Reason I was away for awhile...

jayaisvara · February 28, 2005

Before I begin, I'd like to say that I have been away for awhile because I have been experiencing new things, internally. This is all due to association with advanced Vaisnavas (various website(s)).

Also, I was careful not to input too much information into my brain (via forums) since that would confuse my mind very much. So now, whatever I found or rather shown, I hope to share. Please forgive me if I haven't been of service to this forum, because when I was in need there was always someone here to help me out. I write this out of service mood which I think I am currently in. I hope you will find use of this. This information is what I found from studying how the influence of the gunas transformed and affected me. Currently, according to astrology, the Sun is in Aquarius as of Feb 27/05. I have Jupiter in Aquarius in my chart. Thus, my guna is predominantly sattva I believe at the moment since I speculate is due to Jupiter(sattvik planet according to astrology) is in the planet the sun is in at the moment.

NOTE: I read from advanced devotees about the blindfold japa method which Thakur Bhaktivinoda recommended, thus I was doing that method for awhile, and probably might even continue to employ that method.

So this is what I found out from my little trip:

1)Although I am using my mind to write this right now, I had this sort of feeling where I could perceive how my mind affected ME, but I don't who ME is at the moment. All I knew was that I was not the mind. The mind, being heavily influenced by the gunas and the senses was dragging me, and even now is maybe subconsciously dragging me here and there. I hope the motivation for writing all this is out of service to Vaisnavas.

2)I also realized that when I was in the rajas/tamas influence, it was impossible to know how they were affecting me. I didn't even know what sattva guna felt like because the senses were very, very strong and the mind was unbelievably flickering here and there. When I compare the status of my mind right now with before, it is unbelievable as to how unstable it was. Confirming what I've heard from advanced devotees, the mind is a collection of thoughts which I (whoever "I" am), try to hold on to. Then the mind mixes these thoughts with the gunas and it gets so complex that its impossible to practice spiritual life because you are constantly dragged from here to there within the mind. Its hell! Please excuse me if I am too harsh with the language here.

3)The main transformation I could perceive was that I can now pray without thinking that Lord Krsna will punish me for my aparadhas committed in the mind due to the influence of rajas/tamas. Now I can almost think of Him as a guardian, but not fully think of Him as such. Before in the rajas/tamas period, I was thinking that my life is meaningless and I couldn't see the Vaisnavas properly because of FEAR of my aparadhas. Now its more of begging mercy and guidance(due to sattva guna influence)

4)I also realized, or rather, was able to do so by mercy from above, that who the Vaisnavas were. If you look around, the enemies of the mind (I think 6 of them are there) are in control of major people like presidents of the world. So who is in control? The president or the enemies of the mind? I think you would say the enemies of the mind. So who is in control of the planet? Definitely not George Bush, but the senses and the enemies of the mind, they are the masters, and I've heard somewhere before that the senses are the masters of this world. Thus the Vaisnavas, who the masters of the senses, then, are the masters of the world, literally. This fact is easier to realize when I was not focusing too much externally (due to influence of rajas/tamas) and focusing on the substance (due to influence of sattva)

5)I was also able to focus more on chanting, on the substance of the sound and what the name "Krsna" and "Rama" actually meant. Before, due to the influence of the rajas/tamas modes, I chant because my mind is in fear and anxiety and especially fear of aparadhas. I couldn't even chant properly, just simply vibrating the air. Now, its more of concentration...at least for awhile.

6)I also developed a offensive behaviour towards the dictation towards my mind as soon as I was able to realize that "I" was in fact the servant of the demands of the senses and the mind. The mind is always telling me to follow this thought or that thought but now I am able to ignore that due to the sattva influence. This will change surely in the future as the planets change alignment, but before that if I share this with you guys I hope I would have done some seva.

7)I also realized that the mind is my GREATEST enemy, no one else, nothing else. This is because whatever I hear/see, my mind being influenced by the gunas I think, somehow, tends to immediately force ME to think I am being offended, when in reality the mind is like an evil advisor telling you to do this or that etc, and always showing who is my friend and enemy etc, but in fact when you stop and think about WHO/WHAT is telling you to do the things you do, then you say "Why should I listen to you". Of course, this is how I reacted, but this could differ from person to person.

Finally, please note that the above was typed because I hope to do some seva to the Vaisnavas here. I hope you find some knowledge to help you. This was MY experience, and surely everyone has a different experience. But this is what I saw and I hope you benefit from this. Please also note, I am a neophyte, so don't fully take my words and believe it, but with the advanced devotees' association and your chanting I hope you directly experience all this. Praying to Sri Nityananda Prabhu helped me also.

Humbly in your service,

jayaisvara

Pankaja_Dasa · February 28, 2005

Praying to Sri Nityananda Prabhu helped me also.

This is the only thing that helped you ! Praying to Nitai, and praising Lord Gauranga you will reap. I am going to Temple on 3rd March for 3 days. I hope to take some pics.

NOTE: I read from advanced devotees about the blindfold japa method which Thakur Bhaktivinoda recommended, thus I was doing that method for awhile, and probably might even continue to employ that method.

I got to try this, so far I tried with earplugs. Not sure if it helped or not. I am scared closing my eyes will make me think even more! If you want tell me some more.

jayaisvara · February 28, 2005

I put the blindfold and closed myself in my basement so it was dark enough and surprisingly not that scary. Also, I kept my eyes open although the blindfold was covering my eyes. All I could see was darkness. At the beginning of the chanting, it was disorienting and the feeling was new. Then gradually I got used to just listening to the air vibration of the mantra. Then sometimes I thought of the meaning of what I was saying but those times were rare.

Also, I found out that I am servant in a interesting way. For example, read the following:

<font color="blue">

You are an eternal servant of Lord Sri Krsna

</font color>

Now, please reflect on your honest reaction. If the reaction was negative (which was for me most if not all the time) then that means the mind is telling why should I be servant of Sri Krsna? But wait, if that thought crosses your mind and you succumb to it, then you are a servant of that thought which is of the mind. In this way to some small extent it was shown to me that I am servant no matter what.

I have never tasted pure devotional service and I am complaining I don't want to serve. I could just be missing the opportunity of a long, long time.

Furthermore, when you actually get insights it feels like you are pulled up by a big hand from the depths of an ocean and you are able to, for even a slight fraction of a second, see where exactly you are (the ocean). It is unexplainable so it must be revealed to someone. I wouldn't say anything big was revealed to me but its something that is different from anything I've ever experienced before. Its all in the mind.