Sincerity

[theist]

You know already. We need to see things as they are. The naked reality of this world, the cold hard facts. There is no good reason to return to birth and death. There is every reason to return to Krsna. But even as I write these words I don't fully understand or believe them myself. But I believe enough to consciously keep confronting the issue within myself and trying to sort it out. Why? Because of my own self interest.

 

So at this level it is all imitation, surface level conviction that lacks depth. But what choice is there but to continue?

 

A certain problem arises when we lose the vision that we are imitating. We may start to think we have no need to face the ugliness of the material condition, having relegated that to "neophytes". For us we should spend all our time studying gopi-bhava. Even awe and reverence are now beneath us. I believe this to be dangerous at my level. First let me become truly liberated from samsara. Then my Vaisnavism will have some genuine meaning. My actions will spring from real conviction.

 

 

 

 

[krsna]

From Srila Bhaktisiddhanta:

 

Jivas are of two kinds -

 

(1) Nitya-Mukta (eternally free),

 

(2) Nitya-Baddha (eternally enslaved).

 

Free jivas are never enslaved.

They are serving the Supreme God in five different

functions* in His eternal blissful abode, where there is no change, no destruction, no misery.

Jiva, once entered there never comes back here.

 

The inconceivably narrowest line of demarcation between land and water or the line where land and water meet is called Tata; so also the

meeting line of the Chit world or the eternal abode of the Supreme Lord and the A-Chit world

or the Tata region of Maya is called Tata.

 

The power of the Supreme Lord displayed at the

Tata is known as the Tatastha (lying at the Tata) or marginal power.

 

All the jivas being the display of this power,

have the inherent oscillating tendency

and capability of going to the Chit or the A-Chit world.

 

Tata not being a resting place,

jivas must go this side or that ;

those preferring the A-Chit, fell into the clutches of the Octopus Maya,

when these mortal costumes of mind and body

were put on him as a punishment.

 

The satanic frenzy in which the jiva dislikes

the blissful and eternal service of his Master

and prefers to quench his thirstful desires of enjoying matter, opens before him a perpetual spring of liquid fire and poison at which he begins to drink deep.

Thus in going to lord it over Maya,

jiva became enslaved by her.

[jayaisvara]

I think I understand your viewpoint theistji. I was listening to Sri Atmatatta Das Prabhu's lectures on the Vedic Literatures and he says at some point that all the books we need to gain elibility for liberation is Bhagavad Gita As It Is, Srimad Bhagavatam, Sri Caitanya Caritamrta and Bhakti Rasamrta Sindhu.

 

I tried to follow the system of Swami Prabhupada, where you read one verse of Gita a day. That is so hard, at least for me, because I just cant understand what the first verse is actually trying to convey, I know that for sure. Its impossible to go verse by verse per day because this knowledge is topmost, and how is it possible to understand every single verse each day, practically thats impossible for me.

 

As you say that the cold hard facts must be faced, it is so frustrating and fearful when sometimes you know those cold hard facts and you chant the mahamantra, but the next day you wake up and think, "Oh everything is alright, I don't need to chant the mahamantra seriously". I got into the trap before and even often now, of chanting the mahamantra like its nothing, and I should be ashamed to say that. I just don't understand that it is maha-mantra, the ultimate hope for whatever danger that is lying infront of me(material world) but I am so overpowered by it not to see it.

 

Furthermore, I have also realized that if Lord Krsna called Arjuna Maharaja "anarya"(non-aryan) in the early second chapter of the Gita, just because Arjuna Maharaja showed his compassion to his enemies, how much anarya and degraded I must be? I still don't fully realize this.

 

Honestly, my family shows me affection and converse with me as if I am a very nice person. By doing so, I also lose the value for them as eternal souls and consider them my parents or brother or grandparents and am pulled to a lower platform of thoughts, where I consider them my relatives.

 

The ability to understand the greatness of the Vaisnavas in true perspective is far, far away for me, because I wouldn't know how to behave afterwards. I have experienced that feeling. Sometimes I feel that the Supreme Lord, who is controller of many innumerable planets which are so heavy, are being carried as if cotton balls in space, He is in my house in a deity form. Just how do you behave when you go infront of Him? I cannot comprehend that. If I can at least understand my true position and how degraded I actually am, then I think that would set things in perspective, and that is not easy at all.

 

Regarding eternally conditioned and eternally liberated, does eternity mean a very, very long time until the conditioned souls reach His abode?