Ardis!!!!

November 9, 2003

I'm so sorry it took me this long to read this. I kept hitting your

email and it wouldn't open! I thought, well it's about manifestation

and wisdom of nature, I'll get back to that:) I had no idea it was to

me. I would have tried really hard to keep opening it. I'm glad I

came back to it.

Thank you so much for sharing this. You are an inspiration to all

mothers and children who have gone thru similar situations. I too

have heard that babies don't always cry, but usually the parents are

very aware or the situation was a natural setting. The fact that you

had a warm dark incubator was much better than a bright cold one.

Also the fact that you were small made the labor less painful for

both child and mother to some degree. Less pain, less trauma.

The conception of your divine daughter was definately supposed to

happen for both of you. I'm sorry your husband couldn't stick around

longer to enjoy such beauty. But the fact that he made the conception

a divine experience and on purpose, conscious is to be commended. No

doubt your daughter is divine. You had never heard of Anandamayi Ma?

Amazing! I love these stories!

Have you recieved darshan from ...uh oh.. I forgot her name.. oops..

the Maa who holds everyone. Have you seen Her? I'm wondering what

your experience was to be held by a Divine Mother embodiment after

having no one hold you for 2 months? I think your experience would

be interesting if you haven't had her darshan. I have a friend who

is a tibetan shaman who loves this Maa who gives hugs and it healed

alot of mother issues for her, the shakti involved in the holding and

the acceptance of being held really moved her.

So lucky to have your fathers faith in your aliveness during a time

when others gave up. Same for your doctor. Mothers nurture, and so

when a husband leaves and the nature of the relationship was

nurturing, it would be a huge abandonment. I'm really glad you have

healed those trauma's and so happy that you have men, Guru's and

Mothers who support your aliveness and divinity. I have noticed

that my Guru will act out my father issues and any Mother disciple

can act out my mother issues, so it's amazing to be made aware of our

healing thru our Guru's. Actually as long as we are trying to be more

aware, Guru comes thru everyone if we can accept the gift.

I'm very thankful for your sharing. You daughter is very lucky to

have a mother like you. And I'm sure many women would would LOVE it

if their husband acted with such awareness about conception. When I

hear of parents planning the conception of a divine child, it gives

me chills. I understand the importance of it.

Jai Maa! Thank you! Namaste,

Kelly

Ardis Jackson <anandamama (AT) earthlink (DOT) net> wrote:

Thank you Kelly for sharing in such depth about the birth process.I

became pregnant after seven years of prayer and meditation. Not

because I was not capable physically of conceiving, because my

husband was not ready emotionally or spiritually to become a father.

When he finally was ready, he prepared a place for me in the

wilderness of Zion National Park, a place he found sacred. He

blindfolded me and lovingly led me to the place. It was amazing.

Incredible jagged mountain peaks, silvered by the light of the full

moon. The experience we shared was not sexual. We were immersed in

prayer and meditation. I conceived immediately. I prayed for a pure

soul. I prayed to Swamiji, although I had never met him on the

physical plane. Our daughter bears the name Ananda Mae, closest I

could come intuitively to Ananda

Mayi.My whole pregnancy was a preparation for her birth. I meditated

for hours daily. I hiked and backpacked and ate a healthy diet.

(All the time teaching school full-time). I had to fight the medical

establishment to have a natural birth and to have my husband in the

delivery room. This was in 1969. I would have loved to have had a

water birth, but LeBoyer's work was not available at that time in my

area. Ananda did not cry at birth. She was totally awake and aware.

Her lower lip trembled a little until I started speaking to her; then

she smiled.I have witnessed other births where the baby did not cry

and seemed perfectly peaceful and aware and interested in their

surroundings.I did not cry when I was born. I do not feel that it is

such a rare thing. I was two months premature. The doctor who

delivered me was a very spiritual man. I only weighed 3 lbs. This

was in 1940. I

was put in a totally dark, warm incubator. My father picked up

mother's milk for me from a woman's organization and delivered it to

the hospital every day after work for two months. They wouldn't let

him hold me. My mother never visited me. I wasn't even held by the

nurses. The incubator had sleeves through which the nurses could

bottle feed me. They did not expect me to survive. Only my doctor

and my father believed that I would survive. I am very grateful to

them... two gentlemen from West Virginia. My husband left me and our

daughter when she was 3 yrs old (after 12 yrs of marriage). It

brought up abandonment issues that went all the way back to the

incubator days and to childhood abuse by my mother.When I came to the

Devi Mandir, it was hard for me to accept Mother's love and

discipline. It was much easier to relate to Swamiji who reminded me

of my loving, peaceful father (who I see as my first guru in

this lifetime). But with time I was able to see Maa's discipline as a

form of selfless love. Her music and her incredible deep meditative

states and her instruction all revealed Her Divinity. I feel

grateful beyond measure for both of them.Ardis

Kelly Leeper <blissnout >

Date: Fri, 7 Nov 2003 00:27:52 -0800

(PST)Subject: Re:

Manifestation and the wisdom of nature

Parvati, Namaste:) Being a Rebirthing it's my divine calling to

educate even the Masters of the trauma's of birth. Please don't take

this personally:) Your quote:A brief explanation:When the soul is

born on earth its first _expression is a cry. Why does it cry?

Because it finds itself in a new place which is all strange to it. It

finds itself in captivity.Is something any normal person would assume

in witnessing a birth. A person seeing birth thru the eye's of

unconscious birth trauma feels that the body is captivity. The very

process of enlightenment and eventual transmutation of the physical

realm (siddhar path) heals this very perception. It is not the truth

of embodiment. Some souls, like mine, felt very sad to be away from

the bliss of unembodied consciousness, but at the same time very

excited to be of

service to humanity in any way we could. I remember the trauma of

coming from 'Heaven' and I remember the trauma of 'Birth'. These are

conscious realizations and conscious memories that a person has when

going into the very depths of transformation and the transformation

of birth trauma into birth bliss. As spiritual aspirants, 99.9% want

so badly to believe 'captivity' is a bound or negative place, or to

beleive that the phsical is less than. Most spiritual aspirants, due

to the very nature of wanting God in the first place, embodied to

assist humanity. The consciousness of embodiment was also a choice,

but one realizes this when they go thru Rebirthing or other sadhana,

very deep places of transformation, the transformation that effects

cell and dna level's, consciousness on ALL LEVELS, not just the

mental and emotional.Birth is traumatic because not very many know

how to make birth consciously blissful and humanity

is learning slowly as Rebirthing becomes prevalent, doula birthing,

water birthing, natural birthing, midwivery, Pre and Peri Natal

Psychology which came prevalent at the time Rebirthing did - it's all

here to make parents conscious that they are giving birth to God.

Babies don't cry when they are birthed correctly with consciousness

that they are God. They learn to breath without having the cord cut

immediately. When the cord is cut, the infant looses it's 'source'

and goes into shock and then usually someone startles the baby by

hitting them or a slap to get them to cry. This is the reason for

crying: "VIOLENCE". When more of humanity gets eveolved enough to

stop the violence, not cut the cord immediately, to not turn the

child upside down, or hit the child or probe the childs throat, then

we will have souls incarnating who understand truly what it means to

be emodied. The souls coming in now are very highly aware children

and the more parents

who have conscious birth, the more enlightened children we will have

on the planet.The very idea that we are trapped is part of our

problem and denial system. It's our blame game to avoid accepting

responsibilty for the divine vehicle we truly inhabit. When the

Masters pass the stories down the line that are not truthful, I will

point that out. Just because a Master renounced the world or read

all the scripture doesn't mean he's Mastered it. Just because it's a

belief, doesn't mean it's TRUE. Babies cry because it's done

violently. Babies who don't cry are proving it to the world when the

Parents have enough love to Birth Consciously. Read Birth Without

Violence by Fredrick Leboyer. A must have for any Rebirther,

Holotrophic Breathworker, Pre and Perinatal Psychologist or Master.A

rebirthers work is never done:) Too much birth trauma in the

world from all levels:) parvati_saraswati <parvati_saraswati > wrote:

In CHAPTER 1 of the Chandi the Busines man and the King are discussing

how even with wisdom and understanding they still feel pain and

attachment. They ask the Rishi what is it that causes this

ignorance?The Rishi replies in Verse 47-58.Briefly he tells them that

the Supreme Goddess, the Great Measurement of Consciousness, attracts

the perceiving capapcity af all sensible beings with such force as to

thrust them into the ignorance of egotistic attachment. She is the

cause of Liberation of Consciousness and She is the cause of the

bondage of Consciousness to objects and their relationships.Recently

I was reading the Way of Illumination by Hazrat Inayat Khan which

seems to address this question.First a story: The soul was

frightened when it was commanded to enter the body of clay; it was

most unwilling not from pride, but from fear. The soul, whose nature

is freedom, whose dwelling place

is heaven, whose comfort it is to be free and to dwell in all spheres

of existence, for that soul to dwell in a house of clay it was most

terrifying.Then God asked the angels to play and sing and the ecstacy

that was produced in the soul by hearing the music made the oule enter

the body of clay where it became captive to death. The

interpretation of this idea is that the soul which is pure

intelligence and angelic in its being, had not the least interest in

dwelling in the physical plane, which robs it of its freedom and

makes it limited. But what interested the soul, and made it come into

the body, is what the physical world offers to the senses; and this

produces such intoxication that it takes away for the moment the

thought of heaven from the soul and so the soul becomes captive in

the physical body.A brief explanation:When the soul is born on earth

its first expression is a cry. Why does it

cry? Because it finds itself in a new place which is all strange to

it. It finds itself in captivity. Every person, every object is new,

and is something foreign to this soul, but soon the condition passes

away. Soon the senses of the infant become aquaintedwith the outer

life which so continually attracts its attention. It first becomes

interested in breathing the air of the world, then in hearing the

sounds, and then in seeing the objects before it; then in touching

them, and then its taste develops. The more familiar the soul becomes

with this physical world the more interested it becomes; though

sometimes it shows homesickness in its fits of crying that it so

oftens has during infancy. It is not always that it is crying for

things outside. No doubt, as it grows it longs for things itself, but

it often cries from the feeling of having been removed from a place

which was more pleasant and comfortable, and having come to a foreign

land of which it knows so little. It is this which causes the infant

to have fits of crying. The wisdom of nature is perfect; and

there is no better vision of the spendour of the divine wisdom for

the thinker than a child in its infancy. If the senses of an infant

were developed as are the senses of a grown up person, it would lose

its reason from the sudden pressure of the physical world falling

instantly upon it. Its delicate senses would not have been able to

stand the pressure of so many various and intense functions of this

world. How marvellouslythe wisdom behind it works, the wisdom which

is the evidence of the divine protector, Father, Mother, Creator, the

support and protection of all so that the senses of the child develop

gradually as it becomes familiar with life. The more it knows the

more its mind expands, and it cannot know more than the mind can

grasp. So that in

every way an infant is protected in both mind and body. Note:

Shree Maa is one of the rare souls who did not cry at birth. She was

completely established within her soul at birth and knew who she

was.May Divine Mother bless us all with eternal remembrance.To

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November 10, 2003

Kelly,

Thank you for your answer. I appreciate your thought and feelings.

When I conceived my daughter, I had no connection to Hinduism at all.

I had never heard of Anandamayi Ma or any of the Mothers. I had heard

of Ananda, the close disciple of Buddha.

The naming of my child was based totally on intuition.

When Ananda was in high school in Madison, WI, I saw an article in the

paper that a woman saint from India was going to be arriving the next

day. Her name was Amrita Anandamayi Ma.

Since her named included my daughter's name, we decided to go to have

darshan with her. This is the hugging Mother from Kerala, India known

to her disciples as Ammachi or Amma. The darshan was incredibly

powerful. It was her first trip to America. She spoke no English.

And yet, when my daughter reached her She held her in her arms and

called out to the ocean and spoke of dolphins and whales. My

daughter's father is a marine biologist and she is very fond of the

ocean and its inhabitants. When I went up, I had no idea what to

expect. I found myself diving into her lap and encircling her waist

with my arms and sobbing my heart out. It was though she was the

mother I had never had; totally accepting and nourishing. I felt I

could stay there forever. She held me and then caressed me and said

Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma. Letting me know that I was a child and that it was

OK to cry out to Mother.

Since then, I have had her darshan six or seven times (all in

California). I am never disappointed. Her heart is so huge.

But Shree Maa is my Mother and my Guru. She is very different from

Ammachi. She is very private and very subtle. People compare her to

the cool light of the Moon and the Wisdom of Night. She is Awesome.

Those who think they know her usually don't. She is barely here.

Her feet hardly touch the ground. The fact that she is still here is

a HUGE gift to humanity and the Universe. When I used to sit at the

fire with her and Swamiji and all the devotees, I would tell her

mentally that it was OK for her to go away ( to enter the deepest

meditation). I did this because I knew that it was difficult for her

to do anything, even a homa. The fact that she doesn't stay in the

highest samadhi all the time, but functions as a teacher, pujarist,

cook and seamstress is because she has made the commitment to stay in

the body and serve humanity and the Universe. Her trademarks are

simplicity, honesty, humility and Devotion. When I think of her, I

think of selflessness, depth of meditation and pure love.

I love you, Kelly and enjoy all your sharing.

Ardis

Kelly Leeper <blissnout >

Sun, 9 Nov 2003 00:54:38 -0800 (PST)

Ardis!!!!

Ardis,