Only in California - New Driver's Exam

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For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and for those of you who do, study real hard.

 

This is a new Exam. Since driving conditions (and culture) are unique in California, you may not have realized that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special Application and driver's test solely for the California area.

 

2005 CALIFORNIA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION

 

Name: ___________________ Stage Name:__________________

 

Agent: ___________________ Attorney:____________________

 

Therapist's Name: _________________

 

Sex: Male Female* Formerly Male Formerly Female Both

 

*If female, indicate breast implant size: _______

 

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes No

 

Please list brand of cell phone: ________.

 

If you don't own a cell phone, please explain why you don't:

 

______ _______

 

(Use extra pages, if necessary)

 

Please check hair color: Females: Blonde Platinum Blonde

 

Teenagers: Red Orange Green Purple Blue Skinhead Other ___________

 

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply)

 

Eating

 

Drinking Starbucks coffee

 

Applying make-up

 

Shaving (male or female)

 

[X] Talking on the phone (already checked for your convenience)

 

Lifting weights

 

Slapping kids in the back-seat

 

Applying cellulite treatment to thighs

 

Tanning

 

Snorting cocaine

 

Watching TV

 

Reading Variety

 

Surfing the net via laptop

 

Discharging firearms / reloading

 

Please indicate how many times, while driving, you expect to:

 

a) Shoot at other drivers ___

 

b) Be shot at ___

 

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

 

a) Call the police to report the crime.

 

b) Call Channel 9 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase.

 

c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone company for your 911 call not going through.

 

d) Call your therapist.

 

In the event of an earthquake, you should:

 

a) Stop your car.

 

b) Keep driving and hope for the best.

 

c) Immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.

 

d) Pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 9.

 

In the instance of rain, you should:

 

a) Never drive over 5 MPH.

 

b) Drive twice as fast as usual.

 

c) You're not sure what "rain" is.

 

Please indicate your current number of therapy sessions per week:

 

________

 

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

 

a) Prozac

 

b) Zovirax

 

c) Lithium

 

d) Zanax

 

e) Valium

 

f) Medical pot

 

g) Zoloft

 

h) All of the above

 

i) None of the above*

 

* If none, please explain: __________________.

 

Length of daily commute:

 

a) Less than 1 hour*

 

b) 1 hour

 

c) 2 hours

 

d) 3 hours

 

e) 4 hours or more

 

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:____________________.

 

When stopped by police, you should:

 

a) Pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.

 

b) Try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the freeway.

 

c) Have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit profit.

 

When you see a woman driver with her arm extended out the window, it means:

 

a) Her turn-signals are broken.

 

b) She is giving an indication she intends to change lanes.

 

c) She is drying her nails.

 

Which part of your car will wear out first?

 

a) The wiper blades

 

b) The seat belts

 

c) The horn

 

Automatic door locks are good for:

 

a) Security

 

b) Convenience

 

c) Messing with the heads of people trying to get in.

 

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

 

a) Dark, poorly lit roads

 

b) Flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

 

c) Revenge