Grief and Loss seminar

[Guest guest]

Saturday 16th July - 12:37

A Community Responds Part 2, Grief and Loss seminar.

On Sunday, July 3, Vrajalila Prabhu gave the morning class, beginning with the bhajan 'je anlio prema dana,' prayers to the departed Vaisnavas. Her class was a prelude to a seminar on the grieving process entitled 'Grief and Loss.' She discussed responding to Gurudeva's passing and disclosed aspects of her own response thus far. Having such abundant direct association and service to Gurudeva, during his passing and over the past 26 years, we can imagine how her comments helped set a tone of introspection and openness. Many devotees attended. The mood was solemn, reflective and united.

 

This seminar was arranged by Vrajalila, Jagannatha Pandit, Cintamani, Acyuta and Purana. Cintamani Prabhu began by discussing the critical nature of the subject. She pointed out that often, as devotees pursue transcending their material body and mind, they overlook the need to spiritualize them, and something like grief can be neglected or even repressed, lest one give into their lower nature. Unfortunately such neglect only complicates one?s grief, as it remains lodged in their psyche, distracting them from their development of higher consciousness. So to understand, acknowledge and process grief is something devotees in particular should be sensitive to. She explained that the seminar was based on Gurudeva?s discussion of grief in Spiritual Warrior 4. Here is an outline of some of the points discussed:

 

***The eight stages of grief:

 

Shock

Denial

Anger

Guilt

Fear

Pain and sorrow

Acceptance

Returning to pursuits of love

***Ways of dealing with grief (notes from SW4):

 

1) Writing or journaling (possibly a letter to the departed loved one)

2) Relievers of stress (exercise, diet, massage, visualization, etc?)

3) Sharing within community

4) 'Fear, anger and grief do not exist'(the 'grief entity' will stay our depart from our consciousness depending on our own perception and will).

5) All suffering has a deeper hidden meaning that we can uncover (an opportunity to learn and grow)

6) Ultimately, when we gain real knowledge, we will not experience ongoing lamentation

 

(Please refer to Spiritual Warrior 4, pg 130, for the full explanation.)

 

After this the devotees assembled in four groups, spread out on the temple floor. Each sat in a semi-circle that faced a picture of Gurudeva that rested on a chair and was adorned by a flower garland. They were asked to individually express to him how his departure made them feel, while the other members of the group listened. Everyone was encouraged to share from their heart. The exercise lasted about 45 minutes and set a rich and intimate spiritual mood. So many devotees opened up and disposed themselves in support of one another. The facilitators remarked that this process is helpful not only for individual devotees to express their own feelings, but also in hearing the participants find their own feelings validated, even those unexpressed, and often come to express things they normally would repress. It was a special sanga of mutual support and honest submission to Guru, Krsna and the Vaisnavas. Hopefully devotees around the world will have an opportunity for such sanga.

 

The first devotee to share was Vrajalila Prabhu, who spoke in front of the whole assembly. She expressed that right after Gurudeva left she felt a kind of detachment, and shortly afterwards went into a mode of responsibility, ensuring that the many post-departure services were taken care of properly. A couple days later, when Gurudeva's ashes came back, as she was with his urn, making arrangements in his room, she felt distressed and great feelings of pain and sorrow came up. Then she grieved intensely there in his room for sometime. Afterwards she resumed her service, moving forward with a heavy heart, but channeled it through service.

 

Here is a sketch of what some of the other devotees expressed:

 

*Sweet and sorrow - happy that Gurudeva is not in pain, deep sorrow no longer physically present.

*Anticipation, 'he will be back'-contrasted with lamentation, 'he is not here now.'

*Remembrance-praying to have him appear in dreams, trying to understand he is alive in his devotees, and to let our lives become a monument.

*A state of shock-'this is the real test now.'

*Gratitude for all the mercy he has given.

*Sadness, simply missing him.

*A deep resolve to move forward and deepen the connection with him (stronger sadhana and service).

*Unbearable pain.

*Denial, hasn't left.

*Regret-hadn't served him better or more, was not as proper as one should have been.

 

Another similar session ran concurrently for the kids and youth. It was held outdoors, facilitated by Mother Purana and Mother Acyuta. With expertise and ingenuity they carefully provided a mini grief and loss workshop, setting a comfortable mood, enabling the kids/youth to express, reflect on, and 'normalize' their feelings. In one exercise Mother Acyuta compared the process of grief to the scene of an ocean, referring to an illustration she had drawn. In another exercise the kids colored, while points on grieving were explained to them (later the youth asked if they could also color). The kids/youth also considered ways of handling Gurudeva's absence, or keeping his presence alive. From the responses it was clear how distinct his unique character was impressed upon them (preparing Gurudeva's favorite prasadam, having kirtana - 'Gurudeva style'.). The workshop began by having kirtana in full assembly, after which the two groups separated, Acyuta and Purana alternating between the two. Later the mothers remarked how much they learned from teaching together.

 

In closure, Jagannatha Pandit Prabhu segued into a discussion on 'going into the future.' He began with the example Srila Radhanatha Swami shared about the nature of a devotee's pain, the example of Arjuna's response to the killing of his young son Abhimanyu. He explained that Arjuna mourned his son's unjust killing in the Kuruksetra battle, feeling great pain, but was not deterred from his service. His dedication to Krsna's service endured despite his pain. So as we are all on our own battlefield, stricken by the departure of our beloved father, we too will prove our love by persisting in our service despite our pain.

 

As a preface, Vrajalila Prabhu introduced a promo movie of Gurudeva, often used to attract people in secular arenas. A similar video was shown by her and Ekavira Prabhu to many of the people who became involved with Gurudeva's treatment and dying process. She remarked how these showings had always sparked a vibrant sense of Gurudeva's legacy, as something still active and expanding. As it played, devotees were reminded that Gurudeva's mission has entered a new chapter and in many ways is just beginning, to be carried on by us. As Jagannatha Pandit described, we are still on the battlefield, with our duty to fight, and now the only question is how are we moving forward with the fight. What projects, services, sadhana, vows, etc. are we intending to offer through the parampara now, and in the future? He admonished that regulation with sadhana, service and association will carry us through, and pointed out that when Srila Prabhupada left, Gurudeva felt his relationship with Srila Prabhupada became much deeper.

 

For 45 minutes the devotees shared their foreseen steps 'going into the future.'

As we will see, the comments were abundant and rich with enthusiasm, courage, dedication and empowerment. Here is a summary of some of them:

 

Ananta Rupa Prabhu: She currently has a serious case of cancer. She spoke of how Gurudeva's passing has had a great impact on her. She currently views simple things like her sadhana (chanting her daily japa, associating with the devotees, reading devotional literature) as very important offerings to Gurudvea. She spoke of her involvement in preaching. This was very inspiring, for she shared simple but sincere and thoughtful projects, namely certain people that she comes in contact frequently, and a growing sense and strategy of how to bring them closer to Krsna. She sees now that she is preparing for her own passing.

 

Paramesvara Prabhu: For a while she has planned to fulfill one of Gurudeva?s long standing desires for a book about how devotees joined. As a skilled writer, she plans to work hard on realizing this.

 

Tariq Prabhu: He spoke of how he plans to use Gurudevas Leadership book in his secular, extra-devotee association. He spoke a lot about how the Muslim community he is active in, in Cleveland, was notably moved by Gurudeva?s passing, and how so many notable bridges have been made between the two communities. He sees this continuing, and plans to help in this accelerate the progress.

 

Tamal Krsna Prabhu. Spoke about how fulfilling it was to share Gurudeva?s mission with others, how this had really enriched his connection with Gurudeva and his faith, and how he sees that he must continue with this in the future, as much as possible (and hopefully beyond what is impossible).

 

Vasudeva Prabhu: Shared how he is processing a final instruction that Gurudeva had given to him-that of actively helping the devotees with their issues. Gurudeva had commented how Vasudeva tends to be too aloof, as he is a transcendental pandit.

(We were all charmed to see how sincere Vasudeva was about this instruction. He was so genuine in expressing how this instruction is somewhat bewildering to him, being so contrary to his comfort zone. He truly put himself out and unreserved for the blessings of all the devotees present, in his firm intention to proceed fully towards realizing this final instruction from Gurudeva.)

 

Malati-manjari Prabhu: She has obviously been deeply inspired by Gurudeva?s mission. She expressed so many intentions to realize dynamic projects, including, a book on the treatment of women, children and elders in various religions, creating and propagating support systems for spouse abuse.

 

Indrani Prabhu: She first remarked on her initial hesitancy to speak aloud her wishes (knowing it means making a commitment and receiving blessings), but then in the wake of the all dynamic disclosures, felt quite inspired express her own situation. She explained that she is in a new preaching field, where she sees a special need for having study groups on Gurudeva's books. She sees this would especially help some older devotees, who have been wounded in ISKCON and need healing. She has a great desire to see Gurudeva's message expand. She is also eager to help with book distribution at the local book table.

 

Jagannatha Pandit Prabhu: He was the Facilitator for this exercise and was not planning to share himself, but felt so inspired by the other pledges that he added is own in closing. He expressed that he has a strong desire to do more preaching, while he desires not to do more. So although wanting to preach, he sometimes avoids the opportunity. So he pledged that he will follow through with (on some level) any request he receives to preach. He said, 'I am not going to refuse. I will do the very best I can to do it.' He acknowledged the great support of his better half, Cintamani Prabhu (who is now implicated in his great vow).

 

In closing, Jagannatha Pandit shared how special the sanga of the seminar was, and how essential it is for keeping Gurudeva's presence alive.

 

May the mutual support among devotees continue to expand!

 

All glories to Sri Guru and Sri Gauranga!

 

Your servant,

Purusa-sukta das