So what is it like being on 'Death Row' ??? * * * * *

[krsna]

June 12 2005, Health Update June 12th

 

 

Dear Prabhus,

 

Please accept my humble obeisance, all glories to ISKCON founder-acarya Srila Prabhupada, all glories to His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

 

Last night (Friday night) Gurumaharaj was graced with a good nights rest. He slept a full 8hrs! He also slept a little more, latter in the morning. His bodily functions are continuing to slow down. His vital signs were the same as yesterday (stable).

 

Before taking rest Friday night Brahma-mahurta Prabhu read the Govardhana Lila to Gurudeva, and as Gurumaharaj slept the narration continued. This particular narration (not informed to me) details the loving interactions Lord Sri Krsna had with the myriad devotees accompanying Him under Govardhana. The 24 hr kirtan, implemented that day, also accompanied Gurudeva into his rest. He praised the sweetness of the kirtan and its soothing voices.

 

After rising Saturday Gurudeva absorbed himself in chanting japa, which continued for quite sometime. Then he met with HH Radhanatha Swami around 5:15pm. Again they took prasadam together. This is a very special time of Gurumaharaja's day, his relationship with Maharaj being so unique; such a deep and intimate friendship. They passed their meal with many sweet humorous exchanges - transcendental joking. Gurumaharaj ate a full meal. HH Radhanath Swami spent nearly two hours with Gurudeva, having katha. They were reading and discussing from one song book (not informed to me).

 

Gurumaharaj was in anticipation for the special event to take place in the evening. After their meeting, Radhanatha Swami was to go into the living room and sing bhajans with all the local devotees for Gurudeva, as he rested in his room. The caregivers arranged for this only earlier in the day. Still it was nicely organized, and so many devotees attended. Gopal Prabhu decorated the living room with Large Krsna art paintings from the temple room, and Devavati Prabhu made many beautiful flower arrangements. All the devotees who attended were able to sit comfortably and immerse themselves in the bhajan. As I scanned the room from the front, to see how the devotees were enjoying the kirtana, I came to the conclusion that Vraja Lila Prabhu was relishing it the most. At one point she got up and lightly danced. She was all the way in the very back. It is said that the further down the transcendental chain one goes (das das das anudas...) one derives a greater extent of spiritual pleasure. Vraja Lila was certainly in a mood of pleasing all of the devotees there.

 

It is so nice to see such unity and Vaisnava seva happening at this time. How pleasing this must be to Gurumaharaj. May it only increase!

 

May we all become immersed in the nectar ocean of Vaisnava seva.

 

We hope everyone is blissfully "dying" on their battlefield, as Gurumaharaj is dying on His.

 

May we all die before we die.

 

Your servant,

 

Purusa-sukta das

 

[krsna]

 

 

 

Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami. Monday 6/13 Tuesday morning 6/14

 

On Monday Gurudeva was in more pain than he has been in the past few weeks. This morning, Tuesday, the pain came under control by the caregivers administering additional pain medication. Gurumaharaja’s vitals are stable, he rested 7hrs.

 

Ironically the height of Gurumaharaja’s pain was when he went out to see Lord Jagannatha yesterday. Those of us who were in Gurumaharaja’s presence would have to be told this information, for his appearance outwardly gave no indication of it, being so serene and blissful.

 

What a wonderful pastime this was! At one point Srila Radhanatha Swami said to Gurudeva, you missed Ratha Yatra this year, so Lord Jaganatha has come to you - and you had your own Ratha Yatra!!!

 

Can you imagine it? Gurudeva leading kirtana, playing the kartals and chanting for nearly ten minutes! His mood was so special. With such a genuine, simple yet rich love, Gurudeva immersed himself in the Lord’s Darsana, and from time to time slowly rotated his head to carefully view the devotees on one side of him, and then gently brought himself to view the devotees on the other side. He had such a sweet and simple appreciation for all the devotees there. It was so sweet. As Lord Jaganatha views the needy masses out of His love for them, infusing them with hope, Gurumaharaj sweetly looked upon us with such genuine love and appreciation, infusing us all with great hope.

 

Gurudeva did speak to us briefly, and the full transcription has been attached to this message. Below are his closing remarks to us. This talk is monumental. We should all meditate on it deeply. Bear in mind that this address was given when Gurudeva was at the peak of his pain. When the pain led Gurudeva to decide to take his leave, rather than run back inside away from the scorching heat, with deep care and attention Gurudeva carefully arranged for prasadam to be distributed to all the devotees, and then personally distributed the prasadam to everyone with his own hands. He did this with radiant happiness. Eventually the caregivers prompted Gurudeva to be taken to the porch. There he continued to distribute the prasdam to everyone. He distributed it with such genuine humility, care and attention. Several times he asked if everyone had received prasdam. He waited so patiently until everyone had received, and then when he finished the distribution he gave another short address which I have listed here:

 

Gurudeva: “Thank you all. Be happy huh. My tears in the last few weeks or so have been mainly tears of joy, tears of happiness, tears of satisfaction. Krishna has given us such a wonderful family under Prabhupada, under the Saraswata family... and that we have wonderful chance to take advantage of this life, and we have wonderful chance to be part and we have chance to be victorious. We come into this world as a school and now we have chance to graduate with the highest certificate.

 

So as we say we are blessed by the best and we won’t settle for nothing less, so all of us we do have our individual tests. So be ready to pass your tests, because you will have your tests. And it will be glorious if you can just depend on Krsna and recognize that He controls everything. I’m working on that myself, trying to accept and understand how Krsna’s controlling everything. And so I’ll pray for you and you pray for me in the same way. And we’ll pray to Prabhupada that we will not disappoint him - so we’ll be his spiritual warriors. So many nice sadhus and gurus that Prabhupada has made available for all of you. So please take advantage of them and be like Savitri. Be greedy (laughter), be greedy for the mercy. Never wait for mercy to descend on you. It doesn’t happen that way. You have to have GREED. Now don’t you knock anybody else over (laughter). But you definitely got to position yourself to make sure that you get the mercy.

 

So I thank you all very much. Nsringhadeva Bhagavan ki! Jaya! Sri Sri Radha Damodara ki! Jaya! Vaisnava Thakura ki! Jaya!!!

 

We love you all (We love you Gurudeva!). Our love will constantly increase, and that is the beauty,that the material relationships, all the lust that comes and goes and turns into anxiety, but where there is love, it unfolds and it radiates and it becomes something sweeter and sweeter. Jaya! (Jaya Gurudeva!!!)”

 

As Gurudeva was taken inside, Advaita Acarya led an ecstatic Nsringhadeva kirtan before Lord Jagannatha.

 

So please take advantage of the full transcription attached to this message. For those reading this on the web site, this should be available as a separate file somewhere.

 

May we all die before we die.

 

May the sacrifice and wisdom imparted to us by His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami become an active part of our life!

 

On behalf of the caregivers of HH Bhakti-tirtha Swami Your servant, Purusa-sukta das

 

[krsna]

June 20 2005, Update on BT Swami - June 20th

 

 

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami.

 

Sunday June 19th - Monday morning June 20th.

 

Currently, as he was this morning, Gurudeva is in a stable condition. By noontime yesterday Gurudeva had slept 14 hrs since resting the previous night. This is part of the dying process, increased fatigue. Gurudeva’s pain is still persisting. The caregivers are doing their best to address it, with all the needed professional help. As Gurumaharaj desires, they are especially careful to offer pain relief with the minimum effect of drowsiness or other cognitive disadvantages. Gurudeva’s increased fatigue is due partly to the increased pain medication. Gurudeva has more congestion in his lungs. There has been a change in his energy level. He is very weak. His voice for the first time is consistently weak. His heart however is extremely strong.

 

Something very special happened yesterday; another sweet manifestation of the Lord’s great affection for his beloved devotee. Gurudeva has had a special connection with Tamal Krsna Goswami since the time of Srila Prabhupada. Maharaj, as Srila Prabhupada’s secretary, would read and reply to Gurudeva’s famous preaching reports (the ones Srila Prabhupada would have read repatedly to himself and others). Maharaj arranged for Gurudeva to meet with Srila Prabhupada at the famous darsan in London, where Srila Prabhupada embraced Gurudeva. Since the Cancer set in, many times, especially recently, when Gurudeva felt we that might leave he felt the presence of Tamal Krsna Goswami. He would often have dreams of Maharaj, as would some of the caregivers. In a recent dream Gurudeva saw Tamal Krsna Maharaj coming to him with tears in his eyes saying to Gurudeva “Srila Prabhupada is waiting for you”.

 

Yesterday at noon Ekavira Prabhu was given a message from Vrakesvara Pandit that the Dallas devotees had come to present to Gurudeva the Darsan of Sri Sri Radha Damodar, Srila Tamal Krsna Maharaj’s personal Radha Krsna Deities from Dallas. These Deities appeared mystically to Maharaj around 1980. On a morning walk in Juhu, Maharaj saw a shiny object in the ocean. He sent his servant to retrieve for him, and came to see that a small deity Krsna had appeared for him. The murti wala he consulted stated that it was at least 500 years old. Hearing of this the Queen of Jaipur had a special Radharani made just for this Deity, out of pure gold. Maharaj originally named them Radha Gopinatha, but latter, out of great separation from his beloved traveling Radha Damodar, he gave them that name instead.

 

The pujari who is currently caring for them recently felt a tremendous compulsion to bring the Deities to Gurudeva. This feeling would overcome her every time she would dress and worship them. Even though it whas practical impossible, as she and her husband had absolutely no extra money, this inspiration was so compelling that finally her husband agreed to use the money set aside for their monthly bills to finance their Lordship’s travel to see Gurudeva. Hours after the decision was made they were on a plane to Pittsburg.

 

Shortly before noontime yesterday Gurudeva woke up. Seeing that he had wakened, Ekavira Prabhu told Gurudeva “I have a surprise for you this morning Gurudeva”. Gurudeva asked “What is it?” “Radha Damodara are here” Ekavira replied. “Radha Damodara?” Gurudeva questioned. “Yes, but not the Gita Nagari Deities, these are Tamal Krsna Maharaj’s Deities. Maharaj’s Deities have come to see you.” At this point Gurudeva motioned down from his seated position in bed to lay down. As he reclined back he remarked, “This is amazing, this is so amazing. Krsna is so merciful, Krsna is so merciful.” Immediately Gurudeva arranged to go out to the living room to greet their Lordships, seeing them as the most honorable guests in his residence.

 

After coming out to view their Lordships, Gurudeva participated in the chanting that was led by the Dallas devotees. (A more detailed account of this will follow this letter) Gurudeva was in tremendous bliss; smiling, chanting, crying and laughing simultaneously. He spoke for 15 minutes. One point reiterated was that Krsna responds to our prayers, but He responds based upon the mood in the heart. Gurudeva kept emphasizing this point - Krsna responds based upon what is in the heart.

 

Please take advantage of the additional report of this coming forth by Citi-sakti Prabhu.

 

Afterwards Radhanatha Swami remarked to Gurudeva pointing out that he had recently had his own private Ratha Yatra, and now Radha Damdara have come from all across the country to see him. This, he commented, is the nature of the Lord’s reciprocation with his beloved devotee. “However, I am afraid that you are taking so long to return to Him, that now He is coming to see you.”

 

Sunday, the day that Radha Damodara came, was the Panihati festival. Gurudeva had expressed that it was “a very merciful day”. During the Sunday class Srila Radhanath Swami spoke about the Panhiati festival and on the recent appearance of Sri Sri Radha Damodar in Gita Nagari. This is another one of those must-hear classes. The transcription and Mp3 file should be posted soon. One theme that Maharaj delivered was how our line is that of Lord Nityanada “bhaja Krsna bolo Krsna koro Krsna siksa”; taking straw between the teeth and humbly begging the common people to worship Krsna, chant His holy names and follow His instructions. Radhanath Swami emphasized that this was the mood of Srila Prabhupada, and was so magnificently carried out in the life of Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami. Please listen to this class fully.

 

There is more to share. Much more. I will try to send more out latter tonight.

 

May we all die before we die May the Final pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami continue to radiate divine inspiration in all of us.

 

On behalf of the caregivers of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami

 

Your servant,

 

Purusa-sukta das

 

[krsna]

June 19 2005, Dialog with HH Radhanatha Swami -

 

 

What follows is a piece of writing that represents a dialog recently had with HH Radhanatha Swami here in Gita Nagari. This dialog was based on a couple questions, listed below, that some of us may be considering or encountering, as Srila Bhakti-tirtha Swami is in nirjan bhajan and the process of physically departing from the world. These questions were also, to a good extent, the basis of the Sunday class Maharaj gave here last Sunday. This transcription will soon be posted.

 

This writing is based strictly on the notes taken during the dialog (which happened while maharaj and I were walking). Latter I showed maharaj the writing, and he edited it. What follows is that final edit.

 

Question 1:

 

We hear that sometimes an exalted vaisnava may speak with sincere feeling of a need to purify themselves of attachment. At the same time we see such a vaisnava exhibit the qualities of a liberated soul. How are we to reconcile this? We feel that this is relevant, for our Spiritual master, His Holiness Bhakti-thritha Swami, though exhibiting the qualities of a liberated soul is now undergoing Nirjan bhajan to, according to his own words, free himself from his identity in this world.

 

Answer:

 

Maharaj began by saying that in our Vaisnava history many great souls have performed nirjan bhajan at the end of life, wherein they were isolated from their practical and preaching duties and absorb themselves on the names and pastimes of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He said that it is certainly appropriate for a devotee at the end of his or her life to follow in the footsteps of such great souls.

 

Bhakti-tirtha Swami was selflessly immersed in preaching the glories of the Lord, even in the state of severely deteriorated health. At a certain state, when he felt that Srila Prabhupada and Krsna were calling him home he made this decision to follow in the footsteps of many great souls

 

After this maharaj emphasized that great souls categorically do not think themselves as great souls, rather they feel a genuine need to purify themselves. Real humility is the mark of a great soul. Maharaj quoted a verse, in this connection, from the Caitanya Caritamrta:

 

premera svabhava -- -- yahan premera sambandha

sei mane, -- -- ‘krsne mora nahi prema-gandha'

Wherever there is a relationship of love of Godhead, its natural symptom is that the devotee does not think himself a devotee. Instead, he always thinks that he has not even a drop of love for Krsna. (Cc Antya 20.28)

 

From there Maharaj came to discuss the example of Srila Madhavendra Puri. Maharaj pointed out how exalted Madhavendra Puri was; only Srimati Radharani and Lord Caitanya could fully empathize with his mood of devotion. Nevertheless, as the most exalted of all devotees, on the verge of his disappearance he asked his disciples to help him remember Krsna. Maharaj went further to show how significant it is to understand this properly.

 

There are two disciples recorded in Caitanya Caritamrta as having tried to assist Srila Madhevndra Puri at this time; Ramacandra Puri and Isvara Puri. As we may know they attained two vastly different results; the former fell down and the latter attained perfection. In the case of Ramacandra Puri, Maharaj described that his effort to serve his Guru was apparently sincere, but was based the misconception that his Guru’s anxiety was of a material nature. With this improper mindset Ramacandra Puri felt that he should advise his spiritual master to help him. So latter he expressed to Srila Madhevendra Puri that his problem with material anxiety would best be addressed by meditating on the impersonal Brahman, for Brahman realization is described in sastra as freeing one from hankering and lamenting (BG 18.65). In one sense Ramacandra Puri was really trying to help his spiritual master. However, Srila Prabhupada explains that because he felt that he was an advisor to his spiritual master, thinking his anxiety to be material, he committed an offence, resulting material consciousness immediately becoming manifest in him. He fell down.

 

On the contrary the other disciple of Madhavendra Puri, Srila Isvara Puri, took his Guru’s instructions very humbly, with a transcendental view of his Guru’s “anxietyâ€. In this connection Srila Radhanatha Swami explained that the “anxiety†or “need†of Madhavendra Puri to remember Krsna, his feeling of not fully connecting with Krsna, was the state of Vipralambha bhava; the most exalted state of God realization where a pure devotee feels himself separated from his beloved Lord. Maharaj remarked that this was the mood of the Six Goswamis; always looking for Krsna, eager to find Krsna and to remember Him. So Isvara Puri understood the exalted nature of his Guru’s request and assisted him in pure faith. He took great care to tend to his Guru’s physical needs, all the while speaking of and chanting Krsna’s holy names for his pleasure. Carrying himself with a right mentality and pure motive, Isvara Puri received the greatest blessings from his spiritual master.

 

Maharaj finally commented that he sees that Srila Prabhupada is calling Bhakti-tritha Swami, a devotee who had always given his everything in Srila Prabhupada’s service, back home: “you have done your mission, now assemble with a few associates and cherish the greatest gift of exclusive absorbtion on Krsna.†He spoke of this as a special act of affection expressed to Bhakti-tirtha Swami by Srila Prabhupada. A special gift to his beloved disciple.

 

Question 2:

 

Another question was also posed asking how we are to properly view the spiritual master apparently being affected by his diseased body, or physical affliction of any kind. Srila Radhanatha Swami addressed this issue at length in his talk last Sunday. In our dialog he reiterated a few points.

 

Answer:

 

Maharaj first pointed out three reasons that a pure devotee experiences pain

 

1) Due to their accepting some degree, small or great, of world-karma and or the karma of disciples.

 

2) To facilitate the disciples in rendering intimate service to the Spiritual master

 

3) It is symptomatic of their ecstatic absorption

 

Maharaj then defined what being transcendental to the body and mind really is for a pure devotee. He said that for a devotee transcendence is to never be detoured from their motivation to serve the Lord - their willingness to serve persists in any and all circumstances, even great pain and difficulty is willfully accepted and endured if it results in pleasing the Lord. This, Maharaj said, is a testament to their love. Maharaj emphasized that the unconditional love of a devotee is far beyond the stoic tolerance of mystic yogis and tapasvis; it is not limited to only occur in the absence of or indifference to pain. Their love is truly unconditional. If they encounter the pains of the body and mind their response is only increased love for the Lord. Maharaj cited Jesus Christ, Haridas Thakur and Srila Prabhupada as examples of this.

 

[krsna]

 

 

 

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami, June 20 - 21 morning.

 

Today was a very special day.

 

Yesterday evening Gurudeva rested about 6 hrs. He woke at 4:10am and could not sleep anymore. He was in pain. He had perspired a lot up until evening, and had symptoms of dehydration. The caregivers carefully sat Gurudeva up and provided ice chips and water for him. His vitals had fluctuated, and later stabilized. He was enduring severe pain, and spoke of it increasing to quite a high level. The caregivers provided the suitable medication, but it didn’t subside. At 8am Gurudeva expressed that he wanted to talk to the devotees.

 

Despite being in such acute and intense pain physically, at this point his main concern was meeting with the devotees. To ensure that this meeting would be of the best quality, in extreme pain, Gurudeva decided not to take his scheduled pain medication, lest it interfere with his outward cognition. He also expressed a concern about the devotees being overly affected in seeing his marked physical deterioration. Ekavira Prabhu reassured Gurudeva “by speaking to the devotees they would be greatful.”

 

A message had been sent out to the community in Gita Nagari that around 8:30am Gurudeva would be holding an . at the Institute House at 9:30am. All the devotees assembled. Nanda Sunu Prabhu, Gurudeva’s former secretary and one of his beloved Gurukuli disciples from England was leading a very sweet bhajan. As Gurudeva was getting ready to go out, Vraja lila Prabhu said “Go for it Gurudeva, go for it!” Gurudeva shook his head, like an innocent child.

 

Gurudeva entered the assembly of devotees carried on his chair. In the time since devotees saw him last week his physical appearance had deteriorated. He physically appears so frail and weak. Upon sitting, Gurudeva’s face revealed his great appreciation for all the devotees present physically, and those present otherwise. He spent sometime catching his breath, all the while simply appreciating all the devotees with simple, sweet and charming glances. He took care to see that Radhanatha Swami was situated comfortably, and then he spoke.

 

Gurudeva’s voice was very faint, and his cadence was in concert with his breath; slow and uneven. He said “I do not have much breath left. that is beautiful”. Some moments went by. “Krsna is letting us know that our time is over. How wonderful this is, how glorious this is, how fortunate we are..” He expressed deep appreciation for the devotees. He shared that his chariot is waiting for him.

 

Gurudeva was perspiring due to fever, and Ekavira and Druva Prabhu were periodically wiping his face. He asked them to fan him, and joked “don’t think they are worshiping me”. He said this a few times. “Don’t think they are worshiping me ¦.. because pretty soon all of you will be in this hot seat”. One devotee then fanned Gurudeva with the peacock fan, but it was a little too intense. Gurudeva then asked “maybe use the camara fan”. Then he made a joking comment that this was good because the camara is a little less prestigious than the peacock fan.

 

In his talk Gurudeva tried to explain his situation to the devotees. This talk was another very special and unique mood. Gurudvea has been so weak, and now, in the climax of his pain and from a seated position (the most painful of all positions for Gurudeva), he was giving himself to connect with and help the devotees and the world. He expressed that in his humble opinion, the pain was too much for him to bear, and from there he shared his concern for the pain of others. He remarked how he was aware of the pain and suffering of humanity and the devotees, and prayed to be used to help others deal with their pain. He said, “So many people are in pain, so many, and they don’t have anyone to care for them, they don’t have a support system”. He was crying. For sometime he spoke of his concern for the suffering and pain of others, and how his current affliction is something that has come forth to help others.

 

At this the devotees became emotional, so touched by this fathomless love and compassion exuding from Gurudeva. This compassion was known to everyone there, but it never ceases to be amazing. And to see it expressed again in this condition, where Gurudeva had every bit of reason to be concerned with himself was deeply moving for everyone present.

 

Gurudeva did not want the devotees to become sad. Shortly after the emotions of the devotees came forth, Gurudeva decided to return to his room. He said he did not know when exactly he would leave, but it was sometime soon. Today, tomorrow, a few days”

 

The full transcription of this darsan will come out by this evening.

 

Upon Gurudeva’s exit, Vrakesvara Pandit Prabhu, who Gurudeva has expressed such heartfelt appreciation for throughout his several months of staying here, solaced everyone with the holy names.

 

Meanwhile, Gurudeva was situated in his room, and he and Radhanatha Swami had a very sweet exchange. Maharaj told Gurudeva “Today is the most auspicious day, the chariot has already arrived”. Then Gurudeva confided, “I am like Druva Maharaj, I don’t want to go back without my friend”. Then one devotee commented “Gurudeva there will be so many friends there with you”. Then Gurudeva said “No I want to go with my big friend, my Maha friend”. Radhanatha Swami assured that Gurudeva could take him in his heart.

 

(there is no certainty that Gurudeva will leave today. Up until now he is stable. We will keep you posted)

 

May we all die before we die May the final pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami always be remembered.

 

On behalf of the care givers of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami,

 

Your servant,

 

Purusa-sukta das

 

[krsna]

HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami

"HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami's final class"

May 29, 2005

Gita Nagari

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Hare Krsna. So first I think all of our sannyasis you’ve met. We’ve had a chance to introduce and you’re hearing their wonderful classes during the weeks. But Guna Grahi Swami, I don’t think he’s been with us here for a while, so many of you may not quite know him or you only know of him. So let me take a moment to introduce him. He said just a moment. That means I’ll even go for moments, because I have to explain about his humility now. Radhanatha Maharaja is on the way, but I think he’s going to be quite late. But if so we’ll bring a chair for him.

 

So we hope you kep hearing from these wonderful devotees. Today I’m not really going to give a lecture, but I have to more or less, I don’t know, for a lack of a better word, just make a few statements of closure. And then I would like you to have chance to ask questions or to hear from each of our devotees who are sitting here. I will try to stay the whole time, as long as I can. The new thing is that I have cancer all in my back and buttocks, and so just sitting now becomes so much more difficult than before. But I won’t go there. The body doing it’s ongoing thing of deterioration. But what I would like to share today is in relationship to nirjana bhajana. Nirjana Bhajana. This is a period where one refrains or moves away, or moves outside the material realm of day to day service, as well as normal identification. So this is the last time that I’m going to give a class mainly because of nirjana bhajana.

 

Let me explain this. But before that I’ll make an announcement because I may forget later. When we do finish then we’d like the sannyasis to come up to the Institute house and for them to take prasadam there, and I would like to speak with them for 5 or 10 minutes before they take prasadam. And basically this will be my last formal appearance, and for lack of a better word, this will be the last time you will see me, or I will allow you to see me or think of me as Bhakti Tirtha Swami. Bhakti Tirtha Swami has left. He is 95% gone and now he has to do what’s necessary for the last 5%. See something interesting is happening, beyond my ability to understand fully.

 

So I will not try to explain it as if I do understand it, but I will try to share as best as I can as I’m learning, as I’m growing and experiencing. Remember, my basic posture and prayers was to experience whatever was necessary to become totally pure, to encounter whatever could help me to impact upon the society in a more, for lack of a better word, effective way, so that I could help minimize suffering for a quantity number of devotees. Mainly to somehow be used to make spiritual life a little more joyful, a little easier, to help devotees to have a little more faith and literally to take on sufficient karma that would allow me to take on that that could remove some of the blocks of many devotees.

 

So in my own way, as you’ve heard on these Sundays and previously Saturdays, I tried to enter somewhat more into the mood of Vasudeva Dhatta. I say more because this is a prayer I have been making almost ever since I was a young brahmacari – didn’t understand it then, nor do I fully understand it now, but I’m beginning to understand it. Now my concern, from my perspective was how to die on the battlefield. My perception of that was as to die as grandfather Bhismadeva, up to the last breath, to try to be sharing, hearing, learning, and giving, and to allow my life hopefully, and most importantly my process of death, to be a major amendment to the Vaisnava community.

 

You see in the past we’ve had a rather quick transcendence in the case of Gour Govinda Maharaja, Tamal, and somewhat in the case of Sridhara Maharaja, extended period of chronic illness, but the process of the actual death experience was not quite made as public as perhaps my death experience or terminal illness. And so I fully feel it’s part of my service, a part of my recent prayer, and a part of how I end my service to Prabhupada at this time. So more than I can understand, my service to Prabhupada in this body, in this body, in this plain, in this time, in this institution here is over. And now what I have to do is, I have to – forgive me because I don’t know how to explain any better than how I try, because one is not supposed to fully reveal their bhajan. At the same time, we have the principle of priti, and that we are to reveal our minds in confidence, and receive others’ minds in confidence as part of the loving exchange.

 

Since I’ve tried to publicly love everybody, whatever that means, or to push the idea of love in terms of Vaisnavas going deeper and honoring healthy Vaisnava love – not lust, not emotionalism, sentimentality, although it’s hard to fully embrace that as long as we’re in a material body, or it’s hard to fully embrace that as long as we’re in the material world. But still we must make all efforts because we say that there is no love in this world, meaning this perfect state, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t what? That this is an arena for training, it’s an arena for rectification, it’s an arena for what, for allowing people to engage in massive sense gratification. But it’s also an arena for allowing people to use their senses to become freed from this maithunya gara, the shackles that bind us, of love and sex life, to be freed from the enemies of the mind like matsurya and kama and mohan, nada. These are just some of the ways – bhaya, fear – how we go lifetime after lifetime.

 

So maybe the best way to explain this is when karmis or religionists leave their bodies, their physical body deteriorates and their subtle body takes the soul on to it’s next destination. Now somehow other we are blessed or we’re high quality devotee or if we’re eternally liberated and we’ve just come into this world in disguise, then when we leave, uh – nitya siddha category is a little special because there are so many special variables there. But let us look at the category outside of the conditioned state, where one is going to come back into the material body. That means if one now has reached perfection, then that means the physical body has to die, but it means also – try to understand this – the subtle body must also die. It must all be left behind. The subtle boy has carried us lifetime after lifetime, as long as we’ve been in the material worlds. Sooo many impressions from many, many lifetimes are caught up in the subtle body. So many fears, so many experiences, so many failures, so many successes are all there in the subtle body. Ever since we’ve left the Kingdom of God, Krsnaloka, we’ve been moving on - the subtle body carrying the soul in different environments.

 

So what is happening now is that my physical body is just kind of hanging on, because the subtle body is still hanging. Physical body is already overdue in that it should have been gone sometime back. But because Prabhupada is using me somewhat as a puppet and also sharing the death experience, so it’s allowing me to have this experience in a way that I can kind of communicate it, and I can share it, and I can leave it as a legacy as part of my service to him. And also so I can prepare many of you for when you’re going to leave the bodies.

 

We read Bhagavatam and we hear about Maharaja Pariksit who has only a week to live. And so we see what he does. He’s in completely captivated, rapt attention in hearing. He stops eating, he is not mating, he is not defending. None of his previous concerns and obligations have any meaning any more. Not that they were not important, not that they were not relevant while he was existing and going to continue on this planet. So now with whatever short time I have, I have to, for my own freedom of being able to wrap up my service and to be freed of any last lingering things in the mind, a part of the false ego especially, and part of the subtle body’s identification, for those of you who are disciples and wellwishers, so that you have more time to honor my departure. Because after I leave out of here, then you’ll be almost forced even more to accept my departure, because only a few caretakers will see me physically or hear from me any more in this lifetime. You hearing from me in the future will be through tapes or from reading the books, the messages coming forth, or through dreams, or through other transmissions that we connect with you outside of orthodoxy. So we have to – and you’ve heard it a couple of times, but now you have to fully integrate, and the fact that we have served wonderfully together in many opportunities in different ways, we’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’ve made offenses toward each other in different ways, we’ve been faithless together, faithful together, I’ve given many of you instructions in different ways that sometimes you didn’t quite understand, and now we hope that it will all become clear.

 

See for me it’s a little more difficult, because I was blessed but also sort of cursed that in the kind of way I was serving Prabhupada, I had to be so much aware and attentive to so many things. And so a lot of that was a sacrifice and that it was extending myself to preach, but not always giving deep nourishment to the soul. My soul is of a certain quality, by Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s mercy, and remains as it is, will always what it was. However, as I came into this world, certain coverings, certain things I and you and everyone else have to deal with. And my particular way of serving Prabhupada, I had to be very much – and you see that in my books. My books are all on different topics. My books have been accepted by all the gurus in that area, and that means that I didn’t just write something based on material speculation, but I had to be somewhat on top of what I materially shared. At the same time, I had to be as careful as I could to remain within the Vaisnava paradigm – and I did. And where some people think I didn’t, if they do a closer reading, or if they allow me to explain, or if they do a closer investigation, particularly of the lives of the acaryas, they will see that there are times when we can use secondary things, particularly if they enhance primary, and that our philosophy is that we based our understandings on sabda brahman 100%, but also on anumana and pradyaksa. Anumana is based on some interpretation, realizations, etc., and pradyaksa of course is based on some sense perception. We do not accept pradyaksa or anumana as cent per cent, or as the last word. But we do have the right, explained by Jiva Goswami as he explains the 10 pramanas and the 3 he explains are those that Vaisnavas rely on.

 

In my services preaching in so many different communities and to so many different environments, I basically used sabda brahman and tried to present it in a palatable way that the audience could respond to and sometimes in certain groups I relied on anumana, certain levels of realizations were shared in different ways. Never, and I say, never did I once go outside of the siddhanta, because if one does that, they are bogus. But at the same time, sometimes one may have an additional, special commission to extend themselves through compassion, in trying to reach as many people as possible. So Prabhupada allowed me to reach hundreds of millions of people, especially through the television programs all around the countries, while I used coming in like a needle and then coming out like an elephant.

 

I’m only saying that because that is very dangerous. It is not a normal way of how to preach or how to serve and it shouldn’t be something that people in general should rely on as a way to serve the mission. Just like somebody does public relations or somebody is preaching to diplomats or whatever, that is dangerous. We see how Lord Caitanya was letting us know about the danger in Prataparudra, in associating with a king. At the same time we see prita pati yacce yatha nagra nigram… that every town and every village, that means everyone. And we see how Prabhupada was writing letters to Indira Gandhi and Mahatma Gandhi, and how when he first came, he was mainly first trying to reach the academic community. Because he didn’t get as much response as he wanted from the more intelligent class of men – whatever that means – then he went out for the masses. Anyway, Lord Caitanya’s mission, Lord Nityananda is not considering mass or class, but for everyone.

 

So what I have to now is to put a little extra time … Jaya Srila Radhanatha Maharaja ki! (Jaya!) We have a chair for Radhanatha? Maharaja please come up. We’re just ending what’s going on here. So Maharaja, in summary, I’ve just explained to devotees that my little discussion today, which I’m pretty much finished, is about nirjana bhajan, where at some point one totally moves … please. This is the humility of the devotees of the Lord. So Maharaja, thank you so much. So we’ve been talking about nirjana bhajan and in essence in one minute’s summary, I’m just saying that my conception of dying on the battlefield was more in the mood of Bhismadeva, of till one last breath, trying to share, trying to associate, and trying to preach. Now I’m understanding, as I deteriorate one way, physically, and as the soul comes forth more, certain things become more clarified, and certain things are added on and certain things are dropped.

 

So this is a really horrendous time for me now. Maybe one of the scariest times, because it means that I’ve got to totally now almost forget everything that I was meditating on all the time in this body, and have to now begin to be, think, and imbibe according to my original, my original svarupa. In order to do that I have to give no more public lectures, not even on Sundays. I’ve already stopped any administration. I’ve already stopped any correspondence. Only dealings I’ll have with any devotees at all now on this realm just with caretakers and Radhanatha Maharaja himself is acting as a special kind of caretaker for me right now. So he along with the other caretakers are the only devotees that I’ll be seeing, it’s only because you’re coming in and out of the room to bring something, or you’re coming only to read or to share something in relationship to Vrndavana. Only thing I’m listening to, only thing I’m reading, or allowing myself to hear is all in relationship to Vraja. And so this makes it a lot more expedient and easier to give death to the physical as well as now to the mental, intellectual, and subtle body, which includes unfortunately so much of the false ego.

 

Now we have to be careful in this line, because this is also borderlining, or near embarking upon sahajiism. We see Prabhupada warned us of so many things. He warned us of the mayavadis or impersonalists. He warned us of the gross materialists. He warned us of the cheating intellectuals or the academicians. He warned us of the smarta brahmanas. But one of his biggest warnings was of the sahajiyas. Why, because the sahajiyas, they look so close to the real thing. They do that that is associated with authenticity, but they do not have the adhikara. They do not have the blessings, the permission, or the spiritual potency. They’re not literally invited yet, fully back home, where they are in acceptance and acting in accord. And so normally the kind of things that I’m sharing – just as my service, unorthodox, so the way I’m sharing is also unorthodox and I’m trying to qualify it without going outside of revealing one’s bhajana, but at the same time, since Prabhupada is using me to give a major education or service to the Vaisnavas about leaving this body. And so my departure has been so public, and so therefore, up to my last breath, will be public. I will die on the battlefield. But not in relationship any more to Bhakti Tirtha Swami, Swami Krsnapada, uh, John Favors. That is all in the past now.

 

So if you do come up or we ask you to come or one of the caretakers asks you to read, understand you’re coming in and you’re reading some pastimes and that’s it. No discussions about anything else, and if you do, I will 99% not respond any way. If for some reason I feel that I need to say something to you and I break a little bit of my pattern, then I will do that, but I will kind of hurt myself in the process.

 

Just like the other day – I had already started thinking this way. I didn’t know I was going to have to make it so public or make it so official. But the other day, I called in some of the gurukulis … Gopal, Vrndavanesvari and family, they were doing the bhajan, and I so much appreciated this whole family of gurukulis just chanting. The chanting will still go on 2 times a day. And let me let you know that I appreciate it so much, and even though you don’t see me when you chant, as you’re chanting outside of my room, so therefore whatever I’m doing inside, I’m doing inside, as it may be … because sometimes I’m literally crying like a baby and sometimes I’m just so happy - as I am now. I’m very mixed right now.

 

I’m extremely happy – I mean imagine at this point, if you were in the shape that I’m in. Just put away the sickness and all the amputations and all this other stuff I’ve gone through and imagine that the last days of your life, you’ve had chance to serve the Vaisnavas by increasing cetain devotees’ faith and by getting their prayers and their blessings. And now you’re being revealed your original services in the Spiritual World, and you are having a chance to allow that to grow and to unfold, where you’re able to experience gradually the Spiritual World before you leave the physical or the subtle body. So wouldn’t you be really happy knowing that it’s all over, and it’s just a matter of moments or a short time because whatever it is, these are moments in terms of spiritual time… but knowing that even in material time there is only a short time and your life is over, from having to take any more tests, from having to go through anymore struggles, and that you have done basically what you had been sent to do. And maybe you didn’t do it perfectly, but that you had done it in a way that it pleased your spiritual master. Wouldn’t you be happy like anything? So that side of me is just … I mean amazingly happy, because I’ve been given so much more mercy and facilitation than my quality. And I needed it. I wanted it. And somehow it has come.

 

Now the other side of course is imagine that you got tumors all over you, you got arthritis, you got diabetes, you’re not sleeping, and you’ve been very active and you’re not active any more, and your whole life has been basically activity – even before I was a devotee – especially as a devotee … constantly active and planning and preaching and moving about. And all of a sudden, you’re confined to a room where you have to be on your side most of the time because you can’t even sit up. You’ve got a broken collarbone that may break any day and you lose full control of the arm – anyway, you can go and on and on that side. That side is horrible in many ways, but still what I’m experiencing is token to what one would normally experience with the kind of cancer that I have at the state that the cancer is. I’ve lost a lot of weight, lost a lot of muscle and bone in a lot of places, but still somehow everything is going on.

 

Now with that, that other side, and now you are entering into a situation where you’re not gone yet, but you won’t be able to relate to those who normally kind of give you certain strength to keep on going as you’re going in your physical state. So it’s almost like a total situation where you’re being thrown into the water, and so you drown or you swim. So we’re stopping everything that would be part of orthodoxy. And so now it means I have a mental breakdown and get angry at Krsna and guru for giving me this kind of disease, causing me to have to suffer like this, uh, and forbid that would ever happen, because you won’t let it happen. Your prayers have already stopped that.

 

Then the other side is having knowledge of all of you and all the amazing devotees all around the world who you’ve served with and knowing that the same Krsna, Who has reached out … in an extra way to help me and guru can and will do the same for you, and knowing that we can all be back in the Spiritual World serving.

 

So I think you can just get a little bit of idea of the duality that I’m dealing with now. Scary that I have to make this kind of abrupt situation without fully being able to experience the higher realms… uh, I’m connecting, but not fully experiencing. And it’s like jumping and not knowing if you’re going to be fully caught. But the faith is there and the faith allows you to jump.

 

See it would be easy if I’m at the situation now and I’m hearing Krsna’s flute and I’m fully 100% aware of where I’m going and all the details. Yes I’m aware, and some of the details are unfolding and unfolding, and some of the impressions are unfolding, but not fully. And so it’s like that. Again, kind of… a little bit, uh, you know, kind of an ambiguous, limbo situation.

 

I just wanted to read 1 quote in reference to this, or maybe 2, and then what I’m going to do is maybe 5 or 10 minutes I’m going to take personal questions that you may have for me, just based on what I’ve just said. And then after that then we want to receive questions from the floor that all of our sannyasis can be able to address. We want to take advantage of their being here. If it wasn’t for my statement that I had to make today, I wouldn’t have even spoken at all. I would have wanted you to just be able to hear them. But most of them will be around for a few days, or have been around. So you are hearing their classes. And only you unfortunate ones who only come on Sunday, then you are bereft, because most of the time you’re just hearing me. So go beyond the Sunday visit if you can and try to come.

 

Now this also means that those who were basically around because they were around to hear me speak the little I do on Sundays, that that’s over now. And I’m not just saying that and then 3 weeks later I’m going to speaking again. Personally, I don’t think I’ll be here 3 weeks later, but even if I was – no. This is final. This is an order that I’ve been given that I’ve accepted and now I have to follow it. If I don’t follow it, there will be heavy consequences. If I don’t follow this, then I’ll go through kind of more of a normal, physical breakdown or departure where the body and all the organs just breakdown, breakdown, breakdown, and then finally the soul cannot tolerate anymore and those connected with the soul have some special pity and just snatch you out. I’m trying to align myself in a way that I’ll be able to leave far before that. And I was …this has come about because I somehow couldn’t understand why I was still here when my time was already over, and this physical body is dying, and now the mental body is dying, now I’m understanding it.

 

It’s that more of the mental body had to be broken, but also I had to help everyone to understand a little better that it is important to die in Vrndavan, Mathura, I’m sorry, in Mayapura, in the holy dhamas, and it is very important to have deep sadhu qualities. It’s very important to detach ourselves from just the normalcy of serving. We serve and that is important, but the service attitude and the consciousness is more important. And so it seems that if I would have left somewhat earlier, this last aspect would have been missed a little bit. Because I’m not leaving in Vrndavana, and I’m not leaving with 24 hour kirtans all around me, or where you know an hour or 2 hours before I leave, which in most cases most likely you won’t. And so therefore, I have already gone in one sense, and now you’re being informed of what I’ll be doing until I leave.

 

In other words to go back to the Spiritual World, we have to become like the residents of the Spiritual World. And sometimes we can be pulled out the body and whatever is left hanging, then the guru helps to take that away. So it’s like if there was anything hanging with Tamal or Sridhara Maharaja at the time of death, which may or may not be, but it doesn’t matter, but the point is the spiritual master, ready to receive them back in the Spiritual World and engage them in other services there, as well as other universes, it was on him to take away whatever was left.

 

My meditation in dying on the battlefield was in that way – of already seeing how much mercy is so powerful, and seeing how mercy has extended itself beyond my quality. And I expected basically [that] I was going to preach until I drop, and then whatever else is left, it would just be wiped away. And that’s why up until just recently I was doing radio and other things by phone and still trying to do these classes and any one who comes I would practically – especially godbrothers and godsisters – I would make myself available and I would talk to them. But now you see I can’t even do that because pretty much talking to any of my godbrothers and godsisters even is still in our relationship to service to Prabhupada on this plane. And so that has it’s own subtle way of reinforcing my identity as Bhakti Tirtha Swami.

 

So… you remember how I shared earlier how Bhaktivinode, he faked paralysis, and it was a couple of years that he was in nirjana bhajan, just living already as if he was in the Spiritual Kingdom. He – as much as he was available with writing his books and managing, and counseling people on an individual basis, that at the end he faked being totally debilitated physically so that he would be in that state. Did he have to do that, we don’t know. As such a high-level pure devotee, never conditioned, but all of these are examples for us in such ways.

 

We see that Lord Caitanya, that – how many years did he actively preach and stay in the physical body? He left very young. Then we see so many of those years, He was with who? Just a few intimates. Who? Svarupa Damodara. Who else? Ramananda Raya. Okay. Then we hear about Sikhi Mahiti, or his sister, but we see primarily with Ramanda Raya and Svarupa Damodara. Now He’s God. He didn’t have to do any adjustments before He’s going back. But we see that a particular time, His mission, in terms of His travels and being available to the society and the world, that it came to closure. And then He entered more and more with these special servants who facilitated that state of awareness and that state of taste.

 

And so in our own little way, Prabhupada’s arranging now for me to enter into that phase and to have a few caretakers, or mainly adjusting, doing things with my physical body and some reading as we said and Radhanatha Maharaja will be also facilitating as a special caretaker where we will be basically, uh… be blissed out, for lack of a better word.

 

But I really want to thank all of my servants. There are some of you who, during this lifetime, assisted me as personal servants and you know me in a way that some others don’t, because you got some heavy, heavy chastisement from me. And you know knew on a day-to-day basis that that smile I give is just a façade to get you ready for the sauce. And you’ve seen me as a workaholic, and you’ve seen me impose upon you and make you a workaholic, where basically those who served me as secretaries or servants, most of the time, you were not able to be regulated in your eating or your sleeping. And as I explained to a few later, I saw you as an extension of me. So where I was very kind and very seemingly aware of others’ needs, it seemed like I wouldn’t be aware of your own needs, because I identified you so much as part of me. And so as I minimized so much of my own eating and sleeping and other things, material comforts. So it wasn’t that I thought less of you, or had a double standard. It’s that that’s how much I appreciated you and how much I used you, and I thank you so much for that. I especially thank – and I’ll thank them when we leave - the sannyasis as such.

 

Let me just read this to you. I’d like to read a few quotes on this and then I’ll stop. This is Bhaktisiddhanta speaking:

 

“My dear mind, what kind of devotee are you? Simply for cheap adoration you sit in a solitary place and pretend to chant the Hare Krsna mahamantra. But this is all cheating.”

 

So here Bhaktisiddhanta is warning that this can also be done prematurely, it can be a cheating process where you try to do such, but you do not have the adhikara, you do not have the connection, and therefore the mind just goes in sense gratification.

 

Remember a case in Mayapura where there was this devotee – African American devotee – who used to be president of Kenya temple. At one point he came to Mayapura – I think his name was Syama das, Krsna bless him – and he established a little bhajana kutir. And he wasn’t eating – just hold these for me – and he was just chanting, chanting, chanting all day long. So many devotees would come and be very impressed with how austere he was and how fixed. And Prabhupada wasn’t very impressed. Then we saw later that he blooped. So a case of entering to and not having the blessings or the permission.

 

Or remember the case of one devotee from Chicago who also was thought to have terminal illness. He’s the only devotee in the movement that Prabhupada gave the title of Babaji. I think we remember him. What was his name? Udulomo Adama. So that devotee, he thought he was going to die. The doctors gave that prognosis or diagnosis. So he went – he was initiated by Prabhupada ... Babaji, put on Babaji cloth, went to Mayapura. The idea was to chant until death – or was it Vrndavana? Was it Mayapura? I think Mayapura, huh? Yes. And then later he found out that he wasn’t terminally ill. And he of course abandoned his Babaji cloth, his japa mala, his name, title, and even his identity as an ISKCON devotee, and hopefully he’s come back around to associate sometime. But somehow he left. So it shouldn’t be that we do this as a way of running away, as a reactive mode. We don’t do this because we’re disgusted with material body, or disgusted with our sickness or whatever – or we want to show how advanced we are.

 

Anyway I’m just reading it so that there’s some balance as we carry this with us. One other reading in relationship to Srila Prabhupada. This is from Prabhupada, Bhagavatam 28 – I’m sorry, Bhagavatam 4.28.33.

 

“Thus Bhaktisiddhanta Thakura advocated that every devotee under the guidance of an expert spiritual master preached the bhakti cult, Krsna consciousness all over the world. Only when one is mature can he sit in a solitary place and retire from preaching all over the world. Following this example, the devotees of the Internatonal Society for Krsna Consciousness now renders service as preachers in various parts of the world. Now they can allow the spiritual master to retire from active preaching work. In the last days of the spiritual master’s life, the devotees of the spiritual master should take the preaching activities into their own hands. In this way the spiritual master can sit down in a solitary place and render nirjana bhajana.”

 

So whenever the spiritual masters leave – and I’m going to end with one-and-a-half other short quotes – whenever the spiritual masters leave, there is always confusion, there’s always a certain amount of chaos, because one, there must be. If there was potency in the spiritual master’s existence, his mission, and what he carried – just like when Krsna left the planet we see even Arjuna couldn’t refrain from being defeated by just a common warrior. So obviously that there are certain things that go on by the presence of the guru. Just like some cases when Prabhupada left, we thought that we were responsible for some of the things that were happening. And in some case some of us fell down, because so much of our ability to do something was based directly on, not only Prabhupada’s blessings and wishes, but his presence as we were serving him.

 

And so when he left, it put us in a situation of destitution, desperation, but most important a time to take up the mission with sincerity and determination than ever before. It gave us a time to now to feel that we had to take on burden. Just like if you saw your spiritual master with someone going up the staircase with a big bundle of something, a couple of boxes, or a couple of bags, you would naturally be drawn to quickly to come and to take as many of the bags as you could, taking the burden on yourself, happily and enthusiastically. So when the spiritual master leaves, so many devotees will have chance now to take on more responsibility, and will have chance to become deeper in their realizations and even empowered as the call of duty is there, and Krsna has no favorites, and therefore is ready to facilitate whoever is ready.

 

After Prabhupada left, so many devotees who normally may have been taking things for granted or just taking more direct shelter under Prabhupada, when he left, then they had to go deeper and understand our Vaisnava heritage – to go deeper and connect with other also acaryas, and how Prabhupada represented them. Many even began to learn the basic languages of Sanskrit, of Bengali, etc. so they could read the books in their original language and make the message available, so that more and more books would still be available.

 

So in some ways we would not have grown as we did if Prabhupada would have remained. At the same time some devotees, just months after Prabhupada left, they also left the movement. So in my case, I don’t expect much confusion because you’ve had chance for months to prepare. We’ve signed several documents and wrote several things of clarification – even up to the samadhi arrangements. I’ve even picked out my own urns, what’s going to be used. I wanted to do that myself. This is my nature of control. And the different departments, as many things have happened based on departments, here as well as other parts of the world.

 

We just expect you to now to go on with what you’ve been taught a little bit by me or by me. And most important, your duty to mission of Prabhupada’s special offering to his guru and to the world that you take even deeper shelter of your grandfather. You study the life of the acaryas even more, and that you make your siksa connection stronger, or you make those connections formal. That you shouldn’t just think that you can go in your devotional service without more personal kind of guidance. You can get that more from your siksas. So each of you should – disciples and wellwishers – you should be connecting deeper with devotees like you have here, or other senior devotees that inspire you [to] make that deeper connection.

 

Before I read the last 2 and then I’ll stop, I don’t think introduced Guna Grahi. I mentioned but I didn’t, did I? Did I introduce him? So Guna Grahi – the others you all know – Guna Grahi probably mentally tried to block me, but don’t forget. I’m a little different from when you saw me last. I’ve got more mental energy now, but my body is weaker. So you weren’t able to stop me completely, and he’s so humble.

 

So Maharaja has been serving in so many enlivening ways. You see this jembe drum he has. He has helped to bring more of the jembe presence into ISKCON. So if you love jembe and it makes you move and enthuses you, then you give a lot of respects to Maharaja. If you have a problem, say, “Hey this kind of thing is not Vedic,” then you also give respect to him, that he’s not to be put into a box. That he realizes that all music belongs to Krsna and all instruments are ultimately connected with Krsna. So he’s giving back a certain kind of instrument to be used in glorifying Krsna.

 

He’s done this in the Krsna Fest, wonderful group of devotees he would organize, and the Pandava Senas and others and the younger gurukulis, they especially loved it, or would love it if they haven’t experienced it. But a group of devotees who knew how to jam and be Krsna conscious at the same time. And so he – you know Maharaja is a musician and he is offering that service back to Krsna.

 

The other day one devotee from New York, 26 ... I’m sorry, the temple, the brahmacari ashram, I don’t know his name. Forgive me. But he came here just to make pizza for me and some of the members of the community, and I think he was trained up by Kaustubha. And I was thinking pizza, pizza, yeh, but if you really want pizza you just have to be with Maharaja and to be some of his devotees who can make real pizza like you’ve never had before (laughter). When I go to Argentina, an integral part of my siddhanta (laughter), of my sadhana, is to very meticulously and conscientiously, and mindfully to have a half-a-day of just eating pizza (laughter). And we literally do that. They make it so thin and so nice and they keep it hot, and they just bring it in (laughter). And you just eat, you eat and you talk, and you talk and talk, and then you eat and eat (laughter), and then you eat and talk, and talk and eat and eat and eat (laughter), until you get to a point that you’re just exhausted, because your mouth is tired, even though your stomach still wants more (laughter).

 

So somehow this devotee, he almost matched Maharaja’s pizza. So it made me think of him and I had no idea he was coming, so today I’m so happy to see him, and then Yuddhisthira also came in and he made pizza for us. Here I am a dying man and I’m talking about pizza (laughter). I’m supposed to be talking about Vrndavana (laughter). I could at least be talking about, you know, pakoras and (laughter) somosas, and you know, subji and rice and dahl (laughter), but I was so much that kind of preacher that I even had eating styles adapted to that. And so what did I like? Burgers and french fries and pizzas. So even though I will be thinking only about Vrndavana, cooks, as long as I still have an appetite (laughter and applause). You know at one point, I ... when I was doing the radiation and the cancer was growing, growing really fast, I had no appetite. But somehow in the last week-and-a-half, I’ve been able to have an appetite. I’ve been able to eat.

 

And so even though, you know, we’ll make the manah-vrata, or we won’t – almost – we won’t talk about hardly anything acc – only Vrndavana we’ll talk about. But, uh, you can still bring the burgers and the pizzas (laughter). And if I die because it’s not good for my digestion, then it’s prasadam and I will die enjoying myself to death (laughter). They’ll come back in to get my tray and my face will be over (laughter)... I’ll have ice cream on this side (laughter)... A little chutney on this side. And they’ll say well, Maharaja died on the battlefield (laughter and applause – “Haribol”). He lived up to his word.

 

So Maharaja, we thank you so much for being here and maybe tomorrow – not maybe – but tomorrow morning, he can give the Bhagavatam class. And we want to ... (applause) Jaya. And the rest of the sannyasis and godbrothers and devotees in general who are here, please take advantage of your associating with each other. One of the beautiful things about festivals or any time that a large group of devotees come together, that it’s a chance that we can have quality sanga. And again, those who have to leave or will be more prone to leave now, then that’s okay. It’s no problem. Have no regrets or whatever. Sometimes we have to be there when our beloveds leave. But as long as we’re there in consciousness that’s what’s most important.

 

So let me read these last 2 quotes:

 

“While Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu does reside at Jagannatha Puri, He was continuously overwhelmed, night and day, by separation from Krsna. Day and night He tasted transcendental, blissful songs and verses with 2 associates, namely Svarupa Damodara and Ramanda Raya. He relished the symptoms of various transcendental emotions such as...” and just listen to these symptoms that Mahaprabhu relished in that state of confinement. “... jubilation, lamentation, anger, humility, anxiety, grief, eagerness, and satisfaction.” Of course this is not mundane anger like we may experience, but we see that all these emotions ultimately come from Krsna anyway. “He would recite his own verses, expressing their meanings and emotions, and thus enjoyed tasting them with these 2 friends. Sometimes the Lord would be absorbed in a particular emotion and would stay awake all night reciting verses and relishing their taste.”

 

So we see what Mahaprabhu, Who is non-different than Krsna Himself, Who is Radharani, Who is Krsna in the bhava of Radharani, being the perfect example of a devotee in how He lived, how He gave, and how He left.

 

Okay last one, “In 1977, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, at the age of 82 suffered illness repeatedly. So don’t think that a devotee doesn’t get a sick or doesn’t suffer. “... suffered illness repeatedly...” But their suffering is not quite the same, because of how they direct it toward Krsna, how they accept it. “...and became in a physically weakened state. He decided to discontinue his traveling around the world and take shelter of Vrndavana Dhama, the sacred place of Lord Krsna’s pastimes. He listened and chanted Hare Krsna day and night. However, Srila Prabhupada remained in the association of ...” who? “... his loving disciples, who assisted him during his final pastimes, by chanting very softly and sweetly the Hare Krsna mantra, 24 hours a day. Srila Prabhupada said that this was his nirjana bhajana. At that his sannyasi disciples, including the translator of this work, had to take over the responsibility of traveling and preaching all over the world. As he would be able to travel anymore, this great spiritual master had taken shelter of Lord Krsna in Vrndavana during the last days of his life.”

 

So I’m beginning to feel too much pain now, but I want all of you to take advantage of the devotees who are here. But at the same time, I’m going to open up, just for myself for 3 or 4 minutes to maybe take just 2 questions. And then after that, any questions you may have had for me or in general, these devotees have more than enough devotion and love and compassion toward you, and realization, and blessings from Prabhupada to be able to handle your questions. So there’s 1 or 2 short questions just for me, I’ll answer those and then we can take a 1 minute break while they take me out. You can chant Nsrimhadeva prayers and you stay at least for half-an-hour, 40 minutes, longer if you like, and have chance to hear from them. Some of you only come Sunday, so you won’t be able to be around for their classes later. And if you are wise, you will try to hear longer. There’s enough prasadam for everybody, and if there’s not, just beat up the cooks (laughter) so they’ll never do it again (laughter). You just give them a good beating huh (laughter). Tell them your guru is dying; we should be in a festive mood; this is victory time; he just revealed that he’s being invited back and we all should be rejoicing; and you didn’t come this far and have to drive so far to have a few chickpeas (laughter).

 

So cooks, if you haven’t made enough, you better have some mystic power to make the food multiply (laughter) or you’re going to have 300 people jumping on your head (laughter). Okay. Please. Is there a microphone we can ... pass the mic. I purposely allowed him to speak. As you know, several times I’ve said I have a very special affection or appreciation for our gurukulis, 2nd and 3rd generation, because it’s a sign that our movement has a good future. When the children of the parents ... when the parents bring these kids into the world and then they say yes. Just like when I broke a little bit of my etiquette and brought the gurukulis in, one of the things that was overwhelming to me is that Vrndavanesvari’s little baby, little girl, whose only – what’s her age? Who’s only 3 years old and she was leading the bhajanas, during their [time] period. She was leading some of the bhajanas. And I was just amazed. There was a whole family, you know, just all a family, a biological family of gurukulis, and then a 3rd generation, little girl, 3 years old and she’s leading the bhajanas. Whew. That was overwhelming. Nanda [sunu].

 

Nanda Sunu: Guru Maharaja, my question is that you’re telling us that you’re leaving, but we understand that you’re never going to leave us. So I just want to understand how do we understand this point that you’re leaving, but you’re never actually leaving us?

 

Gurudeva: Could you all hear him? So he’s saying, I’m saying I’m leaving, but we hear that a Vaisnava never dies and we hear that the relationship between disciple and guru is eternal. And so in one sense it’s like I’m saying to all of you, “Uhum. Bye bye. I’m out of here. You’ve got to stay in the prison now and I’m out of this prison. I’m gone. It’s nice knowing you, working together, but ... haribol. Ha ha. No. It’s not like I’m leaving you behind, or that the connection really changes that much. It’s just that physically I’m going to a different space. Just as I was with you in England and then I left and went to, I don’t know, Croatia, Russia, and then came to America. So we were still in touch, but in a different way. When I was with you in England, you were bringing me the prasadam, you were talking, you were helping me with email. And so there was a certain way we related and served. And then when I left and went to other places, you still knew I was your guru, you had services and I had service, and you still knew we were all blessed by mercy of Prabhupada, you know, to serve his mission. You still knew you had so many uncles and aunties and godbrothers and godsisters, and just an amazing realm of support, of solace. So you have to look at it, you know, more in that way ... as that now you won’t be able to bring the prasadam to me, or do the emails, or get the direct chastisement in the physical, but I’ll still chastise you (laughter).

 

So some small shift is there, but still – and we look at this, we think of the Goswamis and we see how they were so sad to a certain extent, when one of their colleagues left. At the same time, they’re eternally connected, and at the same time, especially you know on their particular level, they’re always so conscious. But still we look at Srinivasa and so many cases we could site of how they were... you know, it was overwhelming. And so it’s similar. Or when Prabhupada left, it was overwhelming. But his mission goes on and everyday we can connect with him deeper if we want to. I felt like I’ve connected deeper with Prabhupada after he left in some ways than even when he was here, even though he, you know, he gave me some amazing blessings and spoiled me in different ways while he was here. But I realize I’ve connected deeper with Prabhupada through certain dreams or revelations, and also through certain ways how my godbrothers and godsisters explained some of their realizations and meetings and associations with Prabhupada. It actually gave me more of Prabhupada’s association than even sometimes physically being in the room with Prabhupada, hearing his lecture, etc.

 

Okay, the last question. I’m trying to see if there is any other gurukuli. So there’s no other gurukuli, so we’ll take devotee here. Sahadeva ... one of my oldest disciples from Africa, Ghana. He’s helped me so much there and a very difficult place. And now he’s come to be a prisoner of Radha Damodara for a while. So he loves to give the guru-stomper questions.

 

Sahadeva: Hare Krsna, Maharaja.

 

Gurudeva: And if I can’t answer it, then I’ll tell you, I’ll answer it for you in a dream (laughter).

 

Sahadeva: Since the inception of ISKCON, the few gurus who have departed physically were all put into samadhi without being cremated. But I learnt you’ve given an instruction that when you do leave your body, your body may be cremated. So will you share a little light on this.

 

Gurudeva: Sure. Just in brief. Uh, there was a letter that was put on the BTSwami list (e-group) explaining this. And it mentioned several things. It mentioned how, you know, it’s not unique, it’s that several of the acaryas and goswamis, you know they were cremated also. Even ... I think even Bhaktivinode was cremated. Uh, do we have confirmation of that? Some of our scholars, yes. Even Bhaktivinode himself, you know, he was cremated. Because of the laws here in the west, you couldn’t put me in full samadhi here. And because I wanted to have presence here, and at the same time presence in Mayapura, our international center, and one of our biggest projects and our home, and with other godbrothers. So there will be a puspa samadhi here and the actual ashes will be taken to Mayapura. So devotees already have their plans of the samadhi, and Bhakti Curu Maharaja, I think, was giving some ideas and some help and facilitation about the samadhi. So all of those things have been pretty much worked out. Okay we’ll take the last question. Okay. I said only 2 or 3 so this is the 3rd one.

 

Ekadasi Vrata: Gurudeva, how can we position ourselves so that we can get the full mercy and benefit of what you are taking on for us.

 

Gurudeva: Yes. So how you ... we get the full advantage of, you know, what the spiritual masters try to give us. You take full advantage of it. How do you eat? You just eat, and you digest as best as you can. How do you take anything seriously? You have to have more appreciation of its value, have to also have more and more appreciation or fear of what happens if you don’t get it, if you don’t have it, if you don’t use it. How do we stay out of maya? We have to have more fear of maya, but we also have to have more appreciation of what the goal is, and more appreciation for sadhu, guru, and sastra. So we take, we take more shelter. And how do we do that? That’s all through the 9-fold process. That’s the whole process of Krsna consciousness, of somehow having everything that’s necessary for going back to Godhead, and now we have to take advantage of it.

 

Your question is a nice question for me to exit on and for me to make my last formal public appearance. Next time you see this body, for many of you, I guess it’ll be when you’re putting it in some type of samadhi, or you’re doing whatever you do before you go to cremation, for those who are here, or for those who come up and read or do the bhajanas, like that. So let’s be happy and fully thrilled that we were able to serve together. Let us be fully excited about how we continue this service. Let me beg for your blessings and prayers as I go through this last shift that I can do it in a way that will help you more and will give more pleasure to my spiritual master.

 

As I said this is a very difficult situation of this shift. At the same time, I gave you a little of the excitement that’s there as well. I thank Prabhupada for allowing me to be used in this way, and I beg his forgiveness for the fears and the reluctance and the procrastinations sometimes that basically my mind would have. I still try to do or give in as much as I could. Obviously some imperfections were there. I thank him so much for allowing me to minimize some of your sufferings. Some of you would have encountered a lot more difficulties in your own spiritual journey, and some of that’s going to also be eliminated by you looking deeper now at the process, and by being less distracted by just basic issues that’s going to be there. Some of you now will try to have more quality sadhu sanga with others. Just as we’re being forced to, as Prabhupada’s disciples go. We don’t know who is going to leave next. So now as we associate in festivals and meetings or look at each other, we share so much deeper heart connection, because we are warriors in the battlefield who can become casualties in different ways due to old age, sickness, and sometimes somebody can bloop. We look out and realize the amazing variegated family Prabhupada has given us and we realize this could not just happen by ordinary arrangements. This is due to all kinds of divine showering of blessings that so many souls during Kali Yuga at this time can say yes to Krsna.

 

So you keep on trying to say yes. Even though I will go into my thinking of Vrndavana, still I’ll be thinking of all of you in the mood of us joining up together serving. I won’t be able to think of you in terms of our present services anymore or our present environments of struggle, or are present field of activities.

 

So I hope the way I shared this did not break etiquette. I prayed deeply before speaking this so that I could (his voice breaks) ... so I could try to give you the best of what I could possibly offer, with what limitations that I have. So I could be as honest as possible and let you see my happiness and excitement as well as my timidness about this. So I pray to Prabhupada that I didn’t say something that may cause your mind to be even a little more confused. I’m not deserting you. I’m not abandoning you. I’ve just been called to do other services. And since I made myself available, I volunteered, so now I have to be ready to do those services. I don’t know exactly all the details and specifics of what I may go through now, but I do understand divya mada, that there is madness and there is divine madness. In order to (his voice breaks) really break all the necessary shackles that one has to enter into divine madness, the sweetness of “I’m all Yours Krsna, and You’re all mine,” a sweetness that goes beyond any level of love we’ve ever encountered in this lifetime, a sweetness that goes beyond any kind of protection that we’ve ever wanted. It’s much greater than that. And a sweetness of activities that are far beyond the way we normally try to engage ourselves and seek for pleasure. So I’m eager for that and ready for that. I thank you all for helping this to be accessible for me, because I could never be put in this position if it wasn’t for special mercy from guru and sadhus.

 

So, haribol! (laughter by both audience and a chuckle from Gurudeva). Okay, you can chant Namaste and I’ll see the sannyasi when you finish ... maybe when you come up to the Institute House, just before you take prasadam, I can say my last adieus to all of you and beg that you put your foot on my head. And if you don’t, you’ll be refusing a dying man’s request. So I put you in a difficult position. Somebody can chant Namaste.

 

[Guest guest]

May we all be put on LIFE row?

[krsna]

June 26 2005, Update on BT Swami - June 26th

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This update COVERS UP UNTIL THIS MORNING . OBVIOUSLY THINGS HAVE CHANGED UP UNTIL NOW (7:15 PM) , we will update you this evening. We will be updating more frequently during the active dying process, and especially during the departure ceremony, rapid updates will come out on BTswami.com. We hope this satisfy all of you.

 

Your servant,

 

Purusa-sukta das

 

The Journal of the Final Pastimes of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami. June 25-26 morning

 

This morning Gurudeva was resting. He had taken rest around 6am. He was up for most of the night, his pain persisting. He had been sustaining a fever for sometime, this morning it was 103 f. As the pain persisted yesterday Gurudeva had to be transported back and forth from his bed to chair. The hospice nurse came to administer a subcutaneous (under his tissue) tube for Gurudeva’s pain medication to be fed through. This tube is located on Gurudeva’s chest. This simplifies the process of giving the pain medication, allowing Gurudeva to continue to rest and avoid using his throat.

 

Yesterday Gurudeva did have a significant change in his vital signs. His temperature and rate of breathing rose. When his vitals changed, there were some additional changes made in Gurudeva’s room. Now the picture of Srila Prabhupada that Gurudeva cherishes so much is right in front of him.

 

The Kirtana continues, mostly in Gurudeva’s room. The ambiance there contains such a contrast in moods; Gurudeva’s physical pain with his profound devotion, the concern of the devotees with the sweetness of their love and care. All the while Krsna’s holy names pervade everything, bringing forth the enchanting atmosphere of Vrndavan – “Tirthi kurvanti tirthani”, with the presence of a pure devotee, what might appear as a hospice room becomes a place of pilgrimage.

 

More and more, all we have is our love for Gurudeva and each other, and the holy Names We are seeing how Krsna is offering His protection in these ways. Yesterday during the peak of Gurudeva’s pain Srila Radhantha Swami happened to come in, earlier than normal. Maharaj then chanted for Gurudeva. Latter Gauavani Prabhu came in, and with some other Gurukulis, offered kirtana to Gurudeva. Gurudeva smiled upon seeing Gauravani. Gurudeva’s pain and rapid deterioration is intensifying the atmosphere. Gurudeva hardly talks or responds to his external surroundings. The devotees are more reflective, and come together more and more in service and kirtana. It is the best of times and the worst of times.

 

We all pray that, if Srila Prabhupada and Krsna desire, Gurudeva return home, departing from this final trial, at the nearest moment of grace.

 

With Gurudeva’s munificent presence central in Gita Nagari, all varieties of devotional service are expanding throughout the community. The devotees do kirtana in Gurudeva’s room and outside of his room. The caregivers are always chanting for Gurudeva. Many devotees perform special services at the temple. More devotees congregate at the temple during arati to perform kirtana. The whole temple was recently repainted, and now the temple alter is being repainted. The grounds continues to be landscaped, a maha-cleaning is going on throughout the temple facilities. The vegetable garden is flourishing. This morning Mother Kaulini sat outside on the lawn of the institute house reciting Gopa Kumara’s return to Goloka Vrndavan.

 

We pray that the increase in service and devotional life currently inspired by Gurudeva’s departure, continue to expand throughout the world.

 

May we all die before we die May the lessons of the departure of Bhakti-tirtha Swami be deeply imbibed by us all.

 

On behalf of the caregivers of His Holiness Bhakti-tirtha Swami,

 

Your servant,

 

Purusa-sukta das

 

[krsna]

http://btswami.com/?id=42

[krsna]

[krsna]

The Departure of HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami

Tuesday 28th June - 19:32

 

 

 

A memorial service for HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami will be held at Gita Nagari on Saturday 2nd July starting at 11am. The service will include the ground breaking ceremony for the puspa samadhi.