Serving Maya

[Guest guest]

Somewhere I became enamoured by the witch of allurement and I succumbed to the entanglement of her long term mesmerizing web of spells, diminishing my guru given grace to a miserly shadow of it’s former form, I served her wicked will and ways with determination and shamelessness, due to my own negligence, like a master thief she stole my energy, intelligence, and dignity as I surrendered to serve her pleasure, only to find myself bankrupt of bhakti and sukriti, placing my faith in the temporal mirages of her alter egos mukti and bhukti, my body grows pale and frail, my will and resolve-- weak. I spend my days suspended in a vortex, building a palace in a fools paradise for her to enjoy the fruit of.

My aspiration and ideal growing ever fainter in the evening glow of my life, as I observe others more fortunate than I, fullfilling gurus dreams, all marching on in the glory of gurus grace, revelling in the company of sadhus, and festivals of devotion. Only I remain separate from Mahaprabhus mission of mercy.

 

For in this life my sins have known no bounds, and I skillfully avoided those with spiritual vision that can see right thru my masquerade, as I keep up the false pretence of chanting only endless Nam aparadhe, false pride and hypocracy pervade my character like a bad smell that all else can detect but I. The giving of honor alludes me, while receiving it secretly thrills me, as I shrewdly cover my pride with false humility and arrogance.

Even such word jugglery as this and confessions I’ve fine tuned to impress others that I have some realization and connection to profound truth and humility, whilst my mind devises endless diversions to avoid the service and sacrifice to Their Lordships Guru and Gauranga, I’ve perfected the art of side stepping, dodging commitment, cheating my own inner treasure by pursuing external sense objects and so called worldly wealth.

And so as death draws nearer with each and every breath I rest on my laurels in a fake, fortified sense of security, blind to the inevitable doom of endless births and deaths on the other side of this wheel of a conditioned life sentence, oblivious to the consequences of a wasted life of indulgence, I face an unknown and uncertain destiny, devising ever more entanglement. For I failed to please your divine graces.

Who with any moral stamina could ever forgive such a culprit as I, for all these secret transgressions against Gods laws? What degree of unconditional mercy could ever correct this deeply entrenched twice-born criminal. And turn my life around to maybe just once offer a leaf, a flower, some fruit, a little water with love and devotion to my Divine masters. When will that blessed experience and moment in time be mine my sweet Lord, my friends, my guardians who could possibly help such a hopeless case, that can’t help them self.

 

 

Your most deceiptful