What is loneliness?

[Gauracandra]

This week’s Srila Siddhaswarupananda television program concerns ‘loneliness’. I just bought a digital camera so I have taken a picture of the screen. The picture isn’t the best but I thought I’d include it with the summary.

 

 

Audience Member: I’ve experienced many times being at a party surrounded by many friends and still feeling lonely. Why is this?

 

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: Many people have experienced this. I remember as a kid during Christmas we’d have family gatherings. Now these weren’t strangers like at a football game. Everything would be going well, no one was arguing, you’d be surrounded by loved ones, parents, kids and yet you’d feel empty.

 

So when we are talking about loneliness we are describing an emptiness and also a fear. What is the cause of this loneliness? Why do we experience this? According to the saints and scriptures the reason we experience this loneliness is because we are away from God. We must look at this issue from the perspective of our true identity. In the Srimad Bhagavatam the Lord says “Long ago you knew me as your dear friend. But now you have forgotten and are trying to live separately.”

 

Our natural condition is to be with the Supreme Perfect Person. You are spirit in essence, part and parcel of God. God is a person. He is our ever fresh, ever beautiful friend. The problem is you have forgotten this relationship. This is the root cause of loneliness. We have all experienced this. No matter what country, age, economic situation we have all experienced this.

 

Right now we’ll take a short intermission to give you some information on how to contact us.

 

[intermission. Phone number to contact is 1-800-755-1981]

 

We are continuing our discussion on loneliness. Because our original relationship has been lost we feel alone.

 

Audience Member: If what you say is true then why do atheists also feel lonely.

 

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: Because it is their eternal nature as well. You may not believe in God but that doesn’t matter. Too be happy we must reestablish this relationship. We try to fill that loneliness with all sorts of relationships trying to find the perfect relationship but inevitably it gets shattered like a dream.

 

Audience Member: My sister some years ago gave up on a family to pursue her career. Now she is in her late 30s and is terrified of never having a husband and children. What can I say to her to console her?

 

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: You can tell her the truth. That even if she found a husband she’d still be lonely. I’m not saying having a husband is bad. But we can cover up our loneliness.

 

It is actually good to experience loneliness. We can turn a negative into a positive. People will advise to go out and party to have friends or take some valium to cure your loneliness. People try to cover up the symptoms. The fact is we are alone. The solution is to use our loneliness and turn it into a spiritual longing for God. This will help us focus our full attention on God. In this way our loneliness can be our lifeline to God.

 

The problem is if we don’t experience loneliness then we are very far gone. We start to think that this world really is our home. So we hide our loneliness until death. But at death you will experience the greatest sense of loneliness.

 

At the time of death you will be forcibly separated from the world. Then you will feel truly alone. However, if we focus not on the forms of the world but on our love for God then at the time of death we are prepared to go to our friend.

 

Audience Member: I have heard that God is an impersonal force and that to get rid of loneliness we should merge into this force.

 

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: God has both a personal and an impersonal feature. The Buddhist idea if you can overcome loneliness by merging into this Brahma Jyothi. This is spiritual annihilation. We get rid of loneliness because we cease existing. If we merge into this ocean of light we can stay there temporarily. Then we are pulled into this material dimension again in order to experience relationships.

 

Audience Member: I understand what you are saying. But while aiming towards God I feel I need friends and a partner as well.

 

Srila Siddhaswarupananda: We must be pragmatic. We are not only related to God but we are also related to one another. We can’t cure our loneliness simply by relating to one another but we are social beings. Its not just me and God. There are vertical and horizontal relationships. We should not let our relationships interfere with our love for God. But if we develop horizontal relationships with individuals who are also trying to develop their love for God then their association can help us. We try to provide this way of associating with one another.