Diary of a Sankalpa.

November 18, 2003

Dear All,

Here is an update on my Chandi sankalpa. Five down - 5 months 25 days

to go

For those with limited time and patience.(Mahamuni :-) ?)

Executive summary - "God is his heaven and everything is all right

with the world and I am chanting"

For those that care (Kelly? I am counting on ya) .... here you go.

I started on Nov 13 - the first day was AWESOME. Spine straight, 3

verse to a breath pranayam, purposeful intent ... felt like a climax

scene out of a movie.

Nov 14 - I posted here asking for blessings. All you wonderful folks

respond . I am thrilled and all pumped up - no way I can back out of

a sankalpa without losing face. Day 2 was good too. I write to Maa

and Swami asking for their blessings.

Nov 15 - The best day so far. I am staying overnight at the Mandir

and start at 8 pm. Of course there are some brothers and sisters

hanging around at the temple. I love playing to an audience . And

another devotee sits next to me and reads along silently. Cool -

Chanting hasnt been this good.

One thing worries me though, havent heard from Maa or Swami so far.

And Swami usually responds fairly quickly. I wrote again in the

morning to Swami... lets hope I have an answer from him when I am

back home.

Besides there was no class today, Maa and Swami are unwell. Maybe

thats why Swami didnt get a chance to check his email.. Maybe.

Nov 16 - Cook breakfast for Maa and Swami. New recipe - Turns out

terrible - for this I opt out of Sundar kand ? Too late to do cook

anything else and so I go and make my offering. Maa asks

sweetly 'You didnt go to the satsang ?" I pretend not to

understand "You mean Santa Rosa next week Maa ?" . "The satsang with

Parvati" she says. Gulp ! " They have already left Maa" - my

brilliant rejoinder. "OK" she smiles. I scram as fast as I can , get

directions and land up just in time for the Sundar Kand.

I get home at about 9 pm and start my Chandi. My mind is too

distracted from the events of the day. Besides no email from Swami or

Maa about blessing the sankalpa either.

I start at 9 - a bit sluggish. Pranayam not very good, blocked nose,

distracted mind. I keep changing seat positions in the middle of

chanting . After Prayog, I get up and check my email again. Nothing.

I go back and start chanting the episodes... still couldnt settle

down, so I prop my back against the wall, stretch my legs . Yawn. Its

been a long day. I muddle through till chapter 8 . Its 11.30 pm .

Whatever happened to my 2 hr 40 min performance of yesterday .

All kinds of Asuras take over - "get a quick nap" , "no one will

know " and others. Finally I succumb to "get a quick nap". I

compromise, no bed , just a pillow very near my altar and set the

alarm at 4 am.

4 am comes and goes. Get up with a start at 6 AM. No wash nothing, no

bathroom break no nothing , I just sit immediately, light the lamp

and race through from chapter 8 to end of book as if my life depends

on it.

Whew , thus ended my fourth day or recitation of Chandi.

Nov 15 -

I am smart , I am prepared. I will start earlier to avoid temptations

of sleep and laziness. Besides I will not chant unless I am sitting

properly. I see Parvati's post on correct posture and mentally tell

myself "if I slouch I will see Maa tapping my back" or even "Maa

tapping Parvati's back"

I still havent heard from Swamiji or Maa. I am reading some of the

posts in this site and I read one from Rudran2 who said that he had

been chanting the Chandi for 4 yrs without initiation. His tech

stocks went down and he is now scavenging ....

Help !! Panic overtakes me . I have a sankalpa and I gotta do it

but .... I dont wanna scavenge. "Cant you trust that God will take

care . You are just praying to God, why do you have to worry" - I

keep talking to myself. I read the introduction in the Chandi and

Swami says "Do not worry about anything. If you recite devotedly, it

will become known to you" So I take heart from that. It still would

be nice to get a formal signoff or blessing from Maa and Swami.

Then the Kindest Moderator in the World - Sarada Saraswati comes

online on IM. I share my panic with him and he promises to talk with

Maa and get back to me. SUCH a sweetheart.

Meanwhile I continue chanting .. I finish prayog, come to the PC ,

nope Sarada hasnt had a chance to talk with Maa yet.

Grr..

I come back finish episodes 1 and 2 and come back to the PC. Sarada

is there and he says "I spoke to Maa " and I am like "And ...."

He is taking his own cool time that boy ... A few excruciating

moments later he says

"Mother is VERY happy with your sankalpa"

Yippeeee!

And then he said "she just said to not have any desires"

Oh Oh. Ok I think. But atleast I got the blessings . THANK YOU MAA!

I go back and complete the Chandi.

So far so good. I have the formal blessings and I am chanting. God,

if in someway my chanting and this "diary" can help anyone at all I

offer it to You.

Hasta la vista.

Love

Latha

November 18, 2003

Lathaji,

I will always take the time when it is something I feel is interesting or

important for me to hear, though I do have quite a full life here, especially

with the new baby. I apologize to all if sometimes I seem otherwise. I can be

too blunt and straightforward which can be interpreted as harsh and even

negative. I don't mean to be. Guess I've hung out with too many Nagas lately.

I bow down before You and Your sankalpa! It is inspiring!

Jai Maa,

Surya

>

> "Latha Nanda" <lathananda

> 2003/11/18 Tue AM 11:50:21 EST

>

> Diary of a Sankalpa.