the father is able to perform that duty, he is relieved of his responsibility.

 

<center>azaknuvaMs tad-virahaM

muJcan bASpa-kalAM muhuH

AsiJcad amba vatseti

netrodair duhituH zikhAH

</center>

azaknuvan--being unable to bear; tat-viraham--separation from her; muJcan--shedding; bASpa-kalAm--tears; muhuH--again and again; AsiJcat--he drenched; amba--my dear mother; vatsa--my dear daughter; iti--thus; netra-udaiH--by the water from his eyes; duhituH--of his daughter; zikhAH--the locks of hair.

The Emperor was unable to bear the separation of his daughter. Therefore tears poured from his eyes again and again, drenching his daughter's head as he cried, "My dear mother! My dear daughter!"

 

PURPORT

The word amba is significant. A father sometimes addresses his daughter in affection as "mother" and sometimes as "my darling." The feeling of separation occurs because until the daughter is married she remains the daughter of the father, but after her marriage she is no longer claimed as a daughter in the family; she must go to the husband's house, for after marriage she becomes the property of the husband. According to Manu-saMhitA, a woman is never independent. She must remain the property of the father while she is not married, and she must remain the property of the husband until she is elderly and has grown-up children of her own. In old age, when the husband has taken sannyAsa and left home, she remains the property of the sons. A woman is always dependent, either upon the father, husband or elderly sons. That will be exhibited in the life of DevahUti. DevahUti's father handed over responsibility for her to the husband, Kardama Muni, and in the same way, Kardama Muni also left home, giving the responsibility to his son, Kapiladeva. This narration will describe these events one after another.</blockquote>

 

[Haridham]

Hare Krsna Ghari Ji.

 

Wow that was some intense reading. I will read it again later. But I am afraid to send this to my wife as it will be hard for her to understand all this to fast. I hope you know what I mean.

 

Anyways some of this really seems like its not that Krsna Consciouss to me. More of Karma Kanda. But I guess I dont know what I am talking about.

 

About the burden thing I thought that was the todays indians thing and they definatly follow this in some extreme manner.

 

I dont know, my heart is hard to accept this. I think its better to find a krsna consciouss husband or atmosphere.

 

I mean i guess i dont know how to respond i guess. I mean I like the verse 5.5.18.

 

ANyways, write back when you get a chance, hare Krsna

[gHari]

Maybe you two could renew your vows at Ratha Yatra in front of Lord Jagannatha?

 

 

[gHari]

To cover the pictures, envelopes and stamps, and for food for a couple of months (she is your wife now, right, and that would make her feel like a wife, protected, loved). This would help relieve the 'burden'. Those big Canuck bucks would likely go pretty far in Africa.

 

 

 

 

[Haridham]

My wife actually wants me to save all my money instead of sneding anything to her. OUr relationship is getting stronger but we have to take care of our material issues right now.

 

She just wants me to call her from time to time. Oh and i recieved her pictures so as soon as fix what i need to fix i will send everything to her.

 

Oh and yea about the above comment i made about the verses you gave me. Can you help me out with that.

 

ANyways, hope to hear from you. Hare KRsna

[gHari]

It might be worthwhile to FEDEX the package. It will cost a lot ($40-50 each way maybe), but it is safer and quicker. You'd have to send her money to FEDEX it back. That would also cut two weeks off your wait time. Seven down to five. /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

I wondered about those shlokas, but then realized that they were to help both your wife and her father understand the stress they're under, and perhaps fan their love for one another. It may seem karma khanda but then it's the cream of karma khanda, and dad doesn't sound too receptive to transcendental platitudes now. The first one though alludes to the false identification with the body and its attachments. They are both going to miss one another on the other side of the globe, no matter how much they seem to deny it now. Who knows when you'll get back to open that temple on Madagascar?

 

Perhaps for your wife, a nice quote from Radharani when She is in deep separation from Krsna might make her realize that some of these feelings are natural, and a little anticipation and crazy anxiety is to be expected.

 

I would send her a little money anyway. She may just be too much of a lady and too humble to admit that it would really help out with the food and father at home. Dollars - you can get more dollars. You know you'll always have enough air to breathe. Krsna knows you need dollars too.

 

gHari

P.S. I just found out that I will be working a few more hours starting in two weeks, so if you promise to send your wife at least a hundred bucks for food, within a month I will mail you a $100 money order. My e-mail address is (don't laugh) CaitanyaMahaprabhu where you can send your mailing address. You see, I just realized that I too have enough air to breathe, and this is my humble wedding gift for you both. One day I hope to meet each of you. Krsna may bring me to the Vancouver Ratha Yatra some day. He does things like that.

 

[Haridham]

your way to much ghari ji. This really makes me love srila prahupad and his devotees even more but I must decline your offer. You are doing way to much. YOu hardly know me. I am a total stranger.

 

Why give so much. Please accept my humble obesensies.

 

I hope to see you in vancouver hopefully sooner rather then later and give you a nice hug and say vancha kalpa to you.

 

Maybe I should post my picture up here.

 

Anyways, everything is on its way now to immigration and now its finally just a waiting game.

[gHari]

 

You would deprive me the joy of becoming a small player in this wonderful pastime? I feel like an Uncle. Please do not deprive an old man of some pleasure from his new raise. It gave me great happiness to be able to help in this way.

 

I have a lot of heart invested in you two. Don't break my heart, Prabhu.

 

 

[Haridham]

This wonderful pastime has many characters and uncle ji hariji you are already a big player. Your kind and encouraging words have helped me along in this great script but this is just before the intermission. In four months the intermission will start and then new scenes will take place.

 

I wish not to break your heart nor your wallet. If you can attend my marriage ceremony when we redo our wedding vows then that would be a great help.

 

Come. Please.

 

One thing though is that I havent told my wife that I have plans to redo my wedding vows or get married infront of sri sri radha madhan mohan because I am afraid of her reaction. I am thinking let her come here, become familiar with everything and then eventually ask her. What do you think? I dont want to ruin anything although i have given her hints such as i have always wanted to do everything infront of sri sri radha madan mohan since i was 11.

 

How is Mother Prittaa by the way.

 

Hare Krsna

[gHari]

Haridham,

 

Somehow you made me feel better. I don't know how. I didn't get my way. Hari Nama preacher guy! How d'you do that?

 

Yes, I think waiting will make it a wonderful surprise. She will love it, a chance to become known and accepted in your community, and maybe she will quickly take to your Sri Sri Radha Madhan Mohan. Devotee women are so expert in making new visitors feel welcome. Once you take your wife to the temple, so many things will be put right. And a renewing of the vows which must seem like only a dream now for you both, could bring your folks into the temple where they will develop great pride in their new daughter, in Haridham's brave new wife.

 

Our dear Mother Pritha is busy with work. We became concerned that she had been quiet for a while, but she compassionately popped in to let us know that she was just swamped and still loves us.

 

I must admit I am intrigued about this upcoming intermission in four months. This is what the dramatists called foreshadowing, leaving us in suspense with our imaginations going wild. But it sounds like you're happy about it, so I won't fret.

 

gHari

 

[Haridham]

Well, I am glad I made you feel better. I think I am just being sincere when I say you are a big part of this major play. I hope my wife is that easy to make feel better as well.

 

Yes once she sees the surroundings and the devotional atmosphere I think things will change in her life for sure. Krsna has his ways of working things. I dont know what my folks will think but my first duty is my wife. If they dont smarten up then its their loss.

 

Say hari bolo to Pritthaa mataji for me. Thanks for you constant support and hers.

Hare Krsna

[krishnasgopi]

The main problem your wife is having is that she is worried about the results of her work- the fruits of her labour.The best you can do is advise her in 2 ways

1) If she believes in God , then tell her what Sri Krishna told Arjuna in the Bhagvadgita--- Do your duty and leave the rest to Me.Do not be anxious about the results.It is all in My hands to reward you according to the duty.It is the key to success.

2) If she does not believe in God , she has to believe in Herself .The Gita and The Vedas say that if a person believes in ten thousand Gods before him and he does not believe in Himself(his soul)then he is an atheist. Therefore the key to remove all anxiety is to do your work unnattached as the main goal of life or to do your work and leave the rest to the Lord.

May you succeed in your work.