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[Guest guest]

Hare Krishna,

My Husband does not think that I am good devotee just because I do not follow what my husband is following. In a family life a wife has more responsibility when she is a mother and a wife and also she has work sometime in material world .My husband likes to follow the rules and regulation of a devotee but does not have any other special talent and own feeling (love, sadness, guilty feeling). But husband follows the rules and tries to chant holy name and regular morning and evening service to archa vigraha at home.

Due to this rigidness husband does not consider me to be a devotee. I do not chant or do morning and evening service (worship) to archa vigraha at home or do it regularly a short one. Just because I think that husband is doing the regular service and I help him by taking care of children in that time. So by this way I help in service of archa vigrha. He use to blame me that he is not able to advance in devotion because of me.

I have some talent like I am a good singer so some times I find time for singing bhajans on harmonium at home and temple. I also find time in a month or two for abhisek of archa vigrah and decoration. I am also a good painter so I contribute in decoration of temple and at home some time. I even dances on all major occasions in temple. I find happiness in doing all this and find it very natural. I have done this kind of devotional service from childhood. I have a bolywood dance group too and my aim also is to perform with group in temple. I teach dances to little kids too.

 

After all this too my husband had no faith in my devotion.

My husband is doing all this for last three years only. So one-day husband hit me because I did not offer the food to lord properly even after my husband told me twice. I just offered it in mind because of the pushing nature of my husband I did not do it intentionally. This event has put the family in separation and all this happened in front of little kids. I have few other things also in mind that I think was the reason to be hit. Two days before the incident day was our 8th marriage anniversary day. In these 8 years the husband could not tell or express his feelings (love, happiness) about me. That day I asked if he loves me. He replied that no body loves each other just uses each other for bodily satisfaction. So this was first time I got reply of my question what I use to ask many times before. After this answer everything was lost in my family life. Because I use to love the husband and kids very much. After that day I got confused why I was in this family where husband has no love apart from bodily attraction. Those two days husband tried to have sex but I refused. I think the hit on that day also because of this refuse. The husband hit and pushed the kids and me out of home and asked them not to show our faces again. I came out with kids and husband did not care to ask about the family for 10 days. The husband gave the divorce letter on fifteenth day. Now I have lost all devotion and regular worship and I am starting a new life with my kids. I lost all faith because of his pushing and blaming. After all this still my husband likes sex relation only, which is not possible for me, as I have no love left for him. Just for kids future and own happiness that’s what is my objective now.

 

[Pankaja_Dasa]

 

 

It says in the Chaitanya Bhagavata that even if you offend an ant thinking it to be inferior because you are a devotee, that won't please Lord Vishnu. You have to respect all living entities- Siksastakam verse 3.

 

We shouldn't never think bad of devotees, you and you husband are devotees. Just we are on different levels. If you had known to say this to your husband maybe he would have changed. From what you said your more of a devotee than most, well Married life is never easy [i vow never to be married]! Plus over-familiarity breeds contempt. So we should look upon pure devotees for guidance and 'The Standard'. I seem to do the same with my parents. Take shelter of Srila Prabhupada Books. You'll be ok. Gaurabol.

[theist]

I cannot offer advice have been a lifelong bachlor and quite irresponsible. But I can offer a couple observations. The few devotee couples I know that seem content are friends as much or more than lovers. They seem to possess a natural affection for each other as man and wife but they don't play Romeo and Juliet or Radha and Krsna.

 

I believe it to be a tremendous mistake to spend energy trying to suppress all human feelings just because we are not on a transcendental level yet. That strikes me as more impersonalism than anything.

 

Men must maintain control and keep things within proper limits but that doesn't mean treating your wife like a maid.

 

 

Now I have lost all devotion and regular worship and I am starting a new life with my kids. I lost all faith because of his pushing and blaming.

 

 

 

This worries me. Please don't link your faith in Lord Krsna with how you feel about your husband. So many life's we all have passed. Countless mothers, fathers, husbands, wives and children have we had as temporary relatives. Where are they now?

 

A family is there for everyone to help each other turn their hearts and minds to Krsna. You husband pushing out his family is no example to follow. You now can increase your faith to the Lord in the way best suited to you and please remember the kids need to learn that faith also.

 

A mothers service of taking care of the children by teaching them Krsna consciousness is superior service. I don't know their ages but reading Krsna stories to them is your service. Letting them see you offer breakfast to a picture of Krsna and Prabhupada is powerful service. Not that you must maintain something big and formal. Chant on your beads and teach them to do that.

 

Your Krsna consciousness is too valuable to let go off because of this problem. You have your own relationship with Krsna apart from your husbands feelings on the matter.

 

Hare Krsna

[theist]

SB 10.23.1: The cowherd boys said: O Rama, Rama, mighty-armed one! O Krishna, chastiser of the wicked ! We are being harassed by hunger, and You should do something about it.

 

SB 10.23.2: Sukadeva Gosvami said: Thus entreated by the cowherd boys, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the son of Devaki, replied as follows, desiring to please certain of His devotees who were brahmanas' wives.

 

SB 10.23.3: [Lord Krishna said:] Please go to the sacrificial arena where a group of brahmanas, learned in the Vedic injunctions, are now performing the Angirasa sacrifice to gain promotion to heaven.

 

SB 10.23.4: When you go there, My dear cowherd boys, simply request some food. Declare to them the name of My elder brother, the Supreme Lord Balarama, and also My name, and explain that you have been sent by Us.

 

SB 10.23.5: Thus instructed by the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the cowherd boys went there and submitted their request. They stood before the brahmanas with palms joined in supplication and then fell flat on the ground to offer respect.

 

SB 10.23.6: [The cowherd boys said:] O earthly gods, please hear us. We cowherd boys are executing the orders of Krishna, and we have been sent here by Balarama. We wish all good for you. Please acknowledge our arrival.

 

SB 10.23.7: Lord Rama and Lord Acyuta are tending Their cows not far from here. They are hungry and want you to give Them some of your food. Therefore, O brahmanas, O best of the knowers of religion, if you have faith please give some food to Them.

 

SB 10.23.8: Except during the interval between the initiation of the performer of a sacrifice and the actual sacrifice of the animal, O most pure brahmanas, it is not contaminating for even the initiated to partake of food, at least in sacrifices other than the Sautramani.

 

SB 10.23.9: The brahmanas heard this supplication from the Supreme Personality of Godhead, yet they refused to pay heed. Indeed, they were full of petty desires and entangled in elaborate rituals. Though presuming themselves advanced in Vedic learning, they were actually inexperienced fools.

 

SB 10.23.10-11: Although the ingredients of sacrificial performance -- the place, time, particular paraphernalia, mantras, rituals, priests, fires, demigods, performer, offering and the as yet unseen beneficial results -- are all simply aspects of His opulences, the brahmanas saw Lord Krishna as an ordinary human because of their perverted intelligence. They failed to recognize that He is the Supreme Absolute Truth, the directly manifest Personality of Godhead, whom the material senses cannot ordinarily perceive. Thus bewildered by their false identification with the mortal body, they did not show Him proper respect.

 

SB 10.23.12: When the brahmanas failed to reply even with a simple yes or no, O chastiser of the enemy [Parikshit], the cowherd boys returned disappointed to Krishna and Rama and reported this to Them.

 

SB 10.23.13: Hearing what had happened, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Lord of the universe, simply laughed. Then He again addressed the cowherd boys, showing them the way men act in this world.

 

SB 10.23.14: [Lord Krishna said:] Tell the wives of the brahmanas that I have come here with Lord Sankarshana. They will certainly give you all the food you want, for they are most affectionate toward Me and, indeed, with their intelligence reside in Me alone.

 

SB 10.23.15: The cowherd boys then went to the house where the brahmanas' wives were staying. There the boys saw those chaste ladies sitting, nicely decorated with fine ornaments. Bowing down to the brahmana ladies, the boys addressed them in all humility.

 

SB 10.23.16: [The cowherd boys said:] Obeisances unto you, O wives of the learned brahmanas. Kindly hear our words. We have been sent here by Lord Krishna, who is passing by not far from here.

 

SB 10.23.17: He has come a long way with the cowherd boys and Lord Balarama, tending the cows. Now He is hungry, so some food should be given for Him and His companions.

 

SB 10.23.18: The wives of the brahmanas were always eager to see Krishna, for their minds had been enchanted by descriptions of Him. Thus as soon as they heard that He had come, they became very excited.

 

SB 10.23.19: Taking along in large vessels the four kinds of foods, full of fine tastes and aromas, all the ladies went forth to meet their beloved, just as rivers flow toward the sea.

 

SB 10.23.20-21: Although their husbands, brothers, sons and other relatives tried to forbid them from going, their hope of seeing Krishna, cultivated by extensive hearing of His transcendental qualities, won out. Along the river Yamuna, within a garden decorated with buds of asoka trees, they caught sight of Him strolling along in the company of the cowherd boys and His elder brother, Balarama.

 

SB 10.23.22: His complexion was dark blue and His garment golden. Wearing a peacock feather, colored minerals, sprigs of flower buds, and a garland of forest flowers and leaves, He was dressed just like a dramatic dancer. He rested one hand upon the shoulder of a friend and with the other twirled a lotus. Lilies graced His ears, His hair hung down over His cheeks, and His lotuslike face was smiling.

 

SB 10.23.23: O ruler of men, for a long time those brahmana ladies had heard about Krishna, their beloved, and His glories had become the constant ornaments of their ears. Indeed, their minds were always absorbed in Him. Through the apertures of their eyes they now forced Him to enter within their hearts, and then they embraced Him within for a long time. In this way they finally gave up the pain of separation from Him, just as sages give up the anxiety of false ego by embracing their innermost consciousness.

 

SB 10.23.24: Lord Krishna, who witnesses the thoughts of all creatures, understood how those ladies had abandoned all worldly hopes and come there simply to see Him. Thus He addressed them as follows with a smile upon His face.

 

SB 10.23.25: [Lord Krishna said:] Welcome, O most fortunate ladies. Please sit down and make yourselves comfortable. What can I do for you? That you have come here to see Me is most appropriate.

 

SB 10.23.26: Certainly expert personalities, who can see their own true interest, render unmotivated and uninterrupted devotional service directly unto Me, for I am most dear to the soul.

 

SB 10.23.27: It is only by contact with the self that one's vital breath, intelligence, mind, friends, body, wife, children, wealth and so on are dear. Therefore what object can possibly be more dear than one's own self?

 

SB 10.23.28: You should thus return to the sacrificial arena, because your husbands, the learned brahmanas, are householders and need your assistance to finish their respective sacrifices.

 

SB 10.23.29: The wives of the brahmanas replied: O almighty one, please do not speak such cruel words. Rather, You should fulfill Your promise that You always reciprocate with Your devotees in kind. Now that we have attained Your lotus feet, we simply wish to remain here in the forest so we may carry upon our heads the garlands of tulasi leaves You may neglectfully kick away with Your lotus feet. We are ready to give up all material relationships.

 

SB 10.23.30: Our husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, other relatives and friends will no longer take us back, and how could anyone else be willing to give us shelter? Therefore, since we have thrown ourselves at Your lotus feet and have no other destination, please, O chastiser of enemies, grant our desire.

 

SB 10.23.31: The Supreme Personality of Godhead replied: Rest assured that your husbands will not be inimical toward you, nor will your fathers, brothers, sons, other relatives or the general populace. I will personally advise them of the situation. Indeed, even the demigods will express their approval.

 

SB 10.23.32: For you to remain in My bodily association would certainly not please people in this world, nor would it be the best way for you to increase your love for Me. Rather, you should fix your minds on Me, and very soon you will achieve Me.

 

SB 10.23.33: It is by hearing about Me, seeing My Deity form, meditating upon Me and chanting My names and glories that love for Me develops, not by physical proximity. Therefore please go back to your homes.

 

SB 10.23.34: Srila Sukadeva Gosvami said: Thus instructed, the wives of the brahmanas returned to the place of sacrifice. The brahmanas did not find any fault with their wives, and together with them they finished the sacrifice.

 

SB 10.23.35: One of the ladies had been forcibly kept back by her husband. When she heard the others describe the Supreme Lord Krishna, she embraced Him within her heart and gave up her material body, the basis of bondage to material activity.

 

SB 10.23.36: Govinda, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, fed the cowherd boys with that food of four varieties. Then the all-powerful Lord Himself partook of the preparations.

 

SB 10.23.37: Thus the Supreme Lord, appearing like a human being to perform His pastimes, imitated the ways of human society. He enjoyed pleasing His cows, cowherd boyfriends and cowherd girlfriends with His beauty, words and actions.

 

SB 10.23.38: The brahmanas then came to their senses and began to feel great remorse. They thought, "We have sinned, for we have denied the request of the two Lords of the universe, who deceptively appeared as ordinary human beings."

 

SB 10.23.39: Taking note of their wives' pure, transcendental devotion for Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and seeing their own lack of devotion, the brahmanas felt most sorrowful and began to condemn themselves.

 

SB 10.23.40: [The brahmanas said:] To hell with our threefold birth, our vow of celibacy and our extensive learning! To hell with our aristocratic background and our expertise in the rituals of sacrifice! These are all condemned because we were inimical to the transcendental Personality of Godhead.

 

SB 10.23.41: The illusory potency of the Supreme Lord certainly bewilders even the great mystics, what to speak of us. As brahmanas we are supposed to be the spiritual masters of all classes of men, yet we have been bewildered about our own real interest.

 

SB 10.23.42: Just see the unlimited love these women have developed for Lord Krishna, the spiritual master of the entire universe! This love has broken for them the very bonds of death -- their attachment to family life.

 

SB 10.23.43-44: These women have never undergone the purificatory rites of the twice-born classes, nor have they lived as brahmacaris in the asrama of a spiritual master, nor have they executed austerities, speculated on the nature of the self, followed the formalities of cleanliness or engaged in pious rituals. Nevertheless, they have firm devotion for Lord Krishna, whose glories are chanted by the exalted hymns of the Vedas and who is the supreme master of all masters of mystic power. We, on the other hand, have no such devotion for the Lord, although we have executed all these processes.

 

SB 10.23.45: Indeed, infatuated as we are with our household affairs, we have deviated completely from the real aim of our life. But now just see how the Lord, through the words of these simple cowherd boys, has reminded us of the ultimate destination of all true transcendentalists.

 

SB 10.23.46: Otherwise, why would the supreme controller -- whose every desire is already fulfilled and who is the master of liberation and all other transcendental benedictions -- enact this pretense with us, who are always to be controlled by Him?

 

SB 10.23.47: Hoping for the touch of His lotus feet, the goddess of fortune perpetually worships Him alone, leaving aside all others and renouncing her pride and fickleness. That He begs is certainly astonishing to everyone.

 

SB 10.23.48-49: All the aspects of sacrifice -- the auspicious place and time, the various items of paraphernalia, the Vedic hymns, the prescribed rituals, the priests and sacrificial fires, the demigods, the patron of the sacrifice, the sacrificial offering and the pious results obtained -- all are simply manifestations of His opulences. Yet even though we had heard that the Supreme Personality of Godhead, Vishnu, the Lord of all mystic controllers, had taken birth in the Yadu dynasty, we were so foolish that we could not recognize Sri Krishna to be none other than Him.

 

SB 10.23.50: Let us offer our obeisances unto Lord Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. His intelligence is never bewildered, whereas we, confused by His power of illusion, are simply wandering about on the paths of fruitive work.

 

SB 10.23.51: We were bewildered by Lord Krishna's illusory potency and thus could not understand His influence as the original Personality of Godhead. Now we hope He will kindly forgive our offense.

 

SB 10.23.52: Thus reflecting on the sin they had committed by neglecting Lord Krishna, they became very eager to see Him. But being afraid of King Kamsa, they did not dare go to Vraja.

 

 

[Bhakta Don Muntean]

Your husband sounds like a real asura - and not any kind of devotee!

 

He should be ashamed of himself!

 

I hope your situation gets better - if that is to happen - then you must not go back to him!

 

If both of you are to continue sincere KC - it cannot be together - and - what effect is this creep having on your kids - did he hit them too when they screw-up?

 

Who slaps him when he screws-up?

 

No dear soul for everyone concerned - including your husband - you have to find a way out.

 

If there is any inclination to go to ISKCON family services – you may find help in doing this safely.

 

Your husband needs help – and if he is reading Prabhupada ‘s books and doing this for eight years now – then what can be said by anyone else?

 

Of course trying to help him is one thing – but you have your kids to think about – abuse patterns cannot continue into their futures. You know and he knows - this is not how devotees are supposed to live!

 

You did the right thing - and you'll see you'll find a husband in Krishna!

 

Here is a nice point from the Talmud:

 

He who holds his household in terror tempts to the commission of three sins:--Fornication, murder, and Sabbath breaking. [Gittin, fol. 6, col. 2]

 

Men should be careful lest they cause women to weep, for God counts their tears. [Rabbinical Saying]