Darwin Awards - 2004

[theist]

These could go on the joke board but since they are "real life" events I'll put them here.

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They're back - Darwin Awards 2004 -- Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners for 2004. The 2004 Darwin Award Winners:

 

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did

something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and

tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

 

And now, the honorable mentions:

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company suspecting negligence sent out one of

its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger.

The chef's claim was approved.

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken

the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,

the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a

free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling

the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how

close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man

pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk

promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the

$20 bill on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone

points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

 

7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and

carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,

MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment, everyone was

silent. Then the sniggers started. The security guard completely lost it and

doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw

his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The

thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker

later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,

mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"

 

8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some

booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the

window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,

knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The

whole event was caught on videotape.

 

9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was

able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes,

the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove

back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand

there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

 

10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded

cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash

register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said

they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

 

11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived

at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying

to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's

sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying

that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

 

/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Kulapavana]

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how

close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

[theist]

I can remember when I was a preschooler. We played this game of dashing out in front of cars to see how close we could get without being hit. One time this guy screeched on the brakes and came after us and got my mother involved which ruined all the fun.

 

It's amazing that I survived my youth.

[rand0M aXiS]

Man killed in Vermont avalanche while making film on extreme skiing

 

 

STOWE, Vt. (AP) A lifelong skier was killed when an avalanche carried him off a mountain while he and three friends were making a film about extreme skiing.

 

Alec Stall, 23, was being filmed doing sweeping turns down a steep chute just before the accident Monday on Mount Mansfield.

 

His friends believe Stall may have caught a ski tip in a crust of snow and fell 30 feet from a cliff edge. Above him, a slab of snow broke loose and created a river of snow that swept Stall off the mountain.

 

``I saw this huge rush of snow coming down in a cloud,'' said colleague Chris James. ``The cloud lasted 3 or 4 seconds, and he was gone.''

 

Stall was later found dead of injuries suffered in the fall. No one else was hurt.

 

The four men worked for Burlington-based Meathead Films, a company they started while attending the University of Vermont.

 

``The draw is (that) I like to get scared,'' Stall once told an interviewer. ``It's about taking the sport to a new level about skiing where people wouldn't have thought possible 10 years ago.''

 

 

[rand0M aXiS]

Boy 'crushed by giant snowball'

28 February 2005

A 10-year-old boy died after being crushed by a giant snowball, it was reported today.

 

Police refused to name the youngster or release any further details of the incident, but the boy was named locally as Peter Strang, according to the Daily Record newspaper.

 

The accident happened at about 5.45pm on Saturday in Torphins, Aberdeenshire, Grampian Police said.

 

The death was "the result of a tragic accident", a police spokesman said.

 

The primary school pupil apparently died playing with a friend after a "giant snowball" rolled down a hill and engulfed him.

 

Local minister Norman Nicoll told the paper: "It seems there was a giant snowball the boys had made themselves.

 

"Apparently it rolled and unfortunately Peter was caught under it.

 

"The boys had just gone out there to play and then something like this happens. It's very difficult to find words to explain it all."

 

There were no suspicious circumstances surrounding the incident and a report is to be sent to the Procurator Fiscal.

 

The boy's parents, Hamish and Carol, were too upset to comment.

 

[theist]

Oh man, death by snowball? You never know when or how it's gonna come, just that it will.