Discussion: The Nature of Love

[Guest guest]

Swamiji has asked me to start a discussion on the nature of love.

 

Seeing as how English is horrible at discussing anything of an

emotional nature (I think because its created by people of an

intelectual nature), I'm going to have to introduce to you the

language I have developed for myself to relate my feelings into

English. The best way I know to do that is to talk about my two

favorite subjects: love and co-dependence.

 

Why this discussion?

 

I think the nature of love is the biggest misunderstanding of

humanity. By misunderstanding I don't mean at a mental level, I mean

at the level of our being or at least at the level of the being that

projects itself into reality. It is important that I separate mind

and emotion and set them as equals because many people today are of

the opinion that one or the other is better or more correct. That

simply isn't true in my experience. Mind and emotions are different

aspects of who we are, just as is our physical body, but they are

merely vehicles which transports our consciousness and allows it to

interact with reality. ("reality" is the biggest misnomer in the

language, maya is much more accurate).

 

I don't know sanskrit but I suspect this is all very well explained

in Sanscrit. It's good that I only know English though because that

way I have to figure out a way to explain myself, thus I have to

connect more strongly with my feelings and thoughts to express them

in words.

 

Love is the most misunderstood principal of humanity because of one

simple half truth that we all were taught. They say that love is the

ultimate of human experience, and that's true, but then they tell us

how to go out and get love, how to make love, how to earn love, and

how to offer love. The how part is the lie. The full truth is: love

is attainable within ourselves and there is absolutely no need to

interact with anyone in reality to feel / receive / express love.

 

Love only has one form. If someone tells you that they know

the "highest" form of love, you can safely ignore them, because they

are trying to sell you something, and chances are you won't like the

cost.

 

Love's form is uncompromising, it is eternal and absolute. It is

free, infinitely available and can be obtained directly from the

source (we call her Maa). When we receive love from Goddess or from

any individualized aspect of her (aka each other), then we feel it

as if it were directly from her, the only difference is that when

given by another we see a reflection of the goddess in them, not the

goddess herself (this is subjective love, still pure, and

differentiated only by the aspect presenting it).

 

Love is given without attachment, without any demand for anything in

return. Love is given without expectation. Anything given to you by

someone with expectation, attachment, need, desire, thought, or

feeling, can be called something else, but it cannot be called Love.

I choose to call it co-dependence because it suits my understanding.

 

There is one striking theme among humanity, it is explained very

well in a book called, "The Celestine Prophesy," by James Redfield.

However his solution is somewhat fanciful and impractical in my

opinion because it doesn't deal with the intense emotions that have

been born out of the theme.

 

We are taught from day one that love is the ultimate goal (truth),

and then they add, "if you aren't loved you aren't worth anything."

(lie). This is not verbally stated, but is actually showed to us by

the example of our parents, close family, and society at large.

>From this "affliction" <- my term, we have one of two reactions

which, as infants we have zero control over. Our natures and our

parents natures determine our reaction and until we are old enough

to gain some consciousness we cannot stop ourselves from carrying

this affliction and acting unconsciously on it.

 

The interplay of the unconscious (personality #2 according to Jung,

I prefer to think of it as the light of god[dess], or my soul), is

to force us to act on these false beliefs, to cause us to prove,

within reality, to ourselves that love is not something that can be

found in reality (life's irony). And we are driven by that innner

truth to witness it, to acknowledge it, to realize it.

 

The reactions we have to that unconscious desire to witness the

truth are what the world see as co-dependence. There are two

extremes. The first is: introvertedness, where we go into our heads

and hide from the world and hope that someone will come and love us

to save us from ourselves. The second is extrovertedness, where we

go out into the world and try to find the love we think we need to

fill the void created by the lie.

 

Each reaction is a form of denial. The simple fact is: the truth

hurts. We really don't want to know how messed up we are so we deny

the truth, and seek ways to distract ourselves from it. All you have

to do is watch your daily activities to witness distractions in

action.

 

There are obvious ones like TV, music, games, drugs, alcohol, etc.

 

But there are many not-so-obvious ones. Some people even use God to

hide from the truth.

 

Don't get me wrong, anything can be utilized for our good or used

for our distraction (notice the similarity between that word and the

word destruction). Some have more benefit than others. We can do

anything with consciousness and learn from it, likewise we can do

anything seeking distraction and make it useless to us.

 

Those who are not on a spirtual mission in this life will not have

any problems denying the truth. Some of them call

themselves "normal," and call those of us who are driven to

distraction, "abnormal." I am not very fond of the way those kind of

people think, but luckily I don't meet many of them.

 

Those not on a spiritual mission will allow themselves to fit very

nicely with their main affliction and will spend their entire life

unconsciously trying to satisfy their needs. They will be driven by

their needs to use people to acquire the things they think they need

to survive, to be happy, to become "magically" whole. They will

however, never find wholeness (holiness) unless they face the truth.

The sociopaths in our society, the ones who never formed an

emotional bond with their parents, themselves, or the source will

feel no remorse over using others and will find denial almost as

easy as breathing.

 

I could continue to expand outward to all the outer effects of

humanity's core affliction, but I best stick to the subject.

 

Love, by my definition, exterminates all affliction. Love is truth,

truth is love and love of truth is the highest activity we can

perform as seva to goddess. However, those who would recognize

truths about others in deference to recognizing their inner truth

have found yet another distraction. Truth is an internal expression

of unity with god. Affliction is the condition by which we are

separated from the truth. And it exists only because we are taught

that its real and thus because we believe it, it is.

 

A few years ago I made a commitment to myself. I decided consciously

(as consciously as I could) that I would find a way to love

everything the way that god loves me.

 

Before you think, "oh that's obvious," realize that I KNOW (now)

WHAT IT MEANS. Do you?

 

It means that you cannot hate anyone for any reason no matter what

they've done.

 

It means that you cannot dislike anyone for any reason no matter

what they've done.

 

It means that you have to love yourself, ALL OF YOURSELF, even the

parts you don't like and don't want to admit you have.

 

It means that no matter how badly you feel in any given moment of

the day, no matter what you've experienced, no matter how many of

your "buttons," have been pushed, no matter how horrible everyone

has been treating you, no matter how badly your karmic fruit has

been pouring down on your head, you must love everyone as god loves

you.

 

That means that if a person deliberately cuts you off on the road,

or unconsciously pulls a bone head maneuver that almost gets you

killed, you can only love them you are not allowed to express toward

them anything but that love.

 

THINK ABOUT THE RAMIFICATIONS.

 

THINK ABOUT THE FEELINGS YOU'LL HAVE RAGING INSIDE YOU.

 

When I made that decision I really didn't know what I had done.

 

And now I'm really just begining to get it.

 

When someone through misjudgement, error, or just downright

negativity decides to be unkind to me, I have to stop my reactions

to their activity and let myself feel the emotions of the pain of

the affliction that equates their actions to my lack of self esteem.

 

I was taught -- by example -- that if someone treats me badly, then

it must be my fault. Another word to describe it is guilt.

 

My reaction is to go inward and blame myself.

 

The opposite reaction is to project outward and blame the person.

 

Neither reaction is healthy. In fact the only healthy reaction is NO

reaction.

 

Committing yourself to a path of Love is a committment to truth and

to behaving like everyone around you is god and loving them just

like god loves us.

 

Its also about loving yourself like god loves you. A lot of people

can love others but find it hard to accept and love themselves at

face value. They think "oh if only I was ..." or "oh if only I

wasn't ..." That isn't self love. The only way to begin to grow into

our soul, or as I like to say express our soul into reality is to

admit all of our faults and foibles, to accept them and to love them

and ourselves anyway. It is only through that admition of truth that

we can consciously take control of them, incorporate them back into

our beings and find out where they came from and what they were

before we bent them into unhealthy shapes.

 

I have learned that loving others without loving yourself first is

just another form of co-dependence, because even if you don't know

it, when you give love to others without having first filled

yourself up, without connecting with yourself and at least accepting

yourself for where you are, you are giving love with expectation.

The expectation is: they won't hurt me with the truth about myself.

 

This is already way too long. I can't find any way to distill this

subject matter because its so very complex. Its amazing how our

minds will make something complex to avoid seeing it in full light.

As if the truth could be twisted around enough to cast enough shadow

so that not all of it would be illumined by the light of wisdom.

 

What I'm describing here is what we've done to ourselves to avoid

seeing how little love we actually feel in our day to day lives.

 

My next topic will be Buttons, how to not react, how to disconnect

and how to utilize them for consciousness.

 

Please contribute, ask for clarification, argue, what ever. I like

fleshing out my ideas and feelings. Ultimately my ideas and feelings

are given to me by my soul and by life as the ultimate

representation of my becoming whole with God(dess).

 

*hugs* for my Devi Mandir family,

 

Brian