I have had renounced material life for quite some time. Why have I done so ???

krsna · November 24, 2004

My Devotional Practice

BY SRILA BHAKTI DAYITA MADHAV GOSWAMI MAHARAJ

I have had renounced material life for quite some time. Why have I done so? Simply to engage in the devotional service. What kind of devotion? Devotion for the service of Lord Krishna.

Why service of Sri Krishna? Lord Sri Krishna is the cause of all causes and my eternal connection is with Him. Who is Lord Krishna? Lord Krishna is the reservoir of all complete blissful existence and has the ability to attract all other living entities (All-attractive) by virtue of giving Bliss and Happiness. He is replete with unlimited knowledge and the seers of truth know Him in His three-fold aspect of - Sat-chit-ananda - complete knowledge, existence and bliss.

Who am I? I am the part of His potency, always having an eternal link with Sri Krishna who is all existence, all knowledge andall bliss, but I am not Sri Krishna, I am His eternal servant.

What type of link? The link is eternal in all respects. Sri Krishna has two energies: material and spiritual(apara and para). The spiritual energy is the cause of soul and the material energy is the cause of mind, body and senses.

I had renounced this material world, knowing myself to be eternally subservient to Him, to dedicate myself to His service. All my gross, subtle and causal bodies are ever in relation with Sri Krishna, thus I will at all times and in all circumstances attempt to engage myself in His service.

Consequently I set out to follow all the primary injunctions of the scriptures, regarding cultivation of knowledge of the soul and not this temporary material body.

The general public, admiring my indifference to material affairs and rigid cultivation of spiritual practices, started honouring me and began to address me as a 'sadhu'. Thus I lived amidst such adoration and fame.

Originally my purpose had benn to cultivate my devotion as a disciple. Unfortunately, overcome by the force of my previous bad habits, I once again desired to savour the luxuries of this body and amass prestige.

My spiritual practices now existed only outwardly in name. Except the satisfaction of my perverted desires, now nothing brings any substantial delight to my heart. Previously, on gaining any opportunity to serve Supreme Lord, I would consider myself fortunate but now I see it as a troublesome task! Earlier, service executed for the spiritual master seemed like an opportunity for achieving perfection but now the very same seems burdensome. Enthusiastically, I had been serving all the devotees and saintly people, but now the very suggestion of such service annoys me.

My mind now feels disconsolate on not being indulged in nice, lofty seats and cushions, lengthy praises of adoration, not leaving out sumptuous dainty dishes.

I now, have some reservations to speak to people frankly and openly, being very much afraid of public opinion and loss of prestige. This was not at all my previous disposition and often I would wonder how long could I continue in this hypocritical dress of a devotee.

In the place of true devotion to Lord Krishna, presently only a jumble of self-concocted practices exist. My priority now is to serve my senses.

It is not that, I have not reflected time and again, how I had sunk in this sorry plight. I was able to detect my faults, time and again but was not ready to confess them on account of my fear of public opinion and loss of my false pride. It is my extreme misfortune that now in the guise of a saint I am directly or indirectly endeavouring in the pursuit of wealth, women and prestige. I have forgotten the earlier vows which I had taken in pursuit of devotion.

In the deception of actual renunciation, I have become complacent and reflect that after all, in my tender immature stage of devotion, bad habits are bound to exist, thus giving indulgence to my passions in an unrestricted manner.

Many a time, I have analysed that in leading such a depraved life, I have spoiled my chances to attain the Lotus Feet of Sri Krishna against my ultimate welfare.

Irregardless of whether I have failed the test in some situations, I will without loss of courage, stay entrenched in the practice of devotion. My eternal spiritual master will definitely shower his blessings on me. It is only by his service and his merciful blessings that I can overcome all spiritual impediments. The service of devotees, the spiritual master and the supreme Lord is my devotional practice.